How to harness the energy a big ego provides, while minimizing the ego itself?

[oski369]

Its been difficult trekking through this world having so many questions yet feeling as though nobody could relate. After testing as an INTP I was happy to find this forum, and was hoping I could get some insight from similar thinking people.

Having a big ego has always provided me with a source of great energy; by building it up and projecting myself into the future I can fill my veins with adrenaline and become capable of doing a lot of work for days on end with little sleep. However with this enlarged ego comes a hampered ability to efficiently allocate time to the various tasks I have on my plate, a decreased focus on what it is I'm doing (and a larger proportion of my thoughts revolving unproductively around the future), decreased empathy, and an anxiety that paralyzes my decision making. When these negative side effects become too much to bear (a threshold that will be much lower if the job requires more decision making and creativity), I do all that I can to minimize my ego. But this results in a loss of drive; with no ego to prop up whats to motivate me to do more than I absolutely need to?

Its to the point that I question whether meditation is even a good thing for me. Sure the ego brings all these problems, but if I deaden it then I lose the drive that some would say is my greatest strength. While I generally keep a sober head, I've also found weed has the effect of decreasing the ego and all above named side effects along with drive, and stims do the opposite for me.

Fasting and exercising seems to help me get into an optimal balance between the two, but they don't always work.

This back and forth lifestyle is not working for me. I'm a computer programmer and would be much better off if I could just do 8 hours of solid, focused work a day, everyday, but lately I've been questioning whether I'm just bipolar and incapable of achieving this. I'm looking to integrate a new strategy aimed at optimizing my average mind functioning, knowing that the productivity will follow. Was wondering if any of my fellow INTPS can relate to this and give any advice from their experience.

 

[Mustafa]

Hello. You are INTP, as you say. You are sliding on the INFP. The dominant function of INFP is Fi, introverted feeling. This introverted feeling is about assessing and your own feelings by yourself and "tasting" and being spiritual. But you are in reality as introverted feeler (you are not just INTP) and INFP not alone, you are constantly being prompted by other human being and roumour spreading and influenced by them. These other humans says they are right, noone like to be wrong. But they are wrong. You have to individually and as introverted thinker (Ti dominant) get rid of all the bullshit in your heart as Fi and that means you should not listen to other people harsly spoken. Others says like trained parrots whom cant understand, don't believe everything you read or hear. THis means you must decide for yourself and become less emotional. You must think, for yourself, as introvert. ANd make up your OWN mind. This is INTP.

To be like you are asking, both present yet not present, or knolwedgeable yet ignorant is a trick which you can only discover when you grow up or mature. If you are not grown up already (I am not talking about what the law says, you have to make up your own mind as INTP). It is not something anyone talks about because ... you just don't talk about it, that ruins everything. It even ruins you. Like gold, if you want to become a noble metal like gold, you have to go through the fire of getting your individuality and making your mind what ever that costs, even if you have to be committed to psychiatric hospital, or prison, and all along noone whom you see will teach you anything. You have to get it yourself. Every sight every sound you hear is a lesson, but most don't get it because they are sleeping. And secondly, about the gold, you have to recieve som input by Gurus and spiritual leaders to cleanse your heart, and this is like adding a secondary metal to the gold so it becomes harder and not so soft in its pure form. You are right now almost in your piure form, but you additionally have impurities in you. There is no easy way to learn the secret, this secret, it is a secret. Most have to spend a life time, from those who do, to learn the secret of Ninpo as it is called in Ninjutusu or mysticism in religion or anything esoteric that revolved around controling your mind.

Peace

 

[oski369]

Thank you mustafa. Remarkable to hear this from you as I already believed what you just told me. I was in my OP going to reference alchemy and also ask how to optimize my left and right brains working together, but didn't want to elongate the post any further. The only thing I would ask of u, since it was the only counsel you advised me seeking, is how does one go about finding spiritual leaders to aid me. I've had the desire to do so as of late but on account that so few people can relate to me I've questioned how I can go about finding the right guru for this point in my life.

 

[Grayman]

Staying focused is bad. You should let your mind be creative. Eat French fries and become a space pilot. Alice is a great example of rabbit stew.

 

[oski369]

I cant implement any idea, especially a computer program, if I can't stay focused. French fries slow me down and do nothing to benefit me.

 

[Reluctantly]

However with this enlarged ego comes a hampered ability to efficiently allocate time to the various tasks I have on my plate, a decreased focus on what it is I'm doing (and a larger proportion of my thoughts revolving unproductively around the future), decreased empathy, and an anxiety that paralyzes my decision making.

imo the ego is like an addiction. Learning to disengage at times is probably for the best. Excess in moderation comes to mind (I think I heard that phrase from someone here).

 

[Pyropyro]

8 hours of solid, productive work is an excellent way of getting insane/r. I suggest a cycle of ~40-45 mins of work and ~15-~20 mins of relaxation/dicking around.

 

[Mustafa]

Thank you mustafa. Remarkable to hear this from you as I already believed what you just told me. I was in my OP going to reference alchemy and also ask how to optimize my left and right brains working together, but didn't want to elongate the post any further. The only thing I would ask of u, since it was the only counsel you advised me seeking, is how does one go about finding spiritual leaders to aid me. I've had the desire to do so as of late but on account that so few people can relate to me I've questioned how I can go about finding the right guru for this point in my life.

Fighting arts is much Buddhism. Buddhism is good for spiritual activities. A fighter who is interested in cleansing his heart goes to Zen Buddhist teachers. But be a peaceful warrior instead of angry warrior. Angry warriors are good only in the beginning, they are, they serve society. Its not good to do this conversion when yiure old, you'll get depressed then, chronically.

Peace

 

[oski369]

Fighting arts is much Buddhism. Buddhism is good for spiritual activities. A fighter who is interested in cleansing his heart goes to Zen Buddhist teachers. But be a peaceful warrior instead of angry warrior. Angry warriors are good only in the beginning, they are, they serve society. Its not good to do this conversion when yiure old, you'll get depressed then, chronically.

Peace

Are you suggesting picking up some fighting style or just using warrior as metaphor? Cause I've been considering picking up boxing but frankly thats cause typically I've used anger as fuel.