How common is it for INTPs to be shy?

[Elle]

I sometimes realize that besides being cautious and paranoid, I'm also kind of shy, especially if I'm unprepared.

 

[Mandy]

Around people I don't know, I am super shy. If I know/like everyone I am the complete opposite. So I guess yeah, I am shy a lot lol.

 

[bleo]

I can't speak for others here. I used to be a social cripple when I was younger, but with years of getting out of my comfort zone, I got better. The problem now is not being shy, it's more of whether I can fork out enough energy for maintaining short conversations.

 

[Jennywocky]

Some degree of social anxiety/awkwardness, accompanied by excessive energy drain when I do engage.

Attended a get together with high school folks on sat, some of who I haven't seen for 30 years, and today I'm annoyed that I keep obsessing over a few things I said that were stupid /clumsy. I hate that.

 

[RaBind]

Intps are social and emotional chameleons for the most part. They need cues, and may even actively look for them, to understand the social climate around them. The shyness and awkwardness arises from having insufficient information (which is usually the case as being well informed about ever interaction you have is not very realistic), being forced to improvise and make judgements immediately rather than after having given things a lot of forethought, which is usually the default process, and the main requirement for Ti to be able to function properly. So you're left to work with Ti trying to filter out as much stupid shit as possible by causing you to doubt and second guess yourself even more than usual, Fe and Ne doing a lot of the heavy lifting and Si to keep your input in the interactions appropriate based on what you already know about similar interactions in the past, and if you aren't familiar with the type of social interaction you are engaging in then you are left either doing something inappropriate, cause you thought it was a good idea at the time, or not interacting at all in order to avoid doing something inappropriate.

Regrets about doing something inappropriate can linger on for decades, I'm sure you can think of something if you put your mind to it, so most intps opt for the second option and do the minimal amount out of necessity.

 

[Lol]

In small groups of people I'm not shy even if I dont know them but when im in larger groups (4+) I'm more quiet but I wouldn't say shy but because I genuinely don't know at what points i should say stuff.

 

[WALKYRIA]

I'm freakin shy in new environements... Especially in J oriented environements.( jobs, school,...etc)
Otherwise I consider myself too grown up to be anxious of people like I used to be....I'm rather pretty confident otherwise, just calm and silent.

 

[emmabobary]

I'm awesome most of the time, then I say something way out of context and really creepy. I end up looking like a psychopath, I shut up, get really anxious and get drunk (if I'm at a party) accuse and insult everyone (if I'm at work) cry on the corridors (if I'm at class)

I have my moments, and when I do I'm socially brilliant. But usually I'm the extreme weirdo.

 

[Russ]

I'm awesome most of the time, then I say something way out of context and really creepy. I end up looking like a psychopath, I shut up, get really anxious and get drunk (if I'm at a party) accuse and insult everyone (if I'm at work) cry on the corridors (if I'm at class)

I have my moments, and when I do I'm socially brilliant. But usually I'm the extreme weirdo.

nailed it. except i dont cry.

 

[bleo]

I'm awesome most of the time, then I say something way out of context and really creepy. I end up looking like a psychopath, I shut up, get really anxious and get drunk (if I'm at a party) accuse and insult everyone (if I'm at work) cry on the corridors (if I'm at class)

I have my moments, and when I do I'm socially brilliant. But usually I'm the extreme weirdo.

Same as above: nailed it, except I don't get drunk.

 

[Pyropyro]

I find that my shyness is inversely proportional with the number of familiar people in the room with me.

Having an social emergency exit/s handy improves my composure and confidence.

 

[JimJambones]

I find that my shyness is inversely proportional with the number of familiar people in the room with me.

Is that with or without a fixed number of drinks?

 

[Sinny91]

It's not that I'm shy, it's just that I hate unwelcome human contact and that I shy away from it.

 

[Pyropyro]

Is that with or without a fixed number of drinks?

I don't drink in social gatherings. Gotta keep my mind sharp in potentially hostile areas.

 

[shafiqah]

I just don't like to talk more.

Sent from my GT-N5100 using Tapatalk

 

[Sabreena]

"Shy"? More like "crippling social anxiety."

Actually, my anxiety has gotten better over time, and with the help of medication, I don't experience that many physical symptoms anymore. But my social awkwardness levels are still over 9000 because that's the way I am.

The shyness and awkwardness arises from having insufficient information (which is usually the case as being well informed about ever interaction you have is not very realistic), being forced to improvise and make judgements immediately rather than after having given things a lot of forethought, which is usually the default process, and the main requirement for Ti to be able to function properly.

Exactly. I spend so much time wondering "What is the RIGHT way to do this?" and end up not doing anything at all, or missing the two-second window in which it's acceptable for you to answer a person's statement.

 

[ENTP lurker]

Can you describe your shyness?

I'm a shy person. I have no idea how to initiate because I'm never sure. Once that is passed then I'm OK and very active/talkative/being energized.

 

[Darkgrey]

I just don't like attention.

 

[Intolerable]

I am in the same boat as others here. I'm not convinced that my withdrawing from contact has anything to do with being shy. I view every action as a commitment. By overthinking most encounters I usually allow for them to expire. Not because I intend to. I just don't ever seem to find a proper time for them.

Once they expire it seems pretty awkward attempting to reinvigorate them. If there was an epitaph that worked for me it would be this:

Here lies your social network, died on a vine while you were working out your greeting.

 

[kbblily]

This is my firt post.
So hello I guess.

I am very shy, even though I was worst as a teenager.
I was so shy that I could stay in a room with someone and be unable to say a word for a long period of time.
I hated it and hated myself for being like this.
Now I'm a grown woman, and I worked on it so it is a little better, and I've learned to accept it, and making small talk
People still find me weird but now I don't care.

 

[QuickTwist]

TL;DR

I have a question:

Is it rational to be shy?

 

[kbblily]

TL;DR

I have a question:

Is it rational to be shy?

My opinion is that it's not.
It's a fear, like being scared in the water or scared of height. There are no justifications for it, no logic, but you just feel it.
And if you try to rationalise it, nothing happens, like any phobia.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

I am not shy. I just feel unconfortable around people.

 

[EditorOne]

Shy can mean a few different things. However, it is easier to interact with others, or even speak before others, if you have a high comfort level with at least one thing. It makes the lack of a comfort level with strangers more bearable. From the age of four I used to have to memorize a Bible verse every week and deliver it before the entire Sunday School. Absolute terror. The only thing that saved me was memorizing the darn thing perfectly, blotting out the room when I stood up, and letting it rip from memory. That pattern seemed to hold, I can be reasonably comfortable (ie., usefully functional) addressing a group of strangers if it is content I'm the master of.

What I'm suggesting is that some kind of lifesaver, like content, to hold onto during social situations could be useful to you.

Footnote: I bailed out of church stuff when I hit 16. But I still have a formidable array of pointed Bible verses to jam sideways down the throats of fervent religious bigots I come up against. :-)

 

[Grayman]

I call myself reserved but not shy. I lack the obsessive anxiety that is often associated with shyness.

I think people talk too freely and it makes their lives and relationships harder because of this. I find adapting to social situations allows me to avoid unnecessary bullshit and listening instead of talking gives me an advantage in that I know them better than they know me.

Or at least that is what I tell myself.

 

[mu is mu]

I can't speak for others here. I used to be a social cripple when I was younger, but with years of getting out of my comfort zone, I got better. The problem now is not being shy, it's more of whether I can fork out enough energy for maintaining short conversations.

I agree with this.

The INTP imagination is one extremely powerful force; many of these social anxieties and other types of fears we tend to have stem from unreasonable thought processes produced by our own minds. It has been my experience (and the experiences of other INTPs) that one of the most effective ways to overcome these fears is by facing them head on despite being a nervous wreck while doing so--and emerging intact after the frightful experience. The rational part of the mind will eventually resume control after enough experiences like this have taken place and the fears will fade away. You (i.e., younger INTPs) may very well be socially awkward, shy, and goofy now, but with enough time and experience you can outgrow that phase if you want. Eventually you'll be able to convince almost anyone via acting that you're just an ordinary person (i.e., not an iNTP) while inwardly and inconspicuously your INTP mind remains active and perceives reality with a combination of intuition and clarity that most people will never attain.

If younger INTPs do as I say and put themselves in those types of socially uncomfortable situations (or get forced into them), I think they will find the experience intellectually rewarding; the ensuing analysis is oftentimes very stimulating to me.

Personality theory is a great tool and starting point for understanding the patterns underlying social reality. If you begin applying your mind to your social experiences and the social experiences of others, you'll begin fashioning your own internal understanding of each of the personality types/temperaments and people will become more understandable and predictable to you; this will help to dispel your shyness.

In addition to their personality types, you should also begin examining how other factors such as worldview, morality, age, gender, ethnicity, weather, location, mood, and other elements of the social context influence the thought processes and behavior patterns of individuals and groups. In just one ostensibly simple social interaction there is an enormous amount of information to be understood, and you certainly won't be able to grasp a substantial portion of it at a very young age (i.e., teens); it will take years for your mind to connect all these concepts into one workable, unified framework.

As my above arguments suggest, I personally think that one of the major factors responsible for this type of shyness described in the original post derives from the relative slowness with which we INTPs develop our understanding of reality compared to the pace at which most people do this. Many of your peers will have reached a fairly high level of maturity by, say, age 22 and their worldviews will have already reached a high degree of stability and solidification. This is not going to be the experience of an INTP, as we are contemplative late bloomers by nature who process reality with slowness but with far, far more depth than the typical person. Again, with time and experience you will deeply understand people and social reality and the rational part of your mind will at long last discard those irrational fears. But for now most of the non-INTP peers of yours have already reached what they consider a sufficient understanding of social reality, so compared to them, you are behind. You will catch up, and you will grasp social reality far better than many of them could even hope to understand.

Above all, don't let irrational fears and self-doubt control your life. I wish I had accepted this when I was younger; begin contemplating this now and spare yourself much trouble. One of the most helpful pages I have ever read about this topic, and about the INTP type in general, can be found here.

I would say "good luck" with overcoming your shyness, but you don't need it. With time, (scary!) experience, and contemplation, you'll beat it.

 

[QuickTwist]

I sometimes realize that besides being cautious and paranoid, I'm also kind of shy, especially if I'm unprepared.

I feel... I feel like I know you from somewhere else.

 

[Larah]

When I was younger I was super shy..... but then I started working on my social skills.... just pushed myself to say anything... literally anything... Now I can talk to anyone without freaking out..... but that doesnt mean that im never shy....I think intps are shy by nature.... but I think they definitely can change that about themselves.... just focus on whats behind your shyness ?? Ya it takes time but its definitely worth it... dont think things like, omg what did I just say.... and all that negative self talk.... I also believe that some intp stereotypes can be very unhealthy.... like intps being socially awkward.... believing something like that wont do you any good !! :-) I love mbti typing and 100 % sure that im an intp..... but I think its important to not let it shape you.... just feel cool and let go... dont worry too much about looking weird ! Lol that worked for me mbti typing can be a little tricky... Dont let it define you.

 

[WALKYRIA]

hey Lara, love your pro pic looks cool... can we be friends? And don't be shy..

 

[Larah]

Thanx sure why not I already added you, im new here by the way just joined the forum like yesterday im still trying to figure out all the opitions here

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I'm awesome most of the time, then I say something way out of context and really creepy. I end up looking like a psychopath, I shut up, get really anxious and get drunk (if I'm at a party) accuse and insult everyone (if I'm at work) cry on the corridors (if I'm at class)

I have my moments, and when I do I'm socially brilliant. But usually I'm the extreme weirdo.

Me too.

Except I have learned (the hard way) not to drink too much

And crying when frustrated ended in my 20s/30s I believe.

But, really, I can get quite comfortable around some sorts that I end up saying waaayyyyy too much and of course most people aren't used to hearing the depths of an intps thought processes.

In social settings where there is engagement with your body, I can feel extremely uncomfortable (though I wouldn't call this shyness), as if I am on a stage and everyone is watching me. Unless I feel like being on a stage (rare), then it excites me.

I'm basically all or nothing: too open or too closed. And it is in those times where I want to be closed that if I am forced to open, that I feel awkward at the least and shy at the most.

 

[Jane37]

I used to be painfully shy as a teenager. I was so afraid of saying something stupid and being rejected to the point that some of my acquaintances thought I couldn't talk at all, but I learned I could change how I feel by changing how I think and what I focus on. I'm not shy at all any more, but I still say a lot of things that other people seem to find awkward or weird.

 

[Brontosaurie]

I used to be painfully shy as a teenager. I was so afraid of saying something stupid and being rejected to the point that some of my acquaintances thought I couldn't talk at all, but I learned I could change how I feel by changing how I think and what I focus on. I'm not shy at all any more, but I still say a lot of things that other people seem to find awkward or weird.

People in general love it when you say awkward, silly stuff so that they don't feel lonely in their imperfection and their secret alienation from the adult world of appearances. The ones who aren't comfortable with awkward, silly stuff are the ones considered stiff and hard to get along with.

If you can be someone to say those things, all the power to you. The only reason most don't is fear/insecurity. As for the haters, most situational logistics render them a bitter minority.

 

[EditorOne]

This has been a great thread to read.

From one of the posts: "I'm a shy person. I have no idea how to initiate because I'm never sure. Once that is passed then I'm OK and very active/talkative/being energized."

Let me help with that, for everyone's benefit, a source and then a shortcut.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie is almost prehistoric, and your goal is survival, not winning friends or getting them to buy your gizmo or gadget. HOWEVER, it has concepts that apply to us in any social situation and deploying them might seem trite and insincere, but if you stop analyzing and just do it, it works out quite well.

A key strategic concept is that most people (most people who aren't just like us) have one favorite topic, and that topic is themselves, and if you get them talking about themselves, what they do, what they like, your conversational burden is negligible, plus they will, in an un-articulated underthought, think you're the greatest person they've ever met for being so interested in their obviously fascinating lives.

Tactically, the book might be dated in terms of culture. I'm not sure how millennials and whatnot go about introducing themselves, but there are two pretty dependable techniques for the average social situation. First, the most obvious common ground with a stranger is the host of whatever event you're attending, and the easiest question is "How long have you known X?" Then you can introduce yourself, and move on to questions to get the person to open up. Second, deliberate introduction, just walk up, stick out your hand, and say "Hi, I'm Bill Watson, and I'm curious about (where you got that tie, what drink you have in your hand, where you met the person you were just talking to, whatever). Most people (of my generation, anyway) are conditioned to respond to an outreached hand. Just don't do it while the person has a drink in one hand and a hamburger in the other. And don't do it when you just visibly came out of the restroom.

Generally stay away from politics and sports until you know the person better.

If you think of the process as gathering information that will let you analyze the person's personality preferences, it might be the spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine go down.

Remember to smile. Yeah, I KNOW there's nothing to smile about, do it anyway.

One fun thing is that you always know when someone else is relying on technique to get by: If someone starts asking you a bunch of questions about you, you can be pretty sure they've read HTWFAIP or one of its many descendants.

The link is to just one site with a free download of the book that seems to have the "concept" thing down pat and also offers proof the book is still widely used. There are other sites that don't want your email.

Hope this helps. The nice thing about the 21st Century is that not only has someone else solved the problem you have, solutions are all at your fingertips.