feeling good about being an asshole

[WALKYRIA]

hey guys, are intp naturally assholes(or think of them that way?)? or is it just me?

As most of you im a loner and have always been, but im also nice and accepting most of times... the problem i get is when i try to "behave" too nice from my own good. I think society tells us we should behave this or that way and if we dont we can possibly feel bad or ashamed, and guilty, even if the behavior actually is okay....I never felt guilt in younger years since i didnt realize my behaviour was possibly narcissistic, inappropriate, and assholish.. i never thought about it...until i found out about my personnality type , got to know myself more, got some negative feedback from society and work environment( honnest and accurate? dont know), learned to see the beauty of other peoples perspective... so the deeper iv got in society the harder i find it to deal with it.
In other words, personal growth came with some psychic distress.

I tried to change(from asshole to nice person, become optimistic and happy and chill person...or the idea i have of a nice person...NF?)but im unable to change and i get paranoid about that, sometimes i feel like i might be an inherently bad person and ovranalyze what i did or say wrong to people, some other time i let myself abused by people because i can get too nice(to compensate my asshole shame)...etc
All this results in the same thoughts again and again: this society's constant moral judgement is paradoxically evil in nature and makes me lose my sense of individuality by wanting me to conform... and thus makes personal equilibrium hard to reach.Basically we will never be good enough to societys standards.
Conclusion and solution: isolate from society and live happily ever after in a non judgemental environment . go ignore mode.( but isnt that cowardice and a survival approach?)

so people tell me, if assholery is - to a certain extent- an intrinsic component of my personality(even when healthy), how do i fully accept that without feeling shame or guilt. Because im prone to feelings of guilt and self flagelation....when i sense moral inferiority i myself(inferior fe?).
Basically how to be more self forgiving?
craving for your opinion on this issue guys. thanks.

 

[Sinny91]

Some people perceive me as an asshole because I'm far too truthful for my own good. I've toned it down recently for the sake keeping the peace, but still, the majority of the time, if it can be destroyed by the truth, I'll destroy it. Haters gonna hate. I'd never hurt somebody's feelings just for the sake of hurting their feelings, although if they *ask* me to shatter their illusions I certainly will.

 

[Tannhauser]

Conclusion and solution: isolate from society and live happily ever after in a non judgemental environment . go ignore mode.( but isnt that cowardice and a survival approach?)

It is cowardice and a survival approach indeed. It is the easiest thing to do: just declare 'society' as a lost case and retreat.

In terms of assholery, I have to say I think of it as two distinct things: Being an assholish personality and being an actual asshole. The first amounts to being sometimes perceived as an asshole. Sometimes having principles might come off as being asshole to some people. Like if they ask something of you and you say 'no'. But one does not need to be an asshole in general to have principles. In fact, having principles necessitates being an asshole from time to time, and people actually respect that.

Real assholes don't have principles. They are just toxic beings who have no real compassion for people around them and are nice to people only with an agenda in mind.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Some people perceive me as an asshole because I'm far too truthful for my own good. I've toned it down recently for the sake keeping the peace, but still, the majority of the time, if it can be destroyed by the truth, I'll destroy it. Haters gonna hate. I'd never hurt somebody's feelings just for the sake of hurting their feelings, although if they *ask* me to shatter their illusions I certainly will.

Y'know every time I hear the 'I'm only an asshole because I'm just so noble/honest and other people can't handle the truth because they're weak' cliche, I vomit a little in my mouth while simultaneously holding back raucous laughter. It makes a bit of a mess and I choke up something awful. Really though don't worry Sinny, you're not the one mired in delusion, it's literally just everyone else who doesn't appreciate you.

 

[Sinny91]

I never used the word noble. If you're unhappy with myself assessment, by all means provide your own, oh oracle

 

[Grayman]

I never used the word noble. If you're unhappy with myself assessment, by all means provide your own, oh oracle

It's a defense mechanism where society has set you apart or rejected you in some ways and have shown hostility toward your views and perceptions and so you set yourself apart from them and grab ahold of arrogance in order to set them lower and yourself higher thereby creating an emotional barrier.

I believe this to be started in young adolescence due to the low self-confidence and acceptance of growing individuals trying to get a footing in this hard world. Your perceptions are accurate to the groups in which you assign them to but you carry on with this idea that everyone is a a sensitive emotional idiot who is incapable of handling criticism.

At first you fail to recognize social ques and recognize the importance of 'how' you say things vs what you say. You also fail to recognize timing. You are not always in a position emotionally to handle strong criticisms. You also fail to recognize that the person may already know their failings and are trying to work on them. You may also fail to recognize that certain social settings can be more and unnecessarily damaging to the individuals who you are being critical too.

Society puts onus is put on you for not following the social rules and respecting peoples feelings and so you retaliate by rejecting society and deeming unfit to bask in your presence. Or at least that is the feeling that is given off to society as you being arrogant and noble and setting yourself above everyone else. Really it is just you trying to deal with rejection.

 

[Tannhauser]

It's a defense mechanism where society has set you apart or rejected you in some ways and have shown hostility toward your views and perceptions and so you set yourself apart from them and grab ahold of arrogance in order to set them lower and yourself higher thereby creating an emotional barrier.

I believe this to be started in young adolescence due to the low self-confidence and acceptance of growing individuals trying to get a footing in this hard world. Your perceptions are accurate to the groups in which you assign them to but you carry on with this idea that everyone is a a sensitive emotional idiot who is incapable of handling criticism.

At first you fail to recognize social ques and recognize the importance of 'how' you say things vs what you say. You also fail to recognize timing. You are not always in a position emotionally to handle strong criticisms. You also fail to recognize that the person may already know their failings and are trying to work on them. You may also fail to recognize that certain social settings can be more and unnecessarily damaging to the individuals who you are being critical too.

Society puts onus is put on you for not following the social rules and respecting peoples feelings and so you retaliate by rejecting society and deeming unfit to bask in your presence. Or at least that is the feeling that is given off to society as you being arrogant and noble and setting yourself above everyone else. Really it is just you trying to deal with rejection.

Fantastic analysis, Grayman.

Indeed, many of us like to think of ourselves as perfectly rational machines, and that the rest of the world is to blame if they can't handle our directness. Meanwhile we are all human, and everything we believe is conditioned on our own emotional reaction to what is presented to us.

 

[Sinny91]

Lol. Orrr, just what I typed haha.
Over analysis gone wild... I prefer to apply my analysis to things that actually matter.

 

[PmjPmj]

Sounds like a reasonable assessment, but you also have cases like myself - inadvertent dickery. I always assumed that I was a warm and approachable person, but recent explorations of my type (with amazing practitioners) have revealed some hilarious insights. They used real examples of where I was an absolute cunt with people without even realising it!

This doesn't bother me, though - it amuses me. There's zero malice within me, and I can't be held responsible for the perceptions of others. Some people wake up in the morning just waiting to be offended. Fuck those people.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Real assholes don't have principles. They are just toxic beings who have no real compassion for people around them and are nice to people only with an agenda in mind.

yeah...well:
FUCK YOU!!
┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

 

[Pyropyro]

To OP. You really have to work with a therapist/ counselor to deal with that.

Changing to a nice person without confronting what's inside you is like painting flowers on a slime mold. It will temporarily look pretty but it'll return to its natural form sooner or later.

You have to deal with the root causes.

 

[RaBind]

Y'know every time I hear the 'I'm only an asshole because I'm just so noble/honest and other people can't handle the truth because they're weak' cliche, I vomit a little in my mouth while simultaneously holding back raucous laughter. It makes a bit of a mess and I choke up something awful. Really though don't worry Sinny, you're not the one mired in delusion, it's literally just everyone else who doesn't appreciate you.

This could be percieved as an asshole thing to say and you could sweep my post aside as just someone being too sensitive to your honest critique.

Wow life without asshole would be so annoying with everyone kissing each others asses with every thing and always trying to one up others at being on the higher moral ground.

That being said I deffinately think of some people as assholes and don't like them. Its something to do with what I percieve as unnecessary assholery I suppose.

 

[redbaron]

You're not even an asshole, you're just a piece of shit

 

[Brontosaurie]

Y'know every time I hear the 'I'm only an asshole because I'm just so noble/honest and other people can't handle the truth because they're weak' cliche, I vomit a little in my mouth while simultaneously holding back raucous laughter. It makes a bit of a mess and I choke up something awful. Really though don't worry Sinny, you're not the one mired in delusion, it's literally just everyone else who doesn't appreciate you.

You really don't even believe you're right when being a dick? Somehow that's a relief.

 

[EditorOne]

This is a hopeless thread, because "asshole" is such a broad label.

For me, an asshole is someone who is knowingly selfish, arrogant and rude - consciously malignant. That eliminates people who lack a filter between their brain and their mouth, people who don't realize they are being selfish, arrogant and rude, and just about anyone except the consciously malignant, the people who are disagreeable because they actively enjoy disturbing the shit and pissing people off.
Everyone else with the objectionable elements is just benignly annoying.

So, original poster, are you really an asshole by this definition? Or just another INTP who stumbled into an epiphany that his behavior might strike normal people as objectionable or annoying at times?

Don't be so hard on yourself and don't overthink. If you want to avoid putting up unnecessary limitations on yourself due to inadvertent rudeness, all you need to do is keep the first principle of good manners firmly in the frontal lobe of your brain: In an average conversation with another human, do not do or say anything to put the other person at a disadvantage. That will require you to think before you speak, to consider the effect of your words, etc., all that good stuff. It's not that easy because we still lack the ability to really assess the emotions swirling around, but it's an improvement. The second part is to put some distance between yourself and your utterances. If you absolutely cannot resist blurting out a negative concept, couch it with the phrase "Some people think." As in "Some people think the gold standard is as subjective and arbitrary as any other system of value, since it depends on a commodity." Let the idea exist on its own. You've made your point. Much better than "I can't believe anyone today thinks the gold standard is anything but a subjective system of value subject to fluctuation just like fiat money.' Now you've started a fight with you, not the idea.

Just hard-won experience.

 

[Stagename]

hey guys, are intp naturally assholes(or think of them that way?)? or is it just me?

As most of you im a loner and have always been, but im also nice and accepting most of times... the problem i get is when i try to "behave" too nice from my own good. I think society tells us we should behave this or that way and if we dont we can possibly feel bad or ashamed, and guilty, even if the behavior actually is okay....I never felt guilt in younger years since i didnt realize my behaviour was possibly narcissistic, inappropriate, and assholish.. i never thought about it...until i found out about my personnality type , got to know myself more, got some negative feedback from society and work environment( honnest and accurate? dont know), learned to see the beauty of other peoples perspective... so the deeper iv got in society the harder i find it to deal with it.
In other words, personal growth came with some psychic distress.

I tried to change(from asshole to nice person, become optimistic and happy and chill person...or the idea i have of a nice person...NF?)but im unable to change and i get paranoid about that, sometimes i feel like i might be an inherently bad person and ovranalyze what i did or say wrong to people, some other time i let myself abused by people because i can get too nice(to compensate my asshole shame)...etc
All this results in the same thoughts again and again: this society's constant moral judgement is paradoxically evil in nature and makes me lose my sense of individuality by wanting me to conform... and thus makes personal equilibrium hard to reach.Basically we will never be good enough to societys standards.
Conclusion and solution: isolate from society and live happily ever after in a non judgemental environment . go ignore mode.( but isnt that cowardice and a survival approach?)

so people tell me, if assholery is - to a certain extent- an intrinsic component of my personality(even when healthy), how do i fully accept that without feeling shame or guilt. Because im prone to feelings of guilt and self flagelation....when i sense moral inferiority i myself(inferior fe?).
Basically how to be more self forgiving?
craving for your opinion on this issue guys. thanks.

You are going down the wrong path here dude. You are basically asking permission for accepting to yourself that your asshole behaviour is inevitable, and that you don't have to change it. That is bullshit. There will come nothing good from this. If you accept that you are an asshole, and there is nothing you can do, I can guarantee you that your life will not be even slightly better. Instead focus on what you can do to improve yourself and maybe not be an asshole. You are not doomed to be an asshole because of you're intp. That is actually right on top of the pile of the dumbest shit I have heard.

Of course, I'm an asshole INTJ, so what do I know right?

Read some Dale Carnegie.

Spoiler

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

You are going down the wrong path here dude. You are basically asking permission for accepting to yourself that your asshole behaviour is inevitable, and that you don't have to change it. That is bullshit. There will come nothing good from this. If you accept that you are an asshole, and there is nothing you can do, I can guarantee you that your life will not be even slightly better. Instead focus on what you can do to improve yourself and maybe not be an asshole. You are not doomed to be an asshole because of you're intp. That is actually right on top of the pile of the dumbest shit I have heard.

Of course, I'm an asshole INTJ, so what do I know right?

Read some Dale Carnegie.

Spoiler

For the uninitiated INTP:

The primary reason one needs to not be perceived as an asshole at all cost is a priority is:

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is valued above all else in society:

(Emotional Intelligence is how to recognize and deal with all that Feelings crap most of the population is immersed and marinated in):

Thinking, rational intelligence is generally way down on the priority list of society:

In order to eat and eat well (live well, get access to decent medical care) INTPs need society and the synergy it provides.

Also INTPs are not exceptions to the rule that social validation is important to psychological well being

Therefore INTPs, yes its an unfortunate truth, we suck at EI at first. And not only because its not a priority with us because also most true INTPs don't even have EI on their radar.

And we must must must adapt. The silver lining is that we are fanfuckingtastic at mastering something once we dig into the theory we can put it into near perfect practice as we master the practice of implementing EI into our lives.

I had to throw this comment into the mix for the skeptical INTP. There might not exist in the mind of the typical INTP an impetus for giving a care about mastering EI (and minimizing perceived assholery)

 

[Deleted member 1424]

This could be perceived as an asshole thing to say and you could sweep my post aside as just someone being too sensitive to your honest critique.

Yeah... That's kindof what I was trying to demonstrate to sinny.

 

[RaBind]

Really though don't worry Sinny, you're not the one mired in delusion, it's literally just everyone else who doesn't appreciate you.

This was sarcasm wasn't it? Were you trying to point out the idiocy of dismissing critique simply based on it being an Ad Hominem? cause that was my point and if that was your point too than I clearly wasn't able to pick up on it.

 

[TheManBeyond]

assholes can only be evaluated situationally, hypothesize about contexts is like staying dressed in a nudist beach = wrong.

 

[Yellow]

Someone who goes to a nudist beach and doesn't strip sounds more like a dweeb. I'm with EditorOne, intent makes an asshole.

 

[Grayman]

Someone who goes to a nudist beach and doesn't strip sounds more like a dweeb. I'm with EditorOne, intent makes an asshole.

IDK, Sounds like there's enough assholes on that beach. Maybe that guy was being nice in not showing off his asshole too....

 

[Jennywocky]

..I'm with EditorOne, intent makes an asshole.

Thirded. He just stated it so well, anything I had to say would be redundant.

 

[Architect]

"Intentional asshole" versus "unintentional asshole" clarifies think. I started a thread on this some time ago. Since your dominant is somebody else's inferior, we're all unintentional assholes. Example, Sensors are all assholes to me because of their insistence on their way of life (trying to make me kick balls, eat barbecue and have small talk). I'm an asshole to them for my not "getting with the program".

In addition to that, as EditorOne discussed, INTP's can be unintentional assholes because we don't naturally have a good set of social skills.

 

[Grayman]

A person who sadistically enjoys hurting people for pleasure... Generally an asshole on purpose... That's a rarity. Most think there is a good reason for what they do. (Generally)

 

[WALKYRIA]

cool, i understand now... basically what you guys mean is that i should stop hanging with certain wrong crowds, the oversensitives and the sensors( who make me feel like an asshole)? the same people with wich i find communication so tedious...

Also, i dont think that assholery is mostly intentional, otherwise there would be very few assholes(psychopath and sociopaths perhaps!)... or maybe should we introduce the notion of an asshole spectrum.

I personnally happen to find TJs assholes... because of the way they assert their Te.

and to the question, am i an asshole? actually i think i am, sometimes its intentional, sometime its semi-intentional, and other times i suspect its unintentional.(but how do i know then?). Majority of time its out of a desire to appear plafull, lively, cool and spontaneous that i blurt out whatever is on my mind... basically out of the desire to fit in a certain group and to play the social game... but big fail obviously.

In actuality, No one ever told me i was an asshole, but i can sense that if i dont pay attention, i tend to express myself in a nonchalant and harsch way, basically i say whatver the fuck i want (and people look me with weird eyes lol).. without consideration for othe people, which can be deshumanizing in a certain way.

And about learning to be socially gracious and saying nice things all the time, appearing emotionnaly smart etc ... yeah, i can do that but it drains the hell out of me, and feels like im a semi functioning human being.

side remark: have you seen how higher status people can manage to act and talk like assholes(bullying)... do you guys think assholery has anything to do with status?

 

[EditorOne]

It drains the hell out of all of us. That's why you need to plan on having a period of isolation and thinking after performing in public. Just like a track meet: Sure, you can sprint for awhile or do pole vaulting, even if it hurts, but then you need to rest up. Contribute, but develop your own program.
I have to go speak at a business luncheon in a little while. My plan for afterward is a dark room, silence, and a book.

 

[Grayman]

side remark: have you seen how higher status people can manage to act and talk like assholes(bullying)... do you guys think assholery has anything to do with status?

I think confidence, over-confidence, and arrogance can allow for assholery to be perceptible. I think status can blinding to ones own faults and allow for one to move toward superiority or over-confidence. I think when you have the spotlight on you all the time the rules can change in this regard.

 

[Grayman]

It drains the hell out of all of us. That's why you need to plan on having a period of isolation and thinking after performing in public. Just like a track meet: Sure, you can sprint for awhile or do pole vaulting, even if it hurts, but then you need to rest up. Contribute, but develop your own program.
I have to go speak at a business luncheon in a little while. My plan for afterward is a dark room, silence, and a book.

This.

I work alone so that I get all the recoop time that I need. I also isolate myself at home to some extent. However I do make efforts to socialize and do it properly since human interaction is not only good but necessary. I would for example initiate a dinner with some people and we would talk for an hour but I recognize my limitations so after the dinner I make my exit. By initiating they don't feel that I am uninterested in being with them when I make an exit.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

cool, i understand now... basically what you guys mean is that i should stop hanging with certain wrong crowds, the oversensitives and the sensors( who make me feel like an asshole)? the same people with wich i find communication so tedious...

Very generally, avoiding Ss and Fs works for me.

And about learning to be socially gracious and saying nice things all the time, appearing emotionnaly smart etc ... yeah, i can do that but it drains the hell out of me, and feels like im a semi functioning human being.

I know...I know.

side remark: have you seen how higher status people can manage to act and talk like assholes(bullying)... do you guys think assholery has anything to do with status?

I'm coming to the conclusion that it has to do with a component of my brain that I think I'm missing and probably a lot of other INTPs don't have and/or have allowed to atrophy to the point of non use:

It has to do with some sort of ability to calculate social cause and effect and being able to triangulate for maximum power/ leverage in social situations. In a word: guile.

My theory I'd postulate is that most INTPs are so busy digging for truth that the thick ubiquitous layer of guile at the superficial level of society was dug past many diggings ago. From deep in the INTP hole, strategizing and recognizing for guile amongst our fellow humanoids is not even an afterthought its so far overhead at this point.

 

[Pyropyro]

side remark: have you seen how higher status people can manage to act and talk like assholes(bullying)... do you guys think assholery has anything to do with status?

They're quite a respectful bunch if they know that you have value. They only save that kind of act on people who has little value or leverage to offer.

I don't think it's assholery, it's more like resource management. They won't waste their time on people that won't give them the bang for their buck.

 

[Grayman]

They won't waste their time on people that won't give them the bang for their buck.

aka asshole

this is an minor upgrade from this

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

 

[Pyropyro]

aka asshole

this is an minor upgrade from this

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Not necessarily. They have people to take care down the line.

The higher you get, the less leeway you can play with without producing negative repercussions for your people. You simply maximize whatever resource that you have. I tend to not get offended if they ignored me. Most of the time, said ignoring was simply because they are accommodating another more valuable person.

I remembered being in a meeting with a rather aloof researcher. He basically ignored most of the delegates there and focused on bringing down just one person. Assholish? Probably. But he did it because if not, said other person will cause his staff to lose their monthly salary.

When we've meet with him with my boss in private, he was much more cordial and calm. Why? Because he knew that we have the same agenda of protecting his people.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

I remembered being in a meeting with a rather aloof researcher. He basically ignored most of the delegates there and focused on bringing down just one person. Assholish? Probably. But he did it because if not, said other person will cause his staff to lose their monthly salary.

When we've meet with him with my boss in private, he was much more cordial and calm. Why? Because he knew that we have the same agenda of protecting his people.

This sounds interesting but its unclear to me what happened here. Would you explain the situation perhaps in more detail?

 

[Pyropyro]

This sounds interesting but its unclear to me what happened here. Would you explain the situation perhaps in more detail?

The case itself is still confidential so I'm going to be vague (sorry)

Anyways, Person A leads a group of researchers who made Awesome Tech. Person B is their boss and thinks that Awesome Tech should be distributed for free to impress their gov't backers.

Problem is, if they do so then said group of researchers will simply get laid off without any further compensation for developing Awesome Tech. The project cannot sustain itself without making a start-up out of Awesome Tech and the gov't backers aren't keen on spending more money on the project even if it is already doing a lot of good to the public. Besides, the staff only get relatively low wages since the project was gov't funded.

The action is against the spirit of our country's tech laws so we intervene. Our goal is to encourage A & B to enter into a compromise.

 

[Socialturtle]

Well. I consider myself a little asshole. To certain people, I am the nicest person, and would never hurt them conciosly. Im usually nice/neutral to strangers. Except if im drunk. Then i turn into a extroverted butterfly. To people i dont like,or suppose i dont like them, i can be a huge asshole. Really depends on how they treat me. I know the social norms of being nice, but i dont always know how to live by them.

 

[WALKYRIA]

I agree with all of you guys...

In an average conversation with another human, do not do or say anything to put the other person at a disadvantage. That will require you to think before you speak, to consider the effect of your words, etc., all that good stuff.

Compromising Ti for Fe and striving to stay socially graceful ? Young INTP often use this strategy to blend in groups... chameleon skills they call it. Problem is that you can be perceived as unauthentic, weak and uncofident... When I was younger I didn't care about being perceived as weak because I internally believed I was da bomb anyway( and didn't care about social merit and social status).
The proposed strategy is good but not so for self- esteem and self-confidence in a long term.
Another strategy is accepting to be socially ostracised and to stay by yourself... This strategy rises your self-confidence and self esteem; and it attracts people around you anyway. ( But this strategy is socially unacceptable and social skills are Key in this world).
Another strategy is to remain silent in group settings... but this lowers your respectability. ( also not socially acceptable; you need to participate).

Thing is with time, one wants to be respected by peers a little bit more and acting slightly assholish/ assertive/ aggressive/ egotistical in a group seems curiously the better strategy in certain environments( especially the more competitive ones !). The problem is when you act like that in groups of " normal" people... then you are the asshole and you don't even know why.( think subconscious haughty body-language !).

 

[FlorisV]

The INTP asshole mode is pretty much the smartass mode that does not show any empathy and comes up with solutions ("you should have done this/that") that label the recipient as dumbass. I am INTP but also hate it when another person does it to me.

The nice guy mode you describe comes from insecurity and lack of self esteem. Being kind and generally nice is great but it can be too much (suddenly you can be labeled inapprotiate, weird or creepy) or to the wrong people (the ones not deserving it, not respecting you). What is "too much" is a matter of trial and error, generally it's everything that would make you lose much more respect than you gain.

Being assertive and socially more adapted helps of course but deep down, self consciousness and self love are the real keys. When you learn to love yourself (I recommend Nathaniel Brandon on the topic of self esteem) this helps to stay grounded more, be in touch with your real self (not with the patterns you've developed).

You will feel less guilty about the "assholing" but can become more self conscious of it...you mean well but learn people kind of have a manual and want to be recognized and understood rather than your logical solutions. You were born with a difficulty to understand it instinctively but also with great learning ability. So don't knock yourself out because of your behavior but also recognize it more so you can stand above it.

Whenever you recognize you're about to go asshole in a conversation, the simplest solution is to shut up in these situations, listen, have relaxed eye contact and just nod a bit ;-).

Generally it can help to take a deep breath and stop thinking for a moment, mindfulness could help focus on your feelings more. INTP's are not unable to feel, can in fact be very sensitive, even empathic (sometimes). Just are focused way more on thinking and an INTP brain can be very active, overdrive can be the asshole mode depending on the situation (often fueled by negative convictions as well).

I tend to psycho analyze and don't really feel much empathy but still hate it how other people gossip BS about certain people sometimes, of course this also has to do with INTP's thirst for absolute factual correctness and perfect logic. I've had this crazy girl complain to me "I always have to be sharp when talking to you", well when discussing a heated topic (in fact gossip) well she was definitely right and yes you don't always make friends that way. Don't always apologize (I did back then, when I should not have).

Generally, avoid political discussions (huge trap), as a philosophical INTP I find myself interested in looking at issues from all sides anyway. Same with gossip.