How to be a happy INTP

[bammytr]

Hi INTP fellows

I am a new member so sorry if this has been asked a thousand times already. I am just genuinely feel so unhappy for most of my life, from being so different from others and feeling so hard to blend it. I am surrounded by all the extroverted people who are always so happy, confident and open while I am just plainly taciturn and awkward. It always makes me feel so left out of this world - and honestly no one could even understand my struggle at all (because they are not INTP). That's why I want to ask if any other INTP has ever felt the same way, and do you have any tips to help me become a happier and more positive person?

Thanks a lot guys

 

[rainman312]

It can be pretty difficult in our society, but not if you do your own thing. I'd say very, very many INTPs feel exactly this way, so you aren't alone in your struggles. A great way to make yourself happier is to spend some time alone, doing things you enjoy. Read, learn something, walk and think, sit and think, do anything you enjoy, independently. I find just giving myself at least an hour a day to just sit and think, with no electronics or distractions (although occaisionally some classical music), and it really helps clear my thoughts and lighten my mood. It isn't exactly the same as meditation, but you could meditate if you wanted. I'd try to reduce the amount of time you spend with extraverts if you feel it's too high. It can be incredibly exhausting spending time with them. I have a 3-hour time block a few days a week which I spend with a few extraverts (for a class), and afterwards, I practically pass out. It's physically exhausting, and it makes me very moody. Another tip for happiness is, "fake it 'til you make it". This isn't something I've personally tried, but I've read several times that simply pretending to be happy will make you happier. I can also recommend a few books:
-Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman
-Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

I also really enjoy reading about psychology in general. I'd say definitely find some hobbies you really enjoy and devote some time to them. You can try writing fiction, creating art, studying politics, etc. I actually made a thread on INTP hobbies a few days ago, you can see it here. Hope this helps

Last minute edit:
I also forgot to mention, don't try to fit into society. Trying to fit an INTP into society is like trying to fit a 7th-dimensional hypercube into a 2-dimensional circular hole. Society pretty much sucks as it is, so I see no reason why one would want to fit into it. Accept the gifts and curses that come with not fitting in, and play them to your advantage.

 

[Cloud9]

I feel the same way ...

we are analyzing everything all the time, you can't analyze and live un the moment at the same time!!

u can try to find people with similar interests


good luck =)

 

[8151147]

Society pretty much sucks as it is, so I see no reason why one would want to fit into it. Accept the gifts and curses that come with not fitting in, and play them to your advantage.

I agree with the second phrase but not the first one.

 

[Torojan]

INXXs, generally, have a hard time fitting into an extrovert-dominant and sensory-dominant society. INTPs have it a bit easier than others with our auxiliary Ne playing the chameleon in social situations. However, that won't make you truly happy. As someone said earlier, find things that you like to do *by yourself* <- this is key. If you like playing with Legos, so be it. Go mess around with the pieces. If you like to read novels, visual or not, so be it. Take your imagination for a trip.

In your post, it also sounded like you wanted to have friends or a love life but couldn't find any. What they say about finding love: it happens when you're not trying to find it. It reminds me of RNG, actually. Friends, you just have to find similar-minded people. A lot of us think like you. If you had some inner passion to talk about philosophy with people but couldn't because of the generally vapid society, here's where you can let that out. Well, this forum has a philosophy section for that, so not literally here. Do feel welcome here. I forgot what else I wanted to say; school is being a minor distraction.

 

[Yellow]

Happiness is proactive and not reactive. Nothing will make you happy. The better goal is contentment. Contentment for an INTP comes from balancing work/accomplishment with downtime and personal study.

As far as social interactions: No, other people don't understand. ESxJs especially seem to interpret the deer-in-the-headlights reaction to social situations as rudeness. Other extroverts are capable of seeing that you are struggling, but they can't imagine why. Even a lot of introverts don't have issues assimilating.

The best solution to social issues I've encountered is to use open body language, the warmest smiles you can muster, and remembering to offer simple greetings to the people you interact with everyday. I just started the latter. Just saying "good morning" in a cheerful voice as I pass people in the office for the first time each day has made a huge difference in how people react to me. That, and remembering to say silly things like "how was your husband's surgery?" and "happy birthday" before diving into whatever I actually came to talk to them about. It builds the illusion of a relationship between you and others.

 

[8151147]

For the OP's topic, I can relate the Stoicism.
Basically its philosophy is about this:

- "The only good is moral good, or virtue, and the only evil is moral evil, or vice. Happiness is found exclusively in moral good, or virtue."
- "External things are neither good nor evil. The only things in our control are inner events such as our beliefs, desires, and acts of will."
- "Emotions arise from false beliefs that externals have value."

 

[Torojan]

Happiness is proactive and not reactive. Nothing will make you happy. The better goal is contentment. Contentment for an INTP comes from balancing work/accomplishment with downtime and personal study.

The best solution to social issues I've encountered is to use open body language, the warmest smiles you can muster, and remembering to offer simple greetings to the people you interact with everyday. I just started the latter. Just saying "good morning" in a cheerful voice as I pass people in the office for the first time each day has made a huge difference in how people react to me. That, and remembering to say silly things like "how was your husband's surgery?" and "happy birthday" before diving into whatever I actually came to talk to them about. It builds the illusion of a relationship between you and others.

These are definitely true. Yellow put it into words better than I was thinking. True happiness comes from being proactive about it, yes, and I've been practicing the solution in the last paragraph for some time. What I'm learning recently is that these techniques are best used on who you judge as sensors. I try to be more like myself around those who I assume are intuitives.

 

[StevenM]

It sounds dumb, but I've caught myself enjoying sadness. I like to explore it, diving right into the depths of it. It actually can be a beautiful emotion. I wonder if the action of 'enjoying' it helps when needing to get past it.

Spoiler

I'm far from your typical run-of-the-mill notion of emo though.

I just can't enjoy dread. It's the most uncomfortable.

 

[Drew]

It sounds dumb, but I've caught myself enjoying sadness. I like to explore it, diving right into the depths of it. It actually can be a beautiful emotion. I wonder if the action of 'enjoying' it helps when needing to get past it.

Spoiler

I'm far from your typical run-of-the-mill notion of emo though.

I just can't enjoy dread. It's the most uncomfortable.

Sounds like a justification. If there's one thing in which INTP's universally excel....justifying damaging behavior.

Quick tips for the OP (and all the other depressed INTP's):

1. Stop making excuses (justification).
You can't keep blaming your INTPness or bad luck or overbearing extroverts or any other number of excuses we use. As long as you believe those things are causing you to fail in life, you'll continue to fail.

While we're on the subject of "failure..."

2. Understand that INTP "failure" is not the same as everybody else "failure."
Isaac Newton, brilliant mathematician and INTP extraordinaire, derived the equations that explain planetary orbit, gravity, and mechanics. He also lived with his mother. He was destitute and completely alone when he died; not even the scientific community could stand him. And legend has it that he never had sex...

EPIC LIFE FAIL!!!

The point is don't be like that guy. His so-called success would come naturally to any INTP...doing what comes naturally is no reason to celebrate. It's not impressive that you killed a test without studying. We're INTP's...we love tests.

...now imagine being the first person on the dance floor. YIKES!! Which brings me to number 3.

3. You must challenge yourself.
We thrive on challenges. Use that to your advantage. But remember, INTP's find failure and success differently than the rest of the world. Solving complex differential equations is not a challenge for INTP's; but actively seeking attention is.

Here are a few personal challenge ideas:

• Smile and say "Hi" to every person you see throughout the day.
• Initiate a conversation with a cute girl. Then tell her that you think she is cute. Obviously, you should use your desired gender.
• Go to a nightclub...alone.
• Go get a job in customer service--I've had several, and they were all very rewarding experiences.

Don't forget that you have to set goals for a challenge to be legitimate. Goals define success...and without any yardstick for success, the anxiety puts you right back into depression and you'll retreat from the world again.

4. Find a hobby to kill the anxiety. I'm sure you already have one.
You could sit in solitude and think about whatever random BS pops into your head; but I suggest something more constructive with tangible results. There are obvious INTP hobbies: reading, chess, video games. I like to play pool...it's a solitary game, but played in very social settings which yield opportunities to "challenge" myself.

In any case, you should enjoy your hobbies. Also, make sure that it's just a hobby. Obsessions are unhealthy and depressing.


Good Luck!!
(Sweet! 2nd Post)

 

[StevenM]

Sounds like a justification. If there's one thing in which INTP's universally excel....justifying damaging behavior.

Actually, what I said was quite paradoxical. I was basically saying I am happy during times of sadness.

What I was referring to was artwork depicting a sad nature. Also, gloomy skies, and other depressing weather conditions.

Though I don't find myself often depressed. To people who know me, I'm rather cheerful.

It was a stretch to say I can truly accept a real reason to be sad about.

 

[Sinny91]

Find inner peace and outer peace will find you.

In theory, I've been trying, and it appears to be working.

It's taken many walks in the rain, long periods of solitude, escape and endeavors of release.
Followed by meditation, to try and find the inner calm.

As an INTP, my mind can race with intruding thoughts, but I've learned that we must control our minds before they control us.

Try staring at and concentrating on a coffee mug or a pencil for 5 minutes without allowing intrusive thoughts to penetrate your mind. I think you will find the task exceedingly difficult.
Keep at it until you can accomplish it, it's a training method of Rudolf Steiners.

In the end, nothing really matters (flash back to Linkin Park). The purpose of existance elludes us as a species, in the mean time, all we can do is exist.

P.s, I'm not sure that I would appreciate Drews suggestions lol.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Hi INTP fellows

I am a new member so sorry if this has been asked a thousand times already. I am just genuinely feel so unhappy for most of my life, from being so different from others and feeling so hard to blend it. I am surrounded by all the extroverted people who are always so happy, confident and open while I am just plainly taciturn and awkward. It always makes me feel so left out of this world - and honestly no one could even understand my struggle at all (because they are not INTP). That's why I want to ask if any other INTP has ever felt the same way, and do you have any tips to help me become a happier and more positive person?

Thanks a lot guys

feel this way at least several times average each day.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

It can be pretty difficult in our society, but not if you do your own thing. I'd say very, very many INTPs feel exactly this way, so you aren't alone in your struggles. A great way to make yourself happier is to spend some time alone, doing things you enjoy. Read, learn something, walk and think, sit and think, do anything you enjoy, independently. I find just giving myself at least an hour a day to just sit and think, with no electronics or distractions (although occaisionally some classical music), and it really helps clear my thoughts and lighten my mood. It isn't exactly the same as meditation, but you could meditate if you wanted. I'd try to reduce the amount of time you spend with extraverts if you feel it's too high. It can be incredibly exhausting spending time with them. I have a 3-hour time block a few days a week which I spend with a few extraverts (for a class), and afterwards, I practically pass out. It's physically exhausting, and it makes me very moody. Another tip for happiness is, "fake it 'til you make it". This isn't something I've personally tried, but I've read several times that simply pretending to be happy will make you happier. I can also recommend a few books:
-Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman
-Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

I also really enjoy reading about psychology in general. I'd say definitely find some hobbies you really enjoy and devote some time to them. You can try writing fiction, creating art, studying politics, etc. I actually made a thread on INTP hobbies a few days ago, you can see it here. Hope this helps

Last minute edit:
I also forgot to mention, don't try to fit into society. Trying to fit an INTP into society is like trying to fit a 7th-dimensional hypercube into a 2-dimensional circular hole. Society pretty much sucks as it is, so I see no reason why one would want to fit into it. Accept the gifts and curses that come with not fitting in, and play them to your advantage.

This.