I suck at saying thank you

[Ink]

I think I just say it at the wrong time. I just had to call in and reschedule a train ticket (which the company didnt owe me since I messed up), I got to talk to an INTP guy for about ten minutes, did the INTP-on-INTP bonding, I ended the call by saying thank with as much sincerity I could muster and it got kinda weird, he didnt expect it. The right thing is probably not to say thank you but I suck at reading when its appropriate or not. Any tips?

 

[Hadoblado]

Say 'cheers' instead. Keeps it light.

 

[doncarlzone]

Are you referring to Swedish? There is a cultural difference between saying thank you in Sweden and in an English speaking country. In Ireland for example, they almost end every single conversation with "thanks" regardless of the topic. You also end informal emails by saying "thanks" instead of regards.

Being Scandinavian (Danish), I imagine that Sweden is probably similar to Denmark in the sense that "thanks" actually means "thanks". Same with "how are you", it is not used as casually.

Point being, you rarely go wrong by saying thanks to end a call in English. While in Scandinavia it could potentially get awkward if there was no reason for thanking the person at all. However, at the end of the day it is only awkward if you make it awkward. Be confident with your "thanks"

 

[own8ge]

Every thought about being sincere? Active sincerety is the opposite of being awkward, as being sincere is honesty that implies no reaction. One can only be awkward if a reaction is implied. A position the other person is being placed in on which he does not know how to handle, or considers rather absurd.

awk·ward (ôk

w

rd)
adj.
1. Not graceful; ungainly.

2. a. Not dexterous; clumsy.
b. Clumsily or unskillfully performed: The opera was marred by an awkward aria.

3. a. Difficult to handle or manage: an awkward bundle to carry.
b. Difficult to effect; uncomfortable: an awkward pose.

4. a. Marked by or causing embarrassment or discomfort: an awkward remark; an awkward silence.
b. Requiring great tact, ingenuity, skill, and discretion: An awkward situation arose during the peace talks.

 

[Affinity]

I'm sincere as shit. Nothing awkward about that. I appreciate your post though.

 

[kyst]

I have problems with expressing sincere gratitude. I want the person to know I appreciate it so they won't feel dumb about whatever they did, but fear sounding overzealous or like it's not genuine.

Basically, I over-analyse things too much, especially conversation. It's like I don't have a natural sense of what's polite and normal to say and do, and have to use logic to know what I'm supposed to say to make it appear so.

 

[Jennywocky]

Basically, I over-analyse things too much, especially conversation. It's like I don't have a natural sense of what's polite and normal to say and do, and have to use logic to know what I'm supposed to say to make it appear so.

Yeah, I identify with that.

It gets better, the more experience you have -- you basically build that repository of what is logical to respond with.

Even at work, if I think too much about it, I end up editing the "thanks" line of my e-mails 2-3x because I don't whether it sounds right. How ridiculous.

 

[DelusiveNinja]

I tried to study social etiquette to learn how I should behave but then realized I would have to practice with someone and gave up on doing it.

 

[Cavallier]

Even at work, if I think too much about it, I end up editing the "thanks" line of my e-mails 2-3x because I don't whether it sounds right. How ridiculous.

"Thanks," ...not formal enough...
"Thanks." ...not excited enough...
"Thanks!" ...too chipper...
"Thank you," ...definatley too formal...
"Thanks a lot!" ....maybe....

Yeah, I agonize over shit like that at work. It is stupid really because the reciever does not see the underlying significance of the "thanks".

Not even a little.

 

[Jennywocky]

"Thanks," ...not formal enough...
"Thanks." ...not excited enough...
"Thanks!" ...too chipper...
"Thank you," ...definatley too formal...
"Thanks a lot!" ....maybe....

It's clear you understand, especially that damned exclamation point thing where I don't want to sound too cherry and fake but still want to use because I'm tired of the over-formality. Cool beans, thanks. uMmm.... I mean, thank you?

*settles on Gracias for the humor factor, which trumps formality*

Yeah, I agonize over shit like that at work. It is stupid really because the reciever does not see the underlying significance of the "thanks". Not even a little.

If I can just let go and "run with what's happening," then things seem to go fine. It's like I have to parse it intuitively, not rationally.

This morning I had an exchange with someone that ended up being completely informal. No names, no nuthin'. Despite going with it, I still felt the most stilted, and had to force myself not to overanalyze her casual reply -- "she doesn't give a shit, Jen," I said to myself. "She just was happy you sent her the info she asked for. She doesn't care what your reply is."

 

[Brontosaurie]

just think about it

what's right is what's right

practice not giving a fuck

then maybe that elusive Fe can do some real work

 

[Trebuchet]

I agree with Jennywocky that it gets easier, and also that it can be better if you just don't think about it too hard.

"Thanks!"

I don't know you very well, but you use exclamations a lot and I want you to think I am friendly.​

"Thanks,"

Thanks for calling, your business is very important to us, and I didn't bother to edit my default signature.​

"Thank you,"

Thanks for doing something for me that I do, in fact, appreciate, but it isn't worth gushing over.​

If it is a real thank you of any importance, I rarely use exclamation points. Instead I write an actual thank you note explaining why I am grateful, like "Thank you so much for covering for me earlier. That could have gone a lot worse if you didn't have my back." Then, I don't use anything in the signature except my name. The whole thing is thank you.

 

[ummidk]

practice don't giving a fuck

This......

In my case, I tend to lean towards over analyzing situations, especially social situations, but for most people, how you say something is important (i.e. with confidence). So...if I'm second guessing myself, it doesn't matter what I say, comes off wrong.


In short....do you and dgaf =P

 

[Brontosaurie]

haha that sentence you quoted is way fucked

must've been even more angry when i wrote that

"don't give a fuck" has become such a familiar constellation of words that it's acquired verb status as a unit... but that doesn't explain the stupid grammar mistake.

what you say is correct. it's about putting Ti in the backseat. there's this pull to use it because you think you'll be wrong if you don't. thing is, wrong is the norm. every fucking person is wrong. so you can just bounce some Ne ideas and occasionally evaluate them using Ti to maintain just enough coherence.

all of the above was a lie.

 

[ummidk]

haha that sentence you quoted is way fucked

Better change that shit back....What'd we just talk about??? Although if you do...we'll be

 

[Brontosaurie]

Better change that shit back....What'd we just talk about??? Although if you do...we'll be

dunno some decidedly far-out fringe stuff of the cosmos

 

[SOLROCK]

I rarely say thank you in any context. For that matter I rarely say any sort of social nicety. I leave without saying bye I address you without a hello. Those words just seem trivial to me at least when they're used just to be polite.

 

[Brontosaurie]

I rarely say thank you in any context. For that matter I rarely say any sort of social nicety. I leave without saying bye I address you without a hello. Those words just seem trivial to me at least when they're used just to be polite.

you'll get over it

reminds me of the guy at the party last friday who came outdoors to leech weed from my friend, uttered only the phrase "oh i thought it was just a cigarette" and left immediately after his last toke.

poor sod.

 

[ummidk]

you'll get over it

reminds me of the guy at the party last friday who came outdoors to leech weed from my friend, uttered only the phrase "oh i thought it was just a cigarette" and left immediately after his last toke.

poor sod.

"I thought you guys were passing around the cigarette" he defended. lol dafuq

I rarely say thank you in any context. For that matter I rarely say any sort of social nicety. I leave without saying bye I address you without a hello. Those words just seem trivial to me at least when they're used just to be polite..

Saying thank you isn't that hard, and you may make someone feel appreciated or keep them from feeling unappreciated, so why not say it?

 

[Stellar]

I'm usually pretty lame at showing my gratitude to friends as well, but I say it if need be and they know why it sounds awkward since they know i'm not great with that sort of thing. I may even verbalize my discomfort with the situation depending on the moment if I think it will make things less strange. Them having an idea on you character and that it's awkward for you could help ease the comfort.

As for help on remembering, or trying to understand when it's appropriate i'd try to take my time to think about if you need the extra help and maybe make a mental checklist of your own. Did they help you through something? Did they do anything for you in any way? If so I make sure I always thank the person. Maybe you can set up some guidelines to start off and go from there? It could help you feel social norms out better and help condition you so that it becomes easier over time goes by to "feel" out.

I personally always thank waiters a lot. Every time they ask if I need anything, refill my cup, or bring my food. They're providing a service for me. With friends, i'd go by if they're going out of their way for you, care to help you, or try to do something for you in any way. If they're expensing any energy for me in anyway, or I assume they are, I thank them. A mental checklist isn't foolproof, but hey, it's a start. I doubt that helped but those are just my 4 cents.

Good luck with it man. Cheers.

 

[Montresor]

I think I just say it at the wrong time. I just had to call in and reschedule a train ticket (which the company didnt owe me since I messed up), I got to talk to an INTP guy for about ten minutes, did the INTP-on-INTP bonding, I ended the call by saying thank with as much sincerity I could muster and it got kinda weird, he didnt expect it. The right thing is probably not to say thank you but I suck at reading when its appropriate or not. Any tips?

1. Don't type people over the phone and then expect them to obey your stereotypes.

2. People at work are not themselves.

3. The right thing is to say thank you but the point is who bothers with the "right thing"?

4. People expressing good manners occasionally come across as vulnerable to manipulation.

 

[Ink]

1. Don't type people over the phone and then expect them to obey your stereotypes.

What stereotypes? I did see him while I was waiting around at the station later, I typed him as INTP afterwards.

2. People at work are not themselves.

Doesn't hold true for everyone always.

 

[BluePantsMcgee]

I find it somehow usually easier to show my gratitude in a different language.

- Merci
- Arigato
- Cheers
- Thanks
- Danke

But still the hardest part remains for me that is to look them in the eyes while saying so.

 

[Pyropyro]

Sayings thanks while not thinking about it seems to be effective. Chances are, the other person wouldn't think about it too. If I feel that things might get awkward fast then I just smile or nod and move on to the next topic or work at hand.

 

[SOLROCK]

I mean its not like I don't express gratitude when gratitude is due. I just happen to rarely say thank you. I'm very inclined to not ask for help so that may be one contributing factor and compounding to that when I do ask for help its usually someone I know fairy well. As for when I receive things like presents I usually don't say thanks either but reciprocate. I'm not sure but it seems like all of my social going-ons go fairly well. But who knows I may be coming off as an inconsiderate jerk.
"Oh look its solrock he didn't say thanks after I said gesundheit what a jerk. Yeah and he dresses funny and only speaks in new speak. Lets go dull all of his pencils and replace his fabric softener with a scent he didn't choose."
This is my own hell I've chosen to create. There is no saving me.