I am a negative person

[TBerg]

For so much of my life, the world has seemed utterly alien, to the point sometimes of seeming demonic. I have learned the basic dynamics of the demonic structure of the world to the point at which it becomes natural for me to use this worldview to analyze everything. I am cynical to a fault, using my ability to tear others down when they threaten my negative grip upon reality and being a consistent deflationary influence upon others. It allows me to at least feel as though I can destroy if I cannot create anything others appreciate. When I look upon others, I see the potential despair I can inflict upon them merely by inviting them into my worldview. This is a compulsive addiction.

I can now see the true destruction this can perpetuate in the world. I used to justify it by saying that some things just needed to be eviscerated, but the pervasiveness of this attitude within myself just made me see death as a physical and spiritual reality so often that the misery was making my perceptions smaller and smaller, like the world was shrinking and so was my soul. It was not only that I have so often destroyed others for the sake of myself, but that I was destroying myself for the sake of others. Because I am well-acquainted with darkness, I fear I will never know what lightness is or be able to appreciate it. It reminds me of the Yoda quote: "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.” It reminds me of the advice many Holocaust survivors give: "Learn nothing from the Holocaust," because it was a dark abyss.

Anyway, it just feels like I have destroyed my life, and that I was handed a shitty deck. Just enough cleverness to get me into trouble, but not a good enough spirit to keep me out of trouble. People's compliments don't resonate very deeply, but I will fight someone to the death over a slight that I blow out of proportion. I have fought this alien world long enough. Can I settle in and make a home? Is it possible for me to feel confident and not spiteful?

 

[Grayman]

What were you feeling when you wrote this. It seems to have an ego about it. Although negative and dark you seem to feel a sense of power you do not really possess.

 

[TheScornedReflex]

Just do more drugs. Who needs reality anyway?

 

[TBerg]

What were you feeling when you wrote this. It seems to have an ego about it. Although negative and dark you seem to feel a sense of power you do not really possess.

I wrote this in somewhat of a daze but had been feeling it for a while. I had been feeling a sense of contentment but confusion, as it is my feeling that I am used to chaotic battles. I do feel like I have a certain influence in the world after my family and my best friend start adopting my modus operandi but I also sometimes look into my potential future and see oblivion. Sometimes I feel like it would be a mercy if I did not leave a legacy either biological or spiritual.

Now I feel bad after a bad night of sleep partially of my own making.

 

[Tristitian]

I am a very jaded and cynical person. On top of all that, I have been ravaged by heartbreak and bitterness over and over again the past few years. I've always liked helping people, but the desire just stopped after all of this. I became what you describe yourself as.

I got over this ego-driven assholery by studying morality and society (through the lens of science, most particularly psychology - my passion). You can be as jaded and cynical as I am (and trust me - I am to a fault), but know that it's no excuse to be an asshole.

On top of that, I'm not going to direct your studies. Find your own reasons or continue being logically and emotionally flawed.

I wish you luck.

 

[Drow]

Repressed feeling is highly linked with neuroticism. In fact, the INTP type is the most strongly linked to various psychological disorders. But with this weakness comes complentary great strengths, like the ability to think rationally. You may be living a life of constant depressive realism. As much as it sucks, it's kind of awesome too. You get to see things more like they actually are, whereas others cannot reach that place no matter how hard they try.

 

[TBerg]

Thank you, Tristitian. I have read a lot of psychological and religious works. They are fine, but they seem to be more descriptive than prescriptive in their inspiration. I am just trying to figure out an alternative mode of operation that is also based upon solid reality and emotional sincerity.

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[RaBind]

There is actually quite a lot of absurdity in this world, so your view is valid to an extent. There's also always going to be inherent angst, helplessness and confusion in living. The general state of affairs of the world, and it's many aspects, can be quite bizarre. Understandably so though, as it's all just a mishmash of chaos.

Most people just don't give a fuck I guess. Either "I don't give a fuck about life cause it's stupid" or "I don't give a fuck about the stupidity of life, I want to make the best of whatever it is". You can find examples of either of these.

 

[Tristitian]

Thank you, Tristitian. I have read a lot of psychological and religious works. They are fine, but they seem to be more descriptive than prescriptive in their inspiration. I am just trying to figure out an alternative mode of operation that is also based upon solid reality and emotional sincerity.

First of all, I see little validity in any of Nietzsche's philosophy. I've never personally liked it. If you find yourself taken with his ideas (and I am assuming you are over the age of 18, when it is somewhat acceptable to be foolish in such a regard), I suggest that you actually use logic to break it down. If I remember my experiences with his works correctly, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Secondly, there is a hell of alot more to moral philosophy than just religion. Seeing the two as synonymous is a disservice to yourself. You are also interpreting things strangely if there is a problem with them being descriptive. They are a lens to (alter and) view the world through. You see the world according to how these men - Hobbes, Kant, Mill, etc. - have described it.

Last of all, I assure you that there are philosophers and scientists who work in the realm of solid reality and emotional sincerity. If you do not see this, then you are looking in the wrong place.


Edit: Looking back at your posts and my past, I believe that Nietzsche may be half the problem. Don't bother yourself with that bullshit if it is having a negative effect on you. Have another philosophy take up your time and mind so that you can come back and laugh at your past self when you are feeling "better".

 

[TBerg]

First of all, I see little validity in any of Nietzsche's philosophy. I've never personally liked it. If you find yourself taken with his ideas (and I am assuming you are over the age of 18, when it is somewhat acceptable to be foolish in such a regard), I suggest that you actually use logic to break it down. If I remember my experiences with his works correctly, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Secondly, there is a hell of alot more to moral philosophy than just religion. Seeing the two as synonymous is a disservice to yourself. You are also interpreting things strangely if there is a problem with them being descriptive. They are a lens to (alter and) view the world through. You see the world according to how these men - Hobbes, Kant, Mill, etc. - have described it.

Last of all, I assure you that there are philosophers and scientists who work in the realm of solid reality and emotional sincerity. If you do not see this, then you are looking in the wrong place.


Edit: Looking back at your posts and my past, I believe that Nietzsche may be half the problem. Don't bother yourself with that bullshit if it is having a negative effect on you. Have another philosophy take up your time and mind so that you can come back and laugh at your past self when you are feeling "better".

You assume that Nietzsche forms the whole of my philosophy. I just have read a lot of his work and found that quote appropriate. You assume a lot about me. I am 27. I respect the Ubermensch, but I know that ideal is not applicable in all circumstances. I am aware of how it can drive neurotic behavior.

I have read the philosophers you mention. You said you were not going to suggest a path of study, but you lay out things I have studied in and out of college.

I merely mention religious texts because they have been the object of my study recently. I have enjoyed reading Buddhist treatises and dogmas, Greek Christian texts, and parts of the Quran. I am aware of their limitations, but I still think they allow me to understand my fellow beings. They just don't provide me with the field advice for living my life. I find a lot of their declarations to drive neuroticism.

You see, this information provides texture that confounds your assumptions about me.

I have read a lot, but I find that it just does not resonate with the problems as they currently manifest within my soul. That is why I am posting here: it is hard to find an understanding that resonates with me. Teal Swan has been helpful. So has John Lewis, other guests of NPR's On Being, and SlateStarCodex. As well as Maajid Nawaz and Kenan Malik.

 

[TBerg]

The last thing I read was actually Leo Strauss's work of the persecution of writers.

 

[Grayman]

The last thing I read was actually Leo Strauss's work of the persecution of writers.

You obviously have your own personal values and meanings to what is important in the world. Why do you lose that in favor if this darker world?

 

[QuickTwist]

Have you considered changing up your routine? It might do you some good.

I have just started to indulge in some of my more darker thoughts and emotions, so I am proly in a different place than you. One thing I do know is that when I give in to my darkness it is usually filled with unhappiness... this doesn't mean it is a bad thing.

I think maybe a change in environment might be good for you as well. See/speak with different people might be one thing you can do to keep yourself going, IDK.

 

[TBerg]

You obviously have your own personal values and meanings to what is important in the world. Why do you lose that in favor if this darker world?

Because I have felt the disappointment in myself and others for such a long time that I never want to be taken for a sucker again, by myself or others. I used to believe and do a lot of things that I now regard as foolish, and I have failed over and over again, so I don't ever want to experience the disappointment again in realizing how wrong I was. To be repugnantly honest, I just want to correct others where I feel like I have insights to bring to bear as a result of my personal worldview destruction. I have had to destroy my grandiose inner child in order to function, and now I feel useless without using my insights to dismantle other worldviews. But that leaves me the role of pissing people off, which furthers my alienation.

Leo Strauss is amazing, by the way.

 

[Grayman]

Because I have felt the disappointment in myself and others for such a long time that I never want to be taken for a sucker again, by myself or others. I used to believe and do a lot of things that I now regard as foolish, and I have failed over and over again, so I don't ever want to experience the disappointment again in realizing how wrong I was. To be repugnantly honest, I just want to correct others where I feel like I have insights to bring to bear as a result of my personal worldview destruction. I have had to destroy my grandiose inner child in order to function, and now I feel useless without using my insights to dismantle other worldviews. But that leaves me the role of pissing people off, which furthers my alienation.

Leo Strauss is amazing, by the way.

You are smart enough to know that it isn't a problem that you make mistakes as long as you learn and grow from it and that includes not letting it drag you down a dark hole. So what is keeping you from accepting that?

Alienation... A thing to know is that if your directness and constant desire to change others closes theirs ears and pushes them away they will not be around you or listening to you for you to make a difference anymore. This is the thing to be learned. Maybe your goal should now be to be a part of their life so that everyone can learn from each other. I say each other because no matter how messed up a person may be, you can learn something from the interaction but not if you destroy yourself.

Grayman says find some balance.

 

[Black Rose]

Well if you destroy the worldviews of others because you know they are wrong and it pisses them off it all depends on if they were willing to be honest with you in the first place. This alienation you feel grows stronger because you see no one honest to themselves so you hate them or at least you hate yourself for being that way before. But you now know what that does so why continue other that to still be who you once were. Don't hate them or yourself and don't be a narcissist because that is not rising above to become something that is without disappointment but revels in it. I don't have anyone who understands me is so common but i do not have that problem. My problem is to have someone understand me fully because those i meet need intelligence to understand me but also they need wisdom to know Truth. The loneliness is seeking power by being controlled by the satisfactions of having others acceptance but acceptance from equals is in no way controlling if your equal tells you to not be controlled by them because then you have self accepted and are satisfied with it. Your goals then become your own and control is self control not them against you or you them. I would cry because i could not accomplish my goals. I was not smart enough and no one would help me because no one equal was aware of me. But still if a task is unaccomplished it will remain so until you feel better to try again because how you feel is how your energy is directed. Petty tasks or easy tasks last so long that people become addicted but those that push themselves learn not to become fatigued and push through the toil until then no long have discouragement from failure. Failure is giving up but resting is not giving up. I do not need put down others not tell them they are wrong to satisfy myself with easy tasks. To change someone is only an accomplishment if i do it in the right way. If you feel bad about being dark and it is reinforced by they reaction people have towards your behavior then find a different mechanism.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-linguistic_programming

 

[Sockrates]

I haven't read anything but the title.

There's no reason to be negative though. There's a reason to be aware of all potential outcomes, and some negatively appearing outcomes could end up positively. The unknown is cool. The known is cool too.

A person must love his life and make the most of it.