How can I study a college that I do not want to become my IDENTITY (!)?

[Dada00007]

Hello,

I am a 22 year old male. After high school, I went to study economics, lasted one semester. After a gap year, I went to study computer science. Now I am in the third semester and I happen to have some kind of a 'dissociation' from the field I study because I feel that I just am not like the people in the field but this career choice of studying this colllege is the best ever (I did not come with anything better), and if I would quit this college I would not study an another. I do want college and I really do not want to fail to meet expectations of my parents and grandparents.

The thing is, that since high school, psychologically speaking, my identity is really based on being a musician-composer (in one month from now, local opera ensemble plays my third one hour long opera) and somehow it interferes very much with studying computer science. I called it 'two worlds'. The first semester, I was able to logically override it and force myself to study hard (I succeeded), but I cant live in denial through all college. I just wont. I would really rather live in a one room flat with minimum income than to compromise myself (again, I think I had to supress part of myself to go through the semester which I cant and wont do anymore).

The reason why I did want to study computer science is that I could gain money to support my music career. And its mostly an introverted job. (I just do not want to become the people in the computer science field, now I almost despise them.)

For some reason, SOMEHOW (I dont understand really why), music and computer science are not mutually compatible for me. (even when I am able to learn to program well) Its either music (which there is no way of getting money from except of teaching it, for which I have no degrees) or computer science (like not having space to have initiative in both of these fields together, its one or the other, mutually exclusive. Really, what the fuck? This is something that long hours of psychology really did not prepare me for.). And I did not went into teaching because of my introversion (and really bad memory for facts).

My last impression about it is that because I get some kind of satisfaction and importance from music I really do not care about the degree in computer science, which otherwise would be a priority for me (because I have to get a good job someday). Am I just lazy?

Does it make sense? What can I do?

I will greatly appreciate any ideas.


Daniel

 

[Seteleechete]

For some reason, SOMEHOW (I dont understand really why), music and computer science are not mutually compatible for me.

Consistently analyse this (hopefully coming to the conclusion that this statement is stupid) and then keep music as an important/close hobby.

 

[_cdub]

You should find some passion in programming. Come up with some musical tool or something. Programming is a valuable skill and I think you would really enjoy it if you give yourself something to do with it that you like.

Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk

 

[Dada00007]

You should find some passion in programming. Come up with some musical tool or something. Programming is a valuable skill and I think you would really enjoy it if you give yourself something to do with it that you like.

Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk

I was thinking about some music apps, for example for composing using midi. There is also a field of computer music which uses algorithms for automatic music composition. Yet it seems pretty advanced.

 

[nanook]

if you have poor memory, do you even have the competency to work in IT long term? you will forever have to learn new things, as technology changes. maybe being a (fine-)craftsman of sorts is more compatible with being a musician, unless it breaks your hands. you must have good senses, if you can do music. the world of computers is most ignorant of the senses, unless we are talking visual design. i'm not surprised you experience dissonance. also analyse the influence of those expectations of your family. otherwise i would have thought: isn't future composing happening on computers .. but even if so, for creative purposes, computers are best approached auto-didactically.

ps: eat fruit, avoid animal products, limit cooked foods, to preserve your brain. everyone is demented, these days.

 

[Haim]

Make some software,there you can see that programming is art in nature and see if it fit you.
What software?that is half the fun.

 

[Inquisitor]

Keep pursuing music...

But don't do it halfway. Make it your life. Work hard at it. Give yourself a few years.

You'll either burn out/discover that being a musician just doesn't suit your personality...

Or...

You'll love it and decide you want to keep doing it...

You can always go back to computer science/programming. My current Java professor who works at Google got started in software when he was 42 and had a great career. Even if you find out when you're 30 that music just isn't for you (that's ~8 years to figure this out), you can still make a switch, although doing it earlier than that would be preferable...

Normally if you're an INTP, I would vote for sticking with programming like everyone else on here, but the alternative in your situation (music) does not mandate that you go to school/apprentice for a very long time before you can actually start being a musician. Sounds like you're already being one right now...

 

[Analyzer]

The reason why I did want to study computer science is that I could gain money to support my music career. And its mostly an introverted job. (I just do not want to become the people in the computer science field, now I almost despise them.)

Fuck programming, it's like the go-to nowadays even for folks who won't like it's jobs aspects. Keep on with the music since you enjoy it. Learn to build/repair instruments as a way to make money.

 

[Teax]

Am I just lazy?

no, you have a mental block. Computer science will feel like a chore unless you either change your self identity(yeah right, ignore this) or start incorporating what you learn in CS as tools that can help your passion for music. It doesn't always have to be working tools, sometimes the idea that this might be helpful down the line, or the opportunity for side-effect-insights can remove the mental block. That's what I call insights that were not planned as part of the normal curriculum, but being a Ne user you can get ideas in field A listening to a lecture for field B. Just don't forget to write them down immediately, I learned that the hard way...

 

[Dada00007]

otherwise i would have thought: isn't future composing happening on computers .. but even if so, for creative purposes, computers are best approached auto-didactically.

Exactly. I always liked computers, in childhood except of videogames, I was always asked for advices how to do different sort of stuff and repaires. And yes, I do compose on a computer.

I like that you used the word 'dissonance' (cognitive dissonance theory is my favourite).

Normally if you're an INTP, I would vote for sticking with programming like everyone else on here, but the alternative in your situation (music) does not mandate that you go to school/apprentice for a very long time before you can actually start being a musician. Sounds like you're already being one right now...

Yes, I am one now but thats mostly because of a very kind college professer of mine which I met during high school, which does all the people work. Recently, I've done some too but the main rehearsals are being done by others, I just compose from the shadows, mostly.

Keep on with the music since you enjoy it. Learn to build/repair instruments as a way to make money.

That sounds interesting, I think about it.

​

no, you have a mental block. Computer science will feel like a chore unless you either change your self identity(yeah right, ignore this) or start incorporating what you learn in CS as tools that can help your passion for music. It doesn't always have to be working tools, sometimes the idea that this might be helpful down the line, or the opportunity for side-effect-insights can remove the mental block. That's what I call insights that were not planned as part of the normal curriculum, but being a Ne user you can get ideas in field A listening to a lecture for field B. Just don't forget to write them down immediately, I learned that the hard way...

Yes, yes, I very much like the unprecedented ideas. Others always look on me when I sratch all my ideas and associations on paper and think that I am crazy.

 

[Dada00007]

So how many of you are into programming?

 

[Inquisitor]

So how many of you are into programming?

I was an ESL teacher for many years after college, now in my 30s and going back to school to get a second bachelor's in CS.

The reason I recommended sticking with music for you is because 1) you need to be absolutely 100% sure of your type first before you make any major time commitments in terms of education/career and 2) if you are an INTP, you will likely discover that music is not something that you can do as your career, and that it was your inferior (Fe) pulling you towards it. This is a very useful experience in and of itself because you'll experience first-hand how the inferior can entice you to pursue careers/jobs that do not make heavy use of your core strengths.

The main idea here is that you need a job that makes heavy use of your dominant function, and places very little demands on your inferior.

It's very likely F-types are much more suited to music.** Personally, I never found music to be alluring at all. I don't listen to much music either. However, helping people was something that I always felt very drawn to, particularly medicine.

**I just did some brief research on MILO concerning psychological type and music. It would appear that professional musicians are mostly NF types, with ENFJ being particularly prevalent. I got that finding by correlating a study on this topic that used the 5-factor model to MBTI types.

Here's more I pulled off a random website (couldn't find the source study):

Which Myers-Briggs Types Become Musicians and Composers?

Many people have a creative side. Some use their talents in their avocations, while others practice them as a profession. Musicians and composers are both quite creative and expressive people. Who do you think winds up in these jobs?

The data from one research study show a definite pattern in those who choose these professions.

First, it's important to remember that all types were represented in the sample of 136 people. While it's true some types are far more frequent than others, if your type infrequently chooses a profession YOU can still do it. In other words, avoid letting a small number or percentage keep you away from something you're interested in. If it feels good, do it!

The largest group in this sample was ENFPs, with around 17%. It's not surprising. Many artistic people are Feelers, particularly Intuitive Feelers. The second largest group was ENFJs at 11%, while INFPs made up 9.6% of the sample.

The smallest groups were ISFPs, with about 1.5%, and ESTPs and ISTPs, both with 2.2%.

Some interesting patterns emerge from these data. Surprisingly, Extraverts outnumbered Introverts 60% to 40%. Intuitives were more common than Sensors, 65% to 35%, Feelers over Thinkers 63% to 37%, and Judgers more than Perceivers 52% to 48%. Again, while ENFPs were the largest group, the sample was slightly slanted towards ENFJ.

The subgroups are also interesting. Intuitive Feelers made up 42% of the total, while Sensor Thinkers were about 13%. Extraverted Feelers came in at 43%, while Extraverted Thinkers were 18% of the sample. Extraverted Intuitives were about 38%, and Introverted Sensors close to 12%. In each of these examples, the combinations were the highest and lowest in the pairings.

Each subgroup above has a descriptor. The Intuitive Feelers are called the "intuitive and insightful types." They seem to be attracted to music. Sensor Thinkers are known as "the practical and matter-of-fact types," and tend to be less attracted to music. Extraverted Feelers are "action-oriented cooperators," while Extraverted Thinkers are described as "action-oriented thinkers." It would appear they have less interest in music than the former group. Finally, Extraverted Intuitives are called "action-oriented innovators" and Introverted Sensors "thoughtful realists." Again, the latter group appears to be less attracted to music, although every type is represented.

Remember: if you enjoy music, it doesn't matter what your type is. If you want to be a musician, go for it. Statistics and studies tell us a great deal about how groups behave, but nothing about how any individual will act.