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Ignore-ness

Local time
Today, 05:06
Joined
Jun 30, 2018
Messages
2
#1
Sorry my english not good (i'm brazilian). Bacause of it, I wish I could explain
what is happening in a more detailed form.

Doubt, aversion to social situations and lack of interest in human beings (unless they
seem to be "like me"). That's what I have been dealing with, since eight years old.
In the last past days anxiety around people has increased so much. I started to daydream
heavy. I try to imagine that when I wake up the dream starts. By doing this I am the
only people alive, so they are neutral and don't exert power over me. Subsequently I feel comfortble to talk with them, because I am dreaming and I can say anything without self-sabotage. It's heaven because there is no analisys of whatever I say, behave or ignore.

Anyone like this? I mean, are these only INTP traits?
 

Polaris

Radioactive vision
Local time
Yesterday, 21:06
Joined
Oct 13, 2009
Messages
1,942
#2
I don't think these are strictly INTP traits, but it's definitely common. Most introverts I know are similar - I know an ISFP who's so awkward he makes people around him just as awkward. I don't think he has a lot of friends, despite the fact that he is older. I think part of his issue is losing his direction in life. I think it must do something to your sense of self-esteem, and therefore drag everything else down with it.

I don't know about your coping mechanism, if it works for you for now then that's fine I guess. But I don't know how long you could sustain that before you start to crack. I'm not going to give you advice as you haven't asked for it. I guess you will figure it out.

But I relate to your story. I realised by about three or four that I wasn't interested in other kids - I liked to talk about stuff, not play games or run around. If there were adults around I would hang around them, but they would usually tell me to go away and play. Sometimes, someone would realise that I just wanted to talk to them, and they would tell my mum how well-articulated and knowledgeable I was for my age. Mum used to call me "the little adult".

As I became older, it became more difficult to avoid my peers, but I made one friend who was a year older than me. She's an ENTJ and we still remain friends many years later. However, by the time I was ten I had become very anxious and bored with everything. I wanted to run away. School was boring, people were boring. The town I lived in was very religious and I felt constantly pressured by people to become religious. I was having problems at home, and a teacher at my school was stalking me at the same time. But I was too embarrassed to tell anyone because I thought there had to be something really wrong with me to attract all this unwanted attention. I did not trust my mother and dad was always overseas.

By the time I was fifteen, I discovered there were martial arts classes being held at my local school, so I used to sit and watch them. The leader asked me one day if I wanted to try, and I think it saved my life. I became a different person. The classes made me focused and calm and I felt extremely elated because I suddenly had a sense of direction. I put all my energy into perfecting my routines - I would go home afterwards and go through the sequences in my head, or practice behind the house. When I got my first grading I felt like I had conquered something in me that I never thought I could have conquered. It primed me for later achievements; if I, stupid, awkward me, could be a skilled martial arts competitor, I could also do other things with my life.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. But I think it is important to become skilled at something, or push oneself towards certain goals because it gives you not only a sense of direction, but also the bonus inner strength you get from pushing your own limits and overcoming your fears. I don't know, maybe that is what you are doing with your dreaming experiment.

Martial arts helped me to overcome the extreme fear I had of failure, and everything else, including social things became easier to deal with because I had regained inner strength, and therefore a sense of integrity. I'm still awkward, but I'm okay with being awkward. People can take it or leave it.
 
Local time
Today, 05:06
Joined
Jun 30, 2018
Messages
2
#3
I don't think these are strictly INTP traits, but it's definitely common. Most introverts I know are similar - I know an ISFP who's so awkward he makes people around him just as awkward. I don't think he has a lot of friends, despite the fact that he is older. I think part of his issue is losing his direction in life. I think it must do something to your sense of self-esteem, and therefore drag everything else down with it.

I don't know about your coping mechanism, if it works for you for now then that's fine I guess. But I don't know how long you could sustain that before you start to crack. I'm not going to give you advice as you haven't asked for it. I guess you will figure it out.

But I relate to your story. I realised by about three or four that I wasn't interested in other kids - I liked to talk about stuff, not play games or run around. If there were adults around I would hang around them, but they would usually tell me to go away and play. Sometimes, someone would realise that I just wanted to talk to them, and they would tell my mum how well-articulated and knowledgeable I was for my age. Mum used to call me "the little adult".

As I became older, it became more difficult to avoid my peers, but I made one friend who was a year older than me. She's an ENTJ and we still remain friends many years later. However, by the time I was ten I had become very anxious and bored with everything. I wanted to run away. School was boring, people were boring. The town I lived in was very religious and I felt constantly pressured by people to become religious. I was having problems at home, and a teacher at my school was stalking me at the same time. But I was too embarrassed to tell anyone because I thought there had to be something really wrong with me to attract all this unwanted attention. I did not trust my mother and dad was always overseas.

By the time I was fifteen, I discovered there were martial arts classes being held at my local school, so I used to sit and watch them. The leader asked me one day if I wanted to try, and I think it saved my life. I became a different person. The classes made me focused and calm and I felt extremely elated because I suddenly had a sense of direction. I put all my energy into perfecting my routines - I would go home afterwards and go through the sequences in my head, or practice behind the house. When I got my first grading I felt like I had conquered something in me that I never thought I could have conquered. It primed me for later achievements; if I, stupid, awkward me, could be a skilled martial arts competitor, I could also do other things with my life.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here. But I think it is important to become skilled at something, or push oneself towards certain goals because it gives you not only a sense of direction, but also the bonus inner strength you get from pushing your own limits and overcoming your fears. I don't know, maybe that is what you are doing with your dreaming experiment.

Martial arts helped me to overcome the extreme fear I had of failure, and everything else, including social things became easier to deal with because I had regained inner strength, and therefore a sense of integrity. I'm still awkward, but I'm okay with being awkward. People can take it or leave it.
I'm so grateful for your words. It made me recollect how I was when 10 years old. I used to read med and law books but in the penumbra. I kind of liked to be half in light and half in dark. As I growed up, I started to question everything and all the answers for my questions were either death or suicide. It was like me eyes had opened to the truth, life is an absurd and meaningless.

I struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long period. But then, I developed mechanisms to deal with such cruel reality. Then I realized that I learned how to play the piano without any conscious effort. I realized that I learn things intuitively. It brought me up back again.

I am not sure if I am INTP or INTJ. To me, everybody in this forum has some kind of "unusual intelligence, creativeness", which make us (at least me) not special but more sensitive and I don't mean emotional sensitivity...just too much information inside our heads. My self-sabotage told me to stop here.
 

Serac

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 09:06
Joined
Jun 7, 2017
Messages
1,316
Location
Stockholm
#4
My theory is that the social-aversion aspect of thinker-type minds is an adaptation induced by the fact that intelligent people need more time, experience, and data to feel that they "understand" the world. If you have a very simple and limited way of analyzing things, you can by the age of 10 or whatever be pretty confident in your own beliefs and yourself as a human being. If you understand the complexities of the world, that's unlikely to happen.

If this is true, the worst thing one could do is to isolate oneself from sources of knowledge and real-life experience – with social interaction being an essential component of the latter. Spending a lot of time analyzing, thinking about, and exposing myself to a wide range of experience in the sphere of social life has definitely vastly increased my self-confidence, and this increase has been steadily sustained as I have gotten older (I'm 28 now).

And a consequence of all this would be that coping mechanisms which allow you to further isolate yourself from the world are highly counterproductive, with the added unfortunate effect that the farther you go down that road, the more layers of coping mechanisms you have to invent.
 
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