I try to never lie to myself.

[Seteleechete]

Since there seems to be interest in my philosophy I have decided to create a thread about it. I have a core value I always try to follow and that is never lying to myself. This includes not intentionally telling myself a falsity or intentionally not thinking about something I do not want to think about. I am not infallible this is a value to strive for not strictly adhere to. If a strong enough reason came along I would abandon this but I really dislike the idea. Yes, I realize that I would be happier not following this philosophy. And I am also a, light? Nihilist I am still open to the idea that life might have a purpose(beyond obvious biological once) but I find it unlikely. I am not unwilling to change in any area, but I am unlikely to do so without reasons I agree with and can accept.

If you have any questions/comments about this please post them here.


Edit: wrote narcissist instead of nihilist. Nihilism encompasses the idea that there is no purpose to life and anything I do is in the end meaningless. I accept this but find it insufficient reason to not try and live an enjoyable life, yes what I do won't matter but I still enjoy it right now. Happiness is what I think will make my life more enjoyable, like abandoning this philosophy.

 

[nanook]

okay, gottcha. you mean you might be happier if you were to find out that you are wrong about how life works, if you were to find out, that there is a better way than your own, which is actually going to function as advertised. i can relate to this thought. just the way you put it into words is odd to me.

 

[Seteleechete]

I have a hard time putting my thoughts on paper.

 

[Seteleechete]

As I said this is NOT a strict way of thinking. I know I lie to myself unintentionally in a lot of areas, that is acceptable and more importantly it is the truth so by my own rules I have to admitt that to myself. In fact it was the very first conclusion I made after making this philosophy.


Rule: never lie too yourself.
Conclusion 1: you will end up lying too yourself.
Conclusion 2: you might break any value including this one.

 

[nanook]

don't you avoid the possibility of being wrong a lot, with all those hopes about being the honest man? the whole thing (as i have worded it above) is difficult to explain if you can't say wholeheartedly: i don't trust my own stupid brain one bit, i might just be suffering from hallucinations.

this idea: "nothing i do matters" is such a redundant thought to me. to whom does life not matter, in the eyes of someone who has a very mechanical view of the universe, like we do (i think)?

it doesn't matter to a god who doesn't exist, so that's not even worth the letters it takes to type it.

also it doesn't matter too much a million years from now, it can hardly make that much of a difference, but nobody ever had any attachment towards designing the future of the whole universe, i mean, i can't imagine anyone having such megalomaniac fantasies.

but perhaps narcism is in deed related to nihilism, nihilism might be the negating mirror image of a megalomaniac mind.

but whatever you do does matter to the emotions of everyone who experiences it. so why ever say a sentence that is not true and therefore hurtful? everything does matter to someone.

back to the megalomanica mind, it's worth exploring.

it's just a childish mind that expects reward to come out of the unknown mechanism of life. you build a pyramid because you hope that the reward will be epic. you never know, as a child. or as a childish civilization like ancient egypt.

someone wants to prove that he can do something all by himself, like walk on his own legs, eat with a spoon, poop into the toilet prior to having clear conceptual understanding of the purpose of doing any of these things.

the parents know what it all will be good for. surely god knows what it's all good for, or so you may think as a child. and then you find out they don't know it either and your world is destroyed.

but it's just a world of convenience and safety. in reality you have just incarnated into a world of possibilities. you can work out what yields (emotionally) valuable return to you and what doesn't.

what you may loose though is the basic proud, the proud of being right, just because you manage to do anything at all, something that is of unknown consequence to you.

instead the awareness of consequence begins to trouble you. whatever you try might hurt you or get you killed.

and we have to be able to meet this fear, or else we can't experiment, and all experiment is of unknown purpose until you dare to actually do it.

 

[Seteleechete]

I am very selfish. I am capable of empathy but I use it only too make myself feel better. I do not care about what happens when I die, it doesn't affect me. This might change if I ever get a close friend but even then I will only extend my own selfishness to those I care about. I recognize that what I do has a purpose for others but I don't care about others.

I want to be a honest "good" man because I think I will be happier that way.

I cannot trust myself with being right, I can trust that I am honest to myself. Since I am alone trusting myself is supremely important which is the reason I made this philosophy. Bassicly since I cannot find a meaningful relation with some1 else I ended up seeking myself instead.

 

[nanook]

you don't have to care "about" others, you just may learn to care about caring for others, i mean, you may learn how to take care of others and you will care for doing that, because it's a fucking epic feeling to be of service, but you need to be in relationships to learn how to do this.

i can very much relate to being limited in that regard, i have very limited relationship skills.

i'm just happy that i don't think of myself as organically lacking a heart or something. that's just cultural bullshit we loners are indoctrinated with.

all humans are the same in motivation, we care about doing what we are capable of doing, we are happy when we succeed and we are afraid of failure. some sensitive people are more afraid of failure than others, though.

so called selfish-ness is not a motivation (or lack of motivation), it's just a lack of ability to do anything that is of value to others and to do it in a way that feels save enough.

and how we perceive safety is also quite variable, beyond the difference i have mentioned, the difference of organic sensitivity.

what we fear to loose, when things go wrong. it's a complex ideas. some people fear to loose nothing but their honor and they are willing to die for it. for example. some fear being wrong. appearing stupid. someone else, say a president, may be afraid of causing a war, so maybe he avoids doing the right things for the world, if they are risky.

anxiety -> apathy.

 

[Seteleechete]

I know I want relationships and I know I have a "heart" I only have myself so I will hold on to that with all my power, while I seek more. Which goes a long way to my refusal from abandoning the rule which allows me to trust myself. The rule is not at all useful when trying to create relationships with others. I cannot not be paranoid of others intentions while adhering to the rule and I cannot abandon the rule for fear of not being able to trust myself. Idk if this will become a practical issue since I have no effective means of interacting with strangers atm. I figure I would be perfectly happy opening up to people I don't trust so if I find some1 that can accept me this shouldn't pose a problem the issue lies in finding since I won't be changing all that much as a result of my self imposed rule.

And as such the issue becomes that I will not abandon this rule which is tied to a whole lot of other things so while I can change some to suit some1 else I am limited in that regard.

I am perfectly ready to accept being alone all my life because of this.

 

[Seteleechete]

Oh, also it has only been a week since I got to the "lets live life anyway" stage (after avoiding some issues in a weird manner for a year) thus unintentionally lying to myself, plenty can still happen. I confronted my slight addiction issues only after acknowledging them and the fact I had not been meeting the issue head on. The second part irks me far more.