How to build self respect

[ZenRaiden]

First the do nots.
:1 Do not build self respect around otherpeoples opinions.
:2 Do not build self respect around what others think
3: Do not build self respect on values you do not truly believe in.
4: Do not build self respect with pride. Pride is fleeting, and limited.

Dos
:1 Build it around values that got you through your life this far.
:2 Build it around principals not ideas or social memes
:3 If you don't feel it then change it, its OK to change things
:4 Self respect is something to be built and shape, by boundaries, and experience, not something you conjure out of thin air.
:5 Self respect is key step stone to building your self esteem and self love.
:6 Self respect is being your own critic and your own cheerleader, your own coach, and your own reward.
:7 Self respect comes from learning about yourself and being honest with yourself.
:8 Self respect is not just pushing yourself its also accepting yourself. Short dick no problem, short crooked teeth who cares, small tits bite my ass, too young whatever, too old beat it punk, depressed? Thats OK, alzheimers trivago etc.
:9 Until people get to know you they have no say in how to judge you are your best judge until you find a person who can take of your blinders.
:10 self respect means accepting thing positives and negatives.

 

[dr froyd]

becoming independent of other people's opinions is easier said than done!

but not impossible

 

[ZenRaiden]

becoming independent of other people's opinions is easier said than done!

but not impossible

It can be done, and the bottom line is if you don't deep down resonate with what people say you are playing along for the wrong reasons.
Identifying why you play along, then realize that people will often put up small demonstrative fight just so they feel they are correct. Realistically they themselves don't care either.

 

[Black Rose]

Actions and thoughts come from strengths and weaknesses.

To correctly access where those are can be difficult.

Our vulnerabilities might not allow us to Act.

Our overconfidence to miscalculate.

One thing to do is be self-aware.

 

[Old Things]

I think the best way to build self-respect is to operate in the truth. There is this idea that I sometimes think of, which is behaving in a true way. It is more than just thinking the right things; it is doing the right things. When you do the right things, you behave in accordance with the truth. Now, it is easy for people on this site, for example, to make everything about what you think and whether you actually believe the right things about yourself and others. But the bigger way to change your outlook on life is just to try and behave in a kind and fair way. Sometimes, people need to get some "tough love," and that is okay. We all need a kick in the pants sometimes. Not at all saying there is no room for compassion. I totally am about being kind to people. But most of all, when you operate in the truth, it means you have a stronger purpose for your life, and you will not be pushed to and fro by the waves of life. Some simple core truths to live by can be totally game-changing for your self-confidence if you use them as an anchor to steady yourself.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Be softer in disposition. Soften the ego enough so that it allows spirit and heart to be the master of it. Ego should not lead, it should be in alignment with mind, heart, and power.

Inner listening.

Share more of the heart of who you are with people you trust.
Is your weirdness something you need to hide? It means you are in the past. Move to the present free of opinions.

From Julia Camerons book - childrens prayer - also good for the inner child which is who we all are deepest:
.

Walk barefoot in the grass. Sit down under a tree and lean against it. The more humble you are, the closer you are to Source/God/Mother Earth and she is the connection to the true intelligence of the universe. The multidimensional reality.

Just notice from a neutral centered part of yourself that is aware of and watches yourself and gently leads you to the appropriate experience.

Because if you drop in to your heartspace, you are here NOW. When you are in the present moment fully, there is NO pain, no shame, no toxicity, there is no past, there is only now which is pure potential.

Buffer yourself from the world with a visualized red, pink, white or yellow Rose / flower. Put the visual in front of your face so that you breathe in its peace and so that you face it outwards towards others so that they breathe in the same.

 

[Puffy]

I think like you say you build self-respect through developing your own identity, goals, interests, values and boundaries. i.e. developing a sense of self. And staying true to and honouring that self as an exercise of your own integrity rather than betraying, neglecting, rejecting or abandoning it by going against your own values.

I used to not put as much emphasis on this as I was in my head too much, but I think taking care of yourself, smelling good, working out, dressing well or according to your own sense of style is also important. I used to not do this as I was too unconfident to convey my own sense of style but since I have it has had an effect on my self-confidence and would see as another way of honouring the self.

 

[dr froyd]

smelling good

let me smell you bro

on a serious note it's true, taking care of appearance sure makes it easier to both respect oneself and increase respect received from others - and these often go hand in hand

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

I vs E - - I = more internal self-worth - - E = more external self-worth

N vs S - - N = prefers exploring ideas - - S = prefers exploring people and places

T vs F - - T = prefers logic - - F = prefers "common sense" and e.motion

P vs J - - P = prefers exploring all ideas - - J = follows a preset or prevailing rule

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

Actions and thoughts come from strengths and weaknesses.

To correctly access where those are can be difficult.

Our vulnerabilities might not allow us to Act.

Our overconfidence to miscalculate.

One thing to do is be self-aware.

i don't think i've ever seen a tao te ching meme

 

[ZenRaiden]

I vs E - - I = more internal self-worth - - E = more external self-worth

It depends how we frame it.
Healthy self respect comes from within.
And yes that does not mean we simply internally construct in vacuum.

Id argue though for healthy self respect one needs to be aware that it does not always come form outside.
I think part of human life is about getting respect from others, but often times that kind hide the fact there ain't much on the inside.

This comes to more basic idea of what is built on what.
If one builts a weak foundation then the house crumbles, so with self respect its not much different.
Also I think internal self respect is different, then getting generic shallow respect from others.

 

[Black Rose]

If you are seeking validation from the outside that might be the problem.

Emotions require you to get validation but that can come from the inside.

To be emotionally weak is to be easily affected.

That comes from a place, a place of not being good enough.

Even if we say we have it, if we are affected then we don't.

How would it be to be emotionally strong?

It would be not to hide or force ourselves from others.

It would be neither numbness nor aggression.

It would be calm and resolute.

 

[Puffy]

Basing your self-respect on MBTI sounds like a shaky premise to me.

As I’ve gotten older I think I’m all these things at different times.

 

[Black Rose]

People come to understand MBTI (but really it is Carl Jung) in their own way by what they can categorize in their own way. Because 16 things are hard to hold in your head at any one moment in time when dealing with new people you never met who have personality features not in MBTI. Because it matters the orientation of thinking and feeling and the position in the stack. That is why MBTI is generally an archetype without any specific content of what a person is into but we can generally see a trend.

We do evolve over time but in my case, I had no idea what I was because Ne flipped all over the place.

 

[karlsta]

Dos
:1 Build it around values that got you through your life this far.

Thats the first do point? If you said that to my INFJ brother that lives in a cellar with no job, living on benefits and his whole life revolving around Rocket league and Europa Universalis IV he would agree with you. And continue doing nothing with his life. No self respect would come from that.

A strength of INTPs is that they challenge their own beliefs (needs to be in the right amount)

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

Because 16 things are hard to hold in your head at any one moment in time

that's why you think of it as 4 coin flips

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

Basing your self-respect on MBTI sounds like a shaky premise to me.

i don't think that was actually the suggestion

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

As I’ve gotten older I think I’m all these things at different times.

sure, and everyone is

but some people trend more towards one or two

and some don't

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

And continue doing nothing with his life.

that's their own responsibility

not yours

each person must decide for THEMSELVES

what they value


center yourself

on yourself


become


self


centered

 

[karlsta]

And continue doing nothing with his life.

that's their own responsibility

not yours

each person must decide for THEMSELVES

what they value


center yourself

on yourself


become


self


centered

Sure "newsflash" I can't control him or anyone else, and that's good for me not for him.
But if you are giving advice it should be good advice. And navelgazing and/or uncriticality is not good advice. There is no personal development in that. Just a trip down the rabbit hole.
Everything in the correct dose of course, meaning beeing balanced and for gods sake not self centered. A typical INTP if there is such a thing, doesn't need more centering on one self. They need to get out and discover more and widen their minds, step out of the comfort sone and be useful in society. I don't like saying it because it's not something I'm good at either, but that's what I think.

Edit in famous quote:
We do these things not because they are easy, but because they are hard

 

[PeopleDoSuck]

I think like you say you build self-respect through developing your own identity, goals, interests, values and boundaries. i.e. developing a sense of self. And staying true to and honouring that self as an exercise of your own integrity rather than betraying, neglecting, rejecting or abandoning it by going against your own values.

I used to not put as much emphasis on this as I was in my head too much, but I think taking care of yourself, smelling good, working out, dressing well or according to your own sense of style is also important. I used to not do this as I was too unconfident to convey my own sense of style but since I have it has had an effect on my self-confidence and would see as another way of honouring the self.

So is this similar to individuation? If not, how does it differ? I'm only asking because "respect" and further "self-respect" are both words that can seem to mean almost anything, depending on context. It's hard to really center them as ideas. But this at least sounds similar to individuation in my mind, so I'm starting there.

 

[Puffy]

I think like you say you build self-respect through developing your own identity, goals, interests, values and boundaries. i.e. developing a sense of self. And staying true to and honouring that self as an exercise of your own integrity rather than betraying, neglecting, rejecting or abandoning it by going against your own values.

I used to not put as much emphasis on this as I was in my head too much, but I think taking care of yourself, smelling good, working out, dressing well or according to your own sense of style is also important. I used to not do this as I was too unconfident to convey my own sense of style but since I have it has had an effect on my self-confidence and would see as another way of honouring the self.

So is this similar to individuation? If not, how does it differ? I'm only asking because "respect" and further "self-respect" are both words that can seem to mean almost anything, depending on context. It's hard to really center them as ideas. But this at least sounds similar to individuation in my mind, so I'm starting there.

Sure why not, let’s go with that.

 

[LOGICZOMBIE]

A typical INTP if there is such a thing, doesn't need more centering

change the things you can

and accept the things you can't

 

[ZenRaiden]

So is this similar to individuation? If not, how does it differ? I'm only asking because "respect" and further "self-respect" are both words that can seem to mean almost anything, depending on context. It's hard to really center them as ideas. But this at least sounds similar to individuation in my mind, so I'm starting there.

Humans are naturally born with integrity, respect and self respect.
Usually this gets corrupt over time.
Individuation is more awareness of the self, and of course once that happens the idea of self respect with it.

 

[PeopleDoSuck]