How to become an extrovert?

[Abe]

Is it possible to become more extroverted? I'm not talking about putting on a charming face at a party that you secretly loath being at. I'm talking about being more approachable and liking it.
So here are some of my questions that tie into this.
A) what does it really mean to be extroverted
B) (to the extroverts) Do you sincerely like being around people?

Or do I totally have the wrong idea about this?

 

[Nezaros]

I think to shift from introversion to extroversion would require a fundamental rewiring of one's mind. Introverts can enjoy being around people, though, it just necessitates a desire to interact with others. Extroverts are extroverted because they feel energized by human contact, so an introvert would have find some aspect of the interaction that they can enjoy as a substitute.

 

[r4ch3l]

I made a project out of this when I was younger and failed. I personally think that in most cases you're hardwired for one or the other. I enjoy socializing but it ultimately burns me out and I need to recharge after being around people too much, even if I find the experience enjoyable.

 

[SpiralHacker]

"I'm talking about being more approachable and liking it."
We extraverts do not have a monopoly on this. Introverts can also be approachable and enjoy social interaction.

"what does it really mean to be extroverted?"
In the Jungian sense of extraversion, it means that you're psyche is more often pointed outwards than inwards and that you draw energy from outside of yourself. Additionally, extraverts tend to be more heavily influenced by their external environment. For example, a Ne dominant as myself, my intuition is greatly affected by what I am encountering and the context I'm in.

"(to the extroverts) Do you sincerely like being around people?"
Some more than others, but I don't like being around people that drag me down. I can entertain myself with external sources without socialization to a point, by reading, watching interesting videos and such, but there's something about social interaction that I need my fill of that too, or I feel lacking. I think introverts need social connection, too, but I'd be surprised if we extraverts didn't need more. I try to fulfill this need with the highest quality of people that I know and have access to, but will compromise based on options.

I find it hard to be introverted for too long. Reading and watching videos are not really introversion; they're input from the outside world. Social interaction is input and engagement with the outside world. My thoughts tend to be more about the external world than my internal state and ideas. But truly going inward with myself is draining and if I need to use introverted intuition for too long, working on a model or figuring something out, I need breaks to get external input. If I'm lucky, that external input will have something to do with what I'm working on but I'll settle with anything.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I have a trick which others have called "Faking the Funk". I'm not the exclusive holder of this ability, as pretending to have spirit in general is called the same thing. I pretend to be in a good mood, through saying "Wooo!" with my arms in the air, and I project a friendly, goofy smile, or some other over-the-top, excited act. The people around me are often energized and lifted by it, thus I, too, feel good about helping people get in a better mood, and smiles are infectious. Also, I think it forces me into an active role instead of an inactive observer, thus forcing me to actually interact with people and, thus, empathize with them a bit.

It takes a lot of effort to maintain, but it's mostly for an initial burst of energy/excitement anyhow.

 

[just george]

When you do something new, then it's a one off thing, until you do it over and over, mesh it in with other experiences etc and finally it becomes a habit.

Changing your personality is a lot like habitualization - you have to act/think in a certain way until it becomes a habit, and then that habit blurs with the rest of your personality and becomes part of it.

I used to train DJs. Some of them were really quiet, shy types that did not like attention or a lot of social interaction at all. So in the beginning, it was difficult for them to do what DJs did, and required a lot of energy/conscious thought.

As time progressed and they became habitualized, their personality bent towards the extroverted, and changed permanently.

I would suggest putting yourself in a job or role that requires extroverted type behaviour, or requires that you are around people a lot. The reason for that is that if it is your job to do that thing, it requires less energy for you to act in that way, since you have a need/excuse to do that as part of your role.

My personal experience is that sure, I like being around people, but treasure my alone time and get super grumpy if denied some solitude. Too much social interaction tires me out, drains me emotionally, and generally creates conditions that make me unhealthy.

 

[TimeAsylums]

"Faking the Funk".

Fake it 'till you make it.
Ne style.

C'mon you INTPs have your "chameleons," use 'em. It's probably going to be draining as hell, but it might be fun.


Or make one extravert friend and attach yourself to him/her, we won't mind because for us it's, the more the merrier!!!!

 

[John_Mann]

I have no problem in change to E mode. I have a great problem in change to J mode. And I find very hard to act as a sensor too. E and Fe it's not a big challenge to me.

 

[TimeAsylums]

I have no problem in change to E mode. I have a great problem in change to J mode. And I find very hard to act as a sensor too. E and Fe it's not a big challenge to me.

I can see this. Very hard to "be like" a sensor when an N, we can totally understand them, but just being them is hard, like you can't make/force your senses to override your intuition, also, yeah Hard to go from P-> J willingly, although when I'm uber-stressed out, the J will come.

 

[Architect]

Susan Cains definition of introversion is that it is an inability to deal with high degrees of stimulation. Extroversion is a need for lots of external stimulation. You are either an I or an E, and you can't make yourself like stimulation if you don't - in the long term. If you try it will lead to psychic exhaustion and neurosis.

What you probably mean is that you want to become more sociable, or better at socializing. That can be accomplished if you know your limitations. Watch what sociable people do and emulate that.

 

[doncarlzone]

Susan Cains definition of introversion is that it is an inability to deal with high degrees of stimulation. Extroversion is a need for lots of external stimulation. You are either an I or an E, and you can't make yourself like stimulation if you don't - in the long term. If you try it will lead to psychic exhaustion and neurosis.

What you probably mean is that you want to become more sociable, or better at socializing. That can be accomplished if you know your limitations. Watch what sociable people do and emulate that.

True, so if you want to feel more extroverted, you can work on limiting the amount of dopamine stimuli you get from none-social contact. Such stimuli include playing online computer games, watching porn, and eating junk food/candy.

When we are not overstimulated, we feel more extroverted and more confident which naturally makes us more socially attractive.

 

[Beat Mango]

You can do what you want, but you cannot will what you will.

 

[Valentas]

What is the point in going against your nature? :}

You should build up on innate foundation you have instead of breaking and rebuilding. It may take years while you could actually improve current yourself significantly during this time.

I am a guy who likes wandering alone. I am into wandering with a few special people but never in groups. It is exhausting, requires ability to bear up with noise and other BS I never want to deal with. I like silence... and a little geeky conversation.

 

[Coolydudey]

There was a study that showed that introverts/extroverts secrete two different chemicals in their brain during social contact (I think dopamine and serotonin). Furthermore, they show different reactions to these chemicals (not just during social contact), and have generally different levels of them.

As should now be obvious, it's something fairly hard-wired.

Edit:

Experiments performed by Dr. Debra Johnson et al, using positron emission tomography, found that introverts experienced more blood flow to their brains than extroverts and that their blood traveled along different pathways:

This study revealed a pattern of increased blood flow in the frontal lobes associated with introversion. This pattern generally supports both Eysenck's and Gray's biological theories of personality (4–6, 14) and is consistent with results of previous studies (15, 16, 44, 45). Eysenck's model (4, 5) proposes that introverts have higher cortical activity than extraverts; indeed, in the present study, there were more cortical regions associated with introversion than with extraversion. Gray suggested lower than normal activity in the behavioral inhibition system in extraverts; in the present study, extraverts did show lower blood flow in several regions in the behavioral inhibition system, namely, the frontal lobes and the hippocampus.
Blood flow measures were acquired while subjects were free to think about anything, providing a picture of the activity of the undirected and uncensored mind. Normal subjects have reported engaging in a series of loosely connected personal recollections and plans for future activities during the uncontrolled cognitive state (17). Higher flow in bilateral frontal lobe regions suggests that introverts were engaged in frontally based cognition, including remembering events from their past, making plans for the future, or problem solving. In addition, Gale (46) speculated that introverts might engage in a running monologue in the absence of external stimulation. The observed increased blood flow in Broca's area in introverts might be interpreted as biological evidence of "self-talk."
Extroverts’ blood flows to the parts of the brain where visual, auditory, touch, and taste sensory processing occurs (but not smell, for some reason—perhaps because olfactory stimuli are so deeply linked with emotion). Their main brain pathway is short and less complicated. It’s geared for action without getting too much thinking involved. The introverts’ pathway is more complicated and focused internally; blood flows to the parts of the brain involved with internal experiences such as remembering, solving problems, and planning—a long, complex pathway.

This may explain the tendency of introverts to experience what is known as l’esprit de l’escalier (stairway wit)—the frustrating experience of thinking of a clever comeback when it’s too late. The witty remark comes to mind much too tardily to be useful, when one is on the “staircase,” so to speak, leaving the scene. It’s probably why a lot of introverts are writers. They have all the time they need to come up with what they want to say—especially witty comebacks

In addition to differences in brain pathways accessed, extroverts have a low sensitivity to dopamine—often known as one of the “feel good” neurotransmitters—yet they require large amounts of it. Adrenaline is needed to make more dopamine in the brain; so the more active the extrovert is, the more adrenaline is released and the more dopamine is produced. Dopamine is correlated with movement, attention, alert states, and learning.

Introverts, however, are highly sensitive to dopamine. If their bodies produce too much of it, they feel over-stimulated. An introvert’s dominant pathway uses acetylcholine, which plays a large part in our sleep and dream states. This difference in neurotransmitter sensitivity and production goes so far as to favor which basic parts of our systems are activated: Whereas extroverts are linked to the dopamine/adrenaline, energy-spending, flight-or-fight sympathetic nervous system, introverts are associated with the acetylcholine, energy-conserving, parasympathetic nervous system that relaxes and calms the body. In The Introvert Advantage, Laney has included a fascinating set of diagrams that map the pathways used in the introverted brain vs. the extroverted brain.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Personally I think adaptation is seen as positive asset, but Don't forget, that grass is greener on the other side.
Personally sociability is situational and subjective.

 

[sushi]

drinking at the bar or work out more.

be more familar with conversation skills.

 

[birdsnestfern]

Socialize in very small amounts - just enough and then plan to leave early as soon as you become uncomfortable and schedule plenty of alone time to recuperate in between. Ie, know yourself and what your limits are and don't over do it.

+ + +

A couple of Bach Flower Remedies that 'could' help are:

Elm and Water Violet

The Bach® remedy Water Violet encourages the positive potential to find warmer relationships with others in a calm, relatable way. Allow yourself to reach out and connect with others. Cultivate and connect with the people that surround you.

The Bach remedy Elm encourages the positive potential of self-assurance, keeping perspective, and returning to efficiency. Struggling to keep perspective leads to a sense of being overwhelmed. Don't get overwhelmed: handle hectic days.


Alchohol before an especially crowded event (not before driving though and only a few times a year) can make me more fluent emotionally, and open up a little more. I must be really repressed because I am not connected to the talkative side of myself in normal every day life. (Unless its someone I'm very comfortable with or a topic I like to ramble about). Ugh, I wish I knew how to relax my brain around people more, but people normally make me on edge. I'd say, a small hot toddy is helpful though.

Heres my recipe for a tasty hot toddy which works to keep you warm on a Winter night and colds and flu at bay (star anise kills 67 different germs).

Boil some water, add to a large mug, and drop in a tea bag of Echinacea Plus Elderberry Tea:

Add a few squeezes of fresh lemon juice, a bit of honey
and a splash of Hennessy Cognac and a Star Anise and stir and sip.
(If you don't have star anise, do without it, but its got amazing
antiseptic properties to ward off colds and flus). The Cognac is expensive, but worth it to have just for this drink:

Star Anise: Benefits, Uses and Potential Risks

Star anise is famed not only for its distinct flavor and culinary applications but also for its medicinal benefits. This article reviews the benefits, uses and possible risks of star anise.

www.healthline.com

Other things that might help you blend:
Take care of the outer self, such as get a hair style/cut, get pedicure/manicure, wear something nice, use just a tad of makeup like lipstick or lip gloss, put a dab of jasmine essential oil on your wrists (not sure why, but this helps you fall in love with yourself), Fall in love with yourself by using some kind self care thoughts and attempting to feel self love and look in mirror and like what you see, get new clothes or shoes, and make a date with yourself to do something you want to do, ie, try a new restaurant alone and prove you can be ok alone, or go on a hike in nature, or make a special bubble bath with candle lights. And, just reach out with a text to someone you want to reach. Imagine what you want to hear from people and be the person you wish others were. Ask questions you'd like to hear from others.

***

• 5-HTP​

  5-HTP naturally occurs in the body as a precursor to the calming neurotransmitter serotonin, which plays a key role in regulating the speed of communication in the brain. As a supplement, this compound rapidly crosses the blood-brain barrier and helps promote the synthesis of serotonin, which can help quiet anxious thoughts and promote a relaxed mental state.

• L-Theanine​

  L-theanine is the amino acid in green tea responsible for its ability to relieve stress and promote relaxation without causing drowsiness. Research has shown the natural compound promotes increased production of serotonin, which activates the brain's calming pathways and helps keep you calm and composed when confronted with a stressful situation.

• Ashwagandha​

  Used for thousands of years in traditional Ayurvedic medicine for its adaptogenic properties, ashwagandha has been shown by modern science to be an effective anxiety remedy. Through its ability to increase the activity of GABA receptors in the brain, ashwagandha helps enhance the stress-relieving effects of the calming neurotransmitters already produced by your body.

• Passion Flower​

  Grown throughout the southeastern United States, passion flower contains a number of organic compounds which help you feel more relaxed by increasing the body's natural production of GABA, while also improving GABA receptors' ability to bind to the neurotransmitter. When taken as part of your daily regimen, passion flower can help promote a calm inner state and provide effective mood support.

• Lemon Balm​

  Used since the Middle Ages as a natural anxiety remedy, lemon balm contains natural compounds that help quiet your mind by inhibiting an enzyme that normally breaks down and recycles GABA. In this way, this member of the mint family helps maintain higher levels of GABA for longer, allowing your mind to remain peaceful and relaxed even when faced with a stressful day.

***

Crystals that 'could' help:

1. Rose Quartz Crystals to Make You More Outgoing
2. Amethyst Crystals for Anxiety and Depression
3. Sodalite Crystals for Being Social
4. Black Tourmaline Crystals for Confidence and Anxiety
5. Citrine Crystals for Shyness
6. Hematite Crystals to Make You More Outgoing
7. Apatite Crystals for Mental Clarity
8. Blue Lace Agate Crystals for Communication and Overthinking
9. Orange Calcite Crystals for Being Social
10. Angelite Crystals for Love and Support