Have you ever: The Introvert excuse.

[QuickTwist]

I am wondering if anyone else has ever actually used the excuse to get out of a conversation by telling them, "My introversion is getting to me, it was nice talking to you"?

 

[TheManBeyond]

I have for sure. Not like that. But like hey I'm tired of talking I will just lay here, u can do whatever u want. Or I need to do some stuff, when were u leaving?

 

[QuickTwist]

I have for sure. Not like that. But like hey I'm tired of talking I will just lay here, u can do whatever u want. Or I need to do some stuff, when were u leaving?

Pretty sure you missed the whole point of this thread :/

 

[Hadoblado]

No, though I have have effectively done this. "I need some space, I can't stay engaged this long". I'm only ever this blatant if I'm flat-lining, and usually this is the result of low bloodsugar or caffeine crash.

I don't think it's okay to just say "I'm an introvert". Or, not optimal, anyway. It leaves people with questions like why you were happy to talk before and not now, or whether you would talk to someone else more interesting. I see it as my duty to make it obvious that it's not just an excuse, and to make it up to them later. Most people don't socially function in terms of personality abstractions such as introversion, and they don't know it has anything to do with energy levels etc.

People that know me expect me to crash energy-wise every now and then. I can be more brutal with them.

 

[QuickTwist]

No, though I have have effectively done this. "I need some space, I can't stay engaged this long". I'm only ever this blatant if I'm flat-lining, and usually this is the result of low bloodsugar or caffeine crash.

I don't think it's okay to just say "I'm an introvert". Or, not optimal, anyway. It leaves people with questions like why you were happy to talk before and not now, or whether you would talk to someone else more interesting. I see it as my duty to make it obvious that it's not just an excuse, and to make it up to them later. Most people don't socially function in terms of personality abstractions such as introversion, and they don't know it has anything to do with energy levels etc.

People that know me expect me to crash energy-wise every now and then. I can be more brutal with them.

I find most adults know what Introversion and Extroversion is. That's why I don't find it rude myself to say something along the lines of "I'm an introvert and I am starting tire of social engagement. It was nice talking to you" I will admit its a very direct approach, but I think most people, because they have some knowledge of how introverts work, its effective. Plus, you can create an established "excuse" (terrible word, but whatever) for leaving a conversation at a later conversation.

 

[TheManBeyond]

Pretty sure you missed the whole point of this thread :/

Pretty sure u dont have basic manners
Or u believe in mbti

 

[Hadoblado]

I'm not so sure.

In my experience most people know introversion means quiet, shy, or socially incapable. If you use this excuse on them it's the equivalent to saying you need to go because you're a loser. Obviously there's more nuance to it than that, but you get my point?

I might let people 'know' I'm an introvert once they already know me well, but I won't facilitate them branding me with that label before then.

I also don't like 'setting up excuses'. [off topic] A big part of combating depression is habitual activity, so I tend to take every opportunity I can to be social unless I'm way down. When I let myself use overly general excuses it gives me too many outs to lose momentum.

 

[QuickTwist]

Pretty sure u dont have basic manners
Or u believe in mbti

My thought is this: People who are "into typology" think they are the only ones who know anything about typology at all. In my experience, most people are aware of Introversion and Extroversion at least. They even know that Introverts like quiet time and Extroverts like being around people more. This stuff is pretty damn common knowledge. For some reason people who are "into typology" make the false assumption that people don't know what an introvert and extrovert are. They somehow have this idea that its secret knowledge or something, but most people have an awareness of Introversion and Extroversion - I did when I was like 13 and I knew I was an introvert. I didn't know anything about MBTI, but I did know about Introversion and Extroversion and that is what my point is.

 

[QuickTwist]

I'm not so sure.

In my experience most people know introversion means quiet, shy, or socially incapable. If you use this excuse on them it's the equivalent to saying you need to go because you're a loser. Obviously there's more nuance to it than that, but you get my point?

I might let people 'know' I'm an introvert once they already know me well, but I won't facilitate them branding me with that label before then.

I also don't like 'setting up excuses'. [off topic] A big part of combating depression is habitual activity, so I tend to take every opportunity I can to be social unless I'm way down. When I let myself use overly general excuses it gives me too many outs to lose momentum.

OK, so you saying "I'm an introvert and I feel I need some alone time" may not work for you, which is fine.

For me, because I know I don't come across as "shy" or "socially incapable" and in addition to this, I don't really care what people are going to think of me for telling them I am an introvert, its not a bad solution to be able to use that as a tool for being honest about the fact that I would like to end the conversation. *shrug*

The point of this thread tho, is to see if anyone else had the same perspective as myself.

 

[Hadoblado]

My thought is this: People who are "into typology" think they are the only ones who know anything about typology at all. In my experience, most people are aware of Introversion and Extroversion at least. They even know that Introverts like quiet time and Extroverts like being around people more. This stuff is pretty damn common knowledge. For some reason people who are "into typology" make the false assumption that people don't know what an introvert and extrovert are. They somehow have this idea that its secret knowledge or something, but most people have an awareness of Introversion and Extroversion - I did when I was like 13 and I knew I was an introvert. I didn't know anything about MBTI, but I did know about Introversion and Extroversion and that is what my point is.

I've read a bit about there being hefty stigma about introversion, mostly because it's seen as a limitation. They take 'will not' for 'cannot'. Doesn't like to talk about stuff? --> Must have Aspergers or no friends. AFAIK extroversion is simply preferred while introversion is seen as a disability.

OK, so you saying "I'm an introvert and I feel I need some alone time" may not work for you, which is fine.

For me, because I know I don't come across as "shy" or "socially incapable" and in addition to this, I don't really care what people are going to think of me for telling them I am an introvert, its not a bad solution to be able to use that as a tool for being honest about the fact that I would like to end the conversation. *shrug*

The point of this thread tho, is to see if anyone else had the same perspective as myself.

But if you don't care what people think why do you need excuses? Why is proclaiming introversion a solution if you don't even have a problem?

Actually nevermind. I'm not really in the mood for this conversation.

 

[redbaron]

Just substitute the word introvert for anxiety

problem solved

 

[QuickTwist]

I feel like I should have said this in the OP but I was specifically talking about when you have already been talking to them for a while, not that you are trying to find an excuse not to talk to them in the first place...

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

Even to someone who knows about MBTI, it pretty much sounds like "I don't like this conversation".

The only worse excuse I can think of is "Your face is giving me a bad sensation"

Unless I wanted to impersonate a real-life Sheldon Cooper, I don't think I would ever use either of these

 

[Pyropyro]

Never used it. I do use the "I have to do something else" excuse though which is a bit legitimate since I really need to do something else and have to end said conversation.

 

[Jennywocky]

Yeah, I've used the excuse that I'm burned out / drained and need some time by myself to recharge.

 

[Minuend]

Only with people I know well and who I know how weird I am.

With other people I've picked up on what some other people do with slight change of body language and sentence structuring to signal the conversation is coming to an end (it's not something that comes natural to me). I was thinking about this yesterday as I were talking to the neighbor and coming closer to the point where I had no more small talk to offer, so I slightly changed my tone of voice and placement of my arms and body to a more closed form (this probably sounds more drastic than it is, it's not like a huge waving and swaying motion), and I noticed he picked up on it and, you know, we both go to the "well, better get back to mowing the lawn/ working/ cleaning/ whatever" <-- kindergarten knowledge acquired in late 20s, I guess

The culture I live in is a bit of an introverted one, though. Maybe people are a bit more wary of not wanting to bother others or taking up too much of their time, so when someone signals the nearing of the end of a convo, that's accepted and understood. Even extrovert acquaintances don't come up to me indiscriminately to talk in length, it depends on context. I don't think people are offended a conversation is cut short unless they've felt you've been irritated/ hostile or cut them short every time you meet. But I guess you can never really know what they think.

 

[redbaron]

omg minuend does nothing but cut our interactions short and bully me (:::((((

 

[Minuend]

au contraire, monsieur, last time we spoke I talked three times as much as you

Spoiler

 

[Rixus]

I've never actually done that because I'm used to extroverts who just don't get the concept of wanting to be alone or just wanting them to stop talking and go away. They just say stupid things about the modern era lacking communication and go on about extroversion being confidence and whatever, and it's just not worth the jail time that could result from having to put up with that lecture again.

So I just make another excuse about having to do something. Or I don't bother with an excuse and just leave, and maybe offer them a polite goodbye, but possibly not. Or I just avoid speaking to them in the first place if there was no value in the exchange to begin with. This weekend I learned my next door neighbours name - I've lived next to him for 9 years now and he buys my kids a little Christmas present and an egg at Easter, but I don't really bother speaking to him much so I've never bothered learning his name. My daughter told me his name on Saturday.

 

[majohnso]

I find most adults know what Introversion and Extroversion is. That's why I don't find it rude myself to say something along the lines of "I'm an introvert and I am starting tire of social engagement. It was nice talking to you" I will admit its a very direct approach, but I think most people, because they have some knowledge of how introverts work, its effective. Plus, you can create an established "excuse" (terrible word, but whatever) for leaving a conversation at a later conversation.

i think you can get this message across without resorting to saying you are an introvert?

 

[PmjPmj]

I haven't, but I may use it in future. It's probably a great deal more tactful than my usual excuses. If I'm dealing with a stranger / work colleague, I'll typically just smile and say "Sorry, but I must dash" and exit stage left.

Those closer to me usually get a "I'm bored now; fuck off". Of course, nobody takes offence to that. Er. Probably.

My INTP friend never gets that, though. I can shoot the shit with him all day and not get bored.

 

[washti]

I just go away. People get used to it.

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

"this has been SO VERY INTERESTING but i rly have to go now sry bai"

 

[Nor Vindsval]

I haven't actually used that specific quotation, but things like "I'm out of energy because my mouth can't follow my mind" -turns around and walks away without even saying goodbye.

Is frustrating when you're trying to have a nice and deep conversation with someone else and you want to say everything that comes to your mind but your muscles and nerves are like: meh, thats too much information, let's just say it stupidly, disorganized and senseless. And then you are like: I think I need some sleep, too much extraversion for today.

 

[QuickTwist]

I haven't actually used that specific quotation, but things like "I'm out of energy because my mouth can't follow my mind" -turns around and walks away without even saying goodbye.

Is frustrating when you're trying to have a nice and deep conversation with someone else and you want to say everything that comes to your mind but your muscles and nerves are like: meh, thats too much information, let's just say it stupidly, disorganized and senseless. And then you are like: I think I need some sleep, too much extraversion for today.

I think you have grasped the whole of it.