Education Seems Futile

[TBerg]

Every single day, I try to learn something, something that interests me as well as something that promises me self-improvement.

It doesn't seem to be working. I am losing hope.

I make plenty of mistakes and still rage at my mistakes.

While I was teaching English, I searched and searched and searched for teaching methods, and yet the Chinese students still did not seem to respect me, and the school took notice of the disrespect.

I try to find ideas for making pieces of jewelry, and yet they fall flat.

I read and study and watch documentaries, and yet I don't seem to be able to elaborate upon them in meaningful ways.

I really wish I could find a way of being able to become stronger and more vital before tumbling to the ground again. I seem to fall so easily before crossing any finish line.

 

[Arcturis]

Never loose hope TBerg.

A failure is something to learn from not a defeat.

Break it down nice and simple. You said you researched teaching methods but still had no respect from students.

Researching TEACHING METHODS won't help you gain respect. Look into rapport building and combine that with the personalities of your students to create content they can respond to.

"I try to find ideas for making pieces of jewelry, and yet they fall flat." - There are tried and tested ways to make jewlery. Decide what medium you want to make it with, research the way it is made and try it for yourself. If it's tried and tested (which it is)... it will work.

Most great things are not new ideas but improvements on something existing. You might not get it straight away, but be more direct in your research and you can demand more in return.

In Summary:

1. Be direct and clear about what it is you want to do...so in turn you can be direct and CLEAR about what it is you need to LEARN.

2. Focus on one thing at a time (It's scientifically proven to improve your chances of success)

3. Break big tasks down into smaller more manageable chunks. This is by far the easiest way to achieve anything. Lots of small steps achieve great things.

Good luck and don't give up.

EDIT: I've noticed you haven't posted on your blog for a few months. Maybe returning to the medium (you once deemed important enough to link in your signature) to document your process may help. Just a suggestion.

 

[Happy]

Don't be raging on your mistakes, man. You gotta reflect on them!

I'm not telling you, only reminding you.

 

[TBerg]

Don't be raging on your mistakes, man. You gotta reflect on them!

I'm not telling you, only reminding you.

That must be one of my mistakes.

 

[Inquisitor]

I'm back in school studying CS. It's great! But that wasn't always the case. I panic from time to time still when I think about all the other things I could be studying or working on:

Intelligence analyst for the government
Ayurvedic Medicine
Economics
Engineering

...But, I made a commitment, forced myself to study this, and now thank God I'm actually starting to get into this CS/programming business. It really ain't half bad. I thought it was tedious as f*ck initially (for the better part of a year if I'm honest), but now I've gotten more inspired by it, and I'm happier. Hopefully it lasts. Why not go back to community college and take some classes? Give it a real shot even if right now you think it's f*cking boring and the most unappealing thing in the world. You basically have to tell your inferior Fe to f*ck off. It's a little gimp vying for your attention. If you're in the grip, that is the definition of neurosis. The key is just to have a purpose and make sure you're using Ti/Ne all day long non stop on challenging problems. You might benefit from just sucking it up and enrolling in a compsci program at your state university. That way, you can't sit around and ponder how miserable you are every day.

I have come to accept that INTPs really are "Architects of Ideas." The Keirsey description is truly perfect. We can architect philosophical arguments, programming languages, or buildings/products, or all kinds of government policies from economic to defense. If I had to choose from those though, I would say CS is (arguably) the best fit. I'm still entertaining the possibility of getting an econ phd or going into intelligence analysis though b/c both those fields turn me on as well, and they're actually pretty good as far as careers go. It hits the Fe a little bit more, but I'm not confident that once I get into it I'd be any more satisfied on a day-to-day basis than just being a software engineer. Choices, choices...

I share your pain regarding ESL teaching. I'm glad to be out of it. It took too much of a toll and was also not challenging enough intellectually at the same time. You got a big brain TBerg, it's not going to be so easily satisfied...You have to feed it something really juicy and then light a fire under your own ass that really doesn't leave you much of a choice. Then you can discover your true INTP nature. Otherwise the "NP" aspect will virtually guarantee that you'll go nowhere.

 

[Grayman]

How are you determining what is worth learning and applying to your life?

 

[TBerg]

How are you determining what is worth learning and applying to your life?

Every criterion imaginable. I try everything that does not make me crazy.

 

[Pyropyro]

Stick to one teaching and/or jewelry style and master it. It will take years, even decades, but you'll get better. Don't get too discouraged about failures and inability to master things in a short time. Those are normal things.

As for your students' disrespect, I think it's because you're not giving them your part of the Power Distant, Collectivist relationship.

It's not about the teaching method, it's about your attitude. You ought to have an air of authority and aloofness of a person of a higher rank whenever you teach them.

As the person of the higher rank, you should embody competitiveness, initiative and getting achievements. In return, since they're of a lower rank, they'll submit to your teachings and follow your orders since they are interested in increasing their rank.

 

[Tannhauser]

Perseverance isn't enough. One needs to adapt as well, and apply critical thought on the next step of action.

 

[Intolerable]

It's all patience. You can do almost anything if you have the time and patience to learn it.

I get completely bent when something doesn't work out for me. I have to train myself to be patient with things at times. Especially work around the house and car.

Probably something to do with time. Working 50 hours a week is also a drain. In my twenties working 40 hours meant the rest of the time I wasn't sleeping was spent drooling on myself and watching TV. Maybe this need for intellectual downtime increases with age? Probably.

 

[Black Rose]

I just found out yesterday that my bills were way more than expected. I am on SSDI and I only get 659 a month but my bills are 781 a month. I had at least 800 in my account but that was 8 months ago. Now it is all gone. It is because the people in charge of my money lied to me on how much I was paying. Each month we did a budget where they said I got 700 a month and all the numbers added up. But they did not follow it because they lied to me. Now I need to send a waver to the social security office because my bill were more than expected. They are supposed to send me money based on my bills but they got the wrong numbers because of the people in charge of my money. I was going to give my brother 500 to move to Colorado and that is how I found out they were lying to me. Now I can't give him the money.

The situation I am in is kind of bad but I know that the waver will work. I really like you Tberg And I guess the best advice I can give you is to eat healthy and probably take some vitamins. You should learn about what your body needs. I learned two days ago that copper is good for you. Heavy metals in the environment such as from car exhaust have toxic properties that the body absorbs. Copper is non magnetic but if you do not get enough copper then toxic metals are used by the body instead and they absorb radio waves and magnetic waves that mess up how cells function. I am going to buy some copper supplements when I get money from my aunt.

Perhaps you can ask around from the people you have your Jewelry stand at for help. I am not sure but if you do go to a crafts fair and are not on some street corny that is a good place to make money and ask for help. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Grayman]

Every criterion imaginable. I try everything that does not make me crazy.

I would feel the same way if I did that. If you enjoy language stick to it. Focus on it because you are good at it. You are more likely to feel more successful as you make smaller achievements along the way to larger goals.



Personally, there are lots of things I like to learn but I would never enjoy teaching any of them because I don't enjoy teaching. What is it you enjoy about teaching?

 

[PaulMaster]

I read and study and watch documentaries, and yet I don't seem to be able to elaborate upon them in meaningful ways.

I really wish I could find a way of being able to become stronger and more vital before tumbling to the ground again. I seem to fall so easily before crossing any finish line.

What is your reason for elaboration? Do you want to discuss things with others? Perhaps elaboration is of less value than internal analysis. Or perhaps internal analysis is a step you're skipping over in favor of premature elaboration.

Vitality - one of my favorites! This could mean various things to various people, so pardon me if I'm way off the mark, here. To awaken my life force I embrace my animal. I use sports (martial arts), but I could see how, say, backpacking across a continent could awaken or strengthen the life force. That sort of thing is a little over the top, sure. But I think its a good example of something that would require full engagement of the self - of the animal self. And that might be it - complete engagement. Studying, while invaluable, is not a moving activity. Move and breathe AND think. Hunt, fight, kill, eat - adventure! Go on an adventure, even a small one.

 

[Lot]

Like several other people have stated. You're spread too thin and it seems like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. I sense a lot of self loathing from many posts you make. I think that is because you expect too much from yourself. Not that you can't accomplish many things, its that you seem to just except yourself to automatically be good at something.

If you could simply retain everything from a documentary they would show math documentaries to children. You need to repeated pound facts into your head to retain them. Yeah you might pick up things here and there, and often time they are the most random things. But true understanding comes from years of study and reflection.

It's also important to take a break from these tasks or you'll burn out. Even your passions need to be rested and recharged. One of the common Ne problems I've noticed is the obsess, absorb, obsess, obsess, burnout cycle. You loose interest after you hit the wall where true understanding breaks through. In tai chi they teach that when you hit a wall you must practice against the wall. Eventually you break through the weak spot to find a large field of possibility, but there is always the next wall.

I will also second AK that you might be lacking nutrients. When I eat right, I generally feel better. My focus and self esteem improve. I even sleep better. Which makes stress easier to handle. Just a thought.

Don't be too hard on yourself, be patient, keep trying, respect your mind and body, most importantly relax. You don't need to solve all the worlds problems, or become the next revolutionary of a craft. Those things normally happen by accident.

 

[TBerg]

I would like to note that I have pretty good eating habits and do try to focus on one thing at a time, unless I am doing menial work that does not require creative attention.

I did not do all of these things at the same phases of my life. (I haven't taught English since I left China.) They occurred in successive phases of my life. I just want to see a path for me to become independent. It has been several years without a sure path anywhere but more disappointment. I just want something to give me a long-enough period of success to bring me dignity and hope. I feel so empty. My mistakes distract me from resurrecting even basic desires within me. I just rage.

 

[Grayman]

I would like to note that I have pretty good eating habits and do try to focus on one thing at a time, unless I am doing menial work that does not require creative attention.

I did not do all of these things at the same phases of my life. (I haven't taught English since I left China.) They occurred in successive phases of my life. I just want to see a path for me to become independent. It has been several years without a sure path anywhere but more disappointment. I just want something to give me a long-enough period of success to bring me dignity and hope. I feel so empty. My mistakes distract me from resurrecting even basic desires within me. I just rage.

Only review your failures when you face similar situations in the future where those failures might become useful information.

Based on your recent forum threads it seems your more recent adventure was in the realm of documentaries. Was this for yourself or more for financial success or are you looking for a balance of the two?

 

[Pyropyro]

I would like to note that I have pretty good eating habits and do try to focus on one thing at a time, unless I am doing menial work that does not require creative attention.

I did not do all of these things at the same phases of my life. (I haven't taught English since I left China.) They occurred in successive phases of my life. I just want to see a path for me to become independent. It has been several years without a sure path anywhere but more disappointment. I just want something to give me a long-enough period of success to bring me dignity and hope. I feel so empty. My mistakes distract me from resurrecting even basic desires within me. I just rage.

Well if you want to change the world then start making your bed

In a sense, do little wins. These will keep you motivated in the long-run, kinda how games keeps you motivated via daily quests and whatnots.

For example, my wins are:
Daily: 5-10 pages of Master's reading material.
Weekly: a ten-page paper
Monthly: a book (see daily)

 

[TBerg]

Well, I got bigger problems now. My dad is trying to prevent my sister from living in the house she has been renovating. I guess there is no limit to his betrayal.

 

[TBerg]

What sublime music would you guys recommend for betrayal? I know there are people on here with good taste.

 

[TBerg]

After some unexpected resolution of external disturbances, I feel like I am at a place to come to terms with my own issues, rendering my rumination moot. Thank you all for your advice. I think I am becoming spiritual about the issues, as I think I am not living in grace. Holy shit. I sound like a fucking evangelical fruitcake. At least I don't believe Jesus is real. Yet.

 

[Black Rose]

https://youtu.be/pC-koncfhbo

 

[PaulMaster]

I think I am not living in grace.

I sort of think this way at times. My wording is that I'm out of alignment or off balance or inharmonious...something to that effect. I wouldn't be caught dead referring to myself with words that have been tainted by Christianity!