Having kids

[Rebis]

I'm not sure if I care about passing my own genes to a progeny, I've been scared of the possibility that they could become anything and I would have to bare that responsibility for the rest of my life (Quite selfish but also not reckless, many horror stories of parents neglecting their kids). However, I've always liked the idea of adoption, picking a child that was forsaken that I would like to guide through out the world.

I'd prefer a choice rather than a responsibility, as in it is my choice to undertake this responsibility (to which I know the child) rather than an unpredictable random genetic generator that is conception. I wouldn't try and pick a perfect child but maybe one that seems to have been forsaken (beyond being an orphan). I'd also get the added benefit of not having to raise the kid in the earlier years which would disrupt my sleep, so adopting at the age of 3-4 and above.

Does anyone want kids, or feel a responsibility to do so? If so, why?

Would you adopt a kid or do you have a preference for creating your own?

 

[peoplesuck]

I view breeding as evil since you are basically saying, "yeah i know there are kids without homes but i want one with my blood." I really would like to adopt, because from time spent around kids, I know it will help me heal/fix the thing that makes me kind of cold and distant, teach me to care for something, or more accurately someone. However im not really at the point mentally or financially so im not going to risk fucking up multiple lives. If I get my shit together I would preferably have a little kid farm, so they have each other, it would be great until they hit puberty and the incest started. is it technically incest if they arent related?
The sad thing about kids is most parents dont care enough to educate themselves on how you actually should raise a kid. anyhoo

 

[Rebis]

I view adoption as evil since you are basically saying, "yeah i know there are kids without homes but i want one with my blood." that is all

You might've made an oopsie, adoption is selecting kids without homes and not one without blood, therefore not evil (in the sense it's based on propegating your purpotedly "superior" genes)

 

[Black Rose]

I need a better house to have kids.
It is equally the responsibility of the wife to have the children.
I would need to be with someone I love.

 

[peoplesuck]

choosing to accomplish the same thing but taking a path that doesnt help, inadvertently hurts someone. wat

 

[peoplesuck]

I view adoption as evil since you are basically saying, "yeah i know there are kids without homes but i want one with my blood." that is all

You might've made an oopsie, adoption is selecting kids without homes and not one without blood, therefore not evil (in the sense it's based on propegating your purpotedly "superior" genes)

this is irrational, fuck you my genetics are somehow in the slightest better so good luck? or are you saying your instinct to breed makes this acceptable?
im kind of retarded so please help me understand

 

[Rebis]

Are you saying picking an adopted child inadvertently hurts someone? the adoptee doesn't hurt the child, the child has already been hurt.

 

[Rebis]

I don't understand what you're saying. I don't have the compulsion to pass on my genes, I do have a compulsion to pass on human genes i.e. to help someone once I reach a certain stage in my life.

 

[peoplesuck]

ohhh im retarded
what i meant was having kids biologically is evil
ha no wonder we were confused
i will fix that

 

[Rebis]

Yeah if you base your interaction with others on the selfish gene, that which has been proposed to promote social cooperation, then on that logical precedent I would take care of any child.

 

[peoplesuck]

People put a lot of value on a child being their blood, I dont understand why or how so maybe I should just not talk on the subject. my morality is very much my own

 

[Rebis]

People put a lot of value on a child being their blood, I dont understand why or how so maybe I should just not talk on the subject. my morality is very much my own

The idea in the selfish gene basically stipulated (for analogy purposes), that your progeny and direct relatives would factor in at about 1/2, that is you would sacrifice yourself (you being 1) for 2 kids (1/2). Cousins and other relatives would be 1/4 and other people would be 1/8 or 1/16 (might've skipped a group, it's been close to 8 years since I read it.)

So you would exchange your life for 8/16 random people, relatively speaking. Not considering if you think you're competent or can achieve more, but purely on a genetic/moral basis. Again this was analogical but the structure seems to be relevant, after all people often attach more sentimentality to their immediate family and then it skews towards other humans from there.

 

[Rebis]

I wouldn't say it's evil to want your own children it serves an evolutionary function. People can't refute a genetic compulsion like kids with pure "LOGIC AND FACTS". Having said that, it's clearly an act of compassion to go against your immediate wants to fend for another that isn't blood related. In terms of morals, caring for a child that already exists compared to wanting your own is a compassionate choice.

 

[Cognisant]

The sensible reason to have kids if you're living in an agrarian society is so they can take over the farm when you're too old to work it yourself, they're your retirement fund. These days we have literal retirement funds like superannuation accounts, people aren't expected to look after their parents like they did back then and that doesn't look set to change anytime soon.

I think these days having kids is a hobby for the so inclined, the world doesn't need more people if anything we're already pushing the carry limit.

 

[Kormak]

The sensible reason to have kids if you're living in an agrarian society is so they can take over the farm when you're too old to work it yourself, they're your retirement fund. These days we have literal retirement funds like superannuation accounts, people aren't expected to look after their parents like they did back then and that doesn't look set to change anytime soon.

I think these days having kids is a hobby for the so inclined, the world doesn't need more people if anything we're already pushing the carry limit.

Not leaving a genetic legacy when there absolutely is no afterlife. Not being competitive with other lifeforms.

Not spreading your high IQ genes when low IQ ppl have no idea what a contraceptive even is & produce up to 12 low IQ kids. Idiocracy.

^^ dude my grandma is 92, she fell on her ass in her room, broke her leg and hip. She can't feed herself, can't think str8, babbles nonsense all-day, had dementia since her 70s. If she didn't have my mother and uncle she'd have starved and frozen in her own house 20 years ago. My ass ppl don't need kids. The day will come when you are helpless and alone and the state won't give a fuck about you not being able to physically feed yourself or reach the toilet fast enough to shit. Your friends aren't going to change your adult diaper or spoon-feed you.

 

[Rebis]

The sensible reason to have kids if you're living in an agrarian society is so they can take over the farm when you're too old to work it yourself, they're your retirement fund. These days we have literal retirement funds like superannuation accounts, people aren't expected to look after their parents like they did back then and that doesn't look set to change anytime soon.

I think these days having kids is a hobby for the so inclined, the world doesn't need more people if anything we're already pushing the carry limit.

Not leaving a genetic legacy when there absolutely is no afterlife. Not being competitive with other lifeforms.

Not spreading your high IQ genes when low IQ ppl have no idea what a contraceptive even is & produce up to 12 low IQ kids. Idiocracy.

^^ dude my grandma is 92, she fell on her ass in her room, broke her leg and hip. She can't feed herself, can't think str8, babbles nonsense all-day, had dementia since her 70s. If she didn't have my mother and uncle she'd have starved and frozen in her own house 20 years ago. My ass ppl don't need kids. The day will come when you are helpless and alone and the state won't give a fuck about you not being able to physically feed yourself or reach the toilet fast enough to shit. Your friends aren't going to change your adult diaper or spoon-feed you.

I mean you can still live a relatively independent life before being a pensioner. Living to such a frail age seems inherently bad anyways.

 

[Kormak]

I mean you can still live a relatively independent life before being a pensioner. Living to such a frail age seems inherently bad anyways.

All 4 of my grandparents lived past 85 yo. Pension is ok, maybe you have money, but after a certain age, your brain isn't functioning well, can't make decisions on your own, can't even make it to the toilet on time. Old ppl are stubborn and don't admit stuff to themselves. Nobody is going to willingly check himself into an old ppl home & spend the life savings on that.

I have taken care of my grandparents, I know what is in my future. Its dark, bleak, lonely, but at least if my kid gives a fuck about his old man he will change my diaper & tell me I'm a retarded useless boomer .

 

[Rebis]

If I had to be diaper change I'd kill myself.

 

[Kormak]

If I had to be diaper change I'd kill myself.

The day will come, thx to modern medicine ppl are living longer than ever.
The adult diaper market boom is proofs: https://www.reuters.com/article/us-...rket-no-one-wants-to-talk-about-idUSKBN1X10G0

e_e that bullshit about retiring from work and living the life at old age is BS. Past 60 lfe kinda sucks. Enjoy youth now, its never coming back.

 

[Rebis]

I mean suicide rates are prevalent among the elderly, I imagine I would go for the same fate. Being dependent on others, immobilized, unfit for tasks is horrifying for me. Gradual adjustment to the loss of independence doesn't seem fitting either, I still think of my incompetencies daily.

 

[Rebis]

I don't want to get used to that lifestyle at all. The only way I'd live as an elderly is if I had a lot of money, I don't talk to my immediate family, step-dad (functionally dad) is a psycho vol-cel, mum has extreme OCD and coldness. I haven't talked to one of them in 2 months.

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

i've never felt sufficiently infallible to create other sentient beings

 

[Rebis]

i've never felt sufficiently infallible to create other sentient beings

Infallibility isn't possible in this case

 

[Kormak]

i've never felt sufficiently infallible to create other sentient beings

Trailer trash Don doesen't even think about that sort of stuff, he thinks about where to get the next bottle of liqur, but he did shack up with dumpster fire Nancy and put 5 IQ 87 kids into the world. The future of the planet, mankind or even the future of them 5 kieds? Don and Nancy dun have big thoughts liek dat.

I mean suicide rates are prevalent among the elderly, I imagine I would go for the same fate. Being dependent on others, immobilized, unfit for tasks is horrifying for me. Gradual adjustment to the loss of independence doesn't seem fitting either, I still think of my incompetencies daily.

Old ppl kill themselves, because at that age friends die, distance themselves / have their own problems. You become a burden on your kids & society, you have all kinds of physical and mental issues. Life becomes very lonely & there is only death to look forward to. When you pee in your pants & bathing becomes a monumental task in itself you'll be glad you put some youing whipper-snappers into the world who begrudgingly either help pay for an elderly home or help you in some way.

In my case I hope they leave me to rot, I hope they take every last bit of resources I can muster and focus on their and their kid's legacy.

I don't want to get used to that lifestyle at all. The only way I'd live as an elderly is if I had a lot of money, I don't talk to my immediate family, step-dad (functionally dad) is a psycho vol-cel, mum has extreme OCD and coldness. I haven't talked to one of them in 2 months.

I'm sorry.

Upside: you probably don't have to take care of them? Old ppl are mean, bitter and gross af. I worked for a year at an NGO taking care of the elderly. I have seen things no 20+ year old should see... stuff that cannot be unseen. PTSD kicks in

 

[peoplesuck]

my iq is probably at least 100, ladies hit me up
old age is a time to huff gasoline and do ketamine.

 

[Kormak]

my iq is probably at least 100, ladies hit me up
old age is a time to huff gasoline and do ketamine.

^^ hey, this gives me and idea. Ima grow my own shrooms and get high when I hit 70., declare myself the mushroom king and wear a Teemo hat as my crown.

 

[peoplesuck]

start collecting now, have many things to try when later

 

[Rebis]

Old ppl kill themselves, because at that age friends die, distance themselves / have their own problems. You become a burden on your kids & society, you have all kinds of physical and mental issues. Life becomes very lonely & there is only death to look forward to. When you pee in your pants & bathing becomes a monumental task in itself you'll be glad you put some youing whipper-snappers into the world who begrudgingly either help pay for an elderly home or help you in some way.

In my case I hope they leave me to rot, I hope they take every last bit of resources I can muster and focus on their and their kid's legacy.

I don't want to get used to that lifestyle at all. The only way I'd live as an elderly is if I had a lot of money, I don't talk to my immediate family, step-dad (functionally dad) is a psycho vol-cel, mum has extreme OCD and coldness. I haven't talked to one of them in 2 months.

I'm sorry.

Upside: you probably don't have to take care of them? Old ppl are mean, bitter and gross af. I worked for a year at an NGO taking care of the elderly. I have seen things no 20+ year old should see... stuff that cannot be unseen. PTSD kicks in

Exactly my point really, old people kill themselves fundamentally because they can't be independent, their mental capacity to scave off feelings of loneliness and depression is reduced, they can't do daily tasks (incompetence) so need increasing support from relatives. They have less ability to form social bonds because everyone is occupied with their time so it's really just a combination of all those things that seem inevitable in old age. Dementia, reduced gene expression, cognitive decline, psychological weakness... all a product of senscence.

I think most of the issues could be supplemented with money, if I had money I could rely on my economical situation rather than relatives compassion, I could have money to try out interesting activities, a train journey here, restaurant booking there. I could live a modest life that would allow me to go on dates and whatever else. I could structure my diet rather than relying cheap food. Existence seems to decline as you get older, I'll probably peak at 30. Let's enjoy this freedom.

I wonder if other animals are tortured by death and senescence, life would be easier (psychologically speaking) if we didn't have heightened self-awareness.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Third generation American, all my grandparents were foreigners and 2 of them never even stepped foot in America. My mother grew up in poverty with a single parent and has had to work her entire life, no higher education, started having children at 20. My father got a graduate degree, but when he moved to America he had nothing and didn't apply it.

Not everyone can develop a plan as a lot of them haven't had breathing room to think clearly their entire lives. Reactivity is in control. Seeing as my parents had to work hard to get ahead, there was plenty of neglect to be had. My younger siblings are lucky our parents have come to have more free-time in their late adult years. This is unfortunate for me because I feel a little guidance would've gone a long way, at least saved time.

I would only have children if I'm able to be attentive to their development. I could adopt too, if I were able to scout for a child that I felt I could help the best. But the child I would bear has my DNA, that is the child I feel I could help best.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I do not have any birth or adopted children, but I do have a lot of direct experience with adopted children. Very little of it is pleasant.

Adoption is very different from having your own kids. Honestly the two aren't even really related. Few people really look at the reality of it. What do you think your life will be like if you adopt a child who's mother did copious amounts of drugs during the pregnancy and then neglected the child during it's life? This is a very very very common scenario. Realistically you're looking at massive developmental delays and emotional problems. The first few years of life are critical for development and you can't get them back. You can't fix what has already happened.

What has happened to these children is an utter tragedy, but they are not innocent angels either. What will you do if the child you've adopted constantly steals from you and lies to you? What will you do if they create disgusting hoards? What will you do if they scream non-stop for 8+ hrs? What will you do if they abuse another child; physically or sexually? What will you do if they falsely accuse you of rape? What will you do if they attack you? What will you do if your child's birth family stalks and threatens you? These are not rare scenarios. They are common. They're all going to be chronic and probably all happening at the same time. You need to have answers to these types of hard questions to adopt responsibly.

In the US, adoption agencies will lie to you. They will lie to you about everything and will make promises about medical and psychological care that they will not keep. I've seen adoption destroy careers, destroy people and destroy families. I know people who are prisoners in their own homes. I know people who've killed themselves.

To be idealistic about adoption, is to be stupid. Help if you can, sure. That's great. Getting in over your head and condemning yourself and your family to a living hell for a lost cause is stupid. Many of these situations are sad and tragic, but you can't fix them with wishful thinking.

Read as many horror stories as you can find. Find people who've adopted and talk to them. Volunteer in the relevant environments. Only then, if you still have the cojones for it, should you consider adoption. After that, always assume any official/social worker you interact with is lying to you. Probably get a lawyer too. Don't fucking bother if you don't have the emotional resilience of a brick.

If you want to condemn me for my negative outlook, so be it... I'm only saying what I know dozens of people I directly know, wish someone had said to them. Be prepared. If you can't handle it, you won't be a good adoptive parent.

(sidenote: Adopting a significant others child is not nearly as risky. As long as your relationship with the parent and their child is solid, I would encourage anyone to go for it all the way.)

 

[Tenacity]

Should lack of ability to immediately cover expenses completely justify lack of desire for children? Or, assuming you didn't have to worry about finances, would you then still want to be responsible for nurturing the child's upbringing for decades?

Continuity of "lineage" and things like that aren't that important to me, but I know it may be important to some (especially some people around me).

So, I don't currently want children, and I doubt that will change, however, I'm most likely going to do egg freezing at a later point in my life, as preservation and for optionality.

It takes much, much more than what is seen at surface level to reasonably take care of even one child over an entire lifetime.

The life of a child is precious, highly impacted by his/her/their immediate surroundings, and should thrive. If a couple/individual can't afford to put time and dedicated effort into raising children, they might not want to - same goes for adoption.

I was born into poverty, and am thankful for my life immensely. I think I came out okay. If I ever change my mind, it will be far after I've proved to myself that I can take care of myself well enough.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Should lack of ability to immediately cover expenses completely justify lack of desire for children?

You don't need to justify that.

 

[Tenacity]

Should lack of ability to immediately cover expenses completely justify lack of desire for children?

You don't need to justify that.

Lol. I'd say it's much more justifiable in retrospection (i.e. for those of us who's parents were in debt or in the low income bracket upon our birth) than in prospection.

But, pssh, who needs retrospection anyways, wasn't the OPs question

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

having kids is for plebs. The more plebian, the more kids

 

[Cognisant]

The sensible reason to have kids if you're living in an agrarian society is so they can take over the farm when you're too old to work it yourself, they're your retirement fund. These days we have literal retirement funds like superannuation accounts, people aren't expected to look after their parents like they did back then and that doesn't look set to change anytime soon.

I think these days having kids is a hobby for the so inclined, the world doesn't need more people if anything we're already pushing the carry limit.

Not leaving a genetic legacy when there absolutely is no afterlife. Not being competitive with other lifeforms.

Not spreading your high IQ genes when low IQ ppl have no idea what a contraceptive even is & produce up to 12 low IQ kids. Idiocracy.

^^ dude my grandma is 92, she fell on her ass in her room, broke her leg and hip. She can't feed herself, can't think str8, babbles nonsense all-day, had dementia since her 70s. If she didn't have my mother and uncle she'd have starved and frozen in her own house 20 years ago. My ass ppl don't need kids. The day will come when you are helpless and alone and the state won't give a fuck about you not being able to physically feed yourself or reach the toilet fast enough to shit. Your friends aren't going to change your adult diaper or spoon-feed you.

My genetic legacy will be a farm of genetically engineered pigs with blood and immune systems compatible with my own, and like a fantasy lich my skeletal robotic body will sacrifice them to my cybernetic phylactery, taking their vitality for myself to prolong my unnatural existence. Maybe someday I’ll create humanoid pigs and raise a proto-civilisation of them so they can compete in great tourneys for the honour of being sacrificed to me under false pretences of being admitted to my great mead hall in the heavens.

Eventually some Conan like orc will discover my dark secrets, become a militant atheist and overthrow my evil regime, killing me, and after my death a recording will play explaining everything, telling him how proud I am of him, of my legacy.

 

[Kormak]

My genetic legacy will be a farm of genetically engineered pigs with blood and immune systems compatible with my own, and like a fantasy lich my skeletal robotic body will sacrifice them to my cybernetic phylactery, taking their vitality for myself to prolong my unnatural existence. Maybe someday I’ll create humanoid pigs and raise a proto-civilisation of them so they can compete in great tourneys for the honour of being sacrificed to me under false pretences of being admitted to my great mead hall in the heavens.

Eventually some Conan like orc will discover my dark secrets, become a militant atheist and overthrow my evil regime, killing me, and after my death a recording will play explaining everything, telling him how proud I am of him, of my legacy.

^^; sounds like a plan.

You know the religious procreate like mad. If ya'all wanna beat the bible thumpers, better get on dat pusi b0ss. Demographics is destiny.

That moment you realize other high IQ ppl are evolutionary dead ends and you want more than 5 kids.

Continuity of "lineage" and things like that aren't that important to me, but I know it may be important to some (especially some people around me).

So, I don't currently want children, and I doubt that will change, however, I'm most likely going to do egg freezing at a later point in my life, as preservation and for optionality.

^^ this is why NT women are a rare sight. My aunt is INTP. She married late, decided to have kids in her late 30s... 6 stillbirths... the 7th is a vegetable 12 years old today. She was physically too old and unhealthy to have kids by the time she decided to. Considering she is a physics major and has mensa lvl IQ... its a real shame.

Freeze a LOT. Most eggs fail also if you are too old consider surrogate mother.

Candace Bushnell, sex and the city author for example realized at age 60 that she wants kids... can't have any now.

Imo our society screwes women over royally. It is not compatible with the human reproduction cycle. Career building years coincide with the most fertile years when women can actually create healthy offspring.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Fortunately we have way too people anyway and the complete switch from genes to memes is nearing completion.

 

[Minuend]

Having kids and then little by little having to black pill them on reality. That seems pretty horrible. (Black pill here meaning everything is horrible :^)).

Oh, btw politicians are corrupt and make decision based on self interest and deluded ideology

Oh btw, heath care is shitty and based on what doctors perceive you to be/ think of you.

Oh btw, our entire society is based on making money and nobody really gives a shit about anything else

Oh btw, science is very biased and corrupt where conclusions of studies are based on what type of questions asked etc

Oh btw, widespread abuse of animals is common, encouraged and expected

Oh btw, no matter what you do you will be a cog in a machine that further exploitation and suffering.

 

[scorpiomover]

I view breeding as evil since you are basically saying, "yeah i know there are kids without homes but i want one with my blood."

That is basically why our entire species exists, because our genetic ancestors chose to make kids with their own blood instead of adopting orphaned and/or abused kids from other species.

I really would like to adopt, because from time spent around kids, I know it will help me heal/fix the thing that makes me kind of cold and distant, teach me to care for something, or more accurately someone. However im not really at the point mentally or financially so im not going to risk fucking up multiple lives. If I get my shit together I would preferably have a little kid farm, so they have each other, it would be great until they hit puberty and the incest started. is it technically incest if they arent related?

There's just so much wrong here, I don't know where to begin.

"Kid farm"? You think it's sensitive to raise children like "cattle"? Perhaps you would like it if your parents told everyone that they were going to raise pigs, but decided on humans when they found out that how much sh*t was involved with raising pigs?

So they can "have each other", because you're not going to be looking after them?
Also, in foster families, because the kids move on and don't all get fostered at the same time, they'd probably feel like the other kids are just "passing through", or they are "just passing through". Not much loyalty.

Then you think when they get older, they'll want to f*ck each other? Dude, if most people were like that, then there would be a lot of guys paying child support to their sister.

 

[scorpiomover]

Having kids and then little by little having to black pill them on reality. That seems pretty horrible. (Black pill here meaning everything is horrible :^)).

Oh, btw politicians are corrupt and make decision based on self interest and deluded ideology

Oh btw, heath care is shitty and based on what doctors perceive you to be/ think of you.

Oh btw, our entire society is based on making money and nobody really gives a shit about anything else

Oh btw, science is very biased and corrupt where conclusions of studies are based on what type of questions asked etc

Oh btw, widespread abuse of animals is common, encouraged and expected

Oh btw, no matter what you do you will be a cog in a machine that further exploitation and suffering.

Dude, everyone would have to go through that. So as long as there's at least you and another member of homo sapiens left alive, you're no better off.

(Black pill here meaning everything is horrible :^)).

Remember Taoism: for everything, there's an equivalent opposite. If there's a black pill, there's also a white pill. If there's a pill that means that everything is horrible, there's a pill that means that everything is wonderful.

One pill without the other would be like good Kirk without evil Kirk, or evil Kirk without good Kirk. McCoy already pointed out that good Kirk and evil Kirk cannot survive for long as long as they remain separated.

So you can have the black pill that means that everything is horrible, only if you ALSO swallow the white pill that means that everything is wonderful too.

 

[peoplesuck]

I view breeding as evil since you are basically saying, "yeah i know there are kids without homes but i want one with my blood."

That is basically why our entire species exists, because our genetic ancestors chose to make kids with their own blood instead of adopting orphaned and/or abused kids from other species.

I really would like to adopt, because from time spent around kids, I know it will help me heal/fix the thing that makes me kind of cold and distant, teach me to care for something, or more accurately someone. However im not really at the point mentally or financially so im not going to risk fucking up multiple lives. If I get my shit together I would preferably have a little kid farm, so they have each other, it would be great until they hit puberty and the incest started. is it technically incest if they arent related?

There's just so much wrong here, I don't know where to begin.

"Kid farm"? You think it's sensitive to raise children like "cattle"? Perhaps you would like it if your parents told everyone that they were going to raise pigs, but decided on humans when they found out that how much sh*t was involved with raising pigs?

So they can "have each other", because you're not going to be looking after them?
Also, in foster families, because the kids move on and don't all get fostered at the same time, they'd probably feel like the other kids are just "passing through", or they are "just passing through". Not much loyalty.

Then you think when they get older, they'll want to f*ck each other? Dude, if most people were like that, then there would be a lot of guys paying child support to their sister.

Are you stupid or are you generally looking for arguments, because you know I didnt mean any of those things like that.

 

[peoplesuck]

I do not have any birth or adopted children, but I do have a lot of direct experience with adopted children. Very little of it is pleasant.

Adoption is very different from having your own kids. Honestly the two aren't even really related. Few people really look at the reality of it. What do you think your life will be like if you adopt a child who's mother did copious amounts of drugs during the pregnancy and then neglected the child during it's life? This is a very very very common scenario. Realistically you're looking at massive developmental delays and emotional problems. The first few years of life are critical for development and you can't get them back. You can't fix what has already happened.

What has happened to these children is an utter tragedy, but they are not innocent angels either. What will you do if the child you've adopted constantly steals from you and lies to you? What will you do if they create disgusting hoards? What will you do if they scream non-stop for 8+ hrs? What will you do if they abuse another child; physically or sexually? What will you do if they falsely accuse you of rape? What will you do if they attack you? What will you do if your child's birth family stalks and threatens you? These are not rare scenarios. They are common. They're all going to be chronic and probably all happening at the same time. You need to have answers to these types of hard questions to adopt responsibly.

In the US, adoption agencies will lie to you. They will lie to you about everything and will make promises about medical and psychological care that they will not keep. I've seen adoption destroy careers, destroy people and destroy families. I know people who are prisoners in their own homes. I know people who've killed themselves.

To be idealistic about adoption, is to be stupid. Help if you can, sure. That's great. Getting in over your head and condemning yourself and your family to a living hell for a lost cause is stupid. Many of these situations are sad and tragic, but you can't fix them with wishful thinking.

Read as many horror stories as you can find. Find people who've adopted and talk to them. Volunteer in the relevant environments. Only then, if you still have the cojones for it, should you consider adoption. After that, always assume any official/social worker you interact with is lying to you. Probably get a lawyer too. Don't fucking bother if you don't have the emotional resilience of a brick.

If you want to condemn me for my negative outlook, so be it... I'm only saying what I know dozens of people I directly know, wish someone had said to them. Be prepared. If you can't handle it, you won't be a good adoptive parent.

(sidenote: Adopting a significant others child is not nearly as risky. As long as your relationship with the parent and their child is solid, I would encourage anyone to go for it all the way.)

I believe this, but I think there are cases where you can make it work. Im not an expert but from a psychology book chapter I learned you arent supposed to raise adopted kids in the same manner. It will actually make them worse, agian Idk, but I like the idea of helping. fuck me right

 

[Deleted member 1424]

So you're going to base your child rearing on one book chapter and then expecting them to raise eachother on a farm?

Well it made for really good anime, so who am I to judge.


Ooooh wait.... I get it now. Now the farm thing makes sense.
You're just interested in it for the subsidies. A babyfarmer aren't you?
Well you should know it's not profitable unless you're capable of absolute cartoonish villainy levels of neglect.

Srsly though. Have you ever even spoken to a child before? You're out of your depth.

 

[peoplesuck]

oh shit I know nothing better not sign this adoption paper in front of me. The one chapter covered an important topic, explaining why some people never are able to make the adopted child feel as if they have a home. The farm was just an exaggeration, kids raised with other kids have more support.
this one time i waved at a kid at the park, pretty sure im ready to do this adoption thing.
If anyone actually though I meant treat children like cattle, how?
Yeah I have actually spoken to a child before, and im not on my way to adopt a child, Im not trying to force anyone into adopting, I simply think its the better choice than having your own children. I stated im not ready or educated enough, did you even read what I wrote? I have very little experience with adopted children so I guess I will show myself the door.

 

[Cognisant]

Raising adopted boys in a sort of military like environment makes sense, boys thrive on clear expectations/goals and they don't need much more affection than a bit of praise every now and then. If anything the problem would be that you can take the boy out of the barracks but you'll never get the barracks mentality out of the boy, like soldiers and prisoners they'll have difficulty with the uncertainty/complexity of civilian life.

No idea how to raise girls.

 

[Minuend]

Remember Taoism: for everything, there's an equivalent opposite. If there's a black pill, there's also a white pill. If there's a pill that means that everything is horrible, there's a pill that means that everything is wonderful.

One pill without the other would be like good Kirk without evil Kirk, or evil Kirk without good Kirk. McCoy already pointed out that good Kirk and evil Kirk cannot survive for long as long as they remain separated.

So you can have the black pill that means that everything is horrible, only if you ALSO swallow the white pill that means that everything is wonderful too.

Yes, rape, abuse, violence, politicians murdering their own people for own gain etc. It's all so beautiful you just have to look at it from the right angle.

Yes, good and evil kirk are possible aestecically pleasing and it would feel good having that type of balance, but they are not reality. They are fantasies. Just like some people enjoy the stories of good and bad, they are only stories. There are no guanrantee there will be as much good as bad in reality, or that good overcomes bad in the end. Balance is fantasy.

 

[scorpiomover]

Balance is fantasy.

No balance = you on a bicycle on a road with trucks travelling at high speed, and your bicycle keeps falling into the middle of the road.
I.E. No balance => horrifically painful death.
So if balance was fantasy, there would be nothing left alive. Even the universe would be a smoking cinder.

 

[scorpiomover]

Are you stupid or are you generally looking for arguments, because you know I didnt mean any of those things like that.

I've known several people in the world who actually say the things you did, and are completely serious about it.

So if you don't want to be classified as a crazy lunatic, best to wrap your sarcastic posts in [SARCASM]
[/SARCASM]

 

[peoplesuck]

Are you stupid or are you generally looking for arguments, because you know I didnt mean any of those things like that.

I've known several people in the world who actually say the things you did, and are completely serious about it.

So if you don't want to be classified as a crazy lunatic, best to wrap your sarcastic posts in [SARCASM]
[/SARCASM]

misunderstand me once shame on you, misunderstand me twice shame on me.
I will in future posts be more clear, and not rude about someone misunderstanding my poorly written post.

 

[Minuend]

No balance = you on a bicycle on a road with trucks travelling at high speed, and your bicycle keeps falling into the middle of the road.
I.E. No balance => horrifically painful death.
So if balance was fantasy, there would be nothing left alive. Even the universe would be a smoking cinder.

Not really. A world without balance could mean the majority suffers, no good force prevails. It doesn't mean life doesn't exist. Nice magical thinking