Emotional literacy

[alrai]

For years, I beleived that I had almost no emotions, the ultimate goal was to be in control of all emotions by repressing them at command, letting my Ti>Ne roam free and find logic to the problems objectively, and on most occasions it actually worked better for me that way. I never understood the purpose of feelings that wern't comforting, or appreciated "normal" emotional responces in others, i.e fear/anger do not give strength in times of stress. so I kept ignoring emotions.. the result, I'm 28 and emotionally illiterate, and I've gone through a devastating divorce that wasn't exactly helped by my child-like emotions(which I probably weren't even taking responsibility for).

To an extent I have good control over desires and temptations, but whenever I try to express any major emotions they are easily recognised as primitive (especially by NF's), If say I'm asked to describe the feeling, my explanations rarly reflect what I'm trying to communicate and I risk looking like a "dumbass". Recently, I was inspired by one of my old collegues from work to take a different approach, his a brilliant author, deserves all the respect, although I have to read his book on "journalism" many more times before I can grasp its entire complexity, but thats fine becuase I love learning. Anyways, I'm currently researching the notion of emotional intellegence and the psychology of emotional functions which I'm finding quite intresting.

Although, I still fear they might interfer with my objectivity.

Any thoughts or relative experiences on the topic?...

 

[GYX_Kid]

Ti oppresses Fe when it's working its hardest ...and vice versa (though not nearly as often)

But like you said, using Ti to understand and predict feeling can in effect get objectivity in touch with emotionality using its own language. Kind of a robotic interpretation that works as a dietary substitute, if the skilled literacy becomes accurate enough.

On the flipside, the more you "use" emotion, the more developed your natural emotional intelligence becomes...I think. But I also think that the nature of INTP is to physically not be able to use thinking and feeling simultaneously. They happen to be inconveniently located at opposite poles of our functions, which makes decision-making a peculiar and unorthodox process compared to most people.

 

[SpaceYeti]

I, too, went through a phase where I feared my own emotions, that they'd do nothing but interfere in my ability to problem solve and make decisions. However, that was my late teens. Since then I realized I'd never be happy (an emotion) if I didn't deal with my emotions. I realized I could make rational, objective decisions if I did take my emotions into account consciously, because my emotions are, in fact, a relevant factor.Since then I've developed a thorough understand of my own emotions and motivations, and I factor them in to my decision making process.

However, I still find it difficult to empathize with other people who have strong or sudden mood shifts. Usually when someone and I get into an argument, it's because something upset her and I have no idea why. She gets even more upset when I'm dismissive of her feelings, considering them irrational and saying she has no reason to feel that way. So I try to solve the problem by telling her she's wrong for feeling a certain way, basically, which is a no-no, yet it's my natural reaction to the situation. If I react a certain way that's irrational, and someone points it out, I usually apologize and feel like a dick, but feelers just plain don't work that way.

 

[Wittgenstein]

I am far, far behind emotionally. Meditation seems to help. I use the book "Mindfulness in Plain English," which is legally available for free here.

I think that it all boils down to working with your Fe function. I suspect that Ne can stand in for Fe to a limited degree.