Gypsy Mindset

[Cavallier]

I'm putting this thread here because I think it revolves around the emotional distance and interpersonal disconnection INTPs deal with.

What do you do when you feel the urge for a walkabout but can't actually follow through on that urge?

I sometimes get this overwhelming desire to dump everything in my life, everything I've been working on for the last few years, and just go on the road. Blow to a new town or just float around for a while. I might come back to my old life but I might not. It's a bored sort of urge to sever ties and go on an adventure.

It's incredibly freeing to know you can leave everything and go somewhere new. It's the ultimate act of independence to leave your support network entirely and have a life completely devoid of connections. "I don't need them." <----That's the most liberating realization a person can have. IMHO It's by that creed I've lived my life.

However, what do you do when you find something you actually want to stick with? I want to leave this place but I can't leave without taking a certain something with me which by it's very nature can't leave with me.

So, what do you do when you want to go but can't? Do you have to pick one or can you somehow balance the two needs?

I'll be plain. I hope I don't regret it...

Spoiler

I'm getting married to someone who I actually love. I did not believe in love previous to this relationship. I still don't really but this person accepts me, understands me, and cares for me deeply. We've been together for close to 6 years and now it's time to make a commitment.

I want to keep this person but I have to admit I want to be able to fold him up and put him in my knapsack with my navy blanket, my socks, and other things I deem precious and necessary. I want to be able to take him around with me on my travels. However, he has needs and desire separate from myself. That's healthy and I respect that. He wants to be settled with a permanent home and a permanent life.

I've told him my concerns about my inability to be permanent but he thinks he can combat that with vacations and trips. He thinks it'd be nice to have a permanent home that we can leave but also ultimately come back to. I don't know if that's enough for me. It makes me want to create an escape plan.

Anybody? Anybody? I figured this community might identify with the turmoil I'm feeling.

 

[EditorOne]

If you want to change and can't physically relocate your base, you have to change in the place where you find yourself, using some dimension other than geography. A change in geography brings with it dramatic changes in life pattern, challenges, opportunities and relationships, but you can change all that without leaving town.

You knew that.

 

[AlisaD]

I agree with E1. It is a slightly less romantic solution then packing up and riding off into the sunset, but it could work.

Edit: Oh, and also, ask yourself, honestly, really, really honestly, if the guy wasn't there, would you actually go?
Also, I've never been married, so I could be wrong here, but I imagine that it may be a good idea not to enter a marriage feeling that you're giving up on your dreams and freedom.

 

[lucky12]

You love the guy. He'd probably do anything for you. Why feel the need to escape?
Get out more I like getting away but its usually from people.

That urge not to go is strong. Whats the rush? Take it easy on yourself, relax and find your answer.

 

[EditorOne]

And by the way, apologies for the oversight: CONGRATULATIONS! Am I an INTP or what?

 

[Tyria]

Do you feel trapped with permanence?

 

[Tyria]

Please forget I asked. Sorry.

 

[pjoa09]

I am doing that one step at a time because I seem to notice that I lean on many luxuries as a need.

I believe that when all of it goes away I will actually be able to see my depths and construct in it to build something that I actually inherited. Not the life, not the friends, not the computer, or the bed, but my abilities.

I fear however, throwing myself raw into the cruel world is equivalent to cracking open a chick's egg and taking it out. It would die quickly.

So slowly I isolate myself from people and make situations unfavorable for me.

But when I get frustrated I do actually walk out on everything around me for atleast 4 hours.
Without my phone and wallet, just fresh air and the slight uncertainty in the air. Very liberating.

 

[boondockbabe]

I actually wnt through somthing like this when I got married. I had a hard time adjusting at first. But, I discovered, Just as EditorOne said. You can change your enviornment without changing the scenery. Vacations and Road-trips rock. A lot of time just a simple drive in the truck on back roads will suffice. You learn to adapt. It is worth it. I would not be where I am now if it were not for my husband and his ability to put up with my shit. I do not think I could find another person to put up with me like Roger does. But he does. When someone knows who you are and they love you anyways you would be an Idiot to let that go. Good people are hard to find, Compatible people are even harder. You will adjust and find that the sacrifice is worth the rewards. Good Luck and Congratulations.