Hard life makes you a better person...

[Toad]

Does a having a hard life make a person better in the long run? I was recently thinking, my life is so easy. I have had my problems in the past, but it wasn't as bad as other peoples' lives out there. All I do is go to school. I live in a great house and have plenty of food. There are kids growing up out there that are starving and have to struggle everyday of their lives. I'm starting to feel really guilty. I kind of feel like I'm missing out on something. You always here these stories of great people who have had horrible child hoods, growing up poor and struggling.

So what do you guys think?

 

[ckm]

The thing is, "hard" and "better" are subjective. You may not have grown up on the streets, but life may still be/have been "hard" for you. And personally, I don't think anyone has the authority to judge one person as better or worse than the other.

 

[Ermine]

I don't think it's about having a hard life. It's more about doing your best with whatever you have.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I would say it's more like the "better" people are able to overcome the adversity of a difficult life. 99% of people (yeah, its a statistic I pulled out of my ass, but I'm trying to make a point) who have a difficult life will probably allow it to consume them; just think of all the people that resort to drugs, robbery/gangs, or coast on welfare because of the situation they were born into.

 

[amorfati]

I would say it's more like the "better" people are able to overcome the adversity of a difficult life. 99% of people (yeah, its a statistic I pulled out of my ass, but I'm trying to make a point) who have a difficult life will probably allow it to consume them; just think of all the people that resort to drugs, robbery/gangs, or coast on welfare because of the situation they were born into.

I agree with this. I think surviving and overcoming a hard life gives people a new, powerful weapon at there disposal so to speak, but most people in extremly difficult situations won't ever overcome it.

My own trials and tribulations nearly consumed me, and it's only been recently that I have made huge strides to overcome them. The dead bolt on the door of hope has been unlocked for me, but I still have to open the door. I realize how disgustingly corny that sounds, but it's true.

 

[Beat Mango]

It's too dynamic and complex question to answer. The answer would depend heavily on how harsd the life is, how resilient the person is predisposed to be, supprt systems in place foe the person such as strong family... I think this is a good analogy though: if you're looking to increase muscle mass, you should damage your muscles to allow hypertrophy, but not too much. Same with suntan: if you want a tan, you should damage the melatonin cells (I think they're called??), but not too much, or you'll get sunburn. I imagine the same happens with a hard life: provided you're within the appropriate threshold, some hardship could and would almost certainly make you stronger. Many, many more people are broken by hardship and suffering than are created by it, in my opinion. Once you hit the suffering threshold and trauma is created, well, there's really no coming back. You're damaged goods.

 

[Decaf]

Let's quantify this... what do we mean by better, because I don't think any of us mean more innately valuable. At least for me I would measure this by the diversity and accuracy of ability based on the experience of life. To gain ability you must learn, and not everyone chooses to. That choice may not seem available when overwhelmed, but its there.

To that extent, the level of affluence in your life is immaterial compared to the level of allowed comfort. You can be comfortable sitting in a crummy rental house smoking weed with your friends from high school and you can be comfortable in your mansion in Beverly Hills. Comfort is the absense of stress. Its valuable in the same way that sleep is. It allows you to process your experiences in the hopes of increasing your capabilities, but stress is what creates those valuable experiences.

A rich kid could be presented with a menagerie of learning experiences if they're not coddled or spoiled. Imagine the world traveling and the classes from very well put together people. A poor kid may not have those opportunities, but they have the potential to understand basic human need and the immobilizing force of despair on a sociological scale.

I've toyed with the idea of raising my potential future kids in a religious atmosphere, just so they can gain the invaluable perspective of someone who has had to retool their worldview from what was first presented to them as children. The ability to see how even you might feel certain about something one moment, and completely against the next creates the potential for understanding those your disagree with. Of course I wouldn't go through with it, but the concept is intriguing.

I think when most of us think about this we think of two people. The one who worked their way out of the ghetto, and the spoiled adult-child with a trust fund and a dearth of real compassion for their fellow human being. The word for the difference between them is "character" and we've heard it so much we tune it out. Someone with character is someone who when presented with something personally difficult (change in world view, physical task believed beyond their abilities, etc) they do it anyway, and they can do that because they're believe they'll be a stronger person at the end of the task than they are now.

 

[amorfati]

Once you hit the suffering threshold and trauma is created, well, there's really no coming back. You're damaged goods.

I very much disagree with this. Trauma has the potential to greatly accelerate the spiritual and emotional growth of a person.

 

[Da Blob]

It just seems to me than a 'hard' life is one in which one just has to face challenges, fears and barriers that others perhaps do not have to deal with. One can gain so much confidence and self-respect by overcoming major challenges in life. I mean the Bible says to "count it all joy, when one falls into Diverse' temptations" That does not sound like a reason to be joyful, but if one is never tested, then how can one truly know one's self or what that self is truly capable of?

I have had a hard life (by some standards) and I found occasion to indulge in a great deal of self pity and assumed the "Victim's Stance" as my role in society. However, self - pity does grow stale after a few decades and I decided to quit living in the past and try to do something with my life instead. I now have a modicum of self-respect and know more about my self than I once did. There are things I can deal with that others more fortunate than I might have difficulty with. For example, I have now been unemployed for over a year. Such a situation might have driven a "lesser" man insane or whatever, but i have learned to take life one day at a time and always maintain Hope for a better tomorrow.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

For the purpose of this thread, I'll define 'better' in this case to be stronger of character.

So in a nutshell: Hardship doesn't make you better, overcoming hardship does.

Several others have pretty much said this already.

 

[bluesquid]

I grew up kind of poor. That hardship has defined me.

When I went out on my own, there was the ugly duckling phase. was somewhat hard, but I learned a ton.

I know feel like IM in control of a lot. Im a true adult that can make things very comfortable, or sometimes make a boneheaded move out of laziness.

hardship makes you stronger...if it doesnt break you.

 

[RubberDucky451]

For the purpose of this thread, I'll define 'better' in this case to be stronger of character.

So in a nutshell: Hardship doesn't make you better, overcoming hardship does.

Several others have pretty much said this already.

Couldn't it also be said it's how you overcome the hardship that defines your character?

 

[cuterebra]

I would say that having things too easy is a hardship to overcome, too. It takes effort to grow up having everything handed to you and NOT become a shallow, boring person.

What constitutes "hardship" is a very subjective thing. Certain social situations might be almost physically painful for an introvert like me, while an extrovert might become seriously warped by long stretches of solitude.

Even when it comes to things that would be universally labeled Bad, like having your home end up as ground zero for a natural disaster--the degree of Badness is still subjective, to some extent. People who are generally less resistant to change are going to have an easier time of it. Think of the difference between the INTP reaction and the ESTJ one.

 

[chloé]

Every person is born with a different set of innate strengths and weaknesses. "Hardships" may be just the thing some people need in order to learn and grow. For others, it might just tear them down. For others still, it may not end up either hurting or benefitting their character strength in the long run.

My experience was unusual, I think. I was very sheltered, spoiled, and flattered by my parents. Character-wise, I consider that to have been a hardship that actually made me come out tougher. The "real world" hit me so hard when I eventually faced it, and I really felt like I had to feel my way through everything because my parents never taught me about that part of life. So I became extremely independent as a sort of offense against being brought up too dependent. I became very tough. I think it also hurt me in some ways because I'm too tough, I'm cold, I'm uncaring, and I'm more misanthropic than I rationally know I need to be. Anyways, here I am going on about my problems. But that's just to show you that there's an extreme on both ends of this character-building scale.

 

[amorfati]

My experience was unusual, I think. I was very sheltered, spoiled, and flattered by my parents. Character-wise, I consider that to have been a hardship that actually made me come out tougher. The "real world" hit me so hard when I eventually faced it, and I really felt like I had to feel my way through everything because my parents never taught me about that part of life.

I would say that having things too easy is a hardship to overcome, too. It takes effort to grow up having everything handed to you and NOT become a shallow, boring person.

Excellent insights guys. I too was spoiled and sheltered. Spoiled materially that is, and sheltered from everything that wasn't conservative and Christian. While I've been through traumatic experiences, I've also had it "easy" in other aspects of my life, which has been just as difficult to overcome as my "hard" experiences. It says a lot to both of your characters to genuinely admit to being spoiled and desiring to overcome the negative effects that being jaded can have on a person.

 

[bluesquid]

sheltered and spoiled is not hardship. Its a blowjob while waking up compared to kids living on the street.

YouTube- Dave Chapelle - The Secret

 

[EditorOne]

What IB said. Overcoming hardships develops life muscles. B

ut you have to overcome them, not muse on them, analyze them, fret about them or otherwise allow them to dominate your existence. You have to whomp them.

 

[chloé]

sheltered and spoiled is not hardship. Its a blowjob while waking up compared to kids living on the street.

Of course. But everyone can only speak from their own point of view.

 

[Thread Killer]

I don't think anyone's life is 'easy.' In any case, having a hard life can undo people, make them miserable, have them engage in illegal activity to survive, and so on. Other people can cope better and use trials to make them stronger in character. It really all depends.

 

[transformers]

In my opinion people born into financial stability are fortunate. Life can be so stressful without a house, without a regular income, without the ability to pay bills or rent. It doesn't make you a better person either, it just makes things more difficult, you have less opportunities to do the things you want to do, and are forced into doing things you hate just to survive. It makes life intolerable in some cases.
With other kinds of hardships it pretty much depends on the person. Some people will grow and become stronger for them, others will crumble under the pressure. You'd have to observe the individual circumstances to make a judgment call.

 

[Toad]

You're right IB. Overcoming hardships makes you stronger. It doesn't matter how privileged you are, you still have problems you have to face. People born into a life of hardship have much more motivation to overcome their problems though.

We live in a strange world where being born into a prominent family makes you a celebrity.

 

[Madoness]

"They say that life sucks and then you die
I disagree, I think life sucks
and then we got a nerve to wonder why.
No matter how bad you got it
somebody out there has got it ten times worse and still don't give a shit about it."(Rising Sun Quest - Then You Die - last two lines, a theme that I try to live by)
But actually, if the premise - hard life makes us better is true... then, all people from ghettos, slums.... homeless people, drug addicts, people like that, are the saints.
I do not agree that people who overcome it, are better people. They may become, but most likely still aren't. One out of x numbers most probably though is a better one compared to others according to most of us.

Who is better? The answer is subjective, a whole lot.