How thick is your skin?

[Azreal_Mistwalker]

After reading a particularly...active thread today, I started thinking about this.

How easily are you upset or offended? I've found that I have a sort of clinical detachment to just about everything. There were a couple occasions where someone was screaming insults and invectives at me literally inches from my face and rather than react to it, I would dispassionately speculate on the motivations and psychological influences guiding their behavior.

I've been exposed to pictures and videos of the most horrific violence and death, or things like the twin towers collapsing and I'll calmly wonder what the experience was like for those involved or how the media and government would react.

Don't get me wrong, I still care a lot about stuff and am concerned with the well-being of others, I'm just emotionally non-reactive.

What about you guys, what does it take to offend your sensibilities? Am I a total fringe case in this, or is this temperament somewhat common amongst INTPs?

 

[StevenM]

Physically, it's pretty thick. Perhaps not so much psychologically.

I also adapted that mechanism, where if someone were directly in my face, I calmly just stare at them back. Somehow, it just works.

Being direct can be fine and dandy, but it gets harder when the message is subtle, with undertones of barely noticeable sarcasm and sneer. When the threat can only be read between the lines, and nobody could fully understand what's going on except you and your attacker.

It's a good move, I must admit. It sets the position up perfectly to make the victim seem like the bad guy, while everyone believes and pities the instigator.

 

[The Gopher]

Oh my skin is incredibly thin. Thankfully everyone in the world likes me and is only joking when they say they don't.

-----

Seriously though, there reaches a point where you can understand exactly why the other person is angry, why the other person ended up at the point where they are angry. What insulting achieves for them etc... If you completely understand someone's motivation, reasoning and things that brought them to the point where they think they are correct you really can't be annoyed. Until that point I don't have enough information to be annoyed as I might be assuming something.

There is one thing that really slightly annoys me though. When people without all the information insult or judge based on what they think they know. Basically ignorance combined with arrogance. (Yes I get the potential irony)

In other news sarcasm is a very sturdy glass house.

 

[Brontosaurie]

i wouldn't say i'm easily offended personally but i can get worked up over stuff and then i just won't give up. people sometimes find me uncomfortable and even people i know well sometimes perceive me as hostile, provocative and insinuating when in my mind i'm just worked up over some theoretical or political issue. i guess i get frustrated and make tacit demands that others should care as much as i do. and i get sarcastic, spiteful etc.

but yes i have a thick skin for personal offense. i offend myself constantly in my mind so am desensitized.

 

[Anktark]

I think I am pretty thick skinned and direct attacks have little effect. I think I am mostly just annoyed by ignorance or by misunderstanding/misinterpretation of my position, but broken trust hurts. Most of the times mental attacks can tell a lot about the attacker- their values, beliefs, their world's model mental structure.
That said I don't enjoy conflict and would rather avoid confrontation.

It's a bit of a tangent, but there are people with specific talents, who can create really great insults. I had an acquaintance who could weave, layer and structure swearwords and insults, creating a work of art, surrounding, caressing, mesmerizing and at the same time crushing the target under the flow of elegant barrage. It's like a magical evil elf song dedicated to one entity. The person in question never did it lightly and very rarely, making those occasions even more special.
I don't think I could be saddened by such an attack, more so, I imagine myself being honoured, even.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

How easily are you upset or offended?

I don't get angry/offended easily. I can think of a lot of situations I've been in where i felt nothing when most people would have felt offended.
There are a few people in my life though who I put up on a pedestal, there have been times where this respect/trust was undue and I failed to see it until I ended up in very fragile situations and the damage has already been done.

I've been exposed to pictures and videos of the most horrific violence and death

I usually feel strongly about these things, especially when I try to imagine what the experience was like.

 

[Grayman]

I had incredibly thick skin in the past. Sometime after 25 it changed. It seems that I don't get very upset when insulted and I don't get angry about peoples judgments when substantiated but I keep getting to be more and more sensitive to other things as I get older.

What I don't like are unsubstantiated insults or statements of judgement that come without solutions on how to fix the problem. It isn't that I am entirely insulted but that I find them to be a rude and inconsiderate.

At first I assume it was just a matter of ignorance and that they just need time to get to understand how people would receive such statements but then when continued even after being notified of the problem I cannot help but to feel determined in burying their arrogance into the dirt.

One other thing that really sets me off is behind your back sneaky shit. My mother in law told my wife that I wasn't the best at writing when I showed her some stuff, which is fine. My wife agreed, which is fine. When I went on the phone and was talking to my mother in-law she told me the writing was good. This irritated me but okay. Then she told me that my wife said that I wasn't good at writing but she really likes it and I became livid. I was pissed that my wives own mother would throw her under the buss in order to gain some kind of brownie points or whatever. In this case, I was being complimented and yet I have never been so pissed.

So I guess what I am saying is that I don't get upset about peoples judgments about me in particular. I do get upset about how people choose to handle themselves.

 

[Yellow]

The way I see it, you mention two distinct categories of sensitivity.

There were a couple occasions where someone was screaming insults and invectives at me literally inches from my face and rather than react to it, I would dispassionately speculate on the motivations and psychological influences guiding their behavior.

This is sensitivity toward yourself. If you are reasonably self confident, then the more detached you are from another person, the less likely someone is to offend you personally.

I get paid not-so-big bucks for this kind of insensitivity. I can pour hours, days, months of my life into helping/working with a person, and if they blow up at me, insult me, try to assault me, it's just another day, and we try again next time. It's just how it is, everyone has bad days and some people lash out.

On the other hand, if my INTJ were to say something intentionally unkind, especially out of the blue, I'm sure it would catch me off-guard and would feel hurt or devalued.

I've been exposed to pictures and videos of the most horrific violence and death, or things like the twin towers collapsing and I'll calmly wonder what the experience was like for those involved or how the media and government would react.

This is sensitivity to the plight of strangers. If you are exposed to it often at a young age, it's likely that you've learned to objectify the people in order to see the bigger picture. It's not as horrible as it sounds, it's just something that helps you to be detached.

I was not so desensitized. All I need is significant sensory evidence of a stranger's suffering, and I become at least somewhat sensitive to it. But it varies. I empathize more strongly with unexpected/indefensible plight, and usually detach myself from issues that arise from predictable cause and effect. As an example, I feel more for a child who had his faced bashed in by an abusive parent than for an adult athlete similarly injured during a boxing match.

 

[Azreal_Mistwalker]

This is sensitivity toward yourself. If you are reasonably self confident, then the more detached you are from another person, the less likely someone is to offend you personally.

I'll attempt to describe the nature of my detachment, but I've never tried to articulate it before so please bear with me.

I don't think it's necessarily a matter of self confidence, it's almost like I don't see myself in those terms. I've always felt like I'm on the outside of life looking in. I can't be offended because I'm not really a participant, I'm just an observer.

The neutral observer mindset also makes it so that I tend not to have strong opinions on things one way or the other, and I usually don't speak in absolutes. Instead I use phrases like "tend to" or "usually".

 

[punchinelli]

Incredibly thick skin. In fact, if the person has a rational argument for how they are insulting me, I tend to agree with them! The only time I get personally offended is when someone is attacking me from an illogical perspective. I think I get more upset over their lack of respect for logic and rationale.

 

[Scary Larry]

There is one thing that really slightly annoys me though. When people without all the information insult or judge based on what they think they know. Basically ignorance combined with arrogance.

And then you tell them the truth and they don't believe you! Yeah, I was insulted by this once... being call a liar. But I got over it. Now I don't think I could be insulted by anything anymore.

I really really want to know the truth about how people feel, and if you seem like the kinda guy who will tell me, even if you think it will hurt my feelings, we'll be great friends. Because you actually can't hurt MY feelings with YOUR feelings. Our feelings come from the inside, not the outside.

 

[Minuend]

I remember a few years back when I played MMO. I befriended this really fun, nice guy and had lots of fun banter with him. But, when he was PvP-ing, he had the most foul mouth you'd ever come across. For him all the insults pinned at how terrible other people were for being killed (putting it mildly) etc was entirely a joke to him. That increased my understanding of how many different motivations there can be behind insults.

One of the things I constantly try to improve is how I process feeling offended (or annoyed). I try to accept it and then move on. Which is sometimes an interesting challenge.

Most things discussed on forums doesn't tend to offend me, though. It did more so in the past.

I think what has the potential to get a rise out of me the most is if someone close to me or that I consider a friend suddenly turns on you without either giving you a warning you are doing something that upsets them or not addressing it in a more civil manner. Though, there has been times when that first angered me, but when I had some time to think about it I realized they were actually right.

I think browsing various boards also have made me better understand personalities that uses, at first glance, offensive humor. I've become more able to see nuances in such behavior and how it's not always as malicious as it might seem. Though, sometimes it can be really tricky tell the difference between someone who uses it as a form of meta humor and who's actually a bit of a dick underneath.

When it comes to seeing other people get physically hurt or killed, I tend to be worried it will affect me a lot. So far it hasn't, but I'm a bit worried it will. I do sometimes purposely watch violent things to better be able to handle such things.

 

[Azreal_Mistwalker]

I really really want to know the truth about how people feel, and if you seem like the kinda guy who will tell me, even if you think it will hurt my feelings, we'll be great friends. Because you actually can't hurt MY feelings with YOUR feelings. Our feelings come from the inside, not the outside.

This is something I've looked for a lot too. I know that other people's perception of me is different than my perception of myself, and I would love to know how I come across to others so I can develop my behavior, but it's practically impossible to get someone to give their uncensored opinion of you.

 

[Azreal_Mistwalker]

I do sometimes purposely watch violent things to better be able to handle such things.

A few years ago I attempted to completely desensitize myself by looking for the most terrible things I could find, solely because I thought being completely unfazeable was a badge of honor. Looking back, my motivations seem kind of disturbing.

 

[al.otakupunk]

It really depends, not on what they say, but how they say it. If it's constructive criticism or a gentle admonishment, I'll probably agree and either forget about it (unintentional) or try to follow their advice; or possibly politely disagree. However, if it feels like an attack or a generalization, then I end up getting angry or severely hurt.
It's the same thing with discussions and such: if it's a blatant attack or statement of prejudice, then I get pissed. If it's just a polite expression of opinion, I will equally as politely agree or disagree.
Basically, I treat you however you're treating me.

As far as violence, I actually kind of like it. Not necessarily that I enjoy the process/motivations of people killing or hurting each other (movies and professional boxing/MMA exempting), but I'm rather fascinated with death and blood. It's weird.

 

[DrSketchpad]

^ I'm sort of the opposite. If someone was just yelling and trying to hurt me, I probably would try to summon a piercing witticism or just plan something really passive aggressive but not actually get 'hurt' per se, just provoked. If someone was actual expressing genuine complaints about me, I'd take it harder (this depends if I agree that said thing is an issue in the first place, if not I'd explain why it wasn't).

 

[Doktorin Zylinder]

I'm nearly impossible to offend.

Annoyance, on the other hand, is something I deal with on a daily basis usually because of someone's ignorance, stupidity, or incompetence. A friend of mine said I'm scary when I'm annoyed because my usual state is one of placid stoicism, so anything other than that is incredibly out of place.

I can count on less than one hand the number of times I've actually been angry. It's incredibly difficult to get me there, but I become physically violent usually because someone was violent towards me first.

 

[Sinny91]

I'm nearly impossible to offend.
.

Ditto. If an insult is true I gracefully accept it, if it's not true, I'm indifferent.

Annoyance, on the other hand, is something I deal with on a daily basis usually because of someone's ignorance, stupidity, or incompetence.
A friend of mine said I'm scary when I'm annoyed because my usual state is one of placid stoicism, so anything other than that is incredibly out of place..

Ditto. In INTP fashion, nothing stirs me save for when my principles are being crossed. The only person on the planet who is the exception is my mother, but only because our relationship is primal.

When it comes dealing with the pain of others, I generally don't. Unless the victim/s are innocent and unable to help them selves, (Children, disabled, slaved). I'm highly empathic to the woe's of those unable to control their situation or environment.. When I allow myself to feel their grief it over whelms me, and so for the most time, I do everything I can to shut off the emotional lens.

 

[Esurient Fere]

I don't think it's necessarily a matter of self confidence, it's almost like I don't see myself in those terms. I've always felt like I'm on the outside of life looking in. I can't be offended because I'm not really a participant, I'm just an observer.

Preach! I'm incredibly difficult to offend/anger. It may be because I'm just waiting to see how things unfurl. I have very limited emotional reaction. I understand what I should be feeling but I just don't. Sometimes I play the part and can convince anyone involved that I'm angry or whatever the appropriate emotion is but it's just a mask. I typically keep a very calm level head even in the face of physical danger. Some kids wanted to beat the crap out of me in high school and I would calmly stand there and tell them that I wouldn't even try to hit them back. Guess they didn't really want to beat on a rag doll. (It was actually a rotten lie. My older brother was in the special forces and taught me what he considered "essential" skills. I just didn't want to fight.)

In fact, sometimes my initial reaction is completely inappropriate. (It all happens in the inner world so rarely would people see.) I think it's the observer coupled with multiple perspectives. I see a happy couple and I get something sad. Maybe I noticed one little thing about their body language and I "see" that they probably aren't going to last. I can pick up on some out of the box things.

As far as videos go? mostly they do nothing. What would the point be in feeling bad? It won't change anything. I'll just catalog the information and do my best to prevent such things later. I'm not about hurting people, until I need to be, then I'm all for the most horrible things I can imagine. I'm quite imaginative.

 

[Alias]

I'm usually not offended, but people think I am when I'm just sick of them. I hold little sacred. Violence and gore don't faze me too much, but if the death is horrible I'll be kind of sad. I often empathize for stranger, e.g. abused children/spouses, animals, civilian victims of war crimes, but if I know the person and they deserve it, there's some karma-esque stuff going on. Even an ENFJ I knew was hesitant to console her enemy. I once knew someone who definitely deserved what he got, due to the fact he called someone a lesbian and was promptly kicked in the balls for it. And it was obvious I shouldn't have gone up to him. I try to be as forgiving as possible though. Still doesn;t mean I'm thin-skinned.

 

[youkneeburst]

How easily are you upset or offended?

As a result of an almost automatic array of defense mechanisms, I will almost never be upset at least apparently because of my general pessimistic attitude, I expect totally nothing from anything. I will also apparently never get offended because Im pretty much very objective that I consider any opinions about me absurd and insignificant and sometimes Im just totally ignorant of just anything. I either block away every stimuli (denial) or detach myself from the stimuli (dissociation) so as it doesnt really ''reach' me.
Im a very defensive person and Im aware that these are unhealthy but then again I further become more defensive so even the fact that its unhealthy doesnt really affect me. So basically, I am a very 'thick skinned' person so as to say but its just a product of a vast set of immature defensive mechanisms that I cant learn to outgrow with because the defense mechanism itself hinders it.

I've found that I have a sort of clinical detachment [/QUOTE ]
Ive actually started a thread about some dissociative disorders that has symptoms that apply to me so I thought I am positive on the derealization/depersonalization disorder. These feelings of detachment is rather described on the diagnosis.
*

rather than react to it, I would dispassionately speculate on the motivations and psychological influences guiding their behaviour.

I sometimes do this too, when I am in a more speculative mood but most of the time Im likely to simply dissociate and be ignorant of every stimuli around me.
Lately, Ive also been enjoying violence and gore for a pastime. I actually binge watch horror, gore animes. Im also into extreme sports like bungee jump and skydiving and I also love rooftopping (photographing from the top of skyscrapers). I somehow believe these adrenaline-inducing things are my coping way to compensate for the lack of feelings from my constant defensive emotional detachment.

*brings down my walls*

On the inside though, behind these walls, I am a very sensitive person. I actually constantly try to adapt myself to the people around me so I can be accepted even if its against myself, only to end up being awkward. I also care too much and immediately gets affected by about what other people think of me.Deep inside , Im a very sensitive person, maybe thats why I got very defensive to the point of doing it more than necessary.

*recloses the walls*

oh, you havent heard a thing.