How do I survive in a crowded college hostel?

[wacko]

I am an introvert as well as shy. I am going to a college next year where there are 4 people per room, and they are quite noisy and outgoing, and love to party. And also some jerks are there who like to tease socially awkward guys by putting them in uncomfy situations, along with some bullies too.

College cannot be changed. I feel I'd go crazy.

 

[dutchdisease]

I am an introvert as well as shy. I am going to a college next year where there are 4 people per room, and they are quite noisy and outgoing, and love to party. And also some jerks are there who like to tease socially awkward guys by putting them in uncomfy situations, along with some bullies too.

College cannot be changed. I feel I'd go crazy.

Well in all likelihood it will be unpleasant. I am assuming you already know the guys so if you are worried about getting bullied one thought might be to get in awesome shape over the summer. Make them fear you I know easier said than done, I have only ever managed to put on about 15lbs of muscle before giving up on it. I usually just find other things I should be doing with my time. Anyway as far as dealing with all the noise and all just try not to hang around them too much. Go to a cafe or something when you need to sort out your thoughts. Really I can't be of too much use to you when it comes to sharing a dorm room as I have only to this point been to community college which is just like a supersized high school with less close friends and no obligation to ask to use the restroom.

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

Learn to build boundaries and befriend your roommates. If you are in good relations with your roomies they won't exploit you as much and you'll be able to negotiate the terms of cohabitation better that way.

If you are on friendly terms, you won't be bullied, this doesn't always work, depends on your luck, there are times where new guys start picking on others instantly and have a group of their own too quickly.

Assertiveness is key, I know a friend who's an introvert and didn't manage to earn respect of their mate and they suffered 2 years of having to deal with all kinds of fancy behaviour, loud music, inviting a girlfriend over all the time, being annoying and interrupting what they were doing, etc. Their verbal opposition amounted to nothing and they were treated to shrugs most of the time. Until they finally changed the dorms.

If you can't be friends, earning respect some other way is an option, if you can safely intimidate them or make them view you as an equal any other way, you can consider doing that.

I'm not sure how tough your environment is going to be, I didn't find overly aggressive males above the age of 18 that were unable to reason so it may not be that bad.

One time I had to beat down two bullies from my room at a summer camp to earn peace for the duration (I wasn't particularly fit to take on 2 guys, so I made a surprise), so I know how crazy certain situations can escalate, especially among the young and stupid.

I'd say violence and similar offences are generally ill advised, unless you are in a self defence situation with at least one witness (neutral or friendly person, obviously bullies don't count). Bullies can sue you and destroy your life in more than one way.

Though at this point it would be too pessimistic to assume anything extreme is going to happen.
You can most likely judge the would-be personalities of your roommates based on your high school experience with people.

 

[Sixup]

Use the experience to grow. Work on your social skills. Don't just sit there and sulk about being shy. Do something about it. Become likeable. You don't have to be Mr. Popular but you can at least make a few friends.

 

[Inquisitor]

Do whatever you can to get a single room. If that means becoming a resident assistant do it.

Hopefully your roommates like to work hard as well as play hard and understand the importance of a good night's rest. If not, try moving to a different floor in the dorm. Often there are special sections in residence halls that have different requirements b/c the people living there have particular values. If none of these options exist and your roommates are a bunch of rowdy fucktards who don't let you get enough sleep, then you can legitimately file a complaint with the department of public safety at your college as a last resort.

Lastly, spend all your time at the library and away from your dorm. You'll be more productive too.

 

[Sinny91]

Re invent who you are. Put on an assertive enough front that you can ride on for the next few months. Will take effort initially, but could save you hassle in the future.

The social equivalent of pissing up your corner.

 

[Bogart]

Being me it is easy for me to dominate any situation of at least minimal familiarity, but that doesn't make me popular, but being me, again, that doesn't matter.

 

[Redfire]

Your best bet is to adapt. Befriend them, whether you like them or not. When you need to study you'll probably have to go to a library, you can forget about studying in your room.
Trying to evade them just won't work, you can't escape the people you're living with. Who knows? You might even have a good time in the end. I know I did when I was in such situations.
And stay away from hard drugs. Weed and booze are fine.

By the way, I completely disagree with the intimidating thing. Won't work, not even if you manage to put in some weight. One of the guys in my school was a meathead and he still got bullied all the time. The best thing to do is to just become one of them for a while. It won't last forever anyhow, once you are done you can become a hermit again.

You'll be fine.

 

[Tannhauser]

Yeah, probably the worst you can do is to make it a "me against them" kind of thing. Don't become an outsider. That doesn't mean you have to become a crazy extrovert. Just use the friendly-and-cool method, which consists of, as the name indicates, being friendly and cool.

 

[Inquisitor]

Put crushed glass in their oatmeal.

 

[QuickTwist]

If it gets to be really bad, just lick one of the guys foreheads. They will leave you alone after that.

 

[Sinny91]

If it gets to be really bad, just lick one of the guys foreheads. They will leave you alone after that.

Seconded. Be a creep.

 

[Seteleechete]

I'd just ignore everyone if they didn't interest me and just live with the consequences.

 

[EditorOne]

How do you know all your roomies will be braying extroverts?

Anyway, it's a question of balance. You absolutely need to find a spot on campus where you can be alone for a few hours at a time, just to recover from the stress of forced crowdification or whatever we want to call it when the number of people in a place exceeds our comfort level. Syracuse University had a rare books room; nobody ever went there. Some libraries have study carrels, small cubicles designed to function as isolation rooms so serious studying can be done (my dormitory actually had these, in a tower separated from the dorm floors). Look around, you'll find a spot. Use it and the rest will be more bearable.

Don't sweat the bully thing. Not going to happen. If it does call me and I'll beat the shit out of them for you.

 

[Bogart]

How do you know all your roomies will be braying extroverts?

Don't sweat the bully thing. Not going to happen. If it does call me and I'll beat the shit out of them for you.

that's a standing offer I make all my friends.

 

[Reluctantly]

I am going to a college next year where there are 4 people per room, and they are quite noisy and outgoing, and love to party. And also some jerks are there who like to tease socially awkward guys by putting them in uncomfy situations, along with some bullies too.

Unfortunately, I think you've just described the majority of the human race. I have a 'solution', but it's not exactly "kosher".

 

[Peripheral Visionary]

You absolutely need to find a spot on campus where you can be alone for a few hours at a time, just to recover from the stress of forced crowdification or whatever we want to call it

This, plus befriend an INFJ and plead your dilemma until he/she let's you crash on the couch when you need to retreat for more than 8 hours. And make it priority one to get different living arrangements no matter how rigid you think the situation is.

 

[onesteptwostep]

The thread's a couple days old, but my advice is get a part time job, preferably on campus or near it. Great excuses come with having a job; "sorry, I've got to work, sort of tired" "yeah I've got work tomorrow so I can't go out tonight" "sorry I have to take over someone's shift at work". Music and listening to talk shows are great ways to zone out too.