hate myself

[Ex-User (8886)]

:/
I lost my hope. I though everything will be fine but not now. I dont have nothing. I am zero. My past is one big failure. I never succed in anything. I have great mind and I have imagination like noone! I can solve every problem in the world, no matter how difficult. But I can not solve my problems. When talking with stragers I m net, but I dont have any friends. Family is frustrating. People are stiupid when I get to know somebody closer. In school I have bad grades, because all subjects are not interesting, even math and physics. And I cant even say, what I feel, its very difficult to write this all. I am wasting my life. I am inteligent, but cant use it. Handsome, but cant find girlfriend. Noone like me, nothing succed, hate people, hate this fucking world, which I dont know why exist. Never consider suicide, and I wont do it, but my life really doesnt worth anything. WHY I CANT BE NORMAL PERSON? Omg, I am crazy... I am dead now.

 

[TimeAsylums]

I lost my hope...I dont have nothing...I am zero.
...I can solve every problem in the world, no matter how difficult. ...I dont have any friends. ...People are stupid. ...I am intelligent...Handsome,...Noone like me. I am dead now.

hardlife

Basically:

I'm so fucking awesome. Why doesn't anyone like me?

But seriously and admittedly, I've been through the same. So smart, and so awesome. You'll be fine if you're as great as you say you are.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

I recommend altruism.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live for

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Probably the worst reason after 'spare parts' to have a child.

Anyway, I have a newly open position for slave #23 if you're interested.

 

[Pinion]

Brains are shit. Trick yours into doing what you want.

 

[Hawkeye]

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live for

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj1HacZ4ht4

 

[Pyropyro]

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live for

Tread carefully. Our view of people might be quite different from who they really are and it might be quite painful when you build your life on an illusion. There's a reason why the characters in the Great Gatsby are quite unhappy.

 

[Hawkeye]

The Halo Effect

 

[Grayman]

I recommend altruism.

You just say that because it benefits you.

@OP

Adaire is right. You just need to find value in something and other people is a good way to go.

Keep in mind that if you put all your eggs in one basket, you may lose all your eggs. Putting value in people is a good thing, putting it all in one person is obsessive and unhealthy.

 

[Rook]

@OP
I faced the same situation, there are still many remnants of it in my life. Schoolwise my grades are sub-par, relationship wise I find no interesting people to cnverse with, life wise I have no direction. It is unsettling, but there is a way out. Just do whatever you want. Yes, life makes little sense at times, especially if one is still at school.
But life is an improbality, the chance that we as consious beings exist quite miniscule. So do whatever you want.
The universe has no apparent meaning. While this may sound as a bad thing, it is not. It means we humans have freedom beyond our social conventions and institutional restrictions. Smoke weed, study physics on your own, post on this forum, go overseas, buy a cat, whatever's your fancy.

If you crave human contact, search for someone who can appreciate your personality and lighten your troubles.

Life is a meaningless gift, so give it whatever meaning you want, and dive in! (Nihilism comes into play here)

 

[.........................]

I am in a similar position.
Going to visit a psychiatrist.

Alcohol makes it easier to socialise.
Weed makes me a more chill person. (If you consider smoking marijuana, please ensure your family has no history of schizophrenia).
Music can calm me down.

I recommend you try being more selfless, live for the welfare of others... Don't go over the top, just try to see the logic in being a nice, selfless person, helping others and spreading happiness.

I completely understand your notes on suicide. There are so many others like you. If worse comes to worse on the suicide front, treat life like a game. May as well live it.

I don't really have anyone to live for excluding family, it is a pretty sad life but whatever. Find something you love doing, you will have ups and downs. Figure out if you have some sort of mental disorder (the drugs can work).

 

[.........................]

@OP
I faced the same situation, there are still many remnants of it in my life. Schoolwise my grades are sub-par, relationship wise I find no interesting people to cnverse with, life wise I have no direction. It is unsettling, but there is a way out. Just do whatever you want. Yes, life makes little sense at times, especially if one is still at school.
But life is an improbality, the chance that we as consious beings exist quite miniscule. So do whatever you want.
The universe has no apparent meaning. While this may sound as a bad thing, it is not. It means we humans have freedom beyond our social conventions and institutional restrictions. Smoke weed, study physics on your own, post on this forum, go overseas, buy a cat, whatever's your fancy.

If you crave human contact, search for someone who can appreciate your personality and lighten your troubles.

Life is a meaningless gift, so give it whatever meaning you want, and dive in! (Nihilism comes into play here)

On the universe having no apparent meaning, diving in and living life freely:

Do you honestly do this?
I just graduated high school, I don't feel free. I don't feel as though I can just go live in the forest for a week, maybe my authority figures have instilled a sense of society's normality into me. How can I just let myself go without the use of alcohol or drugs? I want to do what I want to do but I constantly feel inhibited, this may be due to a constant dissatisfaction most likely caused by a family history of depression, but I OFTEN find myself holding back, not doing what I want to do, living like a drone.

I want to go out right now for a walk, why can't I allow/motivate myself to do this? Laziness? Fear?

 

[Rook]

On the universe having no apparent meaning, diving in and living life freely:

Do you honestly do this?
I just graduated high school, I don't feel free. I don't feel as though I can just go live in the forest for a week, maybe my authority figures have instilled a sense of society's normality into me. How can I just let myself go without the use of alcohol or drugs? I want to do what I want to due but I constantly feel inhibited, this may be due to a constant dissatisfaction most likely caused by a family history of depression, but I OFTEN find myself holding back, not doing what I want to do, living like a drone.

I want to go out right now for a walk, why can't I allow/motivate myself to do this? Laziness? Fear?

Ah yes. I graduate from high school within a month. This is my life philosphy, but it has not yet been indoctrinated. I am in the same predicament as you. I only break away from my routine on this forum, on weed and whenever I find an interesting conversation. I do believe society has indoctronated us, suppresed our will to freedom through social conventions and ideologies on what humans should be. I have fallen into a tedious routine(drone as you say). A thing that breaks this routine other than substances, is improving your fitness and having good company (Both lacking in my life)

You may not feel free, but you are. I also don't feel free right now, yet I am. Go live in the forest, grow some weed, invite some friends once a week, dabble in the stock market, do as you wish. But you can only do those things if you decide to do them(Obvious, I know). I am also lazy, a serial procrastinator. Many of these things can happen on an impulse though, just convince yourself that you are going to do them, because there is no reason not to. Freedom is a certainty, it is what you do with it that counts.Enjoy, the gift of life only happens once. (PM if you wish, our situations are quite similar)

 

[Jennywocky]

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live for

Yeah. Yourself.

Not in the sense of being negatively selfish; but at least having at least enough self-respect that you are not clamouring for the affirmation of everyone else in order to justify your own existence.

You are basically saying your life sucks unless other people affirm you, but you can never MAKE others affirm you. Affirmation is a gift you might receive from some, but you have to value yourself regardless. You will spend your life constantly filling up what you think is your bucket of self-esteem but is actually a sieve, and seeking to nourish yourself in that way, you won't be able to give to others.

So ironically, this ties into living more "selflessly" because you are no longer doing things for people because you need their affirmation, you can give because you want to regardless of their response to you. Taking care of the basic needs of self frees you from the obsessive fears and demands of self so you can focus on other people and other things.

....


To respond to another post:

I want to do what I want to do but I constantly feel inhibited, this may be due to a constant dissatisfaction most likely caused by a family history of depression, but I OFTEN find myself holding back, not doing what I want to do, living like a drone.

I want to go out right now for a walk, why can't I allow/motivate myself to do this? Laziness? Fear?

I can't answer that last part. You have to figure that out, people have various reasons.

But the reality is that if you do not choose to break away now, you will regret it later when you finally do break away (because of all the time that was lost) or you will never break away and lose yourself in the process.

Some bits of thoughts here, from my own life experience as a non-achiever:

- Calculated risk is okay. And on occasion, if something is important enough to you, a lot of risk might be worth something. "safety" is not the most important thing in life.

- Comfort also can be chucked, some of the time. Some discomfort/pain is necessary in life as a motivator. Don't always seek to self-gratify or remove the experience of discomfort or pain.

- No one worth being in your life will reject you if you do your thing. If they do reject you, they were never really there anyway nor could be there for you when you truly needed them around. Best to get rid of those people earlier than later, they hold you back and keep you in a cage of fear. And better, if you do your thing and are enjoying yourself, you will attract people who are actually excited by who you ARE rather than who your confined self is.

- Family depression sucks. Some people are helped by meds, some are not. Some are helped by therapy, some are not. Some people just make a choice to do things regardless, some people have trouble with that. Basically, if you don't fix the problem, though, no one will fix it for you. You can't wait to be saved by someone else, you have to make decisions and then invest energy.

- That being said (if you are in a cage, you have to open the door and step out), every day (even after years of captivity!) is a new day by which you can make a new decision. Just because you've failed to release yourself for days, weeks, months, or years, it doesn't matter; today is a potential day of freedom and action.

It took me many years to figure this out for myself. It didn't even make sense at first, but eventually it did. There's also something important in not just abstracting and thinking about the questions, but actually doing something to resolve them.

 

[Grayman]

@Jenny

He seemed confident to me. I read his original post as an issue with communication and not confidence. No amount of confidence can take the place of being completely alone. As human beings we need interaction. I have lived in confident seclusion just to find a void in my spirit. I wasn't interested in people but the body and mind needs that type of nourishment. It is like eating. I don't care for it much but it is necessary.


For the OP

I would also state that interaction under the influence is like junk food. It is not very sustainable. One needs real healthy interaction. No drug can take the place of good emotional intelligence anyways. Get determined and develope your EI.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

@OP
So do whatever you want.

it's logical, but it's not working...

I tried to live for myself, but... I dont have high needs, I prefer minimalism. If I dont have to do something, I dont do it. And it's sad... At school people laugh at me, family say that I am lazy, stiupid, noughty, idiot, and more. I also wanted to live for people, but most of them are really stiupid and naive, they only survive and reproduce like other animals. I was being told, when I was child, that people are special and live for highter reasons.

I don't even know if I want to be happy. It's only some electro chemical reactions in brain. Drugs, alcohol can do it.

So, is the world worth living? For me, not.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Brains are shit. Trick yours into doing what you want.

You're right, brains are shit, but I can't defeat myself. It's impossible. I may 'want', but 'doing' is another matter... There are different parts of brains for each thing, and they don't have much in common.

 

[Rook]

it's logical, but it's not working...

I tried to live for myself, but... I dont have high needs, I prefer minimalism. If I dont have to do something, I dont do it. And it's sad... At school people laugh at me, family say that I am lazy, stiupid, noughty, idiot, and more. I also wanted to live for people, but most of them are really stiupid and naive, they only survive and reproduce like other animals. I was being told, when I was child, that people are special and live for highter reasons.

I don't even know if I want to be happy. It's only some electro chemical reactions in brain. Drugs, alcohol can do it.

So, is the world worth living? For me, not.

Defeating minimalism is the hard part. I can give no concrete advice in this regard, as I am also funcioning on a minimalsitic level.

But life, in the end, is worth living, if only because it's the only life you have. If you die, there will be nothing(in probability). For me personally, a depressing, boring life with brief moments of contentment is highly preferable over nothing. Nothing is void, completely without meaning, and no consiousness exists.

In the end the choice is yours, but at least it is an obvious choice.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj1HacZ4ht4

bro do you even dine on honeydew and drink the milk of paradise?

 

[Minuend]

Yeah. Yourself.

Not in the sense of being negatively selfish; but at least having at least enough self-respect that you are not clamouring for the affirmation of everyone else in order to justify your own existence.

You are basically saying your life sucks unless other people affirm you, but you can never MAKE others affirm you. Affirmation is a gift you might receive from some, but you have to value yourself regardless. You will spend your life constantly filling up what you think is your bucket of self-esteem but is actually a sieve, and seeking to nourish yourself in that way, you won't be able to give to others.

So ironically, this ties into living more "selflessly" because you are no longer doing things for people because you need their affirmation, you can give because you want to regardless of their response to you. Taking care of the basic needs of self frees you from the obsessive fears and demands of self so you can focus on other people and other things.

Not necessarily. Sometimes people don't want to live anymore, but they have people they know love them very much and are dependent on them (mentally and/or physically). They don't feel any better for being in this position, they just realize that's how things are.

Though, Manipulator didn't express already having such a person. Trying to make someone into one is potentially putting oneself in a position where one is more easily manipulated and exploited.

On the universe having no apparent meaning, diving in and living life freely:

Do you honestly do this?
I just graduated high school, I don't feel free. I don't feel as though I can just go live in the forest for a week, maybe my authority figures have instilled a sense of society's normality into me. How can I just let myself go without the use of alcohol or drugs? I want to do what I want to do but I constantly feel inhibited, this may be due to a constant dissatisfaction most likely caused by a family history of depression, but I OFTEN find myself holding back, not doing what I want to do, living like a drone.

I want to go out right now for a walk, why can't I allow/motivate myself to do this? Laziness? Fear?

Maybe you just don't want to. Of course you could live in a forest without work and whatnot, but do you really want to? There might be something else that is more appealing at this time in your life. Sometimes it coincides with what the majority of people do at that point of their life and that's fine. Don't focus on what's normal or not. Try to find something you find appealing.

One thing you could do to feel more free is experiment a little. You don't have to go "all out" right away. Take a weekend, or a week on vacation. Rent a tent, bring supplies and camp out in a forest for a week/end. Just get a feel for it. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you wont. But you have done something new and you've done it on your own.

I tried to live for myself, but... I dont have high needs, I prefer minimalism. If I dont have to do something, I dont do it. And it's sad... At school people laugh at me, family say that I am lazy, stiupid, noughty, idiot, and more. I also wanted to live for people, but most of them are really stiupid and naive, they only survive and reproduce like other animals. I was being told, when I was child, that people are special and live for highter reasons.

If you are young and spent a lot of time being around other young people, one can be a bit disappointed. For most, life does get better as you get older. For instance going into studies that attract more like minded individuals. Of course, when/ if you've been an outcast most of your life, making friends isn't really easy. But if one signs up for various activities it usually becomes a bit easier even though it's outside one's comfort zone. Unis in Norway usually have student groups based on activities, from card games to sports. I don't know where you are from and how stuff works.

Also, this pro life tip

Spoiler

You're right, brains are shit, but I can't defeat myself. It's impossible. I may 'want', but 'doing' is another matter... There are different parts of brains for each thing, and they don't have much in common.

If you are depressed, small steps often appear impossible. You don't want to do anything and little to nothing gives you joy. And even if something seems interesting, one tends to think it's meaningless or futile anyways.

Doing something small like tenting for a weekend (like I said to Points) might give a small sense of satisfaction. Sometimes small things like that can be part of building up a existence that's not so dominated by darkness.

You are currently biased to thinking more pessimistically. Maybe it's wise to realize this. Maybe existence is bad, maybe it's good, maybe it's something that have no inherent answer and can only be judged subjectively by flawed premises brought upon us by human thinking that is unable to set forth a a hypothesis that cover all possibilities and henceforth leave us with inaccurate conclusions.

But you are currently in a biased state of mind.

Try to envision something that you could see yourself doing, or somewhere you could see yourself being in the future. Living in a van, moving to a different continent, working with something you find interesting, or a way you could live without a steady income. Perhaps you could google to see whether other people have done something similar if you think it seems too way out there.

It can be something like being able to interact with people in a way you can't now, joining an activity/ sport/ charity that you've kinda looked at before but haven't engaged in.

Or maybe you just see yourself living what most would consider a normal life. Working with something you like. Having friends you enjoy.

It doesn't have to be something you must at all costs accomplish. It can be a small motivation as you realize that there might be something appealing in your future. Sometimes it can feel possible, being depressed it often feels impossible.

There's nothing you have to do. Even if you are above average intelligent doesn't mean you have to follow a certain path. We are kinda indirectly told as we grow up that we need to accomplish certain things to have value, be appreciated, be happy. But we don't. Ironically, it's the perceived failure for not being among the few % who happened to have the right knowledge and be at the right time at the right place that destroys a lot of humans.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Spoiler

Not necessarily. Sometimes people don't want to live anymore, but they have people they know love them very much and are dependent on them (mentally and/or physically). They don't feel any better for being in this position, they just realize that's how things are.

Though, Manipulator didn't express already having such a person. Trying to make someone into one is potentially putting oneself in a position where one is more easily manipulated and exploited.



Maybe you just don't want to. Of course you could live in a forest without work and whatnot, but do you really want to? There might be something else that is more appealing at this time in your life. Sometimes it coincides with what the majority of people do at that point of their life and that's fine. Don't focus on what's normal or not. Try to find something you find appealing.

One thing you could do to feel more free is experiment a little. You don't have to go "all out" right away. Take a weekend, or a week on vacation. Rent a tent, bring supplies and camp out in a forest for a week/end. Just get a feel for it. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you wont. But you have done something new and you've done it on your own.



If you are young and spent a lot of time being around other young people, one can be a bit disappointed. For most, life does get better as you get older. For instance going into studies that attract more like minded individuals. Of course, when/ if you've been an outcast most of your life, making friends isn't really easy. But if one signs up for various activities it usually becomes a bit easier even though it's outside one's comfort zone. Unis in Norway usually have student groups based on activities, from card games to sports. I don't know where you are from and how stuff works.

Also, this pro life tip

Spoiler

If you are depressed, small steps often appear impossible. You don't want to do anything and little to nothing gives you joy. And even if something seems interesting, one tends to think it's meaningless or futile anyways.

Doing something small like tenting for a weekend (like I said to Points) might give a small sense of satisfaction. Sometimes small things like that can be part of building up a existence that's not so dominated by darkness.

You are currently biased to thinking more pessimistically. Maybe it's wise to realize this. Maybe existence is bad, maybe it's good, maybe it's something that have no inherent answer and can only be judged subjectively by flawed premises brought upon us by human thinking that is unable to set forth a a hypothesis that cover all possibilities and henceforth leave us with inaccurate conclusions.

But you are currently in a biased state of mind.

Try to envision something that you could see yourself doing, or somewhere you could see yourself being in the future. Living in a van, moving to a different continent, working with something you find interesting, or a way you could live without a steady income. Perhaps you could google to see whether other people have done something similar if you think it seems too way out there.

It can be something like being able to interact with people in a way you can't now, joining an activity/ sport/ charity that you've kinda looked at before but haven't engaged in.

Or maybe you just see yourself living what most would consider a normal life. Working with something you like. Having friends you enjoy.

It doesn't have to be something you must at all costs accomplish. It can be a small motivation as you realize that there might be something appealing in your future. Sometimes it can feel possible, being depressed it often feels impossible.

There's nothing you have to do. Even if you are above average intelligent doesn't mean you have to follow a certain path. We are kinda indirectly told as we grow up that we need to accomplish certain things to have value, be appreciated, be happy. But we don't. Ironically, it's the perceived failure for not being among the few % who happened to have the right knowledge and be at the right time at the right place that destroys a lot of humans.

Well, I didn't know that I am in depression.. Maybe because I don't feel much. I'll try do something small, just for me. Maybe you're right, I was trying to do big things, never tried to do small. Maybe it's good point to start.

Thanks everyone for reply. Now my life is in my hands.
I think, I am in point, where I must think and decide alone.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Family is frustrating.

Do your best to ignore them. They do not experience what you do, and may not be able to comprehend it either.

In school I have bad grades, because all subjects are not interesting, even math and physics.

Get angry about it, grab a cup of coffee, and get to work. This is the one thing that should make you angry, because you can control it.

And I cant even say, what I feel, its very difficult to write this all.

Depression.

cant find girlfriend.

I urge you to gaze lovingly at your right hand, and think of it fondly until you graduate high school. When it comes to long term relationships, women like men with good grades and viable career tracks. This is another area where college is definitely different than high school.

I am dead now.

Nah, you're depressed. It'll end eventually, and probably come back now and again over the course of your life.

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live for

Yeah. Yourself.

^THIS!!! SHE STOLE THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!
Nearly a full day before I thought of them...
Yes, she's that good. So you should probably listen to her.

So, is the world worth living? For me, not.

Live for what you want to be, silly.

At school people laugh at me, family say that I am lazy, stiupid, noughty, idiot, and more.

Prove them wrong.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

I'd be curious to see what someone like you and someone like me think of each other. I think everyone around me is stupid, you think everyone around you is stupid, could this help enlighten each of us to meet someone who thought the same way but still didn't recognise genius?
I have long suspected I am not as intelligent as I think I am, and age is SLOWLY proving this to be true, I've learnt that others just have different interests. Different, not stupid.

in regards to no achievements etc... try doing something motivated for 30 days. basic habbit change theory. excersise every day for 30 days, or don't eat fast food for 30 days... something like that. the idea is that you focus on something healthy or productive for 30 days, and by the time 30 days is up, you find yourself a naturally more motivated person.

 

[RaBind]

I've been though something similar. Although I managed to avoid the "faliure at everything" by focusing solely one one part of my life. Which is to always advance in education no matter how shit everything else in my life gets. Maybe that's what you're not doing or what you're doing wrong. Don't try to do everything, you can try doing a bit of everything in your spare time, but you should always focus on doing well at least in one particular area of you're life, like education, work or hobbies. It's best that the part of your life you focus on is something you enjoy doing. Knowing that you're doing well somewhere in your life should make things seem a lot better.

I think I found the solution. I need someone to live

Don't live for someone, people wash away like sand on a beach and can easily change. Instead I'd think it's better to live for something, preferably something infinite, like science or whatever your interest is.

 

[xZero]

:/
I lost my hope. I though everything will be fine but not now. I dont have nothing. I am zero. My past is one big failure. I never succed in anything. I have great mind and I have imagination like noone! I can solve every problem in the world, no matter how difficult. But I can not solve my problems. When talking with stragers I m net, but I dont have any friends. Family is frustrating. People are stiupid when I get to know somebody closer. In school I have bad grades, because all subjects are not interesting, even math and physics. And I cant even say, what I feel, its very difficult to write this all. I am wasting my life. I am inteligent, but cant use it. Handsome, but cant find girlfriend. Noone like me, nothing succed, hate people, hate this fucking world, which I dont know why exist. Never consider suicide, and I wont do it, but my life really doesnt worth anything. WHY I CANT BE NORMAL PERSON? Omg, I am crazy... I am dead now.

I am known how you feel, because I'm exactly same as you are.
Everything you said, is me too....
Except I found the girlfriend and I plan marriage, everything else is same. She is my first and last girlfriend, we started our relationship when we were 17 years old.
Before I was unable to find any, because I'm anti-social too.


But I have not fallen into depression yet because I believe, that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
You should believe the same. You are magnificent! That ideas, that mind!
You are an extraordinary person, like Nikola Tesla was, like Einstein, Pascal, Newton... And you are NOT CRAZY. You are perfectly normal, just much smarter than others, and you can't find the right person which meets your criteria.
These persons are very rare.

But if you are young, I don't know how old are you, I'm 20 and my mind is getting more powerful than ever before. When I was younger, I was not able to think that deep as I can now, as I can see things I never be able to see.
So don't give up. If it didn't come, it will for sure, for someone earlier, for someone later, but the most important thing you should remember is that IT WILL.
Just be patient and DON'T EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP! YOU ARE THE FUTURE, AND WE ARE THE FUTURE!

 

[DoubleHelix]

:/
I lost my hope. I though everything will be fine but not now. I dont have nothing. I am zero. My past is one big failure. I never succed in anything. I have great mind and I have imagination like noone! I can solve every problem in the world, no matter how difficult. But I can not solve my problems. When talking with stragers I m net, but I dont have any friends. Family is frustrating. People are stiupid when I get to know somebody closer. In school I have bad grades, because all subjects are not interesting, even math and physics. And I cant even say, what I feel, its very difficult to write this all. I am wasting my life. I am inteligent, but cant use it. Handsome, but cant find girlfriend. Noone like me, nothing succed, hate people, hate this fucking world, which I dont know why exist. Never consider suicide, and I wont do it, but my life really doesnt worth anything. WHY I CANT BE NORMAL PERSON? Omg, I am crazy... I am dead now.

Who's standards have you failed by? Everyone else's? If you have all these talents have you really failed? And normality does not lead to greatness, greatness obviously surpasses normality,and is "different". I battled a similar feeling for some time. What helped me was just writing out what I wanted to gain from life and attempting to get closer to all those attributes on a daily basis.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Actually, I don't hate myself. I hate person who I am, decisions what I've done, opportunities which I didn't use. I hate intP, especially P. Maybe P people are more happy, but I feel I must achive, don't be happy. As a matter of fact, I write all this for self, not only me noticed, that people who tells about their problems don't need to get solutions from others, they just want say about something and solutions always coming itself. I am two persons, one real which is sad, and one in the imagination. I am INTP, my imagination of me is INTJ, finally I understood this. And I can make one change: change the real, the image, or both. Actually I can't change imagination, it's too strong, I read a lot of books about NTJ people, and always was fascinated, always wanted be as they (Napoleon, Hannibal, and fictional person Raven from Glenn Cook's fantasy, silent, raw, tough, unhappy, with one mission to complete, without mercy, without emotions and feelings, but interestingly romantic, walking secret. The most fascinating thing in Raven is that he always get what he want, he just go directly to goal, not looking on adversity or absurdity. And he fear nothing, this is better than everything else in my ideal: fearless). The most frustrating thing is that sensing people who I know get more succeses than me, and my S father more often is right than me. INTPs are non-existing geniuses, they have power, but only in their minds. Maybe some of INTPs here are older, and thinking diffrent throught some experiences, but I am young, and every fail now influences strongly future, especially my job and existing in society. So.. I don't more accept myself, rather - renounce. Die and flight once more. I don't know why I wa born as INTP, but I'll cheat, I'll fix it. Also, farewell, you are fantastic people, even if I didn't meet you enought. I go.

 

[Trebuchet]

I recommend altruism.

This is a very good idea, actually. It will help. But the mind doesn't change fast, so you have to keep at it for at least two months. Libraries and nature centers are good choices. They always have stuff to do, and the people there are generally dedicated and kind.

I notice you live in Poland. Are you maybe feeling a bit of seasonal affective disorder? I mean, you have really short days there right now.

 

[Grayman]

Seems backwards to want to be someone else instead of discovering who you are and what you can be. I'm finding I would never want to be anyone else, except maybe Jenny of course.

 

[Jennywocky]

...I'm finding I would never want to be anyone else, except maybe Jenny of course.

Are you proposing a Freaky Friday scenario?

 

[Grayman]

Are you proposing a Freaky Friday scenario?

For you I am sure it would be freaky but for me...

Yah, so what is the bit? Do we say I wish I was you at the same time? Just let me know and I will put in my calendar. Say I wonder if you die in my body will I get to keep yours?....Maybe we would get to share yours. That might be fun! We would be twice as smart.

 

[Jennywocky]

I get the feeling there is something about your body that you are not telling me about.

 

[Sci Nai]

What to say....... I suffered from depression around the time I finished high school and into university. For me, I had a hard time because I wanted to meet a girl but I couldn't. It took me many years to succeed, but I got there. From my experience, all my friends eventually got partners. It's slower for some but I guess the point is that someone will like you (if I'm honest, females are weird and I don't understand them - but that's a positive for you since not everyone is after a 6 foot muscley charismatic extrovert....). Friends - I tend to need just a few good friends. Do things you enjoy and you should meet people you get along with.

Exercise is also good. It can make you feel a lot better and is definitely a positive thing to do. I personally like weight training. Gradually building up strength is something to look forward to. Plus, reps/sets and learning technique does satisfy my nerdy side. If you are feeling negative, then bashing out a set of heavy squats is great (something a long the lines of "take this you stupid body"....haha).

INTP'ness - maybe try to think of this as a positive. I personally can work quite hard at things that I put my mind to. From what I understand, an INTP's strength is looking at things in different ways and coming up with new idea's etc. Try to see where you can put this to good use. While only getting credits and distinctions at uni, I found that I was reasonably good at scientific research. Makes sense since research is not about regurgitating textbook knowledge like school/undergrad.

Good luck! I myself have been feeling down the last few days.....but now feeling better after typing this post Off now to take my own advice....

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Actually, I don't hate myself. I hate person who I am, decisions what I've done, opportunities which I didn't use. I hate intP, especially P. Maybe P people are more happy, but I feel I must achive, don't be happy.

This "me against the world" feeling is natural. It won't last forever, but if you can harness its power you can get some stuff done.

I am INTP, my imagination of me is INTJ, finally I understood this.

It's understandable that you want to get things done, but don't curse yourself with that. I'm an ENTP, more lazy and scatterbrained than you'll ever be . When I was in the "me against the world" stage, I actually tested as and thought I was an INTJ, because I was kicking so much ass at the time.

Die and flight once more. I don't know why I wa born as INTP, but I'll cheat, I'll fix it. Also, farewell, you are fantastic people, even if I didn't meet you enought. I go.

Just give it time.