I'm more NF-y than most INTPs. I'm more spiritual, in terms of religion and how I act. Some INTPs come off as harsher than me, too. I'm not as stand-offish as others. I still debate people a lot, and I hold my own in arguments, but I'm never completely tied to my own logic and reason like some INTPs I've found.
I was hoping to hear an INTP other than myself say this. I realized at some point that my opposite is ESFJ. When the 4 INTP functions flip upside down under extreme stress, my ESFJ emerges, and that guy scares me. This means that for a while now I've been trying to tap into my Fi. That's right, they say stay away from the "devilish" 4th shadow function. But I say it's only devilish because we don't know what we're doing with it. My INTP logical is trying to communicate with my ESFJ feelings instead of just ignoring them. I'm hoping to do this positively of course.
However: BIG However. Speaking of devilish though, it makes sense to me. My INTP says.....let's try this....
INTP (age 29)
- must learn to become more productive
- must find the big picture
- believe that my feelings mean something, right? They exist after all
- also, must learn more about these feelings and use them effectively
- must be careful because I barely trust my Fe to behave, so Fi is scary indeed
ESFJ Inner self (usually only "noticeably" active under stress)
- why do I fear things so much
- why is natural ESFJ over there a risk-taker and I'm not
- my Fe says the sanctity of life is real
- why can't we all just get along....seriously....anybody?
- my Ti ball-and-chain rat on a wheel upstairs is killing me
- everybody only pretends to love each other
- I'm also hypocritical
- sometimes I feel like hanging up the towel and killing my conscience...
- but if I do....I can't do that. I want to do the right thing.
- I hate my awareness that so many people are stressed and miserable like me
My problem is that now I'm always aware of what mister ESFJ is telling me, and my Ne makes these feelings more intense. The devilish function makes sense when I hear people say the Devil and his demons manipulate us and torment us every day. Martin Luther, INTJ, believed we encounter him every day. I understand people having a bad day, but why are so many people killing and doing such terrible things to each other every day. You would think people would be able to control themselves, but I feel like the rapid increase of violence among other awful things doesn't seem natural. Why do people take things from point A to Z so quickly and easily nowadays? The whole sudden rise of police brutality shocked me as well. I would assume this would be gradual and containable, but it exploded seemingly out of nowhere. It's like people in mass are loosing their minds.
My point is, if the Devil is NOT the one making the world worse, that would surprise me. Yes, I already know I will sound crazy to many as I write this.
"Ignore what you're heart tells you. People will think you're crazy if you talk like that. You'll embarrass yourself if you speak of things outside the norm like that. Ignore the problems of the world and focus on bettering yourself. Don't give people the impression you're a conspiracy theorist or anything remotely similar."
These are the kinds of things people tell me, either directly or indirectly. I'm passed holding these things in at this point in my life.
I am still an INTP though. I still theorize and sort through things logically. The line is just blurring now. Speaking of being spiritual though; when I try to imagine what God sees and is really trying to tell us, I'm honestly terrified.
Being an INTP is hard enough as is, but I never realized how hard it could get. I used to ignore this "feelings" side of myself. I was afraid that once I started listening to my real feelings, I wouldn't be able to stop myself later. I can't just turn it off now like I used to.