I know you folks like to analyze personalities, so here's one.

[The Grey Man]

I'll present it in the form of a list of descriptors associated with it.

• Verbose.
• Has strong convictions.
• Speaks loudly, wants his words to be seen as important and true.
• Wants to control conversations, often at the expense of the opportunities given to other participants to speak.
• Inconsiderate of others' viewpoints.
• Often casually dismissive of positions that challenge his worldview.
• Shallow.
• Manipulative; "plays the victim" when called out for his wrongs.
• Needs to know everything that's going on around him.
• Demands verbal reciprocation, and overall responsiveness to his antics.
• Completes tasks by controlling other people.
• Talks to himself when there's nobody left to bark at.
• Needs attention from his friends and family whenever they're around.
• Takes any behaviour that deviates from what he expects of others as a personal attack, and responds with a guilt trip.

I do know somebody like this. Can anybody shed light on what might be going on "up there?" Because he doesn't seem particularly introspective or aware of the grief he's causing other people, and he looks at me like I'm an alien whenever I discuss anything less than concrete with him.

It's had a negative effect on me. I can't think when I'm around him because he likes to lecture people (including me) loudly, whereas I need some degree of quiet and isolation to relax. I tend to avoid this person and respond to his taskings and queries with silence and blank stares. I can barely bring myself to watch our favorite football team with him because he's so pissed off at everything, and it ruins my enjoyment. The worst part is, he likes to be angry. He'll act all considerate when somebody tells him that his histrionics are bothering them, but I think deep down that makes him feel powerful. But I could be wrong. I honestly can't tell if he's emotionally retarded or sadistic.

Also, yes, part of the reason I made this thread was simply to relate my problems to other people with the condition of anonymity. I've never done it before. I think I tend to minimize the significance of my problems, until I think about how much time I've spent in distress as a result of them. Moreover, with problems like this the occasional outburst is usually the closest I come to actually confronting anyone, although this individual is particularly unreceptive to criticism.

 

[DelusiveNinja]

It's rare to see such a concise and vivid description of an individual's attitude. The only problem with this is that it is outside of the context of the individual's situation. Where do these "traits" show themselves most apparently?

However, for the sake of discussion, we can assume that all of these traits are a result of him just being him.

Firstly and most obviously, this guy has an inflated ego, which is not necessarily a bad thing (just an annoying thing). Think of his ego as a Pac-Man, constantly chasing after food growing, greedier and greedier with every level and every reward. Judging from the description, he is a Je-lead with little care for whether his views are "desired" by the people around him. Little consideration for the most considerate method of interacting with others would imply that he is a Te-lead of some sort. Being that more information is required to say what his perception functions may be, that is as far as I am willing to speculate.

It's had a negative effect on me. I can't think when I'm around him because he likes to lecture people (including me) loudly, whereas I need some degree of quiet and isolation to relax.

Well, that is to be expected, assuming you are a Ji-lead. It seems that when people are around Ji-leads, attempting strip them of their freedom of opinion formation, they react with a degree repulsion/avoidance. Ji-leads have a primary need for forming these subjective views in isolation of people trying to coerce them.

 

[The Grey Man]

The only problem with this is that it is outside of the context of the individual's situation. Where do these "traits" show themselves most apparently?

They are most apparent when he's interacting with people he spends a lot of time around and has known for a while, and aren't instrumental in improving his social situation, such as me. He's less domineering with acquaintances.

Firstly and most obviously, this guy has an inflated ego, which is not necessarily a bad thing (just an annoying thing). Think of his ego as a Pac-Man, constantly chasing after food growing, greedier and greedier with every level and every reward. Judging from the description, he is a Je-lead with little care for whether his views are "desired" by the people around him. Little consideration for the most considerate method of interacting with others would imply that he is a Te-lead of some sort. Being that more information is required to say what his perception functions may be, that is as far as I am willing to speculate.

Fair enough. I guess I did mainly highlight the Te-like behavior described. Thanks for the insight.

Well, that is to be expected, assuming you are a Ji-lead. It seems that when people are around Ji-leads, attempting strip them of their freedom of opinion formation, they react with a degree repulsion/avoidance. Ji-leads have a primary need for forming these subjective views in isolation of people trying to coerce them.

Yeah this has been a pattern of mine, particularly at home.

 

[DelusiveNinja]

They are most apparent when he's interacting with people he spends a lot of time around and has known for a while, and aren't instrumental in improving his social situation, such as me. He's less domineering with acquaintances.

Sorry, I didn't mean the question of his situation in that manner. This was sort of a rhetorical question for you reflect upon whether it's his psyche or possibly something else causing him to act this way. It also was in reference to the Fundamental Attribution Error.

Fundamental attribution error, also known as the correspondence bias or attribution effect, is people's tendency to place an undue emphasis on internal characteristics to explain someone else's behavior in a given situation, rather than considering external factors.

 

[The Grey Man]

Sorry, I didn't mean the question of his situation in that manner. This was sort of a rhetorical question for you reflect upon whether it's his psyche or possibly something else causing him to act this way. It also was in reference to the Fundamental Attribution Error.

Very true. I do wonder why he'd act that way, particularly in private. I tend to see his behavior as influencing others', because it triggers those avoidant reactions, where it could just as easily be the other way around, or some other environmental factor.

 

[QuickTwist]

Your friend sounds like a narcissist. Subjectively speaking, all I saw were negative traits. I'm guessing this thread is more about venting than anything; which is fine BTW.

 

[The Grey Man]

Your friend sounds like a narcissist. Subjectively speaking, all I saw were negative traits. I'm guessing this thread is more about venting than anything; which is fine BTW.

Yes, I chose to present negative characteristics because I wanted to vent. Still, it's all accurate.

 

[QuickTwist]

Well if its not narcissism its probably some other mental illness. I kinda feel like your friend sometimes for obvious reasons that you may know or not know. He probably didn't have the best childhood and deals with it in terrible ways. not much else needs to be said, but if you want, feel free to complain some more.

 

[The Grey Man]

Well if its not narcissism its probably some other mental illness. I kinda feel like your friend sometimes for obvious reasons that you may know or not know. He probably didn't have the best childhood and deals with it in terrible ways. not much else needs to be said, but if you want, feel free to complain some more.

That's definitely a possibility. It could be nothing, but I feel as if there's something he can't or won't confront about himself. His past has always been a touchy subject, other than the ideal parts. But you're right, there's a point at which it's best to leave it alone.

 

[QuickTwist]

It is actually really normal to feel irritated by even those who you are close to or at least spend a lot of time with. It is especially true for introverts who typically don't get their energy from social engagements. I recommend setting aside some time to not engaging in social interaction with this person. Hope that helps.

 

[Brontosaurie]

this can apply to many personality types. boring as it sounds, i think what you've observed is better described using other concepts than those offered by typology. if anything this person appears to be having serious issues that demand more direct consideration.

 

[The Grey Man]

this can apply to many personality types. boring as it sounds, i think what you've observed is better described using other concepts than those offered by typology. if anything this person appears to be having serious issues that demand more direct consideration.

I agree, in fact I was hoping to hear a variety of perspectives on the matter. Narcissism (as well as a possible psych disorder) and big ego syndrome have already been mentioned, based on my admittedly biased OP. I don't think it's boring at all. What's boring to me is allowing narrow typological speculation to hamper your worldview. There's more to people than MBTI.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Yes, he or she sounds like a an extroverted judger but other than that I dunno about MBTI. This sounds like someone who turns everything into a play where they are the director but they pretend they are just an actor like the rest of ya'll. Then you have to act out the fantasy in the head of which you are but a component or face repercussions. My sister is just like this with her immediate family. Though she doesn't act as a fucked up around other people cause she's smart enough to realize she couldn't get away with it.

She's a narcissist for sure but she also has a lot of traits of someone with a with an obsessive compulsive personality disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_personality_disorder).

(not to be mixed up with ODC)

 

[JansenDowel]

ESFJ? Your friends sounds emotionally stunted, incurious about human nature and narcissistic. There is only one thing you can do with individuals as septic as him; get away!

 

[emmabobary]

Well, it sounded to me like his needs for atention are exacerbated. Maybe some sort of trauma is what makes him act that way, often people who tend to be overly aggressive and with rigid character are actually trying to cover an inner pain by retaliating with the outside, like a wounded animal.
All I see is a person whit a thirst for atention that has no limits, putting some limits to that thirst may relieve some of that rigid pattern of behavior.
He might be an annoying person, but he doesn´t seem to me like a threat for anyone around him.
Positively reinforce when he behaves in a way that pleases to you and to your convenience. Otherwise punish him, preferably by using the same tactics as he does and lower ones if you can.