How do INTPs deal with "bossy" people?

[grayskies]

How do you deal with bossy people?

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

mock/avoid/kill them as applicable.

 

[Polaris]

It depends on how they conduct themselves and how much freedom they give me. If their bossiness interferes with my efficiency I will discuss the issue with them. I don't mind if their bossiness is producing results, I like efficiency. I'd rather have someone barking orders at me than someone sneakily manipulating me through micro-management and emotional black-mail (I have had this happening to me a couple of times). My best friend is ENTJ -- when we were little she always called the shots and I happily obliged because it saved me the headache of making decisions. My mum did not like her for that reason, and I could never understand why that was a problem.

I guess I don't mind bossiness if there is no personal agenda.

 

[Anktark]

Polaris covered one of the sides well. If the bossy person does have a personal agenda and is :

a) rational, then explaining the situation usually works.
b) stupid or option a fails- cease contact with or fuck them over.

 

[redbaron]

They throw tantrums.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

If the commanding is unfounded and attempts at communication fail; leaving the establishment, passive agression, direct agression and rebellion, ignoring that person.

If there is a useful or positive effect and/or goal of the ruling it depends on the sacrifice of positive things coming from freedom of action being less, than the potential benefit and future increased freedom after performing the order. As long as that person understands the incidental (case specific) nature of cooperation and the need for their authority to be maintained with reason, receptiveness and diligence.

 

[Cavallier]

I don't mind bossy people on the whole. I mind if they start to bully me into doing what they want me to do. If they are simply more decisive then I don't mind going along with them so long as their trajectory doesn't conflict with mine (if I have one). I actually kind of like having someone who can, from time to time, take over and make the decisions. Otherwise I (god knows how) end up having to be the confident decision maker of my little posse of friends. It's exhausting.

 

[DelusiveNinja]

They usually adapt by doing what is asked of them in their own way and at comfortable pace, which usually saves them from expending too much energy on a task.

I don't usually see them complain aloud about much, especially if they understand why something needs to be done or why someone asked them to do it.

 

[Jaffa]

Reward your boss with great work when you're left alone to get on with it. Do the minimum when being micro-managed / pressured.

Bosses are generally in their position because they have worked hard and generally above the average in terms of intelligence. Most should quickly see that the way to motivate you is to leave you alone.

I do not work well under pressure. I feel this bottled up rage when someone tries to micro-manage me and can't concentrate.

I'm pretty lucky that my boss picked this up straight away and leaves me alone. If I speak to my boss more than once in a month then I'm doing something wrong.

 

[QuickTwist]

Regardless of what type I am, I usually deal with bossy people with bitterness. Kinda like "where the fuck do you get off?" sort of thing.

 

[kvothe27]

I'll ask them why they want me to do something. If it's reasonable, I'll do it. If it's not or they won't explain reasoning, I'll refuse. If they persist, I'll tell them what they want to hear and then do whatever I was going to do in the first place anyway. If they keep pestering me, I'll eventually tell them to go fuck themselves.

If I'm employed by this bossy person, I'll look for a new job or rage quit.

 

[Jaffa]

OP - Come on, give us more to go with.

What is your situation?

Yesterday I was in back to back meetings, one from 9AM - 10AM and another from 10AM - midday. The first one went fine, the second one resulted in me throwing a little INTP rage.

I had a lot to do and ended up in this 2 hour meeting with my line manager and a few other people, one of whom was new to the project and she decided to, at every given chance, try to lead the conversation away from what we were all there to discuss. She would start telling us stories about how she had been in similar situations and what she did in said situation. If the name of a person was mentioned then she would claim to know them and then give us an equally irrelevant and boring story of what this person did and how she worked with them.

Every time she spoke I made a point of sighing and picking up my BlackBerry to start reading mails. I got the INTP rage, the rage which makes your blood boil and the butterflies flap around in your stomach, the rage which you're too cowardly to actually vent. Come 11:30am we had finished the discussion on the actual subject...... and then this woman said "Well, I think I should give you an introduction and a bit of background about me".

I glanced at my boss..... He turned to me and said "We're done, go crack on with what you need to do".

The moral of the story, not all bosses are bad. Not all bosses are bossy. Good bosses know your weaknesses and strengths. He knows that I'll get more work done than anybody else if I'm left in a room on my own with no distractions. He knows how to motivate me. He leaves me alone, prior to that meeting yesterday I hadn't spoken to him in 2 weeks.

It's just a shame that bosses like that are hard to come by.

 

[Missfortune]

Reward your boss with great work when you're left alone to get on with it. Do the minimum when being micro-managed / pressured.

I use the same strategy. I'm not sure why my PI never fired me, actually. It was the second year of grad school when I interacted with my group and him enough to have the 'leave me alone' behavior signals. The risk was that as the new person, I hadn't yet learned everything about the research, and my skills were maybe those of a mediocre rookie... I got a lot of work done, but there were other things that I was terrible at. It seems like it could be nearly impossible for some bosses/bossy people to distinguish between a person who needs to be left alone and a person who is a total idiot.

"Hire slowly, fire quickly"

It could be dangerous.

(The strategy works with paperwork and other bureaucratic things. People will stop bothering you and find someone who will do the stuff and maybe that person will even enjoy it.)

 

[Ellenora]

Why does a person have to bossy? If they are my friend I'd call their attention to it. If they are my boss I'd stay away from them as much as possible. If they are my child I'd let them know that they are not liked.

I don't like bossy people very much. If they are competent I would respect them. If they are not competent I'd feel sorry for them.

 

[tomr]

Ignore, avoid, suppress - conversation, locational closeness, consideration.

I've never had a person i could not severely limit my appearance around, not sure how you're having this problem, but then again your question was general for a general response so I'm probably not assessing a situation worth considerable consideration .

 

[nexion]

Bossy people aren't so bad, as long as they are stimulating people to do productive work rather than trying to make them work just for the sake of working. It's a power flow thing. Some people are naturally lethargic and lazy and help to actually do things is much appreciated.

 

[Rome96]

I'm a rebel. I'd do the opposite of what they tell me regardless of the consequences. Then I'd punch them.

 

[Thurlor]

I think a lot of people here are mixing up 'bossy people' with leaders.

Whilst a leader can lead through bossiness it is probably the worst tool available.

Personally, I think most bossy people are control freaks.

 

[BrainVessel]

Depends on what they're asking me to do and their motives.
If I agree with it I'll silently complete the task and avoid ever talking to them again.
If I disagree with it I'll probably not do the task and send them an email specifying exactly why I chose not to do it, if I believe it holds enough precedence I'll confront them then and there. (Confronting includes a calmly aggressive glare and a bit of pomp while almost whispering the faults in their decision.)

 

[Brontosaurie]

pity and some passive aggression

 

[xbox]

bossy people are dead to me

 

[Brontosaurie]

bossy people are dead to me

yeahhhhhhhhh what a thrill

 

[The Gopher]

I'm a rebel. I'd do the opposite of what they tell me regardless of the consequences. Then I'd punch them.

Where is Reflex when you need him.

 

[RaBind]

Depends on whether they are competent or not honestly, as well as for whose sake or what reason they're being bossy for. More competent then me + being bossy for my benefit or the group's as a whole = I listen to them, and do what they tell me. Most of them time though I just don't interact with people I don't like, so very little bossy people I have to put up with.

This reminds me of "Ban Bossy".

 

[nerd866]

I like avoiding bossy people as much as possible.

I prefer to be on the knowledgeable-powerful end of the people I associate with, or on equal terms with them. I don't like being in situations where I'm inferior.

 

[darth_dingus]

Of all the bosses I've had, I do respect them for the person they are, but....
when it comes to standing over my shoulder or they don't let me just handle the work that I know I'm capable of, I can get a bit rebellious.