Existential Crisis

[INT...huh?]

Hi all, new to the site and thought I'd share my current state of mind since I've gotten a lot of insight from yours....

I'm in my thirties and have only recently become interested in Jungian personality classifications. I'm borderline J/P but definitely relate to all the P definitions. Think of all the worst life decisions you could make as an INTP, yet have an attractive life to anyone else. That's me.

In short: Economics grad (had 4 diff majors before settling), got married at 22, joined the Army (still in reserves-just holding on for retirement), got out and became an accountant. With a mortgage. Yikes.

I hate my job(s). Mundane, excruciating detail dominates my days. I deal with people who understand nothing of the bigger picture and have no clue how to motivate subordinates. I've suffered through many years of military service by secluding myself in a technical job of electronics. Nothing but arrogant, loud, and clueless people there. Then there is home. I was young and full of hormones when I made the marriage decision. We are definitely not compatible (ISFJ) and I get frustrated with every conversation.

I'm exhausted. I want to move out, quit my job, and spend six months on the Appalachian Trail. Or anything without responsibility. No offense to any, but I'm not interested in voluminous gibberish about the meaning of life, as there is no meaning. There is just life. I'm just trying to figure out what course would provide the greatest satisfaction.

Is there anyone else who has faced a similar situation? Any regrets in totally changing direction in life?

Of course I expect several snide comments with no value; we wouldn't be INTPs without them.

 

[nearfantastica]

Military and accountant. I can't picture two less suitable jobs for an INTP. Congratulations on surviving.

I'm not sure how much you should value advice from strangers on the internet, but if you're unhappy with your circumstances, you really should alter them. You're not going to wake up one day and miraculously be happy with your job and marriage.

Do whatever seems right to you - within reason.

 

[INT...huh?]

Yeah, let me tell you those occupational lists are pretty dead on. Stay away from both.

I should clarify. I'm not particularly seeking advice (after all, no one is smarter than me. haha) as I am shared experiences. I was curious if anyone just up and discarded everything they hate in their lives (not just job, everything) and attempted to start over.

Thanks nearfantastica, although I operate way beyond reason most days...

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

ISFJ wife? You poor bastard. I'm kidding, I'm sure she's a lovely person.

...I was curious if anyone just up and discarded everything they hate in their lives (not just job, everything) and attempted to start over...

Yes, twice actually...or three times. Whatever, but I have severe social phobia and other issues, so it didn't go well but I bet you would fair way better than me.

Anyway, so what outlet, or inlet do you have when you just need to think, to be alone with your thoughts? Do you have a high/moderate/low need for it? I read recently about two household relationships, which seems to me pretty brilliant. Some people even go on vacations by themselves. So that's one way to go maybe? I mean this world is not for us—or is it us that are not for this world? Whatever, you have to Fe? or Te? sometimes, then go back to your little cave, no? Is that how it works? Maybe that's something you want to start off with, I dunno. Do you think your wife would be ok with something like that? I'm guessing...hell no?

 

[INT...huh?]

ISFJ wife? You poor bastard. I'm kidding, I'm sure she's a lovely person.

Ha. Let's just say I didn't elaborate on the extremity of our incompatibility; you are correct in your sentiments.

Yes, twice actually...or three times.

Can you tell me more about one or more of those?

I read recently about two household relationships, which seems to me pretty brilliant. Some people even go on vacations by themselves.

That is a brilliant idea and while wholeheartedly supported by me.... "hell no" would be the answer.


I like your "little cave" reference. I do require a LOT of cave-dwelling time and have the esoteric interests I imagine most INTPs have (languages, woodworking, building solar powered junk, re, re, re learning guitar). It would be nice if my mate understood or had any similar interests.

I will quit my job. The question is when, and what after that? Would I be a failure to give up a cushy, well-paid job? Do I throw away years of experience and education on a whim? Will I feel the same ennui no matter what I do?

I recently read The Razor's Edge and closely identify with Larry, who simply wants to "loaf". For those not familiar, he survived on a pittance of a trust while voraciously learning and travelling the world. Occasionally he took on odd manual labor jobs to recharge and self published a book nobody read. Sound attractive?

 

[OptiMist_Prime]

Ha. Let's just say I didn't elaborate on the extremity of our incompatibility; you are correct in your sentiments.

ha. I dated a few of those before I found out about MBTI.

Can you tell me more about one or more of those?

Well they were disasters, but mostly due to my social phobia. I mean at some point you have to extrovert, and I probably could have, or I could have at least faked it, but social phobia is a beast and it would not let me.

But when I was a teenager I ran away. Well I left abruptly, without notice, whatever. I ended up with a relative, but I bring it up to point out that I really don't regret it. Sure I fell on my face, but it was fun trying. Ideally, of course I would have preferred a different outcome, but regrets? Nah. I might have earlier in life, but now I understand that it's what I had to do, so no, no regrets. Not the second time, or the third time. Actually ideally, it would have not gotten to that point I guess, but I didn't know anything about personality types.

...I do require a LOT of cave-dwelling time and have the esoteric interests I imagine most INTPs have (languages, woodworking, building solar powered junk, re, re, re learning guitar). It would be nice if my mate understood or had any similar interests.

I will quit my job. The question is when, and what after that? Would I be a failure to give up a cushy, well-paid job? Do I throw away years of experience and education on a whim?

You say you require a lot of cave-dwelling but are you getting that need met? 50% met? Is it workable? Success or failure is how happy you are, no? Try to get your Ti? needs met more and see if that settles things down a bit, then you can think more clearly? Try and not let it get to the point where you feel like a cornered animal. That may be tough like it was for me but who knows what that will take to get your needs met. Leave on the weekends?

...Will I feel the same ennui no matter what I do?

Probably. Probably. Whadda I know, though? I bet there's a way.

I recently read The Razor's Edge and closely identify with Larry, who simply wants to "loaf". For those not familiar, he survived on a pittance of a trust while voraciously learning and travelling the world. Occasionally he took on odd manual labor jobs to recharge and self published a book nobody read. Sound attractive?

Larry sounds like my kind of guy. Yes, in fact, in another forum a long time ago, this one guy said a career counselor suggested that maybe he should stay in school. Forever. No seriously, some people do that I was surprised to learn. That sounds tough to pull off though financially, but that sounds like fun, sorta, anyway. I guess being a scientist is like staying in school forever, sorta, so maybe that's the next best thing. I fantasize about having my own lab, maybe microbiology or something (not that I have the education), but in my fantasy, I am rich, so can do whatever I want, no need to publish or seek funding, no one to report to, and all my subordinates are afraid of me, and besides, they're all downstairs most of the time anyway, so yeah it's awesome.

If you have more questions about the times I bounced let me know. By the way, can't help but be curious, and sorry if I am snooping but what plans do you have for your marriage, worst case scenario, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Teffnology]

Im pretty sure that if a couple of life events hadn't happened lately I would be you are in 10 years. Set-up sounds identical (didn't qualify for military due to sports injury) with decision-making process and sacrificing of individuality for practicallity.

If you want to read my story its on my Introit posts.
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=21661
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=21669

I completely dropped everything I had built to that point and jumped of a speeding train with no plan for what was next but felt the train car was crushing my soul. Don't regret jumping off just wish I had done it a little more gracefully and with an idea in mind of the next direction I would take.

I wish I could be of more help. I can definitely relate to your situation though and pass along that I still feel starting over was what needed to happen for me. Maybe we can become vagabonds together haha.

 

[INT...huh?]

First of all I just want to say thanks, guys. I'm incredibly private (no facebook or significant internet presence) and it is hard spilling these innermost nasty feeling-type-things all over the page. I'm not being roasted over my syntax and format as I expected so that helps.

I guess being a scientist is like staying in school forever, sorta, so maybe that's the next best thing. I fantasize about having my own lab, maybe microbiology or something (not that I have the education), but in my fantasy, I am rich, so can do whatever I want, no need to publish or seek funding, no one to report to, and all my subordinates are afraid of me, and besides, they're all downstairs most of the time anyway, so yeah it's awesome.

Funny you should say that. I enrolled in an evening Biology class this semester as I THINK my next career will involve that field (ecologist, forester, scientist).

If you have more questions about the times I bounced let me know. By the way, can't help but be curious, and sorry if I am snooping but what plans do you have for your marriage, worst case scenario, if you don't mind me asking?

I would like to know what you do for a living now/what you did before. What is your living situation like? Are you happy (defined however you wish, comparative, absolute, etc)?

I believe there is only one answer for my "sacred bond" and am just delaying the inevitable. I've tried to succeed in everything that my parents failed and am reluctant to quit anything. However, I just noticed that I'm not even attempting to consider your (helpful and insightful - thanks!) suggestions which tells me my decision is made. Putting it into action is another thing. I will tell you that I've been looking up apartments in the area...

 

[INT...huh?]

Im pretty sure that if a couple of life events hadn't happened lately I would be you are in 10 years. Set-up sounds identical (didn't qualify for military due to sports injury) with decision-making process and sacrificing of individuality for practicallity.

If you want to read my story its on my Introit posts.
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=21661
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=21669

Enlightening reading Teffnology. I'm with you on the talk therapy. I've tried it for my PTSD counseling and I can't get my mind beyond what an idiot the psychologist is. YOU dare to attempt to understand MY mind, insignificant peon?? haha

I see you understand the suffocation I'm enduring. After being berated about boring minutiae by my boss and another fight with the wife, I think I had a panic attack. The volcano is rumbling and knowing my unmedicated self... the destruction is one frustrating event away. I only hope it isn't an implosion.

So you are living with mom and understanding the workings of your soul. Is there a long term plan yet, or you aren't that far?

 

[Teffnology]

I've sold a chunk of my sports trading card collection on ebay and am hitting up craigslist to find a room to rent. I think I've got a pretty nice waiter job lined up that should give me enough money to start over and enough time to better myself.

I think I'm gonna investigate some online coding schools to help me build some web apps I've built in my head over the years.

I've found mindfulness is helpful in stressful times. Eckhart Tolle has a great book called The Power Of Now it is a great read by a fellow INTP about staying in the moment and being aware of the motivations of our thinking.