Hey guys, I'm new here and I'm pretty sure I'm insane.

[ghostCraZy]

I don't know if I am completely insane and I have just come to reality, or if I'm just paranoid as fuck because I'm really high, even though I didn't even smoke that much.

Either way...I need some advice.

Here's my story:



So....I'm not going to get into the finer details of my life, but instead just tell you a little about myself.

I'm eighteen years old, brown hair, blue eyes pretty pale and weigh about 140lbs while being at least 5'10 maybe 5'11. I've got a lip ring, I'm considered attractive to the opposite sex, and as far as I know I've led a really normal, not-so-bad life.

--Here's the catch--

For the past couple of days, I've almost devoted my full attention to a thought that occurred to me when I was high, is this real? Now, don't stop reading just yet because this is going to get intense.

Here are my thoughts right now and this is what I need help sorting out:

Every time I chill with people I feel super paranoid, like people are staring at me and talking shit about me, but at the same time I'm kind of high and I can't hear anything, though I'm not sure if that's normal...Anyways, this is the thought that just happened within like a split second across my mind; what if I'm insane because of drugs or something, and I've made up people who are 100% real to me because of some reason, and maybe even the brothers that I know who look a lot like me represent something in my life, or maybe they're just figments of my imagination and my parents have been playing along this whole time...

My oldest brother(assumed brother); same disease as me, mainly did (supposedly in my mind) a lot of bad things, like tripped on 30 tabs of acid, and has two possession felony's. There's more, but you get the idea.
P.S he really doesn't look anything like me.

My second oldest brother(assumed brother); working, still living at home but is making decent income from his job and has been a pretty good kid his whole life.

So basically, my thoughts on what we have here is that they represent two different sides; bad and good.

Now there's a multitude of ways we could go from here, so lets discuss!

There could be the possibility that maybe this really just is real life, I'm just paranoid and freaking out. Still I really think I have something there, maybe even if it is real life these are just spiritual signs. This could also imply that everything in life is in someway a sign that will relate to your life and your current being. Maybe I've become enlightened, but I'm actually kind of just scared and fear there may be something really wrong with me.

There could also be the possibility that something, at some time happened and that I just don't remember, or that maybe I've taken so many drugs that I've developed mental adaptations of shit I've done in my life through my so called brothers, but then again things feel so real I'm just not sure.

Here's another possibility. Maybe I just have some mental disorder and don't know it because I've forgotten everything or just have never been told. This would also mean that I've forgotten my 'real' past and replaced it with vague, almost picture-like memories of my childhood, though I absolutely swear I can remember actually being there and living some of those memories. Then again maybe it's just another part of this mental disease or w/e, and my mind is actually against itself or something.

That could mean that a multitude of things don't exist in my life....maybe I'm actually in a mental hospital or something and I'm living all of this experience through my mind, and even you guys don't exist. Although, if that were true I'd expect my mind would set up blocks to have you guys encourage me that everything is OK, and that I just think I'm crazy.


In any case, that's where I get stuck at...

Maybe I'm just being a serious hypochondriac and this will just make a good book later..

So...

Can I trust you or not?
And how insane do you think I am?

Your truly, ghostCraZyhttp://intpforum.com/images/icons/icon6.gif


P.S check this out and tell me what you think??
http://herbmergency.com/

 

[mke2686]

i really cant give you a definitive answer but i wanted to share a crazy paranoid thought i had the other day...

so i was at 7-11 and i happened to notice an older man who clearly had OCD as he opened and closed his car door 7 times before entering and driving off, at the time i thought little of it but later that night i picked up some green rolled a joint and started to think about random things as i always do but then the old man popped into my head and i came to a stoned realization the we live in a computer program and the old man was a glitch. i then spent the next 2 hours or so paranoid as fuck but as soon as the weed wore off so did that completely bonkers idea.

 

[Hadoblado]

Pot does that, the less you smoke the less paranoid you'll be. Have you ever read Descartes? He ends up with a bunch of stupid conclusions, but he starts off incredibly strong with 'cogito ergo sum'.
You need to start off with the basics and work your way up. What can you know assuming the entire world is a conspiracy against you? What reason do you have to believe the world is against you? If you consider a lack of motivation to be a reason to believe that something has not happened, then try and think of possible reasons why people might lie to you about the nature of reality. You know someone might lie to you if they stole something off you, but what would be the point of reproducing reality entirely for your benefit? What could you (supposed) brothers possibly want from you?

If you're insane and it's your subconscious that systematically tricks your conscious self, you have every advantage in that your subconscious does not have the same cognitive tools at its command. In the same way that you can sometimes tell you are in a dream, you would be able to tell that you are crazy. By even thinking about the subject in a logical manner you have proved (at least to me) that this is not the case. Remember, in a dream, once you consider whether it's a dream or not, you rarely fail to wake up.

 

[Puffy]

YouTube - The Truman Show Trailer

Strangely parallel. I'd watch it if you havn't already I think you might enjoy it.

Welcome to the forum (:

 

[ElvenVeil]

ehm.. Perhaps you should stop smocking and taking drugs.. let's start from there..
Your post has no consistency what so ever.. what has your brother to do with your current situation ? why are you mentioning your appearance.. This kind of rambling that you perform is not related to paranoia, so the chance that you are this distant from the real world because of the all the smocking and drugs is pretty good.
that this whole idea of yours also occured to you only a few days ago would suggest that it is not that this is not you 'normal' behavior.

Therefore , if you wish to see if you are crazy, and hear what we think, then come back when you have begun a rehab.. It seems like that is what you really neeed..
Even though it may sound harsh, I think it would counter produktive to give you advices about yourself before you have learned to control these problems of yours.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

I think you need to smoke more, it'll help you relax.

 

[Causeless]

Pot does that, the less you smoke the less paranoid you'll be.

PFFT! Subjective. For many reasons... Personal history and background/Strain imbibed/Setting/Tolerance.


I smoke quite a bit and, often, it REVERSES the effects of my normal state of slight paranoia. It relaxes me, helps me to become more open with others and myself. On the off chance, usually when my setting is uncharacteristically hostile, I'll start having unreasonably paranoid thoughts.

Coming back to tolerance though, I'm pretty easily able to weather those and force my thoughts elsewhere, with little effect on my work or skills.

(Coming again to background, the thought usually being a chastising one against myself, "C'mon! Pothead like you can't stem a 'bout of the creeps? Get over it wuss.")

 

[MissQuote]

Here! Read this!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_in_a_vat


I can't promise it will help.

 

[ghostCraZy]

Honestly I just think I've came up with a really great story, and I just get extremely high and let my mind wander and think it's irrational thoughts. I'm pretty sure I'm done smoking because it does get me really paranoid, and I'd rather not be someone who's predisposed to some mental disease and increase my chances of developing one.

The only reason my brothers played any part in this idea is because they're both opposites, I look a little like both of them, and if I could somehow truly relay what I'm thinking then it would make a lot of sense. Like...if a child were to do something bad and their mother made up a different persona of them, the 'bad' persona, and whenever they do something that's considered bad they're referred to in this persona...or maybe the child developed all of this themselves to cope with something that their mind has hidden away.

I really don't think any of this is true or relevant to my life, my mind just has a way of putting logic into everything and anything...even when the subjects completely illogical. That's the only reason I give such a thought any attention...my mind makes connections and puts patterns together that in some way (in my mind at least) make sense. So I fuel the fire...bad idea I suppose.

The reason I mentioned my looks is because I'm a very self-conscious person now, even though the women that I talk to tell me that I'm attractive. I'm pretty sure I'm like this because I have psoriasis on my body. It's just a big, evil demon that haunts me, probably because I used to be so vain...I guess I feel as if I've been punished. Anyways, my eldest brother has the same thing so the thought occurred that maybe he is just a projection that I dumped all the so called 'bad' things in my life in to.

I'd really have to get into it to fully explain the whole story and everything, but I really just wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts. It's nice when you can discuss things with like minded individuals who can actually contribute and help and not just assume that I'm crazy for even thinking such thoughts.

I mean...maybe I just prefer to use Ti so much that it affects my social life...and that's why I feel that people treat me weird when they never used to, and this contributes to why I get so paranoid. I think the main reason people think I'm an asshole is because I've let this disease control my life so much to the point that I sit...stoned...and ignore almost everyone while also having a pissed off or sometimes sad look on my face.

I completely understand the whole computer program thing, I've definitely had thoughts like that...almost to the point that I thought revelation was pouring into my mind. Crazy..crazy..crazy.


Anyways, this is the conclusion I've come up with.

Comments, suggestions, thoughts, and rants are welcome.

 

[EditorOne]

I briefly considered the idea that the entire world was a conspiracy targeting me, but the paradigm fell apart when I asked myself "to what useful end for anyone?"

Then I thought perhaps the entire world was a figment of what we call a mind, my own mind, an ongoing play or movie to engage an otherwise idle intellect. I haven't completely dismissed that one yet. I think, therefore I am. The rest of you I'm not so sure about.

 

[ElvenVeil]

I briefly considered the idea that the entire world was a conspiracy targeting me, but the paradigm fell apart when I asked myself "to what useful end for anyone?"

Then I thought perhaps the entire world was a figment of what we call a mind, my own mind, an ongoing play or movie to engage an otherwise idle intellect. I haven't completely dismissed that one yet. I think, therefore I am. The rest of you I'm not so sure about.

= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism

 

[The Gopher]

Well I am starting to hallucinate recently I don't smoke or anything like that but I am having an unusual amount of minor hallucinations. That or I am just dreaming the whole thing.

 

[Jesse]

Your paranoid cause you took drugs. It's a side effect. Don't know if it's common or rare but I know you are paranoid.

I slipped into Solipsism a few times but mine were far less interesting than your ideas. I still sometimes have this thing of others reading my thoughts.

 

[Hadoblado]

Wow Gopher you may wanna get that looked at. Hallucinations imo are never a good or normal thing, and can sometimes turn into very bad things.

 

[MissQuote]

Exactly how is s/he going to get his/her hallucinations looked at by someone else?

 

[Hadoblado]

Lines and the reading between of them, my pc partisan

 

[SpaceYeti]

Can I trust you or not?
And how insane do you think I am?

You have that ability, yes. I'd also suggest doing it, but my words mean nothing when the question is my trustworthiness. Form an opinion after interacting with me.

It depends entirely on how seriously you take your pondering. If you have a serious worry that your perception is fooling you to the point it interferes with your normal life, then, yes, you have a problem. If it's just a fun thought, no. If you actually are hallucinating, yes, but do you have a reason to suspect that's actually the case?

 

[digital angel]

Take care of yourself.

 

[Cavallier]

You'll be the perfect addition to my Very Un-birthday Tea Party. Only requirement is a top hat and suitable levels of oddness. Are you a transparent ghost? You'll do great!

*hands crazy a chipped tea cup and cigarette*

Don't burn anything down now!

 

[Anthile]

Insane people don't think they're insane. Quite the opposite, really. Insane people think they're saner than anybody else.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Insane people don't think they're insane. Quite the opposite, really. Insane people think they're saner than anybody else.

Insane people think they're the most sane, when everyone thinks they're insane.

But sane people also don't think they're insane, or they wouldn't be sane.

In other words, sanity is relative, perspective-dependent and not really reliable.


Personally, though, I think we're all a little bit crazy.

 

[The Gopher]

Wow Gopher you may wanna get that looked at. Hallucinations imo are never a good or normal thing, and can sometimes turn into very bad things.

Yeah well I have told another (older and wiser) person about it so if I do go completely bonkers they know why.

 

[DirtyBit]

Usually, people who believe themselves to be insane aren't.

 

[pjoa09]

Usually, people who believe themselves insane are pretty bored. I notice I do stupid things when I am bored and say stupid shit. Then I could characterize that as insane and then when I am busy the best I get is hypochondriac.

 

[Yet]

sane - not sane is not something you put on a dichotome scale

(ps my opinion)

 

[DirtyBit]

I agree, but sadly that is how most of society views it and in this case I took his term "insane" to mean "far enough on the sanity scale towards the insane end that most would deem me to be not sane in their misconstrued black and white notion of sanity."

 

[Yet]

I agree, but sadly that is how most of society views it and in this case I took his term "insane" to mean "far enough on the sanity scale towards the insane end that most would deem me to be not sane in their misconstrued black and white notion of sanity."

I see

 

[Anthile]

No, the point of determining insanity is that an insane person is not longer capable of making rational decisions and is not longer capable of caring for himself (food, hygiene, work, etc.).

 

[EmergingAlbert]

Here's what I'd recommend. Just wait until you sober up and the weed wears off, and if you're still paranoid after that, then come back and let us know. I've only tried weed once, and it was the weakest crap I've ever smoked...heck, I'd rather just smoke a cigar or hookah or something. Anyway, even though I've never really been high, I can tell you from what my friends have said that weed supposedly can make you really paranoid, so I wouldn't worry about it too much until you sober up.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

No, the point of determining insanity is that an insane person is not longer capable of making rational decisions and is not longer capable of caring for himself (food, hygiene, work, etc.).

How do we separate incapability from conscious decision?

 

[Da Blob]

Alas paranoia can be caused by many things, drugs and/or schizophrenia. My own paranoia was caused by drug use. Fortunately, one of my 'Smokin' Buddies' pointed out the fallacy of my conspiracy theories. He said "Blob, you are almost a complete waste of my time, and I know you, so what makes you believe that a bunch of complete strangers are going to waste more than a second even thinking about a nobody like you?"

What a wonderful thing for a friend to say! It cured me of my paranoia - because it was the truth...

Schizophrenia though, is a whole different scenario. It is a nasty disorder with an organic foundation. The tragedy of it is it often strikes its victims during their 'college years', with no warning before the "symptoms" begin to appear. One day an intelligent person with a life to look forward to and a short time later a person that has to take some soul-stealing medication just to survive at the lowest common denominator of our society, the ability to communicate...