How are You today?

[severus]

Ha wow. I made my happy post here, and then I went over to Shout Club and bitched for a paragraph or two.

I wish I had year round schooling. It sounds better.

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

is it at all strange that sometimes I feel that I could choose wether or not to be a good or bad person?

 

[Aphasia]

No, not really. Everyone can choose to be a good or bad person. The strange thing is that you realize that you have a choice.

There's a one week long holiday at my school starting from today, so I feel good. I've got quite a bit of things to do, but even so... I feel good

 

[Raison D'etre]

Tech. was so fun today. We spent the entire class period observing a log. Afterwards, we observed what we wrote down. I don't know why, but I liked it. If only the rest of the day had been more enjoyable. Some girl decided to talk to me because I looked lonely, I'm drowning in homework, and I also have to do a group project.

 

[Linsejko]

Well. I'm moving to Israel in 7 days. You'd expect that to be followed by "nervous" or "excited", but neither applies. I'm just engaged in longing over that.

Frankly, my strongest emotions are coming from a deep personal expectation of failure I recently became aware of, and some family information I stumbled on that I don't know quite how to handle and is making me kind of sad, especially as I am leaving soon.

And I'm imaging most of you won't really understand this/think this is ridiculous, but a deep sense of longing for G-d is just kind of resonating in the background, peaking occasionally.

I have led the high school bible study at my church for almost 2 years now, and in many ways I became an integral part of the backbone of our youth; the Wednesday night became very tight knit, (among many things, my mentor died in April, and we met in his house, and still meet in his widow's house, a woman who cried with me tonight as I shared with her after the group had left), and tonight was the time before last that I leave. That, you would expect, would be mildly emotional, but the only intense emotions I felt during that time were during worship.

I was touched, later, when I saw that a girl had given me $250 for my trip. I didn't look at the wad of cash until I got home later, though. Remembered her face as she told me she would give more if she could, remembered her hug (friend, nothing more).

I can't help but feel unworthy, you know? How wonderful friendship is.

I'm not sad to leave them, though I worry about the leadership balance in my absence. I care about these kids, and worry that the woman who will be most in charge, while having many good attributes, is absolutely 100% S, and thus unable to be intuitive where needed in group leadership.

It results in a lot of heaviness, I guess. It's nice to be able to stop at times like this, and just dwell on G-d, and let everything else fade away, as I realize nothing else matters.

I have a tiny bit of a lingering hope/thrill over a relationship I built up with a girl in Kentucky over the summer (native Texan at heart, though, , but that's not very intense at the moment.

Busy, also, a lot. Meeting with lots of people in these last days before I leave. Lots of goodbyes. Lots of errands I need to run, tasks I need to complete, so a mild burden there. Maybe a larger burden than I'm allowing myself to really feel.

That impending expectation to fail again.

Constantly pleasantly reminded of the ipod someone gave to me, as I use it often (lectures get about equal listening time as music).

(Won't this thread make for some fantastically interesting reading later? As said previously, it's like a blog, but this blog is written by many authors, all INTP. Interesting concept. Anyone want to start such a blog?)

.L

 

[loveofreason]

Collecting/making memories for your trip, Linsejko? Compiling the autobiographica for the Linsejko Now to compare downstream with Linsejko Later?

Maybe you're just giving a part of your life a clean burial.

Nice to see you here, regardless.

Perhaps, in your search for meaning, we could all benefit by being privy to your adventures as they unfold. If you were inspired to start a blog here and throw us the occasional message, 'twould make provoking reading.

Fair journeying.

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

Perhaps, in your search for meaning, we could all benefit by being privy to your adventures as they unfold. If you were inspired to start a blog here and throw us the occasional message, 'twould make provoking reading.

I agree. Good luck!

 

[severus]

I don't want to remember the dream I had four nights ago. But my mind is not cooperating. If I can't stay there, don't give it to me.

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

I hate those kind of dreams. They always seem come at the most inopportune times.

 

[Kidege]

My parrot died about an hour ago. Poor little guy. We had him for two months. He was my nick-sake.
Nakupenda Kidege. I dream of you, little bird.
See ya.

 

[Kuu]

Today it rained. A lot. It was all sun and blue, but then darkness and swift curtains of rain.

I realized that I had forgotten the feeling of cold water running down my face, dripping off my hair. I had forgotten the weight of drenched jeans and how they cling onto my body. The smell of wet earth and the pounding of raindrops into tile floors.


The lightning is a reminder that this is not a dream. With it, consciousness and time overcome once more the raw sensation of reality. Now, once more, I find myself alone.

 

[Aphasia]

Got around to thinking about a nice, neat method to overthrow a government yesterday. I still can't think of one that will work with minimal negative effects to the government's citizens.

Also, I'm hearing voices. Either that, or something's broken somewhere in my house. Maybe there's a gap in the windows or something like that.

 

[Decaf]

I hope if we have a revolution the country splits up into a bunch of smaller countries. You're all welcome to move to Cascadia. I'll leave the light on. Vive La Revolucion!

Of course, if you want to live in Alaska, Puerto Rico or the Republic of Texas, go ahead. I wouldn't recommend living in New York City though. They have have a completely unsustainable economic system and earn most of their money through preferential commerce with the rest of the country.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I hope if we have a revolution the country splits up into a bunch of smaller countries. You're all welcome to move to Cascadia. I'll leave the light on. Vive La Revolucion!

Of course, if you want to live in Alaska, Puerto Rico or the Republic of Texas, go ahead. I wouldn't recommend living in New York City though. They have have a completely unsustainable economic system and earn most of their money through preferential commerce with the rest of the country.

funny, i've always thought that it might be better off if we split into 50 seperate countries. i think each state having its own independant (moreso then it is, anyway) economy would work out better then the way it is.

 

[loveofreason]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I'm here, but only partially. The evil real world is holding 95% of my brain and torturing it. With the remaining 5% I am projecting my presence into the ether, in search of freedom and a warm place to lie down.

Wake me up for the revolution.

 

[severus]

I made a blog (!) How exciting. It looks pretty crappy, but I like it. And I even made a decent length post. D'you know I had a blog once before? I deleted it after about fifteen minutes because I decided I wouldn't have things to say. We'll see how this one goes.
Off to watch John Oliver's stand up.

 

[Wisp]

link plz

kthxbai

EDIT: I found your link in another thread. Posting here...

http://www.leaving-ignorance.blogspot.com/

 

[severus]

Ew. Neighbors having racous party. loud music. I need to sleep. Or be able to hear my own thoughts at least. Having my mother call the police. (!) They really are being quite obnoxious. It is 10:30 here. they could at least be playing good music....



@Wisp. yes thank you for digging that up. I didn't want to post it twice. eh.

 

[severus]

The Drugging of our Children (Gary Null) (SSRI drug dangers)(Columbine shooting)

Watch that. Amazing video. Made my day.

 

[Aphasia]

I've come back from my temporary self-seclusion for exam study (I hope it worked). Exams are really depressing.

I got an empty notebook last saturday, and it's nice (just filled with white pages). I'm filling up the back pages with the arguments between the voices in my heads, while the front pages will eventually be used for my chemistry notes. Also, there was an interesting but pretty annoying article about procrastination in a test today. I'd type it out, but I'm too lazy. ^_O

 

[eudemonia]

I'm feeling excited....I haven't felt really excited for a long time. I met my new boss/colleague today and found out he's an INTP. So we had this long conversation about books and theories and what we could do together and so on and so on. Then I found out, by looking at his bookshelf that he's an 'alogical' INTP which means he has a faith and he's interested in the relationship between faith and science. And I am putting on some talks in this area. So then we had another discussion which went on and on. I came away feeling as if I had really achieved something - a few hours discussion and only a little part of that devoted to what we had to do. Luxury. And he lives nearby too!

 

[severus]

That is good. I wish I knew an INTP. I probably do and don't realize it. Eh.
---
absence makes the heart grow fonder
truly it does
how long has it been now? far more than was intended
nothing, not a single time, not even passing in the hallways
should i email? or write a letter? certainly i will not call
have you any idea how much i miss you
do you realize we could theoretically never see eachother again
would you care
more than you cared for t.j. or aaron?
and my uncertainty to that is why i am not starting the conversation.

 

[eudemonia]

Do INTPs have natural habitats where you are more likely to find them? Libraries seem to feature a lot, as do computers. Do the species have distinctive behaviours that separate them from the herd? Quiet, morose, rude, argumentative, deep..... Do you know a morose, rude and argumentative librarian or an intense geeky type or any weird females who seem happier in the company of (probably) geeky men? These are promising places to start. Seriously though, you may know an INTP but s/he has not featured on your radar because INTP's generally don't feature on radars

 

[Jesin]

Do INTPs have natural habitats where you are more likely to find them?

My high school?

 

[Kuu]

Today (tonight) I'm feeling good. I failed an exam and barely passed 2, but that is besides the point, because I wont have classes next monday or tuesday. Hooray for national holidays! I'll get to have 5 days to read, rest, draw, and maybe upload some photographs.

 

[zxc]

Feeling good today.

Today was the last day of Term 3. No school until... tomorrow! :d My chemistry class has a revision session tomorrow morning; I'm sure that I don't need to go, but our chemistry teacher is crazy about completing set work and it's J heaven basically.

In two hours I'm heading to my weekly table tennis training, although I haven't gone in three weeks (first week I was sick, second week I was still recovering, third week I slept through it). Today my knees and ankles seem to hurt though, it's weird. I think it has something to do with my flat feet.

This week I've had five tests, and fortunately I think I went well for all of them. I've found that I can write more in test situations if I write very big and messy, and if I focus on blundering on rather than rewriting sentences endlessly. My last test was a few hours ago, for physics, which I think went extremely well (particularly since I learnt most of the topic this morning, before school.

 

[Aphasia]

I'm disappointed. My chemistry results were worse than I expected, thanks to my carelessness. I'm quite excited about the mooncake festival coming soon, though (I like mooncake, I like the moon, and I like playing with candles and fire XD) (I should request for an XD smiley)

 

[zxc]

I... uhh... fell asleep again. This is the fourth time I've missed table tennis in a row now (I've gone years without missing a week before).

 

[Kidege]

I'm very tired. Very very tired in the moral sense. I'm just trying to do stuff not for myself but to help others. But in order to do that you have to deal with yet other people. I'm not made to have a boss.

 

[Aphasia]

Today was a wondrously horrible day. I was having two trains of thoughts (certain bad things happened today) until recently, one extremely negative and suicidal, one analyzing the suicidal persona (this alone should tell people how messed up I am). I'm better now, but when my parents get back, I bet those two moods will return.

 

[loveofreason]

If that's messed up then I'm right there with you in MessedUpsVille. I observe my suicidal self quite a bit, and pull various strings (implant horrendous thoughts) to see what the reaction is.

But hey, mooncake festival - lets hear more about that!

 

[Friar Pug Rush]

My car is dead/dying. I'm having trouble applying for GAU. I haven't slept for... awhile. I still need a new place to live.

 

[severus]

No school today because the roads are flooded. Huzzah (:

 

[IntenseBurger]

I'm feeling fantastic.

I just started college 3 weeks ago and the experience is really helping me grow as a person. Thus, I am becoming more confident with myself. Plus, classes are way easier than I ever imagined. I thought college was going to be all work, no play. HAH!

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

I think outside of a relationship I'm naturally nihilistic, or maybe I've just adjusted to life again.

 

[severus]

No school tomorrow either because the roads are still flooded. Huzzah (:
-
But, watching Smart People made me really sad.

 

[Kidege]

*hugs Aphasia* I hope the suicidal line of thought goes for good.

(What? INTPs can be touchy feely... through the Internet)

 

[Aphasia]

Thanks, but I've somehow gotten a cold, so...

Mooncake festival link here. The explanation is pretty good, but it doesn't mention one of the stories. A long time ago, Mongols ruled China. To overthrow them, villagers gathered together for secret meetings, bringing lanterns to light their way. They transported secret messages by hiding them inside mooncakes. Finally, they overthrew the Mongolians and drove them away. The single egg yolk in traditional mooncakes represent the message that would be hidden inside a mooncake during that time. I may be wrong on some details, though. Last Saturday was fun.

 

[Decaf]

I just avoided a $250 fine this morning by pretending not to be nervous. I was on the light rail and I didn't have a ticket. At the stop I was supposed to get off on there were security, so instead of bolting and getting asked for a ticket I decided to stay put and take another train back from the next stop. But no... they got on board. Now I should point out that I was the ONLY person in the car, and now there were two of us. I pulled every trick I learned in the military to avoid getting voluntold to do something and it worked! He walked back and forth in front of me for 5 minutes and then I got off at the next stop. Unfortunately so did he so now I couldn't buy a ticket and take the next train back. It added a 30 minute walk to my commute, but that's well worth missing out on a $250 fine.

 

[loveofreason]

Must have been the ninja suit - he just didn't see you .

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

had to put my cat to sleep yesturday. She was 18 and was having alot of trouble breathing.

 

[Aurora]

I'm not feeling very good. I feel like I'm on the edge of panicking
about what the heck I'm doing with my life and what I'm going to be
doing in the future (I attribute this to my Introverted Perceiving
where I focus all of the open-endedness in on myself and end up with
that impending sense of failure). Then my T (logical reasoning) takes
over and I try to reason with myself that I don't need to worry or
panic so much because things will turn out okay because they always
do. I feel stupid analyzing myself like that, too. I don't know what
to do, and then I start feeling trapped and looking for a way out =
depression/giving up. When that happens, I stop trying and just
concentrate on distracting myself from how bad I feel, which then
makes me feel even worse because I want to try and accomplish things.
Cue downward spiral.

 

[Thread Killer]

had to put my cat to sleep yesturday. She was 18 and was having alot of trouble breathing.

Aww. My condolences. That cat was old, though.

 

[Decaf]

had to put my cat to sleep yesturday. She was 18 and was having alot of trouble breathing.

I put my cat down at 18 too because she fell down the stairs and was paralyzed from the waist down. That's no good.

I'm not feeling very good. I feel like I'm on the edge of panicking
about what the heck I'm doing with my life and what I'm going to be
doing in the future (I attribute this to my Introverted Perceiving
where I focus all of the open-endedness in on myself and end up with
that impending sense of failure). Then my T (logical reasoning) takes
over and I try to reason with myself that I don't need to worry or
panic so much because things will turn out okay because they always
do. I feel stupid analyzing myself like that, too. I don't know what
to do, and then I start feeling trapped and looking for a way out =
depression/giving up. When that happens, I stop trying and just
concentrate on distracting myself from how bad I feel, which then
makes me feel even worse because I want to try and accomplish things.
Cue downward spiral.

All us introverted thinkers analyze ourselves like that, so don't feel stupid. To be perfectly honest, its not a bad way to handle things considering what our strengths are. Others have have an easier time keeping their emotions from taking over their lives, but we don't, so we do what we do best. Analyze and understand. Eventually you and I will both learn how to handle our emotions in a stable, personal way, but don't try to jump into it with both feet before you learn to swim.

Rather than spending all your time trying to figure out how to succeed, ask yourself what you define as success and why. Often I find that the most tortured individuals are trying to live up to expectations that should never be applied to them. I would not ask an ESTJ to act, and I wouldn't ask an INTP to go out and change the world. The key to happiness is understanding yourself enough to know what you should be holding yourself accountable for, and what to accept about yourself.

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

Aww. My condolences. That cat was old, though.

My dad got her when I was about 6 months old.

 

[Thread Killer]

Holy poo. Man, that is a long time to have a pet...which makes the loss even harder. Again, I'm sorry.


In regards to Aurora, I too feel that way often these days, maybe not to the point of panic, but it's like "is this the right thing for me."

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

gotta do whats right for you, even if it takes awhile to figure out what that is.

 

[macronet]

I'm feeling angry; this computer program Microsoft offices excel isn't doing what i want. I am punching myself in many places and starting to yell at my computer screen.

 

[Aphasia]

I'm reading a book I borrowed called Apologetics. The reasoning behind it was to get a more balanced view to religion (specifically Christianity), but instead, I dislike it even more now. :1 If it weren't a library book, I'd throw it against some wall as hard as I can or burn it (It was printed in 1964, though, so maybe people of that era weren't good at writing better stuff) (If you still can't tell, I hate the book)

 

[zxc]

Earlier today I was feeling rather odd; I was in a rage at everything, especially religion. I'm feeling fine now though. I don't dislike religion any less now, though.