Identity Crisis

[Weliddryn]

So, I have been exceedingly confused in thoughts regarding my identity for various reasons. Below is disclosure of my thoughts, etc. but if you wish to skip the prompt to this thread I will provide the questions I have ....

Before I came to INTPf and the IRC I rarely voiced thoughts of my own, instead listening to others views and thoughts. In High school, I first encountered a means of manifesting my more philosophical side thanks to a business teacher of mine who also possessed a degree in philosophy. This was during my senior year and I almost involuntarily would debate with him over everything-this was also the year I came to INTPf.

When I entered this 'world,' I really entered it, going on the IRC every day after school (in school I had developed a cold, serious mask) and lurking extensively on the forum, posting more rarely.

I had created, perhaps, an alter-ego (when I first entered the IRC I had my 'public facade' on, extremely serious and almost INTJ-like, perhaps). This ego was much more serious and logical than the way I was expected to act around my family. This occured almost naturally.

Each had drawn conclusions or assumptions of who I was and being so self conscious, I felt that if I was not who they thought I was I would be less. So, I was pushed and pulled, stretched and shaped- not by intent of those on this forum/IRC- and during this I realized just how little I knew of myself.

With the loss of the computer I began to switch places, a bit. I began to question and analyse everything in real life and really trying to understand it. (During my time with the computer I had almost no interaction with my family and I never did interact with much people outside of it) And I have begun displaying more of my insecure, emotional side here (which I am attempting to fix).

Now I question identity and the consequences of each persona you develop and portray.

...HERE.

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Some tough questions. I've kinda gone through what you are at your age myself. I wasn't happy with myself and tried on different masks to see if I could be "better". Sometimes I succeeded in a way but it was never anything I could maintain indefinitely.

Everyone wears a mask, some change theirs from time to time or based on circumstances. I have a few groups of aquaintences (sorta friends) and I wear a different mask with each. With one group I fall into a funny easy going persona with a satirical bent. With another I am seen more as an odd fellow who likes to come up with strange ways of looking at things. Still a third where I seem more extroverted and opinionated. Why I do this, I don't know but I don't see it as an identity crises. Rather, I see it as me being versions of myself that are a part of me. Iow, I am all 3.

I quit with the introspection for the most part. At least when it comes to me thinking I should be something else. I've learned I can't be something else and make it work long term. Pretending to be something else is fine and fun if you know you are in a situation where you won't have to interact with the same people again. Make sense?

If I were able to change myself in some permanent form, it would be to have more confidence and be a better speaker (not public speaking, just able to express myself better).

I believe ther are inner characteristics that do not change within a person. No matter what mask I wear, those characteristics remain. It's just that sometimes they are more or less prominent.

As to your last question, I try to be me here with only a more subtle mask. Some thoughts I still hold back for various reasons but I feel more free here and will say things I would less likely say in the non-online world.

 

[Ombat]

I'm actually glad someone else has expressed this because it's the exact reason why I tried to find my personality type in the first place (although it hasn't helped tremendously) and I understand acting completely differently in different, even major, aspects of you life. It's not just that you act differently, but feel like you're an entirely different person.

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?

It doesn't feel like an different expressions of my own personality. It feels like I'm more than one human being. That's the best way I can explain it. It's really frusterating and a little scary.

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?

It can help and it can hurt. Sometimes, the more I try to pin-point who I am and exactly how I should be behaving in every situation, the more frusterated I become when I realize I can't find a way to make that possible.

On the other hand, it has helped me find ways to stabilize some of the more dominant parts of my personality.

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?

I've always wished I could be a completely different person. Many times, I do become those other people (unconsciously). For example, one day at school I will be very sombre and almost a little bit sad, while the next day I'll be a whimsical type of person. I know this sounds a little bit like different moods, but while I'm like this, it really seems like it's my personality that has always been and always will be. Just now, I know I can say to myself that it won't last.

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?

This is random, but I don't think you can change how you deal with other people's needs. For example, if you really don't care about people in general, aren't nurturing, that sort of thing, you can't ever be. I may be wrong.

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.

I have many different personalities in real life. And it's not even so much that I act one way at school, one way with family, etc. It changes constantly within these situations. For the most part though, at school (in the classroom) I'm very quiet and feel like I come across as almost melancholic. With friends I'm sometimes hyper and chatty and then sometimes I have a "don't give a shit I'm too cool for you" attitude. With family, it varies.




Anyway, Weliddryn, I think it's common to act differenly on a forum. The animosity that you have allows other parts of you personality to come out that you might not share with others in your real life.

 

[Weliddryn]

Some tough questions. I've kinda gone through what you are at your age myself. I wasn't happy with myself and tried on different masks to see if I could be "better". Sometimes I succeeded in a way but it was never anything I could maintain indefinitely.

Everyone wears a mask, some change theirs from time to time or based on circumstances. I have a few groups of aquaintences (sorta friends) and I wear a different mask with each. With one group I fall into a funny easy going persona with a satirical bent. With another I am seen more as an odd fellow who likes to come up with strange ways of looking at things. Still a third where I seem more extroverted and opinionated. Why I do this, I don't know but I don't see it as an identity crises. Rather, I see it as me being versions of myself that are a part of me. Iow, I am all 3.

Yes, I was thinking how the persona is still apart of you.

Do you ever try and catch the signs of the shifts in yor persona and attempt maintain an act out of place?

I quit with the introspection for the most part. At least when it comes to me thinking I should be something else. I've learned I can't be something else and make it work long term. Pretending to be something else is fine and fun if you know you are in a situation where you won't have to interact with the same people again. Make sense?

I understand it, yet I believe some things must be learned through experience. This is not to say I play with people by putting on acts, I simply believe that the process of experimentation can yeild a more stable perception of who you are, what you cannot be, and finally come to accept who you are. If you remain stagnant when you are aware of possibilities, you may always be left in doubt to a higher degree.

If I were able to change myself in some permanent form, it would be to have more confidence and be a better speaker (not public speaking, just able to express myself better).

I believe ther are inner characteristics that do not change within a person. No matter what mask I wear, those characteristics remain. It's just that sometimes they are more or less prominent.

As to your last question, I try to be me here with only a more subtle mask. Some thoughts I still hold back for various reasons but I feel more free here and will say things I would less likely say in the non-online world.

For diplomacy?

Thank you for your response.

 

[Weliddryn]

I'm actually glad someone else has expressed this because it's the exact reason why I tried to find my personality type in the first place (although it hasn't helped tremendously) and I understand acting completely differently in different, even major, aspects of you life. It's not just that you act differently, but feel like you're an entirely different person.

I see we can relate.

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?

It doesn't feel like an different expressions of my own personality. It feels like I'm more than one human being. That's the best way I can explain it. It's really frusterating and a little scary.

Understood, though it is less defined for me.

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?

It can help and it can hurt. Sometimes, the more I try to pin-point who I am and exactly how I should be behaving in every situation, the more frusterated I become when I realize I can't find a way to make that possible.

I wonder if it goes back to the idea of an unlived life not being worth reflecting on and the reflected life not being worth living. I cannot remember how exactly it goes.

On the other hand, it has helped me find ways to stabilize some of the more dominant parts of my personality.

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?

I've always wished I could be a completely different person. Many times, I do become those other people (unconsciously). For example, one day at school I will be very sombre and almost a little bit sad, while the next day I'll be a whimsical type of person. I know this sounds a little bit like different moods, but while I'm like this, it really seems like it's my personality that has always been and always will be. Just now, I know I can say to myself that it won't last.

I understand this, completely.

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?

This is random, but I don't think you can change how you deal with other people's needs. For example, if you really don't care about people in general, aren't nurturing, that sort of thing, you can't ever be. I may be wrong.

An interesting thought.

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.

I have many different personalities in real life. And it's not even so much that I act one way at school, one way with family, etc. It changes constantly within these situations. For the most part though, at school (in the classroom) I'm very quiet and feel like I come across as almost melancholic. With friends I'm sometimes hyper and chatty and then sometimes I have a "don't give a shit I'm too cool for you" attitude. With family, it varies.




Anyway, Weliddryn, I think it's common to act differenly on a forum. The animosity that you have allows other parts of you personality to come out that you might not share with others in your real life.

Thank you for your reply and I agree.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Do you ever try and catch the signs of the shifts in yor persona and attempt maintain an act out of place?

I've tried looking for reason where I'll be one way one time and another way in another circumstance and thus far I haven't discovered any correlation. In new situations especially, I don't know how I will act until the time comes (which makes new things a bit exciting/frightening).

Once people come to expect a way of behavior from you, trying to be different can sometimes backfire. Probably because it is very hard to do as you have a certain comfort level in each situation. I don't know what it is that prevents me, but I can't be the more extroverted opinionated persona around the other two groups. Just that one and it feel natural to me in that situation.

I simply believe that the process of experimentation can yeild a more stable perception of who you are, what you cannot be, and finally come to accept who you are. If you remain stagnant when you are aware of possibilities, you may always be left in doubt to a higher degree

Oh yes. I'm assuming you are in your later high school years or early college, that is the best time to experiment (especially college as you will find yourself around different people and forming new groups of friends). You are at the perfect time in your life to begin figuring out who you are. As time goes on, it will stabalize but there will always be some variations appearing as you move on through life. That's perfectly natural.

For diplomacy?

Not really but sometimes perhaps. The thoughts I hold back tend to be more along the lines of what I can't express verbally to my satisfaction (or they are just to crude, I may be Inappropriate but I'm not a barbarian )

Thank you for your response.

Anytime <------------- Actually that's not true because sometimes I just don't feel like communicating. You understand I'm sure

 

[Weliddryn]

I've tried looking for reason where I'll be one way one time and another way in another circumstance and thus far I haven't discovered any correlation. In new situations especially, I don't know how I will act until the time comes (which makes new things a bit exciting/frightening).

This would largely depend on the amount of time spent thinking on it, I believe.

Once people come to expect a way of behavior from you, trying to be different can sometimes backfire. Probably because it is very hard to do as you have a certain comfort level in each situation. I don't know what it is that prevents me, but I can't be the more extroverted opinionated persona around the other two groups. Just that one and it feel natural to me in that situation.

Gotcha.

Oh yes. I'm assuming you are in your later high school years or early college, that is the best time to experiment (especially college as you will find yourself around different people and forming new groups of friends). You are at the perfect time in your life to begin figuring out who you are. As time goes on, it will stabalize but there will always be some variations appearing as you move on through life. That's perfectly natural.

*Nods*

Not really but sometimes perhaps. The thoughts I hold back tend to be more along the lines of what I can't express verbally to my satisfaction (or they are just to crude, I may be Inappropriate but I'm not a barbarian )

Understood. ;p

Anytime <------------- Actually that's not true because sometimes I just don't feel like communicating. You understand I'm sure

lol, completely.

 

[Da Blob]

I have spent a lot of time investigating the psychology of self and identity. I posted a lot of threads on the topic that are back in the archives.
I dug up one, but it does not seem to address, exactly the situation you are in - the 'alter-ego' thing....
However, it might be helpful or there may be a related article on the web dealing with Erikson's model of identity crisis and what you are currently experiencing...(?)


http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=1719

 

[Ermine]

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.

1. I've had my share of alter egos, but all they really are are different facets of my true self. Sometimes I'm I, sometimes N, etc. Of course this is very simplified, but you get the picture. And I have definitely been molded by this forum in that I'm not the same person I was when I first came here. It's both the people and kind of thinking encouraged here along with the fact that I matured a couple years. Actually, now that I think about it, this forum has influenced me to use my different facets rather than be a different person entirely back when I was 14 and 15 and actually did have an identity crisis.

2. It actually causes stability and/or instability depending on how much introspection and how much. For example, MBTI has inspired a ton of introspection and wondering about how I really perceive myself, but it was fine when it didn't get into the realm of emotionally fueled circular logic (the bad introspection).

3. I'm not sure if I would change. Would I be better off working to attain the skills I want, or by making more progress by already having the desired skills?
I think it would be best to work for the skills I want, so I can take advantage of my INTP strengths as well as the strengths of any other persona I may adopt. That would be awesome. Anyway, I'd like to be more able to trust my "heart" when appropriate, be more extraverted so as not to get stuck in dead ended introspection, be more interested in people, and be more verbally articulate. ENFP persona perhaps?

4. Stuff like gender, sexual orientation (definitely part of personality, or at least how a given personality operates and for what), basic MBTI traits. No matter how skilled you get at playing other roles, these elements remain.

 

[Ombat]

I wonder if it goes back to the idea of an unlived life not being worth reflecting on and the reflected life not being worth living. I cannot remember how exactly it goes.

I agree. You can get so caught up in it, that I wonder what kind of life am I really living? Where I have to constantly check up on myself and am unable to accept myself.

@Da Blob,

Referring to the thread you shared the link to, that will seem to be the problem if this sort of identity crisis persists. I think it would be nearly impossible to be close with another person if you don't know yourself.

 

[Kidege]

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?

Yes. I think that for several years the success oriented me was exactly this. I think these "masks" are at best the expression of some of our values, but taken to the extreme. I care about academic success, but I let it drive my life nearly completely.

Later, when I lost my brother (now, where did I put that guy?) I started acting more like him, mirroring some of his qualities. These were mostly good traits, and mostly coincidental with my own real values, but it was still a mask.

I think it's part of the growth process. You don't find your true self easily, much less when you're as complex as one of us.

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?

Yeah. But how else would we know the things that matter? Not that the outside world doesn't matter, but how can you tell if you're not keeping in touch with yourself?

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?

I think that in a level, the shifts will never end. I just hope I don't dramatically betray my core values, what I perceive as my own qualities. If I did, I wouldn't be me.

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?

The ones they choose not to change. I've seen people change in so dramatic ways that I'm thinking it takes a certain conscious will to stay coherent.

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.


I'm not that different, really.

In RL am less synthetic, due to linguistic restrictions. I use more idioms, due to cultural context. I express myself with hand gestures and raised eyebrows and smiles a lot more. I discuss my thoughts with about the same depth, but with a lot less people. In RL I would never play in the Arena.

When I say I'm singing, as in the IRC, I'm *actually* singing. Same goes for about half the times I say I'm dancing.

In RL I'm this artsy person who seems shy until someone tries to take advantage. I'm a walking encyclopedia in recovery (which means I'm trying to see the pattern in the data I collected)

At job I'm a very responsible person, though what they don't see is the inner rage that sometimes gives me the impulse to keep going. I've been called intelligent and "formal". I use the myriad courtesy formulae of the older generation. I walk very upright but I try to appear approachable.

At home I'm... less than ideal with chores. I put my feet up. I am often ironic and employ expressions taken from several registers and languages.

I'm not that different

Edit:

I should say that coming here and having positive exchanges with the crazy lot has allowed me to relax and accept myself a lot more. I was pretty lost when we met. When faced with all this wonderful people with so much in common but with such strong individualities, I feel validated as an individual.

 

[Weliddryn]

Da Blob- Very interesting thread, I can relate to Jordon~ and others. Thanks for linking.

Ermine- I truly wish I had found this place earlier. It might have given me the hope I needed to avoid this trap I've become ensnared in.
I find ENFP fascinating.

Viridian- Perfectionist, at all? ;p

Later, when I lost my brother (now, where did I put that guy?) I started acting more like him, mirroring some of his qualities. These were mostly good traits, and mostly coincidental with my own real values, but it was still a mask.

In ways, I can truly relate.

I think that in a level, the shifts will never end. I just hope I don't dramatically betray my core values, what I perceive as my own qualities. If I did, I wouldn't be me.

I respect your defined values, I really do.

Edit:

I should say that coming here and having positive exchanges with the crazy lot has allowed me to relax and accept myself a lot more. I was pretty lost when we met. When faced with all this wonderful people with so much in common but with such strong individualities, I feel validated as an individual.

^^

 

[Ombat]

Viridian- Perfectionist, at all? ;p

Oh really? I thought it was neurosis.

 

[Da Blob]

1. Has anyone else articulated an alter-ego that they are enacting in real life?
a)Would you even consider it an alter-ego, or just the expression of who you truly are? A growth, maybe, due to the diverse and open-mindedness of those that frequent this forum?
Everyone has two identities, personal and social. A personal identity or personality is merely a single factor in the development of a social identity, the social environment has a greater effect.

2. Can intense introspection cause instability in ones perceptions of themselves?
It should, instability can result in the establishment of a better self-image. There are several mental disorders that are associated with individuals that never experience any self-doubt and therefore never abandon an obsolete or inaccurate opinion of themselves or their abilities.

3. Your identity shifts and changes based on new experiences, etc. and every possible way of being has consequences or flaws, but if it were possible would you change who you are and if so, what would you become? Perhaps it would be appealing to experiment with many personas and analyse the consequences of each?
I would not change a great deal, it took me decades to quit hating myself for being imperfect and I would hate to have to repeat that process.
There is a danger involved with the experimentations with different personas, people can become lost in the pretense. It is a common lament, that popular people who have "brilliant social identities' think that it is all a falsehood because "No one knows the real me". Needless to say, I have met more than a few individuals who have assumed their RPG identities in real life and it has caused them a great deal of grief and confusion...

4. What are the type of characteristics that you believe do not change in a person?
It is a truism that "you are what you do" A great deal of both identities of a person is tied up in their abilities and activities, such as profession.. I do not believe that the characteristics that allow you " to do what you do" change all that much.

5. Describe yourself- the way you are here, the way you are in real life, compare contrast, etc.
" a good question, I find there is a disconnect with my online personality and who I really am. I am a counselor and I freely admit that there is reason to doubt that fact based upon the tone and tenor of some my comments on the religious threads. However, that inconsistency does seem to be limited to that one sub-forum...(?)
[/QUOTE].

 

[Luzian]

Weliddryn, I think ur insane

 

[Weliddryn]

Luzi- I think ur high. gtfo my thread.

Blob- thanks for your reply.

^^

 

[Luzian]

Luzi- I think ur high. gtfo my thread.

:O
no u

 

[echoplex]

To be honest, I'm not sure I even have a sense of identity. I really can't seem to put a finger on who/what I am. I just know that no matter how many masks I put on, how much I second-guess, or how much I detach completely from myself -- I'm still just me. It's all me. Some people talk about how "I'm not myself today" or "that wasn't me, it was the drugs/stress/...umm...relatives/doughnuts/whatever", but everything you feel and do is you. The beauty, the horror, the lovely and the loathsome, everything. You have to accept all of it...or none of it.

Semi-related question: What is everyone going to be for Halloween?
:smiley_emoticons_mr

 

[fullerene]

huh.... it's kinda late, but I just saw this thread.

I don't have a whole lot to say on the topic, though. I'm as much myself as I can possibly be, always, and if I don't get along with other people then *shrugs*. That "me" does change, a lot, but I think it just serves to confuse other people.

The strange thing (to me) is: my whole life, people have said that I'm very different depending on who I'm around. At least, someone told me that in 4th grade, and it's bugged me ever since. At the same time, more recently I was told that I'm about the only guy this person knows who won't pay more attention to the girl who's around in the group.

It's also weird because, despite trying to always be me, I know I confuse the hell out of some people. In the end, I think that people expect the mask so much that someone whose outside changes on the outside as quickly and frequently as they change on the inside just confuses them.

I'd also say, with regards to (2), that although I don't really become instable when I introspect, I know a lot of people who do. Well... ok, I will if it's really intense introspection... but some people become instable when they start introspecting at all. ENFPs especially .

And I have begun displaying more of my insecure, emotional side here (which I am attempting to fix).

*gawks*. Why ever would you want to fix that?

Ermine- I truly wish I had found this place earlier. It might have given me the hope I needed to avoid this trap I've become ensnared in.
I find ENFP fascinating.

There's an ENFP forum out there too, you know . They might be able to help with all this stuff as well. [/sales pitch]

I've been taking some time away from there to focus on my school work, but if you do ask them these things too, I'll let them know you're a friend and ask them to be gentle .