Emotional stuff

[ZenRaiden]

Here I made a thread for us INTP or otherwise, post emotions.
The main rule of this thread is to post things pertaining to emotions.
You can write freestyle in anyway as long as it contains emotions.

So
today I felt confused in morning, then angry for a whole car ride, then rather guarded around people, but also relaxed.
I also felt attracted to few women, and that somehow made me feel OK.
Then I felt happy, and bit awkward around family members processing their own issues.

 

[birdsnestfern]

I view jealousy as a painful feeling, the pain is NOT meant to be ignored at any level for me. Something is not as it should be when it is felt.

Nobody can tell someone they are wrong to feel it, thats why they have those instincts, for self preservation.

I would want to address it completely. If one partner continued to do things that made the other jealous, clearly, thats a sign to get out of the relationship. I would want neither party to go through that and have to endure it. It HAS to be addressed.

On the other extreme, I've seen men become unreasonably jealous and even call women names when the partner is not doing anything and might only be out doing normal day to day things and he has no reason to be jealous. That is excessive and disgusting.

Lets just say that you sit down in a lecture with your S/O, and a female you don't know starts to rub her big toe up and down your males calf. I mean, you've got to either want to move to another seat or get up and leave. I wouldn't just sit there and let her continue and not feel jealousy over it.

There is no reason to be a martyr to it. I personally don't care what other people do, but if I'm feeling it, I won't put up with it, its a very unpleasant feeling for me. And being an intp, expressing it is even harder. I almost think the person creating the jealousy has a requirement to fix something and let the partner know its fixed and won't happen again. Otherwise, it needs to end.

Sorry, but if you cause me jealousy, if its minor like googoo eyes on women walking, I will tell you not to do that when I'm with you.
If its more, like you sense they are playing around, then thats a deal breaker, I just can't stand the feeling of jealousy, its very strong.

 

[Black Rose]

Today I was scared that the CIA would kidnap me at the laundry mat.

I get paranoid because of all the strange messages I receive on the internet and even if some are just random they trigger me.

I live in a remote part of the USA so there are no big operations like you see on the East Coast but it is still scary to think things about it.

I cried yesterday because I was in therapy group for some 4 hours and around people and telling them things and they looked really scared of me. I don't want them to think I am crazy and send me to the bad hospital again.

But I made sure not to attack anyone personally so my doctor will not send me there. She understood why I was feeling that way. I told them that people were gaslighting me and that it was not okay to do that to a person with schizoaffective disorder.

Also, I stood up to the bullies on the other forum I visit (not the tech forum, I am staying away from there for now) and they let up on what they were doing. The moderator is being better at keeping them from ganging up on me.

It is hard to reprogram my YouTube because sometimes I just cannot stand looking at the videos they suggest. I need to open them in incognito mode to not add the bad videos to my history list. I know that many people are being hurt right now by the way their YouTube is treating them. It should stop but YouTube is getting better.

 

[birdsnestfern]

I exist on glass calm thoughts most of the time, so when strong feelings actually come, they are really really strong waves, and difficult to trust because imagine a tidal wave, vs regular little waves, like, you just know its going to be a roller coaster loop ride, and all I want is to get off fast.

Feelers either must not have such strong feelings, or they can control them, or they are smaller packages, so they enjoy them I guess. If feelings get so strong, then thoughts aren't in control. No, no, no. Unfamiliar territory, don't know feelings enough to be comfortable inside them. I attempt to just 'be' with them now, but I really tend to stay within my own calm mind on my own, I'm usually quite fine, but when people rock my boat, the waves nearly tip me over.

***

I've learned I can be too irrational or emotional on the first blurt of my mouth, and I've learned to withhold expressing things at least for a few days and sometimes even for years.

Example, three black ladies passed me in the hall and one said Hey Boo to me.
I just hated it privately and moped a bit to myself thinking she was calling me a white ghost to insult me.

After 5 years, someone on my sisters page called her Boo and I was absolutely bowled over to learn it was actually a term of endearment. All that inner silent suffering and it wasn't even meant as anything mean after all. Pfft.

 

[Black Rose]

I have been off my medications for the past three weeks because they were not helping me. I felt addicted to them and was becoming suicidal. When the fear gets so intense I do not know how to control my Ne. Then my frontal cortex starts to burn at the top of my head. The amygdala is what tells you how to react to emotions which are stimuli reactions along with energy intensities good and bad. Being unsafe happens to make you want to move but you can't. There is nowhere to go you are trapped.

I am going to ask my therapist if I can take this medication: If not I may need to get a new doctor. My thalamus hurt badly. I squeeze the pain into a tight little ball and when not I feel contorted inside. The pain got wired deep in the brain stem from age one when my dad abused me.


Rimegepant, sold under the brand name Nurtec ODT among others, is a medication used for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults and the prophylactic/ preventive treatment of episodic migraine in adults. It is taken by mouth to dissolve on or under the tongue. It works by blocking CGRP receptors.

 

[Black Rose]

Feelers either must not have such strong feelings, or they can control them, or they are smaller packages, so they enjoy them I guess. If feelings get so strong, then thoughts aren't in control.

all energy is focused on keeping my emotions stable in chaotic environments.

when I try to do other things like math I start crying because I feel stupid.

thinkers have put all their cognitive resources into calm intellect well feelers have to keep from falling apart all the time repressing intellect in some ways.

but then it happens that brain damage is the cause of dysregulation and not all thinkers or feelers are bad at self-regulation.

I became electromagnetically sensitive to my computer yesterday, I can feel it humming in my abdomen.

 

[birdsnestfern]

electromagnetically sensitive to my computer

Interesting, I wonder if you need to discharge some of that excess emf? Can try a shower, or try sitting on the ground outside for a few minutes, just enough to have it sink back into the earth. (If its not too cold out there).

The calm thought works fine, when alone, its just when around people its easy to get overwhelmed by their feelings -have to learn I have my antenna up too high and pull it in again - feelings are as if they are sharable.

 

[Black Rose]

electromagnetically sensitive to my computer

Interesting, I wonder if you need to discharge some of that excess emf? Can try a shower, or try sitting on the ground outside for a few minutes, just enough to have it sink back into the earth. (If its not too cold out there).

The calm thought works fine, when alone, its just when around people its easy to get overwhelmed by their feelings -have to learn I have my antenna up too high and pull it in again - feelings are as if they are sharable.

The vibrations are just part of me integrating my emotions.

Around people, I can be fine but I get really bad anxiety doing nothing. I need constant stimulation from videos on the internet (music or education).

What happened is that I was not integrating my emotions with my body.

I lost my mind-body connection.

Different parts of me are not talking to each other like they should be.

Having been in abusive situations I sank into myself where I just let things be as they are with the other person but then I feel like a coward.

The pain inside me keeps me from acting like an adult most time. I became very small and do not bother anyone. I try and use my words instead.

5 Harmful Behaviors That Are Actually Your Trauma Response​

Borderline Personality Disorder​

 

[Black Rose]

 

[PiedPiper]

Here I made a thread for us INTP or otherwise, post emotions.
The main rule of this thread is to post things pertaining to emotions.
You can write freestyle in anyway as long as itcontains emotions.

So
today I felt confused in morning, then angry for a whole car ride, then rather guarded around people, but also relaxed.
I also felt attracted to few women, and that somehow made me feel OK.
Then I felt happy, and bit awkward around family members processing their own issues.

I think I'm being observed by those in certain matrix hierarchy. They know 'one' , and though in the clear now, it's more of a 'We've got our eyes on 'you, always'
This is obviously taking a toll on mind and body and soul. A good thing I'm no longer in a cu*lt because I'm in a confused state of mind. They would make jokes out of this. Now I'm concerned they will attempt to infiltrate my dreams but I won't let them. They don't own me.

 

[PiedPiper]

I'm paranoid. I made a cup of coffee and now I'm too awake which is feeding the paranoia cycle. The world is horribly chaotic its not even difficult to feel it nowadays, yet I feel pretty safe and alright. I think this thread is neat considering we have a trillion intp logic based pages but this one actually acknowledges we experience emotions too.

 

[Drvladivostok]

It's been a theme for the last months or a couple of weeks for me to feel this mixture of slight dread and burning spirit, I've Identified this dead is of what the future holds for me, tbh I feel afraid, afraid that I might not live to my potential, afraid that I will disappoint the people around me, when I see these people who I once saw with a mere cynicism of their vainness, now surpassing me I feel nothing but dread. Perhaps I'm just as vain and pity, perhaps this feeling is a punishment for my arrogance.

However this fear fuels me, my struggle against the mind bug that drags me to be weak animal and a failure for the people I care for is what reminds me I'm human, the world can break and beat me but I have this burning determination that I will try my utter best to fight against the Entropy which drags me down to my own hell, even If I have to fight against myself.

 

[birdsnestfern]

An ENFJ friend sending me daily videos of what he was doing was heart warming.

 

[Black Rose]

I had depression for 16 years that is gone now.

I am 36 years old and a lot of my life was wasted but I have a lot of life experience now.

Church was a good place to be on new Year's eve because they care for you there.

But you must find the right people because not everyone is "wise in the Lord".

 

[ZenRaiden]

I got super angry uploading few photos.
I swear these days its easier to just make programs from scratch than trying to learn how to use them.
HOW F**K hard it is to put the upload button in the visible place, and why its trying to be smart, and confuse me?

That said, most day was good, and felt quite chill.

 

[Black Rose]

paranoia

somewhat, but then if things were bad, if I did bad things then I would be put out.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
“Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?"

I was scared for a while until I met that lady on the first of this year.

She told me I was protected.

 

[Old Things]

I woke up to what felt like my mailman saying, "Yes, you can hear me," very loudly in my dream. (Weird.)

Spent my time in the bible, spread out over the day. Got something out of it. I've been trying to stick to this new Bible reading plan. Sometimes, I want to read, and other times, I do not feel motivated but I do it anyway.

Felt more or less unmotivated for the majority of the day. I took my friend from the apartment complex to the drugstore because he needed a ride. It was either take him or give him close to my last $3 in cash. Did not want to take him, but I did.

Got into a debate with some Catholics about the papacy. Same stuff, different day. Tried to remain calm, but they were quite rude. I basically left the conversation in annoyance.

Got to working out eventually. I tried some new exercises, which was good. I think they will help me better. Felt pretty energetic after/during working out. I found out I could do four reps of pull-ups for one set, which made me feel good. It's always good to feel like you are progressing, and getting that extra rep in felt good.

Then listened to various music while mostly wasting my time. I'm still feeling good, but it's just sorta hard to settle.

At one point, I cried because I came across a story where a 13-year-old boy was stabbed because he was a Christian (in the Middle East).

Otherwise, it was not a bad day. Mostly just talked about the negative things, but there were a lot of laughs and joy as well.