Emotional People Confuse Me

[Midus]

My first post here...

Anyone else find themselves confused when the people around them become emotional? Its like, I can understand why they would feel the way that they do, but I never know what to do in return. I'm not very good at showing my emotions, but I also feel uncomfortable when its entirely one sided.

I gave a girl that I really like a birthday present the other day. She is an extreme extrovert and feeling type and responded like most of that type do. All Squeals and hugs and the like. Was a bit much for me to handle.

Or, the other day one of my friends was sure that she failed her exam. She obviously wanted consoling and cheering up, but I couldn't for the life of me think of how in the wake of all of her emotion.

 

[Mary]

Yeah.. I've learned to imitate what other people do in those instances.
-shrug-
If it's a really weird emotional response, I have no idea what to do. :-/

 

[systembust]

They frustrate me, especially when I help come up with what I think is a pretty solid solution to their problem, but they still insist on being emotional about it. At that point I feel like we're speaking different languages. It only seems logical to me that emotion overcomplicates a situation unnecessarily, and becomes a hindrance in resolving the very situation that's made them upset.


My main issue with emotional people is probably simple communication. I'm willing to admit that I sometimes envy those who have an emotionally infectious way of speaking. I don't have that, and I can see where it would be useful (though I feel most of them use it in an idiotic manner). Too often in our society, the one who wins an argument isn't the correct one, or the logically sound one, but the loud one.

 

[Mary]

They frustrate me, especially when I help come up with what I think is a pretty solid solution to their problem, but they still insist on being emotional about it. At that point I feel like we're speaking different languages. It only seems logical to me that emotion overcomplicates a situation unnecessarily, and becomes a hindrance in resolving the very situation that's made them upset.


My main issue with emotional people is probably simple communication. I'm willing to admit that I sometimes envy those who have an emotionally infectious way of speaking. I don't have that, and I can see where it would be useful (though I feel most of them use it in an idiotic manner). Too often in our society, the one who wins an argument isn't the correct one, or the logically sound one, but the loud one.

Yup, that pisses me off. I'll comfort them, then offer them a possible solution and they'll say NUUU I CN'T DO THAT Y R U SO MAEN TO MEEEEEE! I ONLY WANTED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OMG SRSLY!

That's why I'm friends with people who know I'll listen, but I'm still honest.

 

[systembust]

Yup, that pisses me off. I'll comfort them, then offer them a possible solution and they'll say NUUU I CN'T DO THAT Y R U SO MAEN TO MEEEEEE! I ONLY WANTED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON OMG SRSLY!

That's why I'm friends with people who know I'll listen, but I'm still honest.

Yes, exactly. I'm not sure I've ever just wanted "a shoulder to cry on." I want to know what I need to do to correct a situation. Sure, it'd be nice to have some form of a support system here and there, lol, but hey.

 

[Mary]

Yes, exactly. I'm not sure I've ever just wanted "a shoulder to cry on." I want to know what I need to do to correct a situation. Sure, it'd be nice to have some form of a support system here and there, lol, but hey.

Yup.
My friend bitches to me about all her problems all the time, but she doesn't.. You know. Start wailing and die.
If I tell someone about a problem, I want help with it. When people tell me their problems, I expect they want the same.
OH WELL~

 

[boradicus]

What I find irritating it logical inconsistency. There seem to be a few emotional types running around masquerading as rationals. I find that supremely annoying. Especially when it becomes glaringly obvious that their responses are based on how they feel as opposed to impartial and due consideration. I guess what I dislike the most is all of the effort I put into explaining something to them to suddenly realize that even if they understood what I said, no logic could possibly sway them or precipitate rational discourse about a subject because of their emotional attachment to their position.

I saw a post on another forum today of an INTP complaining about an ESFJ - it was mean but I laughed because it has the appearance of truth (even though ESFJs can be quite smart it just comes of otherwise sometimes apparently) - he was complaining that they needed a brain - and I can see where that would come from although it is not necessarily true (I hope). But it would seem that logical inference is probably not a strong suit... but once again - I am sure that they can be quite sharp just perhaps not in the same way that rationals are predisposed to be smart... if that made any sense... trying hard not to sound inflammatory lol.

 

[Mary]

What I find irritating it logical inconsistency. There seem to be a few emotional types running around masquerading as rationals. I find that supremely annoying. Especially when it becomes glaringly obvious that their responses are based on how they feel as opposed to impartial and due consideration. I guess what I dislike the most is all of the effort I put into explaining something to them to suddenly realize that even if they understood what I said, no logic could possibly sway them or precipitate rational discourse about a subject because of their emotional attachment to their position.

I saw a post on another forum today of an INTP complaining about an ESFJ - it was mean but I laughed because it has the appearance of truth (even though ESFJs can be quite smart it just comes of otherwise sometimes apparently) - he was complaining that they needed a brain - and I can see where that would come from although it is not necessarily true (I hope). But it would seem that logical inference is probably not a strong suit... but once again - I am sure that they can be quite sharp just perhaps not in the same way that rationals are predisposed to be smart... if that made any sense... trying hard not to sound inflammatory lol.

One of my friends is actually ESFJ. We're complete opposites and we've always just kinda KNOWN we're opposites, even before we took the personality tests. I've always loved her unusual ways of looking at things; she's just.. So concentrated about what others thing about her. Looking good. Doing well in school. Pleasing other people. And she doesn't understand me at all. To her I'm like so kind of lovable, odd, alien of some sort. She likes how I don't emit drama though.

She is very smart, but she focuses it in different ways than I do. It's hard to explain.

 

[boradicus]

She is very smart, but she focuses it in different ways than I do. It's hard to explain.

I think an attempt at an explanation would be cool, because I just don't get this type. From what I read, however, I got the impression that in general an EFSJ wants to fit you in her box? Is that correct?

 

[Mary]

I think an attempt at an explanation would be cool, because I just don't get this type. From what I read, however, I got the impression that in general an EFSJ wants to fit you in her box? Is that correct?

She wants to understand me, I guess. She doesn't want me to change actually, she's very fascinated by me. She focuses her intelligence so that she can please herself and the people around her at the same time. That means balancing schoolwork and friends, family and social life, her romantic interests and her sanity. She does well in school to please her mother but doesn't obsess over it to the point that people think she's a nerd. She talks to anyone and everyone and is very charismatic. She is bubbly and cheerful and a bit forceful sometimes, but very sweet. She 'likes' this one guy who she is really good friends with and tries not to think about him too much or appear obsessed with him. She is super orderly and dresses fashionably.

She's very happy that I 'don't do drama'. She had unfortunate past experiences with friends who were extremely drama prone and it was very upsetting to her. I don't lie to her and she doesn't have to be afraid to tell me anything. It's actually a very beneficial relationship for the both of us - she doesn't really understand me and I don't really understand her. And she's taught me that not all extreme extroverts are horrid once you get to know them.

EXTROVERTED. She is extroverted defined. She'll talk to anyone, anywhere, any time. She LOVES people. She tells me that if she could constantly be surrounded with people, she'd be really happy. She doesn't ever want to withdraw, take a break, she just loves.. interacting. I'm extremely introverted, so I really can't understand this. She, on the other hand, doesn't understand when I get really quiet or slink off somewhere during a hectic time.

Hmmm... Have I touched on everything? If you want anything else, just tell me.

 

[boradicus]

Interesting - I am still baffled by the application of intelligence, yet perhaps this is what the hype is about ? The EQ vs IQ quotient thinggy? It doesn't make any sense to me at all really, but I suppose there are people geniuses out there as well - except (my late father's last wife was one) that they seem to be possessed of extreme verbal fluency to say the least. Perhaps an extreme example would do a better job of giving me an idea of what to look for in and ESFJ.

Thanks

 

[Chronomar]

Emotional people used to confuse me consistently...I did not understand them at all. Until I realized I am actually one of them...to some capacity. Not usually, but every so often.

Now I somewhat understand, although, I'm not sure I can express what I understand.

There are some things, however, which are completely beyond me. For example, when people cry and hug each other when one person leaves...for a few minutes. I can say I understand, yet, not really.

 

[boradicus]

Emotional people used to confuse me consistently...I did not understand them at all. Until I realized I am actually one of them...to some capacity. Not usually, but every so often.

Now I somewhat understand, although, I'm not sure I can express what I understand.

There are some things, however, which are completely beyond me. For example, when people cry and hug each other when one person leaves...for a few minutes. I can say I understand, yet, not really.

I can understand it as a visual representation of what I have seen happen at times before lol - I don't claim to understand the body language, except perhaps that the (guessing now!) emotional person (from what I have heard feelings run quite strong with emotional people) due to the intensity of their feelings must then back off because of the intensity (?) and then come back to reengage???

You are right. This is completely unfamiliar territory - I only learn what - if anything - may seem to work in such circumstances. Probably just availability and presence is comforting on some level - at least I hope so. That seems to be my response - and perhaps holding the other person if they are amenable - to show them support and security... yet I seem to recall this turning away thing even in the midst of hugging/holding and this is emotionally confusing - because to me it is all very straight forward and not complex. I have noticed that feeling people - especially women from what I have noted - have a variety of complex feelings that either seemingly occur with simultaneity or occur in rapid succession or intense bursts.

My emotions just don't move so quickly so I am not typically able to keep up =)

 

[shoeless]

depending on the level of emotion, i can either be really awesome and supportive or really awkward and aloof.

if it's something i consider minor and fleeting, like freaking out over a test or whatever, i can offer advice and tell them to calm down, but that's about it.
if it's something really serious, like this one time my friend literally broke down crying over something to do with her parents, depending on who it is at least, i can do exactly what needs to be done -- be there to slobber all over, be there to hug it out. maybe offer encouragement, emotional support.
(like i said though, if it's somebody i don't know so well, or somebody i don't particularly like... my first instinct is to flee.)

 

[EditorOne]

"They frustrate me, especially when I help come up with what I think is a pretty solid solution to their problem, but they still insist on being emotional about it."

Right. That's because they're not about solving the problem yet, they are about "emotional empathy," that is, they want others to show they share the emotions. THEN they get on with a solution.

That other thing mentioned farther on, about people hugging and pecking when one is leaving for just a little while: It's not necessarily sincere emotion, it's more like ritual or like two computers checking with each other every four milliseconds: "I see you, do you see me?" "Yes, I see you, do you see me?" ad infinitum. Air kissing, too. Blah. Air guitar I get. Air kissing, not so much. Reminds me of dogs, they lick the air when they're feeling submissive.

 

[boradicus]

Air kissing, not so much. Reminds me of dogs, they lick the air when they're feeling submissive.

- I accidentally snickered...