I hate weddings

[Jedi]

Dear Intpf

I have a few wedding invitations for this year. A few of my friends are getting married and i've known them for years. But, I'm thinking of just not attending. I'm not against the idea but I just dont like the scene, I dont want to see see all those people, I dont want to dress up and smile for the camera, and I probably won't have a date, sadly. I also avoided a few of relatives weddings in the past couple years. I might go to the bachelor parties, so it's not like I don't want to be buddies anymore. I figure I'll have solidified my fuck-weddings policy and not have to ever worry about it my remaining days.

Am I out of line here?

 

[cheese]

Out of line in that they'll probably be hurt/disappointed, but it *is* your choice. I'd suggest going anyway - just showing your face is a good sign of solidarity. Show it, stay for the ceremony, congratulate them then get your ass out of there. They'll probably appreciate that more than you just deciding not to go at all.

It's also a good opportunity to expand your network - whether you enjoy the process is another matter. Networks are useful.

 

[Wizardry]

Its your life so you are free to decide how you use your time. I would still get them a present and maybe write out a nice letter. Probably call them and tell them crowds and the like give me social anxiety (crowds do cause me anxiety, so for me it would be legitimate).

I'm about to draw the line at funerals though. I can handle when someone passes but I don't see the need in having to view the empty body and all the other ceremonial junk. I'd rather come later by myself or with a small party, put flowers on the grave, and let them go in my own way.

 

[Architect]

I totally agree, I dispise weddings and hated every one I've been to including my own. Its all just a fake made up thing.

Whether you go or not is up to you and your friendships, but I completely understand.

 

[Cavallier]

Gleh. Wedding suck. I agree.

The only thing that might be a problem is that if you show up to the bachelor parties you are much more likely to offend if you then don't show up to the wedding ceremonies. I think some would construe that to mean you like to have people to party with but you don't really care about your friends on any deeper level.

For what it's worth, I'd show up and make an appearance at the ceremony and then bolt. Although, you could get cake out of it if you can stick it out a little longer.

Is there going to be any drinking...or even better an open bar? That may make things a little different as well.

 

[Architect]

Bring a camera and pretend you're a photographer. Gets you out of the wedding part.

 

[Oblivious]

Make up an excuse, go to the wedding, say some nice words, use excuse, leave.

 

[Agapooka]

I've never been to a wedding and I'm in my twenties and my father was a minister for years.

Is there something wrong with me? XD

Regardless, I've seen enough recordings of weddings to have a pretty good idea of what it's all about. What I've seen is boring, but I don't see why Architect said his wedding was boring. If it is your own, do you not have a degree of control over what happens?

Perhaps I am lucky that my significant other is as eccentric as I am. We have talked about it and we both wish to do something so untraditional that it might frighten our guests. We even mentioned the possibility of putting up an act where a kid would run in yelling "the bride is nowhere to be found!", followed by half an hour of drama and puns. Certainly, we'd remain in charge of the event. Bright colours instead of white and black, a constant theme of the unexpected. I want the guests to feel somewhat nervous: essentially, it would be a reversal of what normally happens.


Agapooka

 

[Bird]

Jedi if you asked others I'm sure
someone would agree to go with
you. I'd certainly trade in my
padawan wedding date for you.

 

[crippli]

Bring a camera and pretend you're a photographer. Gets you out of the wedding part.

Seconded.

Shooting brides and grooms are challenging. + may earn you money. There is also the techy part, that should put your little grey at motion.

You can pretend you are an assassin. Only everyone will be happy. Rig flashes, and compose the scenes.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Alternatively you can be so enthusiastic that you are actually obnoxious. That way you can't be deemed an abandoner but you also won't be invited to anymore weddings.

 

[Jedi]

Thanks for the advice guys. The present and letter would probably be a good idea if I do decide to not go, just to show I'm not a complete asshole and I don't dig funerals either, I'd much rather have a party or a get-together in remembrance. I wouldn't mind expanding my networks, but I doubt it'd amount to much. And I'd be much more on board if the wedding and the open bar were conjoined, I really don't want to get caught swigging bourbon from my flask during the ceremony. Being a photographer sounds cool but everybody would wonder why Jedi is running around snapping photos with his kodak, but it probably beats my original plan of getting thrown in jail for some petty crime, leaving me stranded behind bars for the big day. Agapooka I like your ideas of an unorthodox wedding, If I ever get married I'll probably do something along the same lines and make it a fun evening. EyeSeeCold, you're right and that is one of the main reasons I may not go, Nobody will invite Jedi no more because Jedi don't go to weddings, And bearing I do go to these events, I will subject myself to further invitations for the rest of my being. I just hope if I do go through with not going through with the weddings they won't take it personal, but I guess it'd be hard not to.

Oh and thanks Bird, but even if I got a date I don't think it would change anything.

 

[Bird]

Thanks for the advice guys. The present and letter would probably be a good idea if I do decide to not go, just to show I'm not a complete asshole and I don't dig funerals either, I'd much rather have a party or a get-together in remembrance. The whole expanding my networks thing sounds great and all, but I doubt I'd have much success anyway. And I'd be much more on board if the wedding and the open bar were conjoined, I really don't want to get caught swigging bourbon from my flask during the ceremony. The whole photographer thing sounds cool but everybody would wonder why Jedi is running around snapping photos with his kodak, but it probably beats my original plan of getting thrown in jail for some petty crime, leaving me stranded behind bars for the big day. Agapooka I like your ideas of an unorthodox wedding, If I ever get married I'll probably do something along the same lines and make it a fun evening. EyeSeeCold, you're right and that is one of the main reasons I may not go, Nobody will invite Jedi no more because Jedi don't go to weddings, And bearing I do go to these events, I will subject myself to further invitations for the rest of my being. I just hope if I do go go through with not going through with the weddings they won't take it personal, but I guess it'd be hard not to.

Oh and thanks Bird, but even if I got a date I don't think it would change anything.

Having someone to share feelings of
remorse and disgust with is always
pleasant. It also gives you someone
to get slightly trashed with and loiter
around awkwardly instead of mingling
with other guests. Personally whenever
I attend weddings I usually get a drink
and go plant myself under a tree with
a book during the reception.

 

[Trebuchet]

Being a photographer sounds cool but everybody would wonder why Jedi is running around snapping photos with his kodak.

Nah. It is pretty common behavior at weddings and receptions. Just send a copy of any good or funny ones to the happy couple. No one will wonder at all.

Unless you will be dressed as a Jedi?

 

[Architect]

Regardless, I've seen enough recordings of weddings to have a pretty good idea of what it's all about. What I've seen is boring, but I don't see why Architect said his wedding was boring. If it is your own, do you not have a degree of control over what happens?

You've obviously never had a mother in law.

 

[Agapooka]

No, not yet. :P

 

[dark]

@ OP, it is your life and choices, but think of how it will affect your friends.

For myself, I have had at least 5 friends in the course of 2 years get married and they didn't invite me, which doesn't bother me at all because they know how I feel about things, so either they respect my stances on things or find me to insane to be anywhere near a place like that haha, either way is fine to me.

A wedding is something between two people. So I am not sure why people would need a lot of people, or anyone else at all other than the required people to wed.

My advice is talk to your friends about it, and if they are really friends they can understand how it makes you feel. (yes even NTPs feel).

Also I have no clue what I am talking about since I have never been married.

 

[dark]

I've never been to a wedding and I'm in my twenties and my father was a minister for years.

Is there something wrong with me? XD

Regardless, I've seen enough recordings of weddings to have a pretty good idea of what it's all about. What I've seen is boring, but I don't see why Architect said his wedding was boring. If it is your own, do you not have a degree of control over what happens?

Perhaps I am lucky that my significant other is as eccentric as I am. We have talked about it and we both wish to do something so untraditional that it might frighten our guests. We even mentioned the possibility of putting up an act where a kid would run in yelling "the bride is nowhere to be found!", followed by half an hour of drama and puns. Certainly, we'd remain in charge of the event. Bright colours instead of white and black, a constant theme of the unexpected. I want the guests to feel somewhat nervous: essentially, it would be a reversal of what normally happens.


Agapooka

Very wicked ideas there.

 

[LoveofINTP]

I hate noisy weddings. I really wish people would not attach so much importance to all that celebrations and festivities and pretentiousness and lovey-feely stuff.
I want a very queit wedding, a very peaceful one.
But I live among people tht believe that anything not Exxx is abnormal. Life is sad.

 

[Dr. Freeman]

It's up to you. If not going is worth the problem it creates, then don't go. If you feel it will harm your friendship, either go or find a very good reason why you can't be there. (Is it worth 30 days in jail?)
Choose wisely.

 

[Trebuchet]

A wedding is something between two people. So I am not sure why people would need a lot of people, or anyone else at all other than the required people to wed.

I don't quite agree. A marriage is between two people. Marrying at a courthouse with a couple of officials as witnesses is essentially just a signing of contracts.

A wedding is something between two communities (or within one, I suppose, but I live in a large sprawling suburban area). Two families suddenly become one, and two groups of friends suddenly have to accommodate each other. They are there to meet each other and witness the ceremony. By attending they show that they approve of, or at least don't object to, the match. It is a public statement that the two people are no longer available for courting, and a chance for the couple to make a public statement about their intentions.

Lots of formal occasions are boring, and simply must be got through for social reasons. Though I did attend a wedding - third marriage for each of them - where the entire wedding party was dressed mostly in body paint. It doesn't have to be boring.

None of this is to say attendance is mandatory. A card and/or gift with your sincere congratulations, plus a timely response to the RSVP, are all that are necessary to signal your approval.

 

[dark]

^ Ah yes thanks for clearing that up, I tend to tie words together that shouldn't be. Marriage I find as fine, but a wedding is slightly different, a social obligation of sorts, and I dislike occasions like that.

Although a quite ambivert wedding would be livable.

I just don't get the whole, two sides coming together as one, it shouldn't be about everyone else... fuck everyone else, our human society is laid to much on how things affect us, humans in general are self-centered assholes and in weddings we see how everyone worries how this or that will affect them, when in all truth, they shouldn't even matter. So yes I don't like things like this. Before I become angry at nothing, I will stop.

Like part of the 8 fold path of the Buddhas, right livelihood, one could learn from this in all things, do not for yourself, but for others or as I take it, be selfless in all things, like MacGyver. I am not a Buddhist, I am just learning shit tons of religions for no particular reason.

 

[Agapooka]

According to a Buddhist monk I once encountered, when asked if Buddhism is a religion:

"Yes - for tax purposes."

Anyway...

Weddings, weddings... yes. Ideally, the guests should be passive, as they are there to witness the symbolic representation of the decision of two people to live together until they die, get a divorce or he-is-always-gone-on-business-trips-and-she-got-a-boyfriend-on-the-side, or even the other way around. Oh, where was I? Yes, weddings. Well, I see it as an opportunity for the couple to convey a clear message. That's it. Hmm... well, there's also cake.

Agapooka

 

[dark]

Oh, yes cake, all's good then.

 

[TylerRDA]

Uh, logic, anybody? I don't like weddings either, but being supportive takes precedence over my personal disliking of the ceremonies involved.

But back to the logic part, free food.

 

[Jedi]

Uh, logic, anybody? I don't like weddings either, but being supportive takes precedence over my personal disliking of the ceremonies involved.

But back to the logic part, free food.

Being the slender young man that I am, free food at get-togethers never appealed to me much. I get past the first plate then watch everybody eat for 45 minutes.

 

[Jedi]

Weddings aren't all bad, like Trebuchet said they can represent a lot, I guess I just don't have a whole lot to talk about these days. Not sure if it'll be worth the problem it creates but I'll eventually tell them and they should get over it with time.

 

[socialexpat]

It's merely a wedding lad .. There's no harm in going there and have some fun.
Ofcourse having no date but only an invitation to it may suck big time .. If you don't go to a weddig you may miss out on a new date.
Give it a try unless you are totally against it, no one can forbid you anyways.