Do you ever feel agitation?

[gnome]

I have been feeling extreme agitation lately. I can't really put the feeling to words, but its like my gears are grinding. Its relentless and it leaves me feeling restless. I don't think its anger as much as just agitation. I'd compare it to like Chinese water torture. I'd compare it to when you're shifting a manual transmission and you don't get the clutch down all the way and you hear that horrible grinding sound.

I feel like my life is similar to one of those mistaken identity movies. Where the good guy gets falsely accused and he has to spend the entire movie fighting to get his identity back. It feels like a constant pressure on my chest to prove something. I don't know what that something is.

I have this paranoid thought that everyone thinks of me as something I am not. You know when you're hanging out with your true friends and you can just be yourself and no one is judging you? I feel like I don't have any of those real friends and that I am just completely alone. Sometimes I wonder if my true friends were true friends. Would they still be true friends with what I know now? I have lived in a ton of places and actually met a decent amount of people (a lot). I have gone to so many schools its not funny. You start to lose faith in humanity when you see all the contradictions in what is accepted as status quo depending on geographic location etc.

It feels like the Joker interrogation scene in The Dark Knight. "Does it depress you to know just how alone you really are?"

"Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."

YouTube - The Joker - Interrogation Scene

Maybe this is a trait not limited to INTP, just seeing if anyone else has felt this way. Maybe I should just go psycho like the joker and fucking not care anymore.

 

[Solitaire U.]

You know when you're hanging out with your true friends and you can just be yourself and no one is judging you? I feel like I don't have any of those real friends and that I am just completely alone.

No, and to put it bluntly I'd define this as a delusion. Nobody ever shows their 'true self' to others and others are always judging. This arrangement is mutually-exclusive to all forms of human interaction. By not accepting it you set yourself up with a convenient medium to blame the world for your perceived unhappy existence. Constructing conduits that get you nowhere doesn't put you ahead of the curve...it's detrimental to your long-term existence.

 

[Jennywocky]

No, and to put it bluntly I'd define this as a delusion. Nobody ever shows their 'true self' to others and others are always judging. This arrangement is mutually-exclusive to all forms of human interaction. By not accepting it you set yourself up with a convenient medium to blame the world for your perceived unhappy existence. Constructing conduits that get you nowhere doesn't put you ahead of the curve...it's detrimental to your long-term existence.

Well, I can identify with the feelings expressed by Gnome, I've often felt that way in the past... but I agree with your assess of it in terms of the reality that the "true self" is too complex to actually be known by anyone and even to ourselves, more likely than not. There is just a natural barrier there, and expectations can't be set so high if one is to function in healthy ways interpersonally and intrapersonally. None of us are omniscient. Other people really do only know "facets" of us; I can get depressed about that sometimes, if I'm in a mood; but other times I just accept it as reality and move forward.

So I think a reaction like what Gnome describes is counter-productive. My response would be, "That's reality. Suck it up and move beyond it." (And there are some I wouldn't say that to, Gnome, but you seem mentally tough, so I'll just be blunt. I think you're only shoving yourself in a locked box if you head in the direction you suggest.)

I do know that, despite not being perfectly known, I actually do have friends who care about me, think I'm cool, absorb and adjust to new information about me, and even in my worst moments they still believe in me and respect me. And I do them.

Sometimes we can feel like we don't understand each other, and sometimes we still can catch each other by surprise, but commitment and support go beyond just "knowing" someone to a certain amount of detail; it's a choice of will, not necessarily of knowing, even if knowing provides us with information we use to decide if we want to make that choice.

 

[Bird]

Do I agitate you, Gnome?


Would you like to claw my skin off?

 

[Bird]

To be constructive, I usually
always feel this way. I never
really feel welcomed.

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Yeah, I recognize this feeling as well. It doesn't bother me that much though, it's usually just the result of boredom.(To me at least)

I wouldn't worry about it too much, or you'll drive yourself nuts, something INTPs tend to be very good at apparently, haha. No but really, I'd see it as a sign from your subconscious self telling you to change something, apparently something's bugging you subconsciously.

 

[hablahdoo]

I understand where Gnome is coming from. Talking to people only feels effortless when I'm with close friends or drunk. Our problem may be the mental stress of thinking through social situations on the spot when everyone else is leaving it as a simple automatic process. If we think frantically we won't retain information, and it sucks but I'm trying to force myself to focus on very few topics at a time. Got to take it easy, I don't know how else to deal with my limited little brain.

 

[gnome]

Do I agitate you, Gnome?


Would you like to claw my skin off?

Will you at least buy me a drink beforehand?

The last time I had sex it was quiet the opposite, she clawed my skin off. Could have been the cocaine. Might have been the champagne. Not sure.

 

[crippli]

Talking to people only feels effortless when I'm with close friends or drunk.

Indeed.

I presume it's the mental discipline you as a grown up is expected to mold into(maturity) you recognize and that you resist against.

How are you with children? do they perceive you as something you are not?

 

[Cognisant]

Blade Trinity, when Blade drops the (human) guy off a roof.

What King (the annoying white guy) said.

 

[yoopernation]

The only time I feel agitation lately is when listening to fake people, especially politicians, or listening to 'Christians' who don't act anything like a Christian, or people who try their hardest to seem like the nicest people in the world, but in reality view themselves to be superior to others, and never consider the fact that their actions are harmful to others, or dealing with a young mother who comes into the shop looking to sell something for diapers (yea, right), while she's bouncing off the walls in need of some kind of fix. This is one of the few instances when I'm tempted to challenge somebody in the shop. I can't stand druggie mothers!