Empathy

[Tyria]

How adept are you in knowing what someone else is feeling? Do you let it affect you, and how does it manifest (if applicable)?

 

[Cavallier]

If it's somebody I know well I'm usually know how they are feeling or how they will probably feel about something. My friends ask me how I think other friends will react to things because they know I'm so good a predicting how they will feel.

If it's somebody I don't know well I often have much more trouble. I find myself asking questions in order to pin down how they feel:

So that made you mad? Oh, so that made you sad? Uh, huh so that's makes you feel embarrassed?

But you titled this thread "Empathy"...does that mean I should discuss how I empathize with people? Well, frankly I have a bit of trouble empathizing I think. I understand how a person feel might feel a certain way and, if they are a friend, I want to help them to feel happy/better but I don't feel sad with them. I've told my friends that if they need me to do something for them to make their lives better I'll do it. Hell, kill a person who's driving them crazy? Sure. But I've told them that if they need a shoulder to cry on I'm not their person. Give me something to do to help them and I'll do it but I'm not good at the whole emotional support thing.

 

[RobertJ]

I tend to know how a person is feeling most of the time. The issue is with caring about how they're feeling. I have a tendency to believe that most displays of emotion are calculated attempts to manipulate me into a certain course of action, so I willfully ignore it.

 

[Jaico]

I think I'm fairly good in picking up on other people's emotions; however, unless I know them well (family or very close friend) it's hard for me to 'understand' their feelings. Even if it is someone I'm close to, I can 'identify' the feeling that I think they're experiencing and identify with it, but I don't let myself get swept up in it.

 

[cheese]

Empathy is something that has developed over the last few years for me. It's very interesting and I appreciate it.

I don't think we're alone in not truly experiencing what someone else is feeling. Very few people actually do, I think. Most people are conditioned into responding in certain ways, contorting their faces to mirror the emotion the other is experiencing. I have met very few people who are truly empathetic or even sympathetic. I definitely don't empathise all the time, but sympathy comes fairly naturally to me.

OP questions:
I am pretty good at reading emotions I think. Acceptable at least.

Sometimes I instantly feel what they're feeling. Other times I place myself in their position, which is quite easy for me. I'm not at all averse to this, and am looking into why. Partly I think it's because I have a natural desire to help people and empathising provides even stronger impetus.

 

[Annablueblue]

I have a tendency to believe that most displays of emotion are calculated attempts to manipulate me into a certain course of action, so I willfully ignore it.

I feel you are so right about about calculated displays, especially in very dramatic people. I find that I do not trust how drama queens (guys or girls) display any emotion, and therefore feel little empathy for them.

 

[Toad]

Do you ever think you are really good at reading emotions, but you're really not?

Maybe I'm just second guessing myself...but how can you really know if you are good at it? I used to think I could see through people and tell what they are really thinking and feeling, but lately...I don't know. I think I'm just being paranoid.

 

[Jon C]

I tend to know how a person is feeling most of the time. The issue is with caring about how they're feeling. I have a tendency to believe that most displays of emotion are calculated attempts to manipulate me into a certain course of action, so I willfully ignore it.

I agree, but even with that being said, I don't find it difficult to empathize. I work at customer service for a grocery store, empathizing is essentially my job. Even if I don't care (which I usually don't) about what you're going through, I am good at masking empathy so I don't come off as insensitive in human relations.

 

[warryer]

Do you ever think you are really good at reading emotions, but you're really not?

Maybe I'm just second guessing myself...but how can you really know if you are good at it? I used to think I could see through people and tell what they are really thinking and feeling, but lately...I don't know. I think I'm just being paranoid.

Do you toke? A few years ago when this was an everyday thing and I kind of awakened to seeing all of this. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it all because I was high or if it really happened. It surely didn't help that my friend who I smoked with was a manipulative bitch. Fuck her and her head games /rant.

At first it was when I was high then I started to see it when I wasn't high. Then a year later after finally figuring out this conundrum of a logic puzzle I decided that I wasn't paranoid and so far I've generally been right in every conclusion I make. I think these people are probably trying to throw you off their trail because it would put them at a disadvantage to be able to see right thru them.

It generally takes me a "session" of observing/interacting with a person before I can start to make links as to why they might be feeling a certain way. Once I get a hold it only snowballs. Eventually I will have constructed a mental map of this person. Anybody else do this? Usually I don't care enough but, there are those few different people who are worth the effort.

 

[cuterebra]

I'm pretty good at reading people I know reasonably well--but only if I take the time to notice/pay attention.

 

[Toad]

Do you toke?

I've done every drug known to man. That may attribute to my paranoia.

I've just become such a cynic lately. Especially when it comes to my family, who have ALWAYS been there to help me out. I always think they have a darker motivation behind their words, actions, and/or expressions.

I know I shouldn't think that way, but that is just what my instincts tell me about people. So my empathy might be fucked up now.

Addition: There are also those people whose face are completely emotionless at a normal state (my gf for example). I always think they are going through a negative emotion when their face is like that...so I guess I do suck at reading emotions...

 

[echoplex]

I think I usually know what others are feeling, I just don't want to acknowledge that I know it. I tend to suppress it entirely. When I do acknowledge it, I internally criticize it, and find reasons why it shouldn't exist. This ultimately makes me feel like a bastard, hence why I suppress these things. hmmm.