fear of emotions preventing me from dating...

[mke2686]

ok so untill a few years ago i was pretty much unaware of my emotions then i met this girl and she blew my mind and made me feel things that i cant put into words.. long story short it lasted 4 years and was probably the happiest i have ever been. since then i havent been with anyone mostly because of major trust issues and the fear of my own emotions. how can i get passed these issues???

 

[Oblivious]

Take the plunge. Get humiliated. Stand up. Get stronger. Rinse, repeat.

 

[mke2686]

heres the thing, i meet someone i like then when im alone and start thinking i think of every scenario that could go wrong and then i just say fuck it...

 

[DesertSmeagle]

i would like a girlfriend, but only for a very short period of time..like a week..idont want commitment..I dont get dating...My parents always sheltered me, never hada gf, and social anxiety and shit. i could probably go to a party and get laid in 5 minutes, because im not ugly...damn social anxiety sux penis..but ya dating is dumb..whats the point? Do you date to eventually get married? why date if u wont get married..if i ever get married, it would have to be a girl who was my best friend..not just a fuck buddy...thats pretty much why people date, for sex..50% of all marriages in America end up in divorce...but if u find a girl whos like your best friend, good for you....ill probably never find any girl that could be my best friend....but as for fuk buddies, im all for that shit..just be careful who you date, they could be with u forever.

To get past the issues, just find a girl you can get along with and be can be friends with her. Talk about your problems and lives together, and these issues will probably dissapear. One of the types of love is intimacy, which means you know tons about ur partner and they know tons about you, and eventually become like family..get to this point and have good experiences with her and your mindset will change..Its like exposure therapy for people with phobias...but i really dont know shit about relationships, i just like psychology..

 

[Anthile]

i would like a girlfriend, but only for a very short period of time..like a week..idont want commitment..I dont get dating...My parents always sheltered me, never hada gf, and social anxiety and shit. i could probably go to a party and get laid in 5 minutes, because im not ugly...damn social anxiety sux penis..but ya dating is dumb..whats the point? Do you date to eventually get married? why date if u wont get married..if i ever get married, it would have to be a girl who was my best friend..not just a fuck buddy...thats pretty much why people date, for sex..50% of all marriages in America end up in divorce...but if u find a girl whos like your best friend, good for you....ill probably never find any girl that could be my best friend....but as for fuk buddies, im all for that shit..just be careful who you date, they could be with u forever.

To get past the issues, just find a girl you can get along with and be can be friends with her. Talk about your problems and lives together, and these issues will probably dissapear. One of the types of love is intimacy, which means you know tons about ur partner and they know tons about you, and eventually become like family..get to this point and have good experiences with her and your mindset will change..Its like exposure therapy for people with phobias...but i really dont know shit about relationships, i just like psychology..

Only a top hat and a monocle could make you any classier.

 

[DesertSmeagle]

!!! holy shit, an eyepatch. i thought it was a fucking monocle the whole time. haha the file is actually called monocle for some reason hahaha..thank you bringing that thougt to my head...weird i always saw the eyepatch but i never percieved it..never really looked at the picture..it was stored in my memory as a monocle...shit..haha.

 

[Adymus]

have you tried getting over it?

 

[shoeless]

it's not that goddamn hard to find someone who can be your best friend AND your boy/girlfriend. it just requires maturity and commitment, which is not nearly as scary as people keep making it out to be. of course luck is a factor to some extent, but i wouldn't even call it luck as much as i would call it statistics. there's BILLIONS of people out there. you just have to get out and start meeting them.

as for the OP, you're probably still not over your last relationship. i know it's hard and it just makes things worse, but you'll eventually get over it (everyone does) and then i promise it'll be much easier to put yourself out there. in the meantime, you should still try to overcome your insecurities. making a conscious effort actually helps, even if it doesn't seem like it does.

i'm sure you'll be fine. you just have to take a leap of faith some time.

 

[The Gopher]

yeah that is an eye patch... and yeah I do the scenario thing to.

 

[mke2686]

ok the problem isnt the fear of the relationshp itself, its the fear of failing again... this girlwas my best friend from middle school we didnt start dating till college and it ended abruptly without any warning signs. so my problem is i dont want to get attached to someone just to have them walk the fuck out again.

 

[shoeless]

the problem is, that risk is always, always going to be there. people are weird. shit happens.

you just have to go for it anyway and hope for the best. if you keep avoiding it because you're scared, then you're never going to be happy.

 

[Traianus]

the problem is, that risk is always, always going to be there. people are weird. shit happens.

you just have to go for it anyway and hope for the best. if you keep avoiding it because you're scared, then you're never going to be happy.

Sound advice, the only thing I would add (from my own experience) is that the more you put yourself out there, the easier it gets. Failure is part of the learning process. I've been in three long term relationships in my life, the shortest being 3 years and several shorter ones. I learned a lot from most of them; they've helped me to recognize what I want in a SO and the things that will flat out drive me nuts. Best of luck and as always, YMMV

 

[dark]

I think I have the EXACT same problem, but it's not about falling for me, I have a tendency to just forget those, yet they bother me years later, I can't get out of my own damn head. In the past couple weeks I have met quite a few girls I would wish to talk to and "attempt" to ask out on a date, yet when I come face to face with them, I'm usually around tons of people causing my mind to seek refugee inside leaving me totally alone, and I mean alone, without my mind anymore... The all I can do is talk theory to these girls, most likely scaring them away. And the entire time I'm trying to fit any form of emotional phrases in the conversation, but all I can verbalize is things like, "Well the people in that room, even though normally they aren't there, will probably be moving along some time soon, which I can't really say when, but when they do, I'll be in that room, but really why are those people in that room, I've never seen them before, and I come by here everyday, wait a second let me think on this," then a long drowning silence happens where I usually just get up out of my seat and walk somewhere.

Ok fatigue is draining my mental abilities, need to charge back up to actaully bring across what I meant there, or I could draw a diagram.

 

[chuhulil]

Just go out with it. Be bold, and just do it. From what I've learned and experienced, that just makes things easier. Sure, that's risk, but in the end, it's worth it, and you'll be glad you did it, no matter the outcome.

 

[dark]

So I should avoid "attempting" small-talk since it's pointless any how and just say something like, "Hey. Want to do on a date?" Did that once, didn't work so I haven't used it since. Or should one actaully do small-talk, and actually not formulate what one is going to say before hand...