Help! (INFP...) (Fallen hard...)

[Decaf]

I started the relationship I'm currently in by kissing her, saying good night and going home. When you're dealing with an INTP, they're gonna need to step back and think about what they want to do. Regardless of whether or not it was the right choice, most INTPs feel some kind of regret when they make a decision sans reflection. If you feel like you must "sit him down to talk", then do it a day or two AFTER you've broached the subject to him.

Sorry if that's been said, but I'm sick at home and don't have the energy to dig through the lengthy posts before me (though I plan to after I take a nap).

 

[Ben]

Wow Tektons post was life changing.

but yeah, it sounds like he really likes you. I say go for it

 

[NoID10ts]

I just read Tektons post and damn! I gonna make my wife read that!

He reminded me of how my wife was with me. I really wanted her, but if she hadn't made it very obvious that the feelings were mutual it never would have gone anywhere. I am completely inept at expressing myself and I am so freaking fragile inside that I usually figure the pain of the potential hurt is never worth it to even try.

My wife did the hand holding thing Tekton mentions and left no doubt for me that she wanted a relationship (I wonder if she regrets doing that now )! Even after we were in a relationship I had to analyze the hell out of the whole thing, which frustrated her.I still make her crazy, but she sticks by me for some reason.

She just can't understand how the question "What do you love about me?" can be such a complicated and convaluted query with endless levels of meaning and potential pitfalls for me to answer.

 

[Ogion]

One aspect of this, which might not be so obvious is, that we (oor at least i?)am not sure of ourselves. We are full of doubt, and that is especially the case with feelings and other people involved. I think even when we really like someone, we might not do anything about it because we are too afraid of rejection.
I recently read the sentence: "The answer is alredy No. All you can do is try to change it to Yes" That is reall good advice, only it is not as easy as that. Perhaps we would hurt someones feelings with our open declaration of feelings, how can we know, we don't understand feelings...
You see what i mean?
Maybe i am offcourse here, so correct me, fellow intps (especially ones with relationship experience )

Ogion

 

[kitkat]

Thanks Ogion!

Actually, enlightening discussions is exactly what I'm looking for! And they're interesting because you think so differently than I do (which I've only just begun to understand in the last year or so).

It's funy- I never thougth INTP's look down on people not as smart as them- I always thought they looked down on stupidity Which I totally get- I work in IT. Nuff said.

I agree with your "not sure of yourself" post as well. I think INTP's put up a good front- if they aren't confident, they hide it . Like NoID10ts wife, I too made the first move. I remember after 3/4 months, of DAILY calls, and sayign I miss you, etc... he was "hinting" that he had something to say to me, but didn't actually say it- I jumped in with, I Love you. He said "You beat me to it! Thats what I was goin to say!". I wodner, would he have ever coem out with it if I hadn't jumped in?

 

[snowyashes]

Thank you, everyone... all of this is great. kitkat, it's so great to see another INFP in here-- especially one in a successful relationship with an INTP. That makes me happy.

As to Tekton's post... wow. Just... wow. Like, what else is there to say?

Actually, I think there is something else to say... In reference to what you said about me needing to have a "dark streak" in me, well I guess you could say that I do, just in the fact that I want to know the truth about everything, and if that includes something "dark" then I will just have to deal with it. As I may have mentioned before, I'm pretty sure that my dad is an INTP, so although I am definitely an INFP (everything I've read about them rings totally true-- I love the rain and everything-- except for the part about distrusting, not understanding, and misusing logic... I LOVE logic!), I have a lot of INTP characteristics-- not only behaviors, but thought processes as well. This, I think has helped me become a much more balanced person than some.

Also, I'm not exactly into any religions or anything. My theory is that, since I've read that INFP's may feel like there is something missing in their lives if they do not have some kind of strong faith, this is the reason why I have previously been so interested in astrology, fortune-telling, and other mystical belief systems. The other reason I think this is, is because I seem to be on a never-ending quest to learn everything there is to know. As I put it in a recent email (to my INTP friend, incidentally), "I AM MOVING FORWARD IN MY QUEST TO UNDERSTAND THE SUBTLE WORKINGS OF THE HUMAN MIND....s. (I also would like to understand everything in the universe... but I am merely mortal... so I've decided that understanding the subtle workings of every human mind in the universe is an acceptable compromise. XD )"

So I think we share some of that. When he was telling me about nihilism (YAY! spelling), I found it extremely interesting. I don't know if that could be something I believed in all the time, but it's something I had actually already contemplated (for short periods of time) before. It's true that if this were my primary philosophy in life, I would probably eventually become depressed, but that won't stop me from learning about it and finding it extremely interesting.

And lastly, as to the part about him unloading his "burdens" on me... I want that. I want to help him. I want to know his deepest self, and if that's someone that has hurts, I want to help him heal. I want to know all the good stuff; I want to know all the bad stuff; I want to know all the stuff that he doesn't think really matters, because sometimes that's the most important stuff of all. I don't have anyone who trusts me like that, and that's something I need, something I literally ache for. Just think of it this way: INTPs were created with deep emotional hurts. INFPs were created to heal deep emotional hurts. He needs someone to help him; I need someone to help. So, I want him to trust me... and it won't scare me away, because I guess you could say I have some pretty serious issues myself... mostly because of my being INFP, and no one understanding that, but perhaps that gives us even more in common; don't INTPs tend to feel misunderstood as well?

Please forgive me if the above generalization about INTPs having "deep emotional hurts" was inaccurate; that's just kind of the way I was trying to wrap my mind around Tekton's enlightening words of wisdom.

Oh, and on a sidenote... he mentioned his dad today! And I asked him what he did, and he told me... so perhaps he really just hadn't thought to say anything before. (But I haven't totally made up my mind just yet... I need to gather some more data before I draw any conclusions. )

You know what would suck? If he randomly stumbled across this thread on the internet and freaked out... what do you think he would do???

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

Actually, I think there is something else to say... In reference to what you said about me needing to have a "dark streak" in me, well I guess you could say that I do, just in the fact that I want to know the truth about everything, and if that includes something "dark" then I will just have to deal with it.

This is stereotypical INFP.

INFPs seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect. They often have a subtle tragic motif running through their lives, but others seldom detect this inner minor key. The deep commitment of INFPs to the positive and the good causes them to be alert to the negative and the evil, which can take the form of a fascination with the profane. Thus INFPs may live a paradox, drawn toward purity and unity but looking over the shoulder toward the sullied and desecrated. When INFPs believe that they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. The atonement, however, is within the INFP, who does not feel compelled to make public the issue.

You know what would suck? If he randomly stumbled across this thread on the internet and freaked out... what do you think he would do???

haha, that actually wouldn't be too bad. You should just make your move by sending him this thread.

 

[snowyashes]

Yeah, I think someone else mentioned that... would work, but I would DIE of embarrassment...

I think I've actually read that profile before, several times... I think I actually had the general context of that in mind when I wrote that. Before I read it, I was occasionally a little disturbed at the kinds of things I sometimes ended up wondering about, but I definitely felt much better after I read that.

 

[snowyashes]

Quick question: Sometimes my friend shows me/lets me listen to whatever he has playing on his iPod (without me asking). Just curious... should I be paying attention to the words?

I don't know if this is type-related at all... I just know that sometimes when I recommend music to people, I do it because I either think that they will totally relate to what the song is about, or I do it because I relate to what the song is about... in relation to them. So, I don't know, I guess it's kind of like I'm hoping that they'll like the song, and then they'll start thinking about what it's about, and then they'll randomly think of me because I gave it to them, and then they'll have a lightbulb moment and think, "Oh my gosh, I think she's trying to tell me something!" So... what do you guys think? Is this something any of you would do? Or is this some weird, totally alien, I-should-not-attempt-this-with-my-INTP-friend, INFP thing? Or is it, you know, just me?

 

[Ogion]

One observation, with which i of course could be quite wrong: You seem to search (emotional/relationship-concerning) meaning in almost everything he does or says. But believe me, if he is INTP, he is probably not thinking about emotional meaning of words and actions very much. Perhaps you have to slow down a little there

Ogion

 

[snowyashes]

Okay, thank you. Those were the magic words I was looking for.

 

[fullerene]

I have done it with people... but only once or twice, and I didn't expect them to pick up on it. Even then, if someone did it to me I'd never act on it. It's far too shaky evidence, and I'd be too suspicious of my own motives to trust it, even if I did realize that all the songs had a theme to them (which I probably wouldn't). Still, I can't imagine it'd hurt. I'd still suggest straightforward honesty (as much as you can muster) before anything else..... after all, Dr. Seuss once said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind," and I think he was right.

edit: oh, so... er... yeah. Basically what ogion said. Playing little couple-type games with us is almost certainly not worth your time or worry.

Also (I can't believe nobody posted this yet), but this might help as well. I've found it to be excellent, and every single very close friend I've ever had has become one because they did this. The only thing that I'd say isn't quite right is the part that says "don't relate it back to your own life." That one is a hit or miss, while the article makes it sound like it's a terrible idea. If it's related back well, then it helps considerably... but if it's not, then it just makes me sad that the person doesn't really understand. Being open about your own weaknesses, without sounding like you're complaining about them all the time, is the absolute best way (in my experience) for someone to make me feel like I can trust them enough to open up myself. I'm always reactionary about it.

 

[snowyashes]

Hm. That was rather helpful... but could you please define what you specifically mean by my own "weaknesses"? (i.e. fears, character flaws, what?) And how exactly would one do this without sounding like you're complaining? (Well, if you're referring to character flaws I think I know how to handle that... but although I could probably figure out how to do this since it sounds similar to things I do anyway, I didn't really pick up on the context in whice this advice was given. The link, although helpful, was rather vague, and I'm not really sure when it would be applicable.)

I can sense that this information is an extremely useful tool that I could use somehow, I'm just not sure what the right situation(s) would be to use it!

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

http://www.bringtheawesome.com/
Another possible tool.

 

[Luzian]

I have done it with people... but only once or twice

This sounds sexual

 

[Luzian]

Okay, thank you. Those were the magic words I was looking for.

So as I suspected, you don't want our thoughts, you want us to tell you what you want to hear.

 

[snowyashes]

Um, you could interpret it that way, I suppose... But what I meant when I wrote that was that I didn't think he would be that... subtle, I guess. However, I personally might at least consider doing something like that, so I just wanted to check with you guys to make sure that my theory was correct, so that I could stop worrying about it.

If I really wanted you to tell me what I want to hear, I would have been disappointed by this confirmation. I would have preferred it if he was trying to tell me something, because that is the kind of puzzle I absolutely ADORE... and it would mean I would be a lot more sure about his feelings before I ever brought it up in direct conversation. I don't mind, of course; that's just how he is.

So I guess if you mean that I wanted my suspicions to be confirmed, then yes, you are correct; who doesn't want to be right? Especially when it will make things less stressful? But if you mean I want you guys to tell me that we were made for one another, then you are incorrect... yes, I like him, but I don't want to invest too much hope in someone who I won't be able to have a successful relationship with, because that would only lead to disappointment, which is obviously undesirable.

 

[fullerene]

oops, sorry! I read this post when I didn't have time to answer, and then completely forgot about it.

That was rather helpful... but could you please define what you specifically mean by my own "weaknesses"? (i.e. fears, character flaws, what?) And how exactly would one do this without sounding like you're complaining?

Yep... fears, character flaws... pretty much anything substantive about yourself that other people might consider unattractive or that there's a good chance of rejection if you mention, lol--as long as they're not shallow things (I hate how my hair always splits on the ends!) Say, if you were worried about turning into someone that you're not (and had some reason to think that you might be), it would create a fantastic conversation that would make him feel very at ease with you. (I suppose it could also chase him away, too... but for serious pieces of yourself like that, you're probably better off doing that sooner rather than later because it can't stay hidden forever.) And then ater you talk about something like that for a while, he's much more likely to open up and talk about the parallel parts of himself.

A good way to not sound like you're complaining is just to wait til something close enough comes up in conversation. Even his asking what you've been up to, or how you've been doing, is probably enough of a window for it (INTPs are not fans of smal talk). The other (most major) way to not sound like you're complaining is to not keep mentioning it, lol. After he hears your deeper thoughts once, he'll know it's there... so there's no real need to repeat it or bring it back up unless he keeps showing interest.

I cant say at least that these types of people are the most attractive ones to me. There's enough depth and they're comfortable enough being open to learn about them, vulnerable enough to make me feel comfortable, and I don't really care whether what they're telling me about is socially acceptable conversation or not because I'm INTP.

Disclaimer: He might be an asshole who'll take advantage of your weakness and hurt you with it. I don't know this guy, but those people definitely exist. In the case that that's true, though, it's (at least in my opinion) better than you know now, rather that playing games and trying to attract a guy who is ultimately bad for you (and perhaps tying yourself up from meeting someone better in the meantime). It depends on how attracted to him you are, whether you think he's worth the risk, because there's more risk involved the deeper the relationship goes. Ultimately, being the most "yourself" is the only way to attract someone who's actually attracted to you... and I think oppenness is a big part of that.

 

[snowyashes]

Thank you. That was fabulous. I do think he's worth the "risk," because the way I see it, it's not much of a risk at all. He is a great guy, and I can tell that he would never, ever do something like that... not unless I really, REALLY deserved it-- and maybe not even then. Also, I tend to be relatively open about that kind of thing anyway, and not just with him... with everyone. I don't know if you've seen this anywhere, but I read somewhere that INFPs tend to use self-deprecating humor a lot, which I found to be totally true. It's not that I have super low self-esteem or anything-- I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses-- in fact, I actually have somewhat high self-esteem, and I'm extremely conscious of that, so sometimes when people mess up and feel stupid, I lie and tell them nonchalantly, "Oh, don't worry, I do that all the time," even though I would never do something that stupid. I just want them to not feel bad, because it's not like they did it on purpose, and I actually feel guilty for not having made that mistake. However, I'm pretty sure that's not what you mean, so I'll stop writing about that for right now. I do talk about my weaknesses, though. Whenever something comes up in conversation, like you said. I've noticed that he actually does tend to make similar comments about himself, as well. He's mentioned several times that he's very lazy, and procrastinates a lot, and I've said "That's okay. I do too," which is actually true.

(He's not always the initiator, though. I mention stuff first too!)

Anyway, thank you for clarifiying that for me! It was very helpful.

 

[Jesin]

sometimes when people mess up and feel stupid, I lie and tell them nonchalantly, "Oh, don't worry, I do that all the time," even though I would never do something that stupid.

NOOO!

 

[Kidege]

I concur. I've been reading the thread though I haven't posted before.
The "lie and tell them nonchalantly" bit might seriously distress one of us. Even if it's for our own good, if we find out we've been lied to, we won't forget.

Ok, example: My mother loves me to pieces and I trust her to keep my interests in mind. I know this. But until a couple of years ago I really believed she only told me the truth. I honestly believed that as a rational, as a fair person, she told me the truth or nothing at all. Then I found out she didn't. It was subtle, it was for my own good, I can't even remember what she lied about. But she did. I love her, but I can't completely trust her to tell me the truth. When something like this happens, I (we) find myself a bit lonelier.

If this guy is really a decent guy, if you truly care for him, you might want to think twice before you tell him any lies. I know you wrote you don't lie to him. Just keep it that way, ok? Cause if he is an INTP, he's already as lonely as he can handle.

 

[fullerene]

lol, me neither Jesin, me neither.

no problem snowy . Any other way I can help, lemme kno. Otherwise, good luck!

 

[snowyashes]

NOOO!

I'M SORRY I'M A BAD PERSON!!! I only do it to certain people though, and when they're really upset... I guess I exaggerated, it's usually something that I have done at least once, or something that I understand them doing, and don't blame them for doing it.

I concur. I've been reading the thread though I haven't posted before.
The "lie and tell them nonchalantly" bit might seriously distress one of us. Even if it's for our own good, if we find out we've been lied to, we won't forget.

As I said, only to some people... those who need it. Obviously, any one is anything like you guys would not be the kind of person I would do this to. I can tell who will freak out and feel stupid if they mess up, and who will freak out and feel betrayed if I lie to them. I always careful, and I appreciate you telling me how bad this would be so that I don't second guess my instincts...

 

[fullerene]

...is that really honest?

(not trying to be a jerk or anything, but that post sounded like you were backtracking a whole lot just because it looked like Jesin was more seriously accusing you than he probably was )

 

[snowyashes]

(CONTINUATION FROM MY LAST POST)

Also, I don't lie to my friends. At all. Ever. Even if they do something stupid. Because, for the most part, they don't care if they look stupid in front of me, because they know that I know that they're not stupid. And if they do get upset because they do something, I just tell them that it's okay.

I know that honesty is important, and my friends are REALLY important to me as well-- like, probably up there in the top 5 most important things in my life (another of which happens to be morals). So, it's a simple conclusion: truth is important. People I care about are important. Therefore, keeping relationships with people I care about truthful is extremely important.

(Sorry for freaking you guys out there, and I hope my elaboration on what I meant will at least soften any judgements you may have made...

 

[Kidege]

Um, okay. It wasn't really a judgment, more like a sinking feeling of despair.
And I should shut up now, I don't know the first thing about relationships. ^ ^!

 

[snowyashes]

...is that really honest?

(not trying to be a jerk or anything, but that post sounded like you were backtracking a whole lot just because it looked like Jesin was more seriously accusing you than he probably was )

Lol, yes, that was honest. It kind of felt like I was backtracking a lot, too... I guess I was, but it was because I had a bad feeling about making that comment in the first place without giving more details, because I thought people might get the wrong idea (although, really, how could they have possibly gotten the right one from the information I gave???), but I wanted to actually make my point without getting totally sidetracked like I usually do, so I just left it how it was. So of course when I saw people's responses, I was like "... CRAP!"

And yes, I probably over reacted to Jesin's post... ...oops...

 

[fullerene]

*hugs snowyashes tightly for a few moments*

please, don't worry about us so much . If I had to guess, Jesin's post was about 7% truth and 93% joke. I don't think anyone judged you (certainly not over a one-line thing. INTPs are so slow to make decisions about people that it takes quite a bit to color any of our opinions of someone like that). You're not getting ganged up on... so please don't run

edit: ninjad by several posts. Your last one sounded much less "threatened," so you can probably just ignore this one now

 

[snowyashes]

Um, okay. It wasn't really a judgment, more like a sinking feeling of despair.
And I should shut up now, I don't know the first thing about relationships. ^ ^!

Yeah, that was kind of how I felt too.

I hope you feel at least slightly better now...

 

[snowyashes]

*hugs snowyashes tightly for a few moments*

please, don't worry about us so much . If I had to guess, Jesin's post was about 7% truth and 93% joke. I don't think anyone judged you (certainly not over a one-line thing. INTPs are so slow to make decisions about people that it takes quite a bit to color any of our opinions of someone like that). You're not getting ganged up on... so please don't run

Thanks. That makes me feel a little better.

(And that was a wonderful hug, by the way. )

 

[Kidege]

Yeah, that was kind of how I felt too.

I hope you feel at least slightly better now...

Chill, okay? I'm alright. You're alright (I hope).

 

[snowyashes]

Yeah.

sorry... I had something else going on at the same time, so I was kind of stressed out already, which is probably why I overreacted. Oops.

Okay... moving on.

 

[Snail]

WARNING.
INTPs might look like armoured cars on the outside, but inside they're filled with wine glasses, extremely fragile. And even if unbroken, there are razor sharp edges all around anyway...

If you gain his trust, he might unload all his bottled up feelings upon you, and that might be an unexpected and heavy burden that might scare you away, if you were only used to the Ne side of him, his public, maybe cheerful and silly, chameleonic face.

If you can endure that, then his quest for truth might drag you down into places you could have never thought of. You might feel judged, or constantly criticized, or he might seem constantly unsatisfied with everything. That usually scares away the cheery girls, so you have to have a dark streak within you. He might take you through confusing philosophical paths that might shake the foundations of your world-view, beyond what you are comfortable with (i.e. nihilism). He might ask questions too deep, too hurtful, and he might seem insensitive, not realizing that he has gone too far. INTPs can't detect other's feelings like that, and know no limits when it comes to their intellectual curiosity. Our curiosity is dangerous for other people, specially F types, though we mean no harm, only truth.

I couldn't deal with that. I don't mind dark paradigm shifts, but I need to be able to please him. If he is never satisfied, I will never be content.

 

[Kuu]

^^ content?



Is that what you look for in relationships?



I think that would be the worst for an INTP...

Of what I have come to understand, it is indeed constant dissatisfaction, an unstoppable desire for something higher, that is the essence of an INTP. Their greatest quality, in fact, that makes them valuable human beings, is their infinite capacity for contempt. That is how they help the human species...

Contentment is the anti-thesis of an INTP. Contentment is stagnation, and stagnation is death. Challenge, uncertainty, and strife are its destiny.

Damn, thats true and makes me wonder if Im even worth the trouble.

"What? You like me you say? Are you fucking nuts?!"

A couple of years ago I realized that my ideal woman was precisely the one that would be independent and smart enough to actually know me deeply and because of that not want a relationship with me... because her spirit is too great and too free to be bound and held back... by the likes of me.

 

[snowyashes]

Hmm... That's interesting...

 

[Kuu]

.. but maybe that's just me


(... was that an attempt to destroy, self-destroy, any sense of positiveness and worth and certainty that could have possibly built up in this thread... running away from a sudden, terrifying spotlight, toppling myself from any sort of potential pedestal... and thus going under, face down into the mud, odious, despicable, pathetic, self-deprecating, and filled with contradiction...? *mutters in a barely audible voice as Tekton slithers back into his shadowy thinking corner, not desiring to hijack the thread further*)

 

[Snail]

I don't think contentment and stagnation are the same thing. I would not be content in a stagnant relationship in which change and growth were not possible. A person doesn't have to be critical or negative to avoid stagnation. The desire to move toward perfection does not have to come from being unhappy with each other.

It is as if you feel that you would not be moving at all if not to move away from something undesirable. What about moving toward something even more desirable? You can do that without being dissatisfied. I'm content with the musical ability I have now, but I'd still like to get even better. Contentment doesn't have to mean the total lack of motivation and desire.

 

[Kuu]

It is as if you feel that you would not be moving at all if not to move away from something undesirable. What about moving toward something even more desirable? You can do that without being dissatisfied.

Why? Why seek more, if not because of a nagging sense of dissatisfaction that tugs at the very core of your being?

I'm content with the musical ability I have now, but I'd still like to get even better.

I consider that to be a contradiction. If you want to get better, then you are not content!

Contentment doesn't have to mean the total lack of motivation and desire.

Then how do you define contentment?



Being INTP = Sisyphean Task

 

[snowyashes]

I think you and Snail are using different definitions of the same word(s). Dissatisfaction, for instance; the way you use it, it comes off as an active contempt for what you have, and unhappiness that you do not have something better. Here is my question: is that really what you mean by that? Or are you merely referring to a [passive] lack of satisfaction? Indifference, of a sort? What you have is not bad enough to earn your contempt, but neither is it good enough to cause your contentment...

(If that wasn't clear enough, think about the difference between nice, not nice, and mean. "Not nice" does not necessarily imply "mean"... "mean" has connotations of active unkindness, whereas "not nice" simply refers to a lack of "niceness" in one's manner.)

 

[Kuu]

I think you and Snail are using different definitions of the same word(s). Dissatisfaction, for instance; the way you use it, it comes off as an active contempt for what you have, and unhappiness that you do not have something better. Here is my question: is that really what you mean by that? Or are you merely referring to a [passive] lack of satisfaction? Indifference, of a sort? What you have is not bad enough to earn your contempt, but neither is it good enough to cause your contentment...

Yes, that is what I mean.

And... passive lack of satisfaction... hmm apathy? What is the point of living in that state? Can that even be considered "living"?

 

[loveofreason]

Why? Why seek more, if not because of a nagging sense of dissatisfaction that tugs at the very core of your being?

Being INTP = Sisyphean Task

Bravo.

I frequently get the image of Sisyphus in my mind when I think of my life. That same damn rock...

I'm sorry I have nothing new to contribute to what is a very interesting discussion, I just had to reinforce all that Tekton has said.

Much insight.

 

[Snail]

Yes, that is what I mean.

And... passive lack of satisfaction... hmm apathy? What is the point of living in that state? Can that even be considered "living"?

It isn't apathy. There are varying levels of contentment. I am content, but even in my contentment, part of what makes me content is striving for an ideal, which would bring even greater satisfaction than the level I now have. Your way of going about things is pessimistic.

 

[snowyashes]

That's an interesting way of looking at things. I think I can kind of relate (obviously not completely, since I'm not an INTP ), because I have the same sort of focus on personal growth and constant improvement. There is always something better that I can do, I can always do better than last time, and if I don't, I'm unhappy. It's more like... I don't know. When it feels like things are going to go my way, I get this almost exhilarating feeling of hope, and I try really hard to reach for that ideal place which I believe would give me contentment, but I never quite reach it. This never stops me from trying just as hard the next time, if not harder.

I agree with Snail; I think you guys are both in the same place, you're just looking at it from different perspectives.

 

[snowyashes]

Today I saw him at school, and he seemed glad to see me. As soon as he put his iPod away once he got to science, he came over to where I was standing and started talking to me. When we walked after class, he was joking about how cool the blue plastic flower ring that I got out of one of those 25-cent machine things and gave to him was. At the end of the hall he gave me a big hug and a huge smile and said he'd see me later. After school, I was almost late to meet him, because I wasn't packed up when the bell rang, but he was standing at his locker looking in the direction I usually come in while he got his stuff, and when he saw me fighting through the crowd, he gave me a huge grin and waved.

The most interesting thing, though, was back in science... we changed seats recently, and I'm in the back right corner, and he's three rows in front of me on the opposite side of the classroom. So, I can see him, but he can't see me. Normally he's pretty focused on his work, or if the teacher is lecturing, he just watches her and listened, but today he seemed really spacey (although he was more focused than usual when he was talking to me), and he was turned in his seat toward the teacher, and I saw him look over at me a couple of times (more like a few than a couple-- like, five or six), and I don't think he knew I saw for most of them, but the couple of times we made eye contact I smiled and he gave me a huge smile in return, and once he waved.

 

[Ogion]

You sure he's intp?? Because if he is, i'd say that's about the strongest way he could show affection, at least i can think of.

Ogion

 

[Snail]

Yeah, he probably likes you.

 

[fullerene]

At the end of the hall he gave me a big hug and a huge smile and said he'd see me later. After school, I was almost late to meet him, because I wasn't packed up when the bell rang, but he was standing at his locker looking in the direction I usually come in while he got his stuff, and when he saw me fighting through the crowd, he gave me a huge grin and waved.

shields are down, scotty... FIRE!

 

[Decaf]

Watch out... the next phase could include extreme cheesiness mixed with emotional retreats and inattention.

 

[snowyashes]

... got it. *mentally preparing myself*... okay. I think I'm ready. (Yeah, right... but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.) So now I just have to make a very unsubtle comment/joke... or should I just wait and see what happens? o.o

 

[Jesin]

I just had to reinforce all that Tekton has said.

I dunno, I wasn't sure about some of it...