Hello, from my soon-to-be-watery grave

[Nerd.]

Hi.

In June, I moved to Maine. I live near the shore. The people who make the news say that a hurricane will be arriving Saturday. This will be my first hurricane, and I fear I will die a very wet death. I thought I would say "hello" before the end. I do not know how to swim. I am an INTP.

 

[Cognisant]

First!

Welcome, and um... goodbye I guess.

 

[Cavallier]

I've lived through a couple hurricanes on the Gulf of Mexico. Not so bad if you are inland more than a couple of miles and you don't live in Louisiana in my experience. Then again you may not have a bunch of ancient oak trees to hide behind.

Well, welcome to the forum for as long as you manage to stay alive!

Edit: *shakes fist but only halfheartedly*

 

[Dormouse]

I like that there is a period at the endof your username.

It's never too late to throw yourself in the reservoir. Quickest and cheapest swim lessons, that, I'm sure it would prep you for Saturday.

 

[snafupants]

Nah, most people survive what nature throws at them. Unless, for example, you are an old lady in the desert living in quiet desolation out of a trailer and eating peaches from a can and the sun is Old Testament merciless, or you have the misfortune of being born black in America. Then, you might run into problems. However, you seem fit, youthful, resilient, you should be fine. Welcome! [Unveils gummy grin]

 

[Alice?]

Seems the title of redshirt really would be fitting then... though it seems you've changed it to orangeshirt.
Trying to escape fate, are we?
And I detest orange the vast majority of the time.
Also, hello.

 

[Cavallier]

Nah, most people survive what nature throws at them.

Unless you fell in a semi-frozen lake and you are 10. Unless you got stuck in a blizzard and your Jeep ran out of gas. Unless you got mauled by a bear. Unless you are a little old lady eat...oh, wait. That's already been done. Unless you live in a flood plane when the hurricane comes. Unless you live in a trailer near tornado alley. Unless...

Wow, I just realized I know a lot of dead people. Huh.

Um...Don't mind me.

 

[snafupants]

Unless you fell in a semi-frozen lake and you are 10. Unless you got stuck in a blizzard and your Jeep ran out of gas. Unless you got mauled by a bear. Unless you are a little old lady eat...oh, wait. That's already been done. Unless you live in a flood plane when the hurricane comes. Unless you live in a trailer near tornado alley. Unless...

Wow, I just realized I know a lot of dead people. Huh.

Um...Don't mind me.

You know more living people!

 

[Anthile]

How can people not swim? That stuff falls from the sky, it's in the ground and 70% of the planet are covered with it.

^impending doom

 

[typus]

How can people not swim? That stuff falls from the sky, it's in the ground and 70% of the planet are covered with it.

^impending doom

Are you able to efficiently move through the cosmos?

 

[Deleted member 1424]

*hands Nerd. evil scuba gear and an evil helmet*

Get over it, you'll live.

That's already been done. Unless you live in a flood plane when the hurricane comes. Unless you live in a trailer near tornado alley.

Hey I live in a flood plain! I've also waited out a tornado in a relatives trailer in tornado alley twice.

 

[Nerd.]

It's never too late to throw yourself in the reservoir. Quickest and cheapest swim lessons, that, I'm sure it would prep you for Saturday.

That, or make me dead sooner.

Unless you live in a flood plane when the hurricane comes

Crap.

How can people not swim? That stuff falls from the sky, it's in the ground and 70% of the planet are covered with it.

Some people are uncoordinated in the water. And on land. I am one of those people. I sink. I'm a good sinker.

However, you seem fit, youthful, resilient, you should be fine.

Only until I'm not-fine!

*hands Nerd. evil scuba gear and an evil helmet*

Thank you. I'll wear them, but only because they're evil. Otherwise, they'd make me look like a nerd.

 

[Dormouse]

That, or make me dead sooner.

Nonsense! That's how I learned, and I did swell. Only one lung had to be replaced, and the brain damage really was negligible.

 

[Nerd.]

... though it seems you've changed it to orangeshirt.
Trying to escape fate, are we?
And I detest orange the vast majority of the time.

Me too. But we all do things of which we are not proud, on Laundry Day.

Nonsense! That's how I learned, and I did swell. Only one lung had to be replaced, and the brain damage really was negligible.

If you're sure -- I do have some spiffy new scuba gear.

 

[Cognisant]

I do not know how to swim.

It's a fear thing more than anything else, once you're over the whole "oh shit I'm sinking" thing you'll find that swimming is almost instinctive, and even if you're totally hopeless you can always push off from the bottom, so long as you don't panic it's actually quite difficult for a reasonably healthy/fit person to drown.

 

[Words]

How can people not swim? That stuff falls from the sky, it's in the ground and 70% of the planet are covered with it.

^impending doom

Look into the earlier stages of man. Relevance does not come from quantity alone.

Me too. But we all do things of which we are not proud, on Laundry Day.

If you're sure -- I do have some spiffy new scuba gear.

no worries, it's a well known axiom that evil translates into live-ing...maybe. let's hope that hell is warm and fuzzy.

 

[Nerd.]

so long as you don't panic it's actually quite difficult for a reasonably healthy/fit person to drown.

Promise? I think I'd like to see some kind of experiment. One hundred fit young people, Dormouse's reservoir, and the instructions "Don't Panic". It may be unethical, but it could help to put my mind at ease.

 

[Adymus]

I do not know how to swim. I am an INTP.

I kind of want to turn this into a motivation poster.

INTP: They don't know how to swim.

 

[Cognisant]

Promise? I think I'd like to see some kind of experiment. One hundred fit young people, Dormouse's reservoir, and the instructions "Don't Panic". It may be unethical, but it could help to put my mind at ease.

ethics? Ethics!?!
THIS IS *kicks random passer-by into the reservoir* SCIENCE!

 

[Nerd.]

ethics? Ethics!?!
THIS IS *kicks random passer-by into the reservoir* SCIENCE!

*smile* I like you.
I almost forgot!.. "Don't panic!" .. There. It would be a shame to have to remove our first the subject from the study.

 

[The Gopher]

Hurricane - turns right (clockwise) Cyclone - turns left (counter clockwise) thus proving... that... wait what was I doing again?

 

[Cognisant]

I almost forgot!.. "Don't panic!"

No-no, that was the control, now we need to do it again.

*kicks another random passer-by into the reservoir without saying anything*

*impassively watches them drown*

Y'know it's ironic that such a seemingly pointless death actually gave purpose to an otherwise pointless life, indeed from a certian perspective it was a grand death, forevermore giving a degree of validity to the results of this experiment.

 

[The Gopher]

watches friend drown hmm I wonder who is next cognisant?

 

[Oblivious]

 

[Nerd.]

No-no, that was the control, now we need to do it again.

*kicks another random passer-by into the reservoir without saying anything*

*impassively watches them drown*

Y'know it's ironic that such a seemingly pointless death actually gave purpose to an otherwise pointless life, indeed from a certian perspective it was a grand death, forevermore giving a degree of validity to the results of this experiment.

It's what makes Science so stupendous!

watches friend drown hmm I wonder who is next cognisant?

I will venture to guess: anyone who is within an arm's length of Cognisant while walking along the edge of a reservoir. I could be as dangerous, but I'm busy taking notes.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I will venture to guess: anyone who is within an arm's length of Cognisant while walking along the edge of a reservoir. I could be as dangerous, but I'm busy taking notes.

*materializes out of thin air behind Cognisant and pushes him into the reservoir*

Bet you didn't see that one coming Nerd.
hmmmm I hope his circuits are waterproof.

 

[Nerd.]

*materializes out of thin air behind Cognisant and pushes him into the reservoir*

Bet you didn't see that one coming Nerd.
hmmmm I hope his circuits are waterproof.

*smile* I think I like you too.
Only, what do you mean by circuits? Is he mechanized in some way? No matter. More importantly, ought he to be in the control group? He has not been told, "don't panic". Rather, should he really be in the test group, having been the one to extol the virtue of not panicking? I suppose I should wait first to see if he survives.

By the way, it will not count if you hold him under. That is how research comes to be invalidated.

 

[yes]

The people who make the news say that a hurricane will be arriving Saturday.

If you really believe your life's at stake, why not just move. Drive out of town and live in your car until the hurricane passes. The whole town can be submerged and thrashed while your living like a bum but still alive without becoming part of the debris without your body floating across the neighborhood, miles away from your property. And who knows, maybe you can drive by some wifi and keep us updated with current events. .

 

[The Gopher]

Ohh don't worry I yelled don't panic....

 

[AlisaD]

Oh my, I leave you kids alone for a few days, and what happens? Drowning people just for the sake of science? For shame!

This evil nerd is a bad influence on you.

Especially you, Cog, you should know better. We drown people for fun. Science is an excuse, and we don't deal in excuses here

You naughty children will be the death of me.

 

[The Gopher]

heehhe sorry I did yell don't panic didn't I?

 

[Lostwitheal]

 

[The Gopher]

*smile* I think I like you too.

yeah make some new friends more at your funeral hovever soon or late that will be.

 

[Cognisant]

*materializes out of thin air behind Cognisant and pushes him into the reservoir*

*sinks like a stone... a very heavy stone*

(internal monologue) Yes they are, and I'm not exactly capable of drowning *looks about and notices the sheer concrete walls around him* which is more than a little inconvenient at this point in time… perhaps if enough people drown I can climb out.

Especially you, Cog, you should know better. We drown people for fun. Science is an excuse, and we don't deal in excuses here

(internal monologue) Bah, you're an excuse

 

[The Gopher]

LOOK OUT *pushes Alisa D in* YESSSSSS ehhm well testing going well. One control 2 tests, nerd you have the results?
and no point pushing me in I can swim.

 

[AlisaD]

Goopher, you know, GM tried to drown by pushing me into a frigid river, and look how well that played out for her -she's eating IB's raisins, for crying out loud

Best stay underground

And Cog, aren't you even going to try putting up a proper fight? I told you you shouldn't play with nerds, child, they make you think, instead of just wanting to wreck things, no good can come of this.

 

[Cognisant]

*pulls AlisaD under*

*walks over to the wall with AlisaD in tow, takes her cane, uses her as a stepping stool and the cane to grasp the edge, then pulls himself out*

Thinking is how I wreck things.

*walks away from the edge so nobody can push him back in*

 

[The Gopher]

ahhh what well i am not in the water yet so.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Amatuers. Don't you know you need to conduct this experiment in multiple reservoirs?

What if the current reservoir has one of these things in it?

(no, not the dog but feel free to kick it in while you're at it)

Jesus Christ people! Do I need to explain to you how to fucking breathe?

Oh and new person? I would welcome you but I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone so close to death. Like Alisa. I couldn't care less about Alisa so when she finally (and I do mean FINALLY) kicks the bucket, buys the farm, pushes daisies and takes the dirt nap I will be able to shrug and say "eh, so what?"

 

[AlisaD]

Thinking is how I wreck things.

No dear, thinking is how you justify your need to wreck things.

Oh and new person? I would welcome you but I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone so close to death. Like Alisa. I couldn't care less about Alisa so when she finally (and I do mean FINALLY) kicks the bucket, buys the farm, pushes daisies and takes the dirt nap I will be able to shrug and say "eh, so what?"

Keep dreaming, honey, you won't be the first fat little kid I watched grow up and then shrivel and die, and you definitely won't be the last.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Ain't nuthin' like some old bat refusin' to die. (my southern drawl in action!)

Want some raisins?

(btw, what the hell is this raisin thing all about and what am I doing with them? All I know is I suddenly have raisins. Are they radioactive? Semi-sentient life forms that do my bidding? Tell me Bat!!)

 

[Nerd.]

Slow down. So Cognisant thinks himself invincible? I can work with that. However, he has failed to resurface. I must put him in the 'drowned' category. AlisaD is in the water. But still talking. The elderly float. They have hollow bones, like birds. I'll check 'survived'. Gopher seems to have had himself thrown in for the betterment of Science. Always good to have volunteers. He's quiet.

*checks drowned*

Okay. I think I've caught up. Wait, chubby people float, right?

*puts down the clipboard*
*puts hair up in a bun*
*stretches*
*goes into a sudden sprint*
*SHOVE*
*slowly walks back*
*picks up the clipboard*

Inappropriate Behavior... Silly me. I'm getting ahead of myself.

*waits patiently for the outcome*

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

Cognisant thinks he looks like this:

Spoiler

But little does he know that we used substandard parts from China when we built him so now that he's been in the water so long he looks more like this:

Spoiler

 

[AlisaD]

Ain't nuthin' like some old bat refusin' to die. (my southern drawl in action!)

Want some raisins?

(btw, what the hell is this raisin thing all about and what am I doing with them? All I know is I suddenly have raisins. Are they radioactive? Semi-sentient life forms that do my bidding? Tell me Bat!!)

And there I was, thinking there's nothing raisinesque about you and there's no need to write down why I made those - silly old bat, aren't I?

Now the mystery is lost in the infinite debts of my Alzheimer ridden brain, and you will have to wonder the world with your pockets full of raisins of unknown origin and powers - forever. Mwahahaha

 

[Cognisant]

Cognisant thinks he looks like this:

Spoiler

I'm a chatbot in the wild.

 

[The Gopher]

Gopher seems to have had himself thrown in for the betterment of Science. Always good to have volunteers. He's quiet.

*checks drowned*

No actually I went home testing the diference with australian water. Back now though. Besides I said I could swim.

 

[SpaceYeti]

Hi.

In June, I moved to Maine. I live near the shore. The people who make the news say that a hurricane will be arriving Saturday. This will be my first hurricane, and I fear I will die a very wet death. I thought I would say "hello" before the end. I do not know how to swim. I am an INTP.

You win ten cool points.

 

[The Gopher]

I kind of want to turn this into a motivation poster.

INTP: They don't know how to swim.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/53601466@N04/4953180782/#/photos/53601466@N04/4953180782/lightbox/
here you are.

 

[Nerd.]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/53601466@N04/4953180782/#/photos/53601466@N04/4953180782/lightbox/
here you are.

Gopher, that is spectacular.

*erases drowned*
*checks survived*

Pencils are good.

 

[The Gopher]

Thanks