I’m surrounded by emotions that I didn't ask for, my closest relationship with another human has recently broken with a troublesome ending, mixing up feelings, thoughts and memories. We both had develop a mild obsession with each other that I do not feel so attached to, but care for the other’s involvement in it. The problem is that I never deeply seized the particular origin of his interest in me which led to a not so impartial evaluation of the whole and as an unsolved puzzle keeps catching my attention. We began having rational, knowledge-oriented conversations and after some months there were just miscellaneous feelings, and uncontrolled emotional states by his side playing with my sanity. Another point to expose is the identification of pattern in the male population, which as it seems, I appealed to: Extroverts with N function who show a mindset of X to Y nullification. I don’t possess an overly attractive body figure in relation with the average female but it seems to visually please the opposite sex, the trouble lies in the tacit way men I have encountered with, seem to assume that certain physical traits cannot coexist with functional mental capacities and must definitely suppress them. Right now I’m disappointed and frustrated about the general portraits of what is consider “acceptable gender behavior”, I don't now how to expose myself without hiding slices of my identity to avoid underestimation and I'm still concern about how to make clear without hearting a person I used to care for, that it was really an end. For further information he is ENFJ.
So let me get this straight:
1) You haven't yet explored and built an understanding around the emotions you experience, so they are still strange and confusing.
2) You met someone you had an intellectual connection with.
3) You fell in love with each other.
4) The person you fell in love with doesn't respect your mind sufficiently to continue the relationship.
5) You're worried that there won't be people out there who will get you, connect with you, love you, and whom you can be happy with long term.
6) You've bought into some of the ridiculous social pressures we place on women in our culture that rob people of self-worth and confidence, and you're having an internal backlash toward gender norms you deem unacceptable.
Correct me if I'm wrong in the above assessment.
1) I'm guessing you are very young. To build understanding of your emotions, I recommend you focus on them, be hyperaware of them, try to quantify and qualify them, and build understanding about each one. Those are normal feelings that most people implicitly understand, but INTPs have to work at it. Most people will not be able to comprehend how this could be difficult, because it's as easy as breathing to them. Still, work on it- it's worth knowing, you can learn it, and it will dramatically improve your understanding of others, along with your ability to guide and influence them.
2) This is totally normal and how relationships are formed.
3) This is also totally normal.
4) This is problematic. There are many men out there who won't respect you intellectually, and they can fuck right the hell off. They aren't worth your time.
5) There do exist many men who
will try to understand you, care about your mind, listen to you, and feel passion for you. There are many who will not as well. It is up to you to sift through the unacceptable candidates for the good ones. Don't be afraid to let them go.
6) Try to ignore the myriad social pressures that you have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, to attract people and build a lasting relationship. It's mostly bullshit. Anyone who doesn't like you for who you are, physically, intellectually, emotionally, sexually, whatever, isn't worth your time to date.
