I guess I did not know?

[ZenRaiden]

I realized lately that I was severely traumatized.
I fit the label of CPTSD, and I went all my life not knowing this?
I started working on recalling my childhood and basically was severely traumatized.
Interesting fact about trauma is that its prevalence is very high.
That is people often suffer trauma and simply never talk about it.
The numbers are so high, but most people don't even know.

My problems were I dissociated from my self emotionally and body, without even knowing I did?
Its been strange year for me discovering I have sever emotional issues, without even realizing that is the case.
I always focused on dealing with my mental illness, but there was nothing I could do about it really other than take my meds and shut up.
Now that I started dealing with my CPTSD I actually feel better. I am dealing with emotions, but I never realized I never really learned to deal with emotions in my whole life.
I took pride in being rational INTP with little emotions and being in control of them.
Now that I am discovering that I have the emotional bandwidth of a toddler its kind of scary.

Some achievements that I unlocked>: I was few weeks ago able to feel lonely for the first time in like a decade.
I was sitting in McDonalds and I teared up. I was also happy that I am finally able to experience loneliness.

Second I am finally able to cry. Although its mostly just rage crying. I cry for 3 seconds no more. Recently though I was able to process more emotions and cry for like 5 seconds.

I know how weird this sounds.



I also did not know there is a thing called inner child. I had to learn that to understand my emotions. Never heard of the concept until like few months ago. ITs weird concept but works.

Emotions for me are like foreign language. I can hear them and see them, but I lack understanding them.

I am not coldhearted person though. I just repressed just about any emotion that I could thinking that is the way emotions work.

If they get in the way I just set them aside and ignore them.

Nowdays I am unpacking it all from the earliest moments in life.

Most of my trauma I cannot really recall, except few images here and there.

Though I have lots of repressed emotions connected to all of it.

 

[Black Rose]

The problem with me is that I have no one to confide with. My mother is mostly a vegetable so I cannot get her to understand my pain. She just stares at me. So it is like where am I supposed to get love from? Nowhere. That makes me sad. But being sad is painful so I rather feel nothing. Because if no one accepts me then there is nothing I can do. There is no relief. Just being dead inside is better.

That is why people that believe in God don't understand trauma. They think it's fun and games and that you are just supposed to feel love like it is free and not something withheld from you. If God exists where is the experience of it? They have no empathy. The experience of God is a hallucination from childhood they project onto the universe. It is all brain chemistry. But these bastards think your evil form not feeling what they feel. God rejected you because you rejected God, Because if you were rapped when you were 6 years old you deserved it because you are evil. Just believe in God and God will reveal himself. You are just evil because you don't feel what I feel. So they think they are justified in abusing people for not believing what they believe.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Skip to 2:47, she will be a guide on understanding and releasing trauma. She explains that the spirit is the energy in and around the body and the soul is the higher self. The body and spirit are affected by trauma, but its the body that stores the trauma much more than the mind, so it keeps coming back:


Shamanic drumming to release by:

Try moving to this and asking your body to help you release it:

 

[Black Rose]

I listened to the video and it is all in the body.

I think my puppy has an anxiety disorder like me.

Anxiety can be in many places at the same time but it is all about escape.

When you feel something is wrong, you are trapped so anxiety tells you to move.

If you cannot move it gets worse and worse.

To calm down you need to move.

Then nothing seems bad anymore.

But you need to move in the right way or you just feel worse and worse.

It is because everything is connected like with strings.

These strings pull on different things, concentrating, tightening, blocking, and releasing.

We condition ourselves to move in different ways depending on these connections.

That is why we have in ourselves all these interdependent "dependencies".

 

[birdsnestfern]

Lots of connections that want releasing! Breathe up and squeeze your tummy up into your torso to squeeze energy upwards and outwards, out of the head and shoulders. I am doing the shamanic drum dancing, its pretty good.

 

[ZenRaiden]

The problem with me is that I have no one to confide with. My mother is mostly a vegetable so I cannot get her to understand my pain. She just stares at me. So it is like where am I supposed to get love from? Nowhere. That makes me sad. But being sad is painful so I rather feel nothing. Because if no one accepts me then there is nothing I can do. There is no relief. Just being dead inside is better.

That is why people that believe in God don't understand trauma. They think it's fun and games and that you are just supposed to feel love like it is free and not something withheld from you. If God exists where is the experience of it? They have no empathy. The experience of God is a hallucination from childhood they project onto the universe. It is all brain chemistry. But these bastards think your evil form not feeling what they feel. God rejected you because you rejected God, Because if you were rapped when you were 6 years old you deserved it because you are evil. Just believe in God and God will reveal himself. You are just evil because you don't feel what I feel. So they think they are justified in abusing people for not believing what they believe.

I honestly don't know what is right for you since heavy prolonged childhood trauma requires you to feel safe for it to be solved as far is information goes.

Awareness is first step, but most resources online are pretty good for start, it tells you the process.

I feel for you. But that is about as much can be done from me.

Usually trauma requires assistance.

Solving your trauma without someone you can trust is hard if not impossible.

It also requires years of processing.

I am only starting to learn to feel emotions and I have zero clue how to do it.

I did not even know I had so many emotions.

Solving trauma on your own is dangerous as you can traumatize yourself as well.

Complex trauma is multi fold problem, that has many levels.

Physical, emotional, intelligence, spiritual.

Dr. K explains this in his video, that you have to address each one.

I certainly don't know what you need.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

I'm assuming this comes with counsel from a professional?



There are varying ideas about emotions place in the human experience. The two latter models in that second video, on how emotions manifest, were very helpful for me.

The idea that the brain appraises the neural activity of our emotional regions/circuits as X, then we will have Y response. To me this gives way to allowing us to question the appraisal of our emotions responses perceptually.

It's a very nebulous implication. So there are parts of my brain assessing my state and making predictions about the future. Yet all it's doing is looking at other neural activity. It seems like a very blunt instrument that could get you in a lot of trouble arbitrarily even without an abusive environment.

So basically the brain isn't saying "I feel bad" it's more like, "this is how feeling bad looks". Once I got into that headspace, one where I saw the emotional input I was getting in my experience didn't have just one possible conclusion. Maybe this "negative" feeling can be interpreted as something funny, why does it HAVE to be one way or the other? When did I start labeling this mental state as X or Y?


Even among professional researchers it's debated if emotions are goal oriented. For example you say you feel rage. On one hand you have people who say that all emotions are socially constructed and that the underlying neural activity is indeed inflicting some emotional valance into your experience, but on the other hand you have people saying that the capacity for anger is ingrained in your DNA/brain structure put there by possibly evolution.

Personally, I think I have looked under every rock of my past, I feel that memories do have specific emotions attached to them, and that if you don't resolve them they can spill into the present. However once you have managed to go through all that baggage, I think one will find themselves with the realization that most of their emotional responses don't really have one way or the other, and that you can label your emotions whatever which way one wants for most everyday situations.

I'm not saying that all emotions are a choice, I'm saying that most situations in people's waking life, their emotional state is free game because it's not logic that governs the affective systems in the slightest.

 

[Black Rose]

Generative AI is experimental. Info quality may vary.

The parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems have opposite but complementary roles. The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) controls homeostasis and the body at rest, and is responsible for the body's "rest and digest" function. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) controls the body's responses to a perceived threat, and is responsible for the "fight or flight" response.

The PNS restores the body to a calm and composed state, and prevents it from overworking. The PNS's main purpose is to conserve energy to be used later, and to regulate bodily functions like digestion and urination. The SNS carries signals that put the body's systems on alert.

The two systems work together to ensure that the body responds appropriately to different situations. For example, the sympathetic division increases blood pressure, and the parasympathetic division decreases it.

The whole issue of emotions is energy.

We either draw near to things or we withdraw from something.

People with no human cognition (feral children) do feel pain and do move away or towards things but not like people who have language. So Animals have emotions but cannot label things because labels are language base. All they can do is learn that some things will kill you and some things will not kill you. This is in mammals with big social groups they learn from the group. As humans, we have language so to learn from the group we use labels whereas animals use emotions to learn. As energy is high or low and fast and slow it is not rational, rational being abstract or in other words atemporal. A circle is atemporal, and music sheets are atemporal but music is emotion because it is motion. Abstractions have no motion. Emotion is an internal process, the way things move internally. But we can learn how things move and understand from what happens externally what happens internally.

Aphantasiah seems to be the inability to breach the barrier between the abstract and the phenomenal.

No matter how much I reappraise things.

There is no way to get rid of fear.

To get rid of fear you need to take control.

The army does this by tuning you into a psychopath.

The only way to eliminate fear is to kill.

Because the feeling of weakness is an inevitable death.

 

[Black Rose]

I might be the overfocused one, not sure?

But some part is overactive I am sure, and some part may be underactive?

I know that if I did not see the video by Dr Amen I would not have calmed down as much as I did in such a short period.

As I said different parts pull on each other.

It feels like I cannot cry and I can't swallow.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Lots of connections that want releasing! Breathe up and squeeze your tummy up into your torso to squeeze energy upwards and outwards, out of the head and shoulders. I am doing the shamanic drum dancing, its pretty good.

I did and am starting with yoga.
So yeah, I can finally feel my body. I never even realized I don't feel it until I started running many months ago, and realized I don't feel my legs.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Maybe this needs to be a more regular thing. I'll make a date with myself for Tuesday and Thursday at 10 am to start, as it does seem to help. And, I watched the video saying its all in the mind, but I do think its also in the organs like heart and liver because they have memories in them. When transplants are done, people say they have emotional memories of the person that gifted the organ, so its probably in both mind and body.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Skip to 2:47, she will be a guide on understanding and releasing trauma. She explains that the spirit is the energy in and around the body and the soul is the higher self. The body and spirit are affected by trauma, but its the body that stores the trauma much more than the mind, so it keeps coming back:

This is advanced stuff, spiritual stuff.
I don't know really much about spiritual things, other than some of my own idiosyncratic beliefs, which can generally be summed up in what to me seems basic essential beliefs I carry from observations.
I often wonder whether my crisis is spiritual in nature.

So basically the brain isn't saying "I feel bad" it's more like, "this is how feeling bad looks". Once I got into that headspace, one where I saw the emotional input I was getting in my experience didn't have just one possible conclusion. Maybe this "negative" feeling can be interpreted as something funny, why does it HAVE to be one way or the other? When did I start labeling this mental state as X or Y?

Its interesting. I have what is called alexithymia today. A state of mind where I am unaware of my own emotions, so managing them is hard.
Relabeling my emotional states is definitely something I am for now afraid of, but I will try it when I will struggle.
Some of my emotions are unexpressed traumas and I don't know where some of my emotional states come from.
I am generally just starting to work with my emotions, on terms, where I am trying to not get confused by them.
Your vids are pretty advanced so I have to take time to learn from them.
The first vid I watched and it literally gave me anxiety.
NO joke. I am working with some delicate bitch emotions now.
I literally cried watching sunrise.
I am like emo kid. I just hope I don't end up wearing black lipstick or something XD.

Personally, I think I have looked under every rock of my past, I feel that memories do have specific emotions attached to them, and that if you don't resolve them they can spill into the present.

Yes I include memories in my emotional journal and they do carry a lot of my emotional states that I can relive in the now, both positive memories and negative.
Even vague memories can have a charge and emotional state to them.
They can also be grounding.

I'm not saying that all emotions are a choice, I'm saying that most situations in people's waking life, their emotional state is free game because it's not logic that governs the affective systems in the slightest.

I often think that some of my emotional states are not choice, but some are rather misplaced emotions or displaced emotions that belong elsewhere.
I just get emo about stuff.
I literally had to cover my eyes watching Hannibal lector.
I could eat popcorn and laugh watching that movie.
Now I get spooked by horror movies.
I used to think that people who get spooked by this are little emotional bitches.

It turns out I have repressed a lot of things.

 

[Black Rose]

Its interesting. I have what is called alexithymia today. A state of mind where I am unaware of my own emotions, so managing them is hard.
Relabeling my emotional states is definitely something I am for now afraid of, but I will try it when I will struggle.

I recently started taking L-Theonate Magnesium.

It turns out that much of my anxiety was having no clarity of mind.

Emotions do not need labels but they do exist:

I think that my state has mostly been apprehensive.

but it is that these things all mix together sometimes.

I am generally just starting to work with my emotions, on terms, where I am trying to not get confused by them.

Those videos also confused me. In the last video, the woman was very defensive.

She did not like that emotions could be categorized or more so she did not think specific circuits for emotion were well defined.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Yes, give it a week or two, I'm taking it and after a week and a half I can tell my brain function is better, but give it time. I'm also much calmer. One before bed and one mid day. Also, open one capsule and put a tiny bit on the tongue and note if you instantly feel brain power, I did. Sprinkle a little on the pet food too just once or twice if he is anxious.

B Complex also really helps and good food. Add in D3, a banana for potassium, and a probiotic and you will REALLY feel better, as together, they help balance the whole system. I tend to think many issues might be deficiencies in basic minerals. The cells communicate better when they are fed the right things.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I recently started taking L-Theonate Magnesium.

I have taken magnesium, and D3 during winter, and now its more about sunlight.
I also haven taken B complex.
Thanks for advice though. Not sure if L Theonate is the same as reg mag from pharmacy.

It turns out that much of my anxiety was having no clarity of mind.

That is good that you identify this.
Personally I am not sure why my mind is clear one second and problem the next.
I know its emotional related.
I can be cool and composed one second and lose my nerve due to triggers, insecurities. I guess even normal people have this issue. For me its often unconscious.

I think that my state has mostly been apprehensive.

Yes that is something that helps us avoid terror, which we felt as kids, if you are traumatized. I feel insecure around intimacy, authority, anyone ordering me something to do, crowds, people. Most of my trauma is people centered.
That much helped me to realize that avoiding people and feeling terror is often linked in some unconscious way. Although intellectually I understand my fear, emotions react in their own way regardless how well I understand my fears.

I am prone to intellectualizing my emotions just like many INTPs.

I struggle to keep my emotions there or first instead of my intellectualisations.

We either draw near to things or we withdraw from something.

Yes. I struggle and withdraw energy from people in general and get terrified in specifics.
Intellectually I know its bull, emotions check out without me knowing why often.

I work on working out why.

Aphantasiah seems to be the inability to breach the barrier between the abstract and the phenomenal.

Do you think you were born with or its trauma based?

There is no way to get rid of fear.

To get rid of fear you need to take control.

Fear is always there, but one thing about insecurities is that once you know what you are insecure about you can break down the insecurity down to normal size chunks that are digestible. Unfortunately for me I am good at picking up negative energy and I can be overwhelmed by it before I know where it came from.
Consciously I know I should not be stressed or in fear too, but if I don't even know what triggered the fear, its hard. Literally any bad vibe can trigger it.
Some of my fears are so deeply embedded that anything can trigger them.
I overcame 100s of phobias, but until I figure out what is triggering my fears, I am just going through one fear to the next.

I might be the overfocused one, not sure?

But some part is overactive I am sure, and some part may be underactive?

ADHD is about hyperfocus and tuning out cycles.

According to Dr. K ADHD is inability hold single thought for long enough to be activated, or the ability to hold one thought for so long that you tune out everything else.
Games are easy for people with ADHD, as they often are designed by developers to keep humans focused.

Unlike life events, where focus is often internal not external based.
Beating ADHD in my opinion is impossible, but its possible to build up tools to know how to hold thoughts for longer than .3 seconds.

Its also possible to build up neural circuits in my humble opinion to know how to break from hyper-focus, and how to get into flow state without external triggers helping.
Ergo internal circuits that help focus.
I have yet to find a way to do this.

tend to think many issues might be deficiencies in basic minerals. The cells communicate better when they are fed the right things.

Yes, true, but stressed out me got depleted way faster.
Now that I have less stress, by factor of 100 I feel lot more stable and energetic, and I think my nervous system is not depleting my energy and vitamin and mineral reserves so fast.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Yes, Vitamin C can be completely used up with one stressful event. Need to replace it a lot in stressful times.

Also consider that adhd might be worsened by dyes in yellow cheeses, cheetos, doritos, fruit loops, candies, drinks, jello, cereal, colas, etc. Nobody wants to buy clear jelly beans, or jello, so the carcinogenic dyes are added to sell it.

And, many sensitive autistic people lack specific amino acids that remove toxins from your liver and are simply out of balance.

This kind of B12 with L-5, MTHFR - all you have to do is dissolve a tablet on the tongue and see if it helps that. Otherwise, toxins build up in the body and the liver can't remove the toxins. Most autistics are missing this.




Signs of this gene mutation can be OCD, anxiety, depression, IBS, adhd, allergies, asthma, autoimmune issues, sensitivity to perfumes, seizures, Sz, etc. Do not take folic acid, take folate instead. (Peanut butter, oranges, spinach have folate). And take the Seeking Health B12 with L-5, MTHFR.

 

[sushi]

write a journal


find a therapist online

 

[Black Rose]

I have taken magnesium, and D3 during winter, and now its more about sunlight.
I also haven taken B complex.
Thanks for advice though. Not sure if L Theonate is the same as reg mag from pharmacy.

I took two pills last night and one this morning.

It passed through the blood-brain barrier super fast which I did not get from normal supplements.

That is good that you identify this.
Personally I am not sure why my mind is clear one second and problem the next.
I know its emotional related.
I can be cool and composed one second and lose my nerve due to triggers, insecurities. I guess even normal people have this issue. For me its often unconscious.

I have opposite problems, I get too sad to express anger.
That is what causes me to have anxiety because I regret too much expression.
My psyche report said I turn my anger inward at myself and I can be taken advantage of easily.

Yes that is something that helps us avoid terror, which we felt as kids, if you are traumatized. I feel insecure around intimacy, authority, anyone ordering me something to do, crowds, people. Most of my trauma is people centered.
That much helped me to realize that avoiding people and feeling terror is often linked in some unconscious way. Although intellectually I understand my fear, emotions react in their own way regardless how well I understand my fears.

I am prone to intellectualizing my emotions just like many INTPs.

I struggle to keep my emotions there or first instead of my intellectualisations.

I feel bad all the time. I neither intellectualize them nor suppress them. I just freeze and hope that if nothing bad happens I can just be in the moment and not feel like running away. So if I need to run I can or if I need to fight I can. But mostly I need to hide inside myself. But the energy remains. The energy that I keep at bay.

Yes. I struggle and withdraw energy from people in general and get terrified in specifics.
Intellectually I know its bull, emotions check out without me knowing why often.

I work on working out why.

I hear that it is called avoidant attachment.
It is a positive model of self but a negative model of others.
I have both a negative model of self and a negative model of others.

"I am bad and everyone hates me".

But I do not know what emotions to feel around people because I can get hurt by them. And I do not feel like I can be loved or even that I love myself.

Do you think you were born with or its trauma based?

I think I was born with aphantasiah.

Fear is always there, but one thing about insecurities is that once you know what you are insecure about you can break down the insecurity down to normal size chunks that are digestible. Unfortunately for me I am good at picking up negative energy and I can be overwhelmed by it before I know where it came from.
Consciously I know I should not be stressed or in fear too, but if I don't even know what triggered the fear, its hard. Literally any bad vibe can trigger it.
Some of my fears are so deeply embedded that anything can trigger them.
I overcame 100s of phobias, but until I figure out what is triggering my fears, I am just going through one fear to the next.

I fear being emotional in front of people or just alone. People scare me only when I realize I must confront them about something. I realize that I may be made to look bad so I do not do anything that makes people notice me. I do not say anything in public that would involve persons who would likely try to harm me if I act offensive. I try hard not to be offensive. And I try and avoid people who are easily offended. In fact, I do not say anything or do anything unless I am sure the other person will accept what I said. I do not speak or do anything when people become non-calm. That I will let people do what they want to do unless it is a threat to my very life. I will never give away my food stamps card, never to anyone.

ADHD is about hyperfocus and tuning out cycles.

According to Dr. K ADHD is inability hold single thought for long enough to be activated, or the ability to hold one thought for so long that you tune out everything else.
Games are easy for people with ADHD, as they often are designed by developers to keep humans focused.

Unlike life events, where focus is often internal not external based.
Beating ADHD in my opinion is impossible, but its possible to build up tools to know how to hold thoughts for longer than .3 seconds.

Its also possible to build up neural circuits in my humble opinion to know how to break from hyper-focus, and how to get into flow state without external triggers helping.
Ergo internal circuits that help focus.
I have yet to find a way to do this.

On the IQ test, I scored 75 on working memory and 75 on processing speed. I just cannot remember 4 things at once or do something specific unless directly told what it is exactly. I am very conscientious (orderly) and cannot handle chaos. Things need to be in the precise place to do in the correct sequence.

Everything I do needs to be considered that what is most important comes first and if I get things wrong it means everything is ruined so I must never make critical mistakes. Sometimes the only safe thing to do is sit and do nothing. The consequences of getting something wrong are too great, I almost never leave my house because of it. I need to sit still and be really quiet and pause before any action because it takes me a long time to decide what to do next. Not that I think of every option but that I just need to have my head empty before I decide anything.

 

[ZenRaiden]

@birdsnestfern yes I will look into this. Sounds complicated, but I will keep it in my mind as diet is important and many things today contain things previously foods did nôt contain.
@sushi yes I write a journal. Emo journal to vent and write about my emotions to help me reflect and remember my progress.

 

[ZenRaiden]

@Animekitty Ill give you a shortform answer to your current problem, just to give you motivation. I guess it helps.
Trauma sucks, and sucks the life out of you as long as you carry it.
Don't give up, because you deserve better.
Having no emotions working for you, but having few emotions working against you every living minute is the equivalent of mental torture.
Trauma is often accidental and generational. My family tree is tainted with trauma so much that I can't think of single individual in my family who is OK.
Many of them are successful people and smart people.
Even trauma that played out in my high achieving father makes me sad, and I decided to die on this hill.
I simply will not stop until I get rid of it. It ends with me and I will not pass it on or make anyone suffer because of it.
Having trauma is like having a linux system that crashes after every input because you don't know how your mind and your body work.
Its like you never update your mind.
Emotions are important for the intellect Animekitty. That is why genius and passion are so strongly correlated.
Emotions are the updates, patches, corrections plugins and whatever your system needs.
Having trauma is like running a system for 30 years and having no updates, where everyone around you was getting an update every week for life.
I am not sure whether your mind is born ergo made in the womb or also diminished due to trauma when alive.
However its likely both, but the living trauma can be healed.
It must be, because otherwise you are taking your trauma to the grave.
No wonder your work memory is shit.
If you are stuck in emotional prison you just cannot get out.

For me its horrifying at times, and there are days where I am so numb I think I made up my trauma history and wonder whether I am fake. Its 1 step forward and 10 steps back.

Truly the energy to overcome trauma is immense. I currently have time to deal with mine, and you can work on yours.

I would personally work on body first if I were you, because you need a strong body to deal with trauma in the mind.
I used to have intrusive thoughts that were so bad I could not hold a single meaningful thought in my mind.
Just few days ago I almost gave up on this, and I am again determined to overcome it. It sucks to realize you were never happy or felt actual grief, and that the only tears you can have are actually just shame and guilt and rage and that the sadness you feel is just defense mechanism.

Actually I don't know how traumatized you were. Its hard to say. Everyone has their own demons.

But most trauma is nowdays being explored and based on pretty solid principals.
Emotions help us process data.

Without emotions its useless to have a brain. Brain without emotions is just inert blob of fat, with streams of data.
You need emotions to know who you are and how to navigate life.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Also, an adaptogen called Ashwaganda can be made into a smoothie and it turns off the cortisol and stressor responses which hurt memory. However, you can't take it with certain meds so it might not work for everyone.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Also, an adaptogen called Ashwaganda can be made into a smoothie and it turns off the cortisol and stressor responses which hurt memory. However, you can't take it with certain meds so it might not work for everyone.

I wonder what meds don't go with this, but luckily I am nowdays more focused on internal mechanism to help me with stress. But for future, I might give it a go. Thanks for info.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

This was another thing that was really helpful for me. This clip is in the context of heartbreak, but what is said about grief applies to many things we are attached to, to me that includes even ideals that we know cannot be.

Grief is a motivated state to bridge the distance in time and space and yet it’s impossible.

Our brain is literally trying to bend reality to cope with not being where we want to be. It's trying to bridge a gap to some place mentally or physically that we may know will never happen.

I think that ever since my life went spiraling in such a chaotic direction where I had to make choices I never wanted to make, I began to grieve the person I wanted to be.

Upon realizing this I realized that there is an endless tension in me. To strive towards what cannot be possible, to have my life be what I had idealized it to be. Now when I push back on this, I have small fits of stress, uncontrolled, but soon come back to a more relaxed state.

I think that my brain has been in a regular state of grieving for the better part of 5 years, so I think pushing against these grieving tendencies is a conscious one, while grieving is the norm. So I must unlearn and process this, I think that is the next question that going to be on my mind for a while.



I think this might help, Huberman is very empirically inclined and sites studies regularly to pad out his podcast lectures. Really interesting, particularly midway through he reads a letter by Fyneman that reflects the science.

 

[scorpiomover]

I realized lately that I was severely traumatized.

Not entirely surprised.

I fit the label of CPTSD, and I went all my life not knowing this?

When you've never read about it, and everyone keeps telling you it's something else, then of course you wouldn't know about it. You keep getting mis-directed to other things.

Now that I started dealing with my CPTSD I actually feel better. I am dealing with emotions, but I never realized I never really learned to deal with emotions in my whole life.
I took pride in being rational INTP with little emotions and being in control of them.
Now that I am discovering that I have the emotional bandwidth of a toddler its kind of scary.

Sounds good. Remember, you only have a narrow grasp of emotions right now, because you've only just started to work with them. But the more you work with them, the better you'll get with them.

Everything is like that. Most people are awful at walking when they first try to walk as babies. But after a few years, they're walking like a pro.

Some achievements that I unlocked>: I was few weeks ago able to feel lonely for the first time in like a decade.
I was sitting in McDonalds and I teared up. I was also happy that I am finally able to experience loneliness.

Second I am finally able to cry. Although its mostly just rage crying. I cry for 3 seconds no more. Recently though I was able to process more emotions and cry for like 5 seconds.

I know how weird this sounds.

Actually, it sounds very real to me. I've seen this a lot in others (and in myself).

 

[ZenRaiden]

Not entirely surprised.

Why not surprised?

When you've never read about it, and everyone keeps telling you it's something else, then of course you wouldn't know about it. You keep getting mis-directed to other things.

Yeah, its relatively new term in psychology even in the west. I actually don't even know if my psychiatrist knows much about it.
CPTSD is usually seen as some trauma, but the label has been longer in the west and I don't even know when it was first discovered as separate condition under this label, but pretty sure psychiatrists have dealt with it in disguise of other labels.

Sounds good. Remember, you only have a narrow grasp of emotions right now, because you've only just started to work with them. But the more you work with them, the better you'll get with them.

Everything is like that. Most people are awful at walking when they first try to walk as babies. But after a few years, they're walking like a pro.

Thanks for encouragement, I still forget sometimes I am new to most of these emotions. It actually helps being reminded.

Actually, it sounds very real to me. I've seen this a lot in others (and in myself).

You mean crying like this and feeling loneliness or have you also been traumatized in the past, if that is OK to ask?

 

[ZenRaiden]

I think that my brain has been in a regular state of grieving for the better part of 5 years, so I think pushing against these grieving tendencies is a conscious one, while grieving is the norm. So I must unlearn and process this, I think that is the next question that going to be on my mind for a while.

Yeah, its a good thing to know. I still struggle with feeling sad, or grieving.
I think I can do it, but I am not sure. My mind has a tendency to rely on Si, and Si is recall specific trigger, so I understand how hard it is to grieve.
Like I can recall things so much, but a lot of time my memory is made of defense mechanism.

 

[scorpiomover]

Not entirely surprised.

Why not surprised?

You have a lot of certain types of mannerisms, that are mostly inoffensive, but leads to avoiding socialising, seeking achievement, success and money through work, and relationships, which is pretty much 90% of why humans do things and what humans evolved to do, which would make you seriously dysfunctional. If not for the level of technology in the world, you'd be in big problems.

However, you're also mostly inoffensive. If you were a violent alcoholic, you would cause such problems for your family, friends and the courts, that they would force you into rehab, where you'd get the support, training and encouragement to become functional. But since you're not causing anyone any major problems, most of the world are not motivated to help you become functional.

When you've never read about it, and everyone keeps telling you it's something else, then of course you wouldn't know about it. You keep getting mis-directed to other things.

Yeah, its relatively new term in psychology even in the west. I actually don't even know if my psychiatrist knows much about it.
CPTSD is usually seen as some trauma, but the label has been longer in the west and I don't even know when it was first discovered as separate condition under this label, but pretty sure psychiatrists have dealt with it in disguise of other labels.

I've seen CPTSD mentioned in the last 10 years by several Americans, most of which clearly have multiple ego-based problems, but not the sort of problems that one would associate with a traumatic childhood.

The idea of CPTSD is not new. It's "complex/chronic PTSD", meaning that it's PTSD that developed because of consistent mildly traumatic behaviour for decades through childhood, rather than referring to one major traumatic event.

PTSD itself was a label for a host of conditions that developed in war veterans. The old name for it was "shell shock", which referred to the common reaction of veterans of WW1, when hearing a loud noise, to react as if they were being shelled like they used to be in WW1. However, that also wasn't because they were shelled once, but because they were shelled so often that their minds formed a strong mental association between loud noises and being bombed.

It's kind of like saying your current problems as an adult, are because of what happened to you in your childhood, which isn't new at all, but might be new to some people.

PTSD also used to be considered incurable. So this implies to people with CPTSD that they just have to get used to their problems.

I guess it's a relief to have a label for your problems. So a lot of Americans probably like the diagnosis.

However, there are 2 new concepts in psychology:

1) A "trauma-informed approach". This approach assumes that their current behaviour that makes no sense now, mad perfect sense when they were experiencing the trauma. So this is basically saying that most mental illness due to trauma, is because when the person experienced traumatic times, they developed behaviours that made sense to do in that situation. Then the traumatic times came to an end. But they kept repeating the same behaviours, even though they made no sense in the new environment.

Consequently, in the trauma-based approach, you simply have to examine your actions, figure out which ones made sense in your traumatic childhood but not in your current life, and change only them, to solve all your problems.

2) A focus on "mental wellness", not "mental illness".

Viewing things in terms of "mental illness", meant that most people were not ill, but you were. Thus, you had to go to a doctor to get a diagnosis and a treatment plan. You could not do it yourself, because most people were sane, and so the information was only held by those who studied those illnesses. Thus, your fate was entirely determined by your doctor.

Viewing things in terms of "mental wellness", means viewing mental health much like physical health. People with good physical health usually have a good diet, regular exercise, etc. People with poor physical health usually do not.

In the same way, people with good "mental wellness", i.e. the sane, usually do certain things that keep them sane, while the insane simply do NOT do those things. So thus, you simply need to learn about things that improve mental health & mental wellness, and do them regularly, to solve your problems.

That also means that all you need to do, is to imitate the behaviours of healthy people. So it becomes easy to find treatments for your issues.

Sounds good. Remember, you only have a narrow grasp of emotions right now, because you've only just started to work with them. But the more you work with them, the better you'll get with them.

Everything is like that. Most people are awful at walking when they first try to walk as babies. But after a few years, they're walking like a pro.

Thanks for encouragement, I still forget sometimes I am new to most of these emotions. It actually helps being reminded.

No problemo.

Actually, it sounds very real to me. I've seen this a lot in others (and in myself).

You mean crying like this and feeling loneliness or have you also been traumatized in the past, if that is OK to ask?

Both.

I've seen crying and heard about loneliness from lots of men in their 30s.

I've also had some trauma in my life.

 

[ZenRaiden]

You have a lot of certain types of mannerisms, that are mostly inoffensive, but leads to avoiding socialising, seeking achievement, success and money through work, and relationships, which is pretty much 90% of why humans do things and what humans evolved to do, which would make you seriously dysfunctional. If not for the level of technology in the world, you'd be in big problems.

Good point.

However, you're also mostly inoffensive. If you were a violent alcoholic, you would cause such problems for your family, friends and the courts, that they would force you into rehab, where you'd get the support, training and encouragement to become functional. But since you're not causing anyone any major problems, most of the world are not motivated to help you become functional.

I basically decided to get better so I can actually have relationships that are intimate.
Getting tired of being virgin supreme and not having actual people in real life who can like me.
I struggle to be vulnerable emotionally. I have yet to figure out what it actually means.

I've seen CPTSD mentioned in the last 10 years by several Americans, most of which clearly have multiple ego-based problems, but not the sort of problems that one would associate with a traumatic childhood.

I have what they call big T and small t traumas. Ergo big T is something considered big and small t is like emotional neglect.
Most of my early years is big T and rest of my childhood is just vanilla small t.
Apparently downplaying my trauma is common problem.
Sometimes its easier to joke about it than actually feel it.

PTSD itself was a label for a host of conditions that developed in war veterans. The old name for it was "shell shock", which referred to the common reaction of veterans of WW1, when hearing a loud noise, to react as if they were being shelled like they used to be in WW1. However, that also wasn't because they were shelled once, but because they were shelled so often that their minds formed a strong mental association between loud noises and being bombed.

I have emotional flashbacks and dissociative defense mechanisms.
Ergo today I was insecure about something and instead of facing the problem I spent half hour lecturing someone imaginary in my head as if they were real.
The dissociating is not usually to do with the actual problem either.
I could have an invisible lecture about economy, but actual fail to do something trivial like vacuum the rug properly.
Daydreaming and fantasy is also problem.
I made strong emotional association that school is pain, that authorities are not trust worthy, and that relationships are bad.
Also expressing emotions leads to punishment or actual harm.
I also learned that saying no is not good or even possible, and that being myself will lead to being ridiculed or attacked.
I also have an association that success equals problems. Which is hard because success often does lead to new problems.

PTSD also used to be considered incurable. So this implies to people with CPTSD that they just have to get used to their problems.

If I do not cure my problems I will never have a relationship so I have plenty motivation to get better. I know that if I don't fix it I will end up alone.
I have several people in my family who did end up alone. Usually males. Its probably part genetic and part simply family life sucks in my family. I have lot in common with my uncle. I am terror stricken by intimacy, but also generally opening up emotionally. I don't know that was required for relationships.
I did not know it was something I was not doing.
Anything relating to women triggers me minus sex.

1) A "trauma-informed approach". This approach assumes that their current behaviour that makes no sense now, mad perfect sense when they were experiencing the trauma. So this is basically saying that most mental illness due to trauma, is because when the person experienced traumatic times, they developed behaviours that made sense to do in that situation. Then the traumatic times came to an end. But they kept repeating the same behaviours, even though they made no sense in the new environment.

Consequently, in the trauma-based approach, you simply have to examine your actions, figure out which ones made sense in your traumatic childhood but not in your current life, and change only them, to solve all your problems.

2) A focus on "mental wellness", not "mental illness".

Viewing things in terms of "mental illness", meant that most people were not ill, but you were. Thus, you had to go to a doctor to get a diagnosis and a treatment plan. You could not do it yourself, because most people were sane, and so the information was only held by those who studied those illnesses. Thus, your fate was entirely determined by your doctor.

Viewing things in terms of "mental wellness", means viewing mental health much like physical health. People with good physical health usually have a good diet, regular exercise, etc. People with poor physical health usually do not.

In the same way, people with good "mental wellness", i.e. the sane, usually do certain things that keep them sane, while the insane simply do NOT do those things. So thus, you simply need to learn about things that improve mental health & mental wellness, and do them regularly, to solve your problems.

Yes, this. I am currently just working on remaining present in the moment and feeling feelings.
Because that is ultimately the only thing I can do.
If I don't do it consciously I lose track of my feelings as they become unconscious immediately.

I want to be healed, but also fulfill my potential. I usually gave up on this, because I never felt there is much I can improve.
I have improved a lot.
But I have no bench mark for how much I have improved.

That also means that all you need to do, is to imitate the behaviours of healthy people. So it becomes easy to find treatments for your issues.

Yeah, at the same time, I was imitating people all my life, trying to be normal.
In social situations. I can pass off as normal and friendly and nice.
I can talk to friends and so on.
But no one really wants to have relationship with me, and those that did, I avoided unconsciously.

Both.

I've seen crying and heard about loneliness from lots of men in their 30s.

I've also had some trauma in my life.

Modern society has lots of dimensions that put a wall between people figuratively and literally.
No ones fault, just the way it is.
I think that is why many times people meet in places like pubs and parties, instead of elsewhere.
If you have some moves that worked for you in dealing with your trauma, you can share.
I will maybe try the imitating people when I am at a loss, after all that is what we all do. Then again I am kind of trying to figure out right now what feels right for me, and be authentic. Some people say you attract the people you want by your behavior.

 

[scorpiomover]

I basically decided to get better so I can actually have relationships that are intimate.

Getting tired of being virgin supreme and not having actual people in real life who can like me.

Good.

I struggle to be vulnerable emotionally. I have yet to figure out what it actually means.

It just means you admit things that people normally don't tell everyone, that would make sense to disclose to a specific person you're talking to.

Usually, they're things that children would be afraid of admitting because other children would make fun of them. Then people grow up, but maintain the same attitudes, even though there would be no problem in one adult admitting it to another adult.

E.G. many people are afraid of admitting they're a nerd. Kids make fun of nerds. But adults like nerds, because nerds are SMART, and in the real world, SMART means CAPABLE.

Apparently downplaying my trauma is common problem.

It's extremely common for people with serious traumas to downplay them. It matters to them, and so they don't want to take the risk that other people might make light of them.

Sometimes its easier to joke about it than actually feel it.

It avoids making yourself vulnerable by admitting it was something you'd rather not have gone through.

I have emotional flashbacks and dissociative defense mechanisms.

Ergo today I was insecure about something and instead of facing the problem I spent half hour lecturing someone imaginary in my head as if they were real.
The dissociating is not usually to do with the actual problem either.
I could have an invisible lecture about economy, but actual fail to do something trivial like vacuum the rug properly.
Daydreaming and fantasy is also problem.
I made strong emotional association that school is pain, that authorities are not trust worthy, and that relationships are bad.
Also expressing emotions leads to punishment or actual harm.
I also learned that saying no is not good or even possible, and that being myself will lead to being ridiculed or attacked.
I also have an association that success equals problems. Which is hard because success often does lead to new problems.

Sounds like low self-efficacy, i.e. a belief that you can try, but you won't get anywhere or it will backfire. I have that too.

That's usually because when you were younger, family or school-mates would ridicule you, to get you to feel embarrassed, so you would shut up and agree to do what they wanted, so they would not have to take your problems and your needs seriously.

That way, if anyone asked why they didn't address an outstanding issue, they could reply that you refused to talk about it, or you said that it wasn't a problem.

It's usually when someone plays a strategy for short-term gain, and doesn't consider the long-term ramifications, both for what it would do to you long-term, and what the long-term effects on you, would cause major problems for them in the future.

You just need to accept that they were trying to manipulate you in the moment for whatever they wanted to happen then. They never thought or meant that it would be treated as true for anything other than that moment. So you need to accept that it was never really true, and so has no relevance to the present.

In reality, the low self-efficacy happens because you give up, and so you don't try. Because you don't try, you don't get anywhere, which reinforces the belief that you won't get anywhere.

The way out, is to simply look at others, see when they try, and try then as well.

If I do not cure my problems I will never have a relationship so I have plenty motivation to get better. I know that if I don't fix it I will end up alone.

Fair enough. But according to psychologists, the mind auto-corrects when it gets data. So if you date, even if you're not ready, your mind will absorb the data and self-correct. But if you don't date till you're fixed, the mind will not have data, and so cannot self-correct. So in order to improve, you have to seek out experiences.

I have several people in my family who did end up alone. Usually males. Its probably part genetic and part simply family life sucks in my family. I have lot in common with my uncle. I am terror stricken by intimacy, but also generally opening up emotionally. I don't know that was required for relationships.
I did not know it was something I was not doing.
Anything relating to women triggers me minus sex.

I have met lots of men who are in the same boat. It seems there are millions of men like that, in the UK. Probability dictates that the chances of all of those men having the same problem is (the chances of 1 of them having that problem)^1,000,000, which is an incredibly tiny chance, so small, that it's almost certain that an external factor affected them all.

Yes, this. I am currently just working on remaining present in the moment and feeling feelings.
Because that is ultimately the only thing I can do.
If I don't do it consciously I lose track of my feelings as they become unconscious immediately.

That's good. Being consciously in the moment, has shown to even change which genes get activated. So it actually changes your biology as well.

I want to be healed, but also fulfill my potential. I usually gave up on this, because I never felt there is much I can improve.

I have improved a lot.
But I have no bench mark for how much I have improved.

If you want a bench mark, go and see someone who you've known for years, and ask if you've changed over those years. Alternatively, find someone you knew from years ago but haven't seen since, spend a bit of time with him, and listen to what he says. He'll almost certainly comment that either you've not changed at all, or you've changed a lot.

Yeah, at the same time, I was imitating people all my life, trying to be normal.
In social situations. I can pass off as normal and friendly and nice.
I can talk to friends and so on.
But no one really wants to have relationship with me, and those that did, I avoided unconsciously.

If you're passing as normal, of course anyone who wants a relationship with a normal person would want a relationship with you. Sounds like Imposter Syndrome. If you're into furry sex, you can tell a date. You just don't tell them on the first date, because that sounds scary when you just met someone. You wait until the 3rd or 4th date to open up, as by then, they've spent enough time with you to see that you're not an axe-murderer, as you've spent 3/4 dates with them without holding an axe. So by then, they'll be open to it.

Modern society has lots of dimensions that put a wall between people figuratively and literally.
No ones fault, just the way it is.

It wasn't that way in the past. So obviously, something has changed. It's not technology, as in tech companies, everyone talks to each other, and so it is clear that technology brings people together naturally. So what else is it?

I think that is why many times people meet in places like pubs and parties, instead of elsewhere.

People meet in pubs and at parties, because they're there to let their hair down and socialise, and dating is a type of socialising.

If you have some moves that worked for you in dealing with your trauma, you can share.

If I have more, I will.

I will maybe try the imitating people when I am at a loss, after all that is what we all do. Then again I am kind of trying to figure out right now what feels right for me, and be authentic. Some people say you attract the people you want by your behavior.

You have to do a mix of both imitation and authenticity. Too authentic, and you speak in your own language, and no-one understands you. Too imitative, and you appear to have no personality or thoughts of your own. A bit of both, is, like the proverbial porridge, "just right".

 

[Black Rose]

If I do not cure my problems I will never have a relationship so I have plenty motivation to get better. I know that if I don't fix it I will end up alone.

Fair enough. But according to psychologists, the mind auto-corrects when it gets data. So if you date, even if you're not ready, your mind will absorb the data and self-correct. But if you don't date till you're fixed, the mind will not have data, and so cannot self-correct. So in order to improve, you have to seek out experiences.

correction only happens in tinny steps.

it is the case that emotions can turn new information into reinforcing previously held beliefs that don't change.

in other words, it takes years and years of operant conditioning in the opposite direction of what you have been conditioned into.

if @ZenRaiden has not had enough progress in making his emotions understood to himself then he will further not understand what he did wrong for a very long time if that experience was bad. So exposure needs to be gradual and in settings where it is safe to socialize without criticism from others. Maybe he needs to socialize with men before he can date women. Or he to just needs to find people he can trust. Because the issue is trust when it comes to him finding out that he has emotions and these emotions need to be directed in a nonjudgmental way from others.

Modern society has lots of dimensions that put a wall between people figuratively and literally.
No ones fault, just the way it is.

It wasn't that way in the past. So obviously, something has changed. It's not technology, as in tech companies, everyone talks to each other, and so it is clear that technology brings people together naturally. So what else is it?

It is a reinforcement cycle. People exposed to huge numbers of people have the misfortune to be targeted by others in ways they cannot be targeted in physical reality. because distance makes people have less empathy they attack others with no limitations. Mob mentality, no consequences, no repercussions. When you are at your job you have consequences for how you act. So Google, Microsoft, and Facebook punish you for being bad to others, and you get canceled immediately because they need to keep a reputation. So they moderate their employees. On the wild internet, there is no moderation. People get away with stuff. So people do it!

The internet allows people to get away with all sorts of things in different ways than the physical world. And that makes people all emotional. Through reinforcement of those emotions, over and over and over you can't do in real life.

 

[ZenRaiden]

correction only happens in tinny steps.

I was thinking about this today, but essentially corrections happen depending on your personal subjective experience. Some are tiny and need 100s of reinforcements, and some happen quickly. Some happen over few times. It depends what specific corrections we are talking about.
Exposure as @scorpiomover says is important, though you are correct in essence that feeling good is part of being able to correct.
But trauma in my case makes it so I feel bad all of the time sometimes, despite doing the right things. Its a cluster fuck. Though there really is no other way to reprogram the mind other than going contra those bad feelings if you know what I mean.
I had lots of phobias, most of them are gone, but I had to sweat them out a lot of times, before they went away.

It is a reinforcement cycle. People exposed to huge numbers of people have the misfortune to be targeted by others in ways they cannot be targeted in physical reality. because distance makes people have less empathy they attack others with no limitations. Mob mentality, no consequences, no repercussions. When you are at your job you have consequences for how you act. So Google, Microsoft, and Facebook punish you for being bad to others, and you get canceled immediately because they need to keep a reputation. So they moderate their employees. On the wild internet, there is no moderation. People get away with stuff. So people do it!

The internet allows people to get away with all sorts of things in different ways than the physical world. And that makes people all emotional. Through reinforcement of those emotions, over and over and over you can't do in real life.

Internet might help, but essentially real people act differently sometimes outside of internet for variety of reasons.
For instance there is no way you can have this conversation outside of internet.

 

[scorpiomover]

correction only happens in tinny steps.

Corrections also happen in big steps, such as those cases where people quit alcoholism, or heroin addiction, and stay off it.

it is the case that emotions can turn new information into reinforcing previously held beliefs that don't change.

Yes, but only when the new experiences are consistently consistent with previously held beliefs. That happens when the person spends their time with people who also hold beliefs that cause them to interact with the person in ways that confirm the previously held beliefs. That can be because they hold the same beliefs as the person.

That can also happen because they hold other beliefs that cause them to avoid doing anything that would contradict the previously held beliefs.

in other words, it takes years and years of operant conditioning in the opposite direction of what you have been conditioned into.

That sounds more like a theory that is based on your personal experiences. But you stay home all the time. You don't challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone.

if @ZenRaiden has not had enough progress in making his emotions understood to himself then he will further not understand what he did wrong for a very long time if that experience was bad. So exposure needs to be gradual and in settings where it is safe to socialize without criticism from others. Maybe he needs to socialize with men before he can date women. Or he to just needs to find people he can trust. Because the issue is trust when it comes to him finding out that he has emotions and these emotions need to be directed in a nonjudgmental way from others.

Psychologists recommend that desensitisation of feelings is gradual, because habitual feelings don't change overnight. But epiphanies, moments where realisations happen, are usually singular moments.

I'm not disagreeing that he might benefit from gradually increasing his socialisation could be beneficial, if he gets scared off from jumping in at the deep end.

But data-wise, jumping in at the deep end shows you a lot more of the situations which conflict with previously held beliefs and shows you which of your previously held beliefs are wrong.

So which is better for him, depends on if he trusts his thoughts more than his feelings, or his feelings more than his thoughts.

Modern society has lots of dimensions that put a wall between people figuratively and literally.
No ones fault, just the way it is.

It wasn't that way in the past. So obviously, something has changed. It's not technology, as in tech companies, everyone talks to each other, and so it is clear that technology brings people together naturally. So what else is it?

It is a reinforcement cycle. People exposed to huge numbers of people have the misfortune to be targeted by others in ways they cannot be targeted in physical reality. because distance makes people have less empathy they attack others with no limitations. Mob mentality, no consequences, no repercussions. When you are at your job you have consequences for how you act. So Google, Microsoft, and Facebook punish you for being bad to others, and you get canceled immediately because they need to keep a reputation. So they moderate their employees. On the wild internet, there is no moderation. People get away with stuff. So people do it!

The internet allows people to get away with all sorts of things in different ways than the physical world. And that makes people all emotional. Through reinforcement of those emotions, over and over and over you can't do in real life.

This sounds more like you are saying that it's the internet's fault, because on the internet, you are anonymous.

But back in the 1980s, BB boards were places where many people went to socialise. The alt-sex boards were the most active of all, because people felt free on the internet to admit their sexual fantasies and others on the bulletin boards wanted to allow them that freedom, so that they too would have that freedom.

So it's not the internet's anonymity either.

 

[scorpiomover]

correction only happens in tinny steps.

I was thinking about this today, but essentially corrections happen depending on your personal subjective experience. Some are tiny and need 100s of reinforcements, and some happen quickly. Some happen over few times. It depends what specific corrections we are talking about.
Exposure as @scorpiomover says is important, though you are correct in essence that feeling good is part of being able to correct.
But trauma in my case makes it so I feel bad all of the time sometimes, despite doing the right things. Its a cluster fuck. Though there really is no other way to reprogram the mind other than going contra those bad feelings if you know what I mean.
I had lots of phobias, most of them are gone, but I had to sweat them out a lot of times, before they went away.

You've reminded me of something important. My previous psychologist pointed out, that if your emotions are leading you in the opposite direction of what makes sense, such as that your emotions are to keep away from relationships, when you know for certain that you need more involvement with relationships, then what is recommended is "opposite action".

In this case, you're trying to change your usual emotional state by doing the exact opposite, because emotions tend to reflect actions. E.G. when you eat ice cream, your brain forms a positive mental association between ice cream and pleasure. So when you see ice cream next, your brain anticipates the expected coming pleasure and starts making you salivate. So if you keep doing the desired actions regularly, your emotions change in the direction of your actions.

The most desirable approach with "opposite action" is "radical action", i.e. going full tilt completely the other way. You're trying to get your emotions to follow your actions. So the further your actions go in the direction that you want, the more your emotions will be pulled in that direction, and so the quicker your emotions will change.

However, not everyone can handle such radical action. So whether it's worth doing, depends on how much you can keep up such radical action until your emotions re-adjust.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Usually, they're things that children would be afraid of admitting because other children would make fun of them. Then people grow up, but maintain the same attitudes, even though there would be no problem in one adult admitting it to another adult.

E.G. many people are afraid of admitting they're a nerd. Kids make fun of nerds. But adults like nerds, because nerds are SMART, and in the real world, SMART means CAPABLE.

Well finally someone explains this to me lol. Like I did not know its this. So essentially not too honest first date, but honest later. Eh Jesus. I kind of knew this is how it works, but did not know they mean vulnerability by this. Like I did not even know this is important.

It's extremely common for people with serious traumas to downplay them. It matters to them, and so they don't want to take the risk that other people might make light of them.

I also dissociated from my trauma so I barely remembered that it happened.
So I felt like its not real for good portion of time. I still feel at times like parts of my mind are inaccessible. Its bizarre.

You've reminded me of something important. My previous psychologist pointed out, that if your emotions are leading you in the opposite direction of what makes sense, such as that your emotions are to keep away from relationships, when you know for certain that you need more involvement with relationships, then what is recommended is "opposite action".

In this case, you're trying to change your usual emotional state by doing the exact opposite, because emotions tend to reflect actions. E.G. when you eat ice cream, your brain forms a positive mental association between ice cream and pleasure. So when you see ice cream next, your brain anticipates the expected coming pleasure and starts making you salivate. So if you keep doing the desired actions regularly, your emotions change in the direction of your actions.

The most desirable approach with "opposite action" is "radical action", i.e. going full tilt completely the other way. You're trying to get your emotions to follow your actions. So the further your actions go in the direction that you want, the more your emotions will be pulled in that direction, and so the quicker your emotions will change.

However, not everyone can handle such radical action. So whether it's worth doing, depends on how much you can keep up such radical action until your emotions re-adjust.

Yes, this is true, but today I was next to a women that looked attractive.
The whole time wonder what keeps me from talking to women.
Honestly my mind is just a primordia soup of negative emotions when it comes to relating to women like this.
I don't exactly know why, but when I want to talk I just draw a blank.
Running around town approaching random women if they like a partner or sex did not work as I thought. Also I was exhausted and stressed the fuck out.
I guess being too forward is not something that works on women.
Some women say they need to see personality, but I just don't know what the heck they mean by that.

 

[ZenRaiden]

For those interested being autistic and empathic there is difference according to this lady. Her channel is gold mine for autistic people.