do you avoid "deep" topics?

[Ghost1986]

i have noticed that i tend to avoid deep topics i am curious if its is an INTP thing of just human?

in this case i should clarify the meaning of deep. deep would be any situation that brings up a lot of emotion but on a personal level. the general idea of a woman misscarrying dosent bother me but having a woman come up to me and discuss her own misscarage would. perhaps its simply the whole INTP emotional immaturity, but surly this must be a universal thing. normaly i can take a topic and go through it like a bull in a china shop so to speak, yet when you go from the big picture to the little picture my brain slows down as if iam trying to navigate a minefield.

thus i usually avoid these things. but for some odd reason people seem to think they need to tell me this stuff, so i approach the conversation very carefully and i try to get them to talk as much as possible so i dont have too.

 

[Darby]

I do not have this problem personally, I even somewhat enjoy people telling me their life stories( as long as they aren't long and drawn out, I get bored quick), but perhaps thats just a me thing.

I do have a friend however who HATES hearing personal things about people and will do almost anything to avoid it as he says it "changes the way he sees them", and now he can't look at them the same way. I would argue that that is exactly the point of telling you about themselves, so you know them better, but he disagrees. This is specifically something that would be traumatizing for the person, like your example of misscarriage, or rape, or something horrible and nasty.

To conclude, I was just wondering if this may be why you don't like personal stories, and perhaps provide insight

 

[Fedayeen]

You create your own problems.

By getting them to talk as much as possible so you don't have to you are encouraging them to come to you about this stuff, since you will listen.

I find being blunt and to the point, being very effective in deterring annoying conversation

 

[shoeless]

this is where me and the whole INTP profile disagree. i love hearing about people. i love helping them and supporting them with their problems. i believe everyone deserves empathy, and i try to give out as much as i can. hence why i'd like to become some sort of therapist.

however, i can't do deep personal conversations about myself, except for with one, maybe two specific people. and even then i keep a lot from them. so, yeah.

 

[Jesin]

i love hearing about people. i love helping them and supporting them with their problems. i believe everyone deserves empathy, and i try to give out as much as i can. hence why i'd like to become some sort of therapist.

Hm, I've been thinking the same thing, lately. If not a career it could at least be a hobby on the side.

 

[Ghost1986]

To conclude, I was just wondering if this may be why you don't like personal stories, and perhaps provide insight

i dont mind people giving me personal information. i would rather have too much info on other people than too little. it makes it a lot easier to predict them. but i dislike hearing about things that involve a lot of emotion both negative and positive. its very uncomfortable for me. i had this one girl tell me about how he boyfriend died and the who time i was wounding how to get away from her.

the brain works in mysterious ways.

 

[Schema]

i dont mind people giving me personal information. i would rather have too much info on other people than too little. it makes it a lot easier to predict them. but i dislike hearing about things that involve a lot of emotion both negative and positive. its very uncomfortable for me. i had this one girl tell me about how he boyfriend died and the who time i was wounding how to get away from her.

the brain works in mysterious ways.

When these types of potentially emotionally messy charged conversations start, especially when the person may commence crying a tsunami - real tears or a broiling emotional cauldron - for a couple of moments I always experience a state of "inner paralysis with a mental suspended animation" (well this is my term for it - much like a "dear in headlights") then following this state comes my internal gasp/cry of "oh shit".
It really takes so much out of me in these types of situations because although I am listening, I constantly find I am filtering out the extraneous emotional white noise to locate and maintain focus upon the central issue .. and that filtering is like having to constantly sift through and repel garbage - it is very tiring. Although, I will say, that this "inner filter" serves a dual purpose as it is also a highly tuned bs metre.

 

[Inappropriate Behavior]

What Schema says.

While I agree with the principle that obtaining personal info is a good thing (obtaining info always is) I wonder if it is perhaps the nature of the info or the fact that it may be needed in our future dealings with the person that is bothersome. So to use your example, if a female tells me about having a miscarriage....that's information that will be helpful to know so I don't say or do something stupid (there are so many things I could say or do that would fit that descriptor). It's the fact that the knowledge of such a thing is helpful and that I then need to deal with the dreaded emotional aspects of it that makes me wish I can avoid it. In other words, I wish it didn't happen for selfish reasons as much as for empathic reasons.

 

[Yellow]

I don't mind talking about deep subjects so long as I'm not required to contribute any emotional repsonse. I can't think of a single subject that would make me uncomfortable when discussing with someone speaking with some level of detachment, and I could easily fake any emaphy the situation calls for (I don't like it, but I am good at it). But I'm not likely to share or discuss my feelings about anything that I have any emotional attachments to. Like, if I were talking about childhood issues with someone: I am detached enough from it all to talk about my own childhood easily. But I wouldn't contribute personally to a conversation about something I'm still dealing with.. that would be just awful [and yes, that makes me a hypocrite].

I'll admit though... I'm studying to be a therapist and I'm gonna have to work on the crying thing... at my present stage (and I'm like a year away from practicing so I have time), I have trained myself to hand a crying person tissues and wait with a concerned look on my face until they are able to control themselves... it seems to work pretty well.. but its awkward.

 

[Thoughtful]

this is where me and the whole INTP profile disagree...

No, I wouldn't say it necessarily disagrees with the INTP profile, especially if you've studied or looked over MBTI, human psychology, human relationships, or other such subjects. INTPs don't like to give advice on things they have no knowledge of, because we know we don't know enough about the theories behind them. Once we feel we've amassed enough knowledge on the subject, we don't seem to have a problem with talking about it (as long as we remain emotionally detached ourselves, just as yellow said).

i love hearing about people. i love helping them and supporting them with their problems. i believe everyone deserves empathy, and i try to give out as much as i can.

I agree everything else here. I've thought several times about becoming a counselor or psychologist myself. I also seem to remember reading about counselor being one of INTP's best job choices somewhere.

 

[KazeCraven]

I like deep topics, but in the context you present, I am imagining you mean situations where someone is looking for emotional support or guidance (in which case I can't help but think my comments about the issue are woefully inadequate).

I would agree with the idea that for INTPs it has more to do with competence in handling such situations than our MBTI preferences.

It's not that I can't handle the emotional situations, it's just that I can't handle them without distancing myself emotionally and looking at the problem or if the person has already somewhat come to terms with their problem and has already talked to a few others about it (aka not as emotionally charged anymore).

I find the last two posts about becoming a therapist/counselor interesting, mostly because I thought I wanted to become a counselor myself at one point. Now I realize that I want someone to take care of these hurting individuals, but I don't really want that someone to be me. I'm much more interested in sitting behind a computer 80% of the time and crunching numbers/ideas. I feel more free to make mistakes when I'm not directly dealing with people, and that's important to me.

 

[brain enclosed in flesh]

I love hearing about people's thought processes and personal journeys of evolution, and I love listening to emotional stories from a distance (radio, film), but when I am face-to-face with them... I don't know how to react. I get into internal panic mode and find myself thinking about the best way to deal with it vs just offering a kind word or a shoulder to cry on. I can offer both of those, but it's... a challenge, and it's something I want to get over with as soon as possible. But sitting by myself and reveling in them... good.

I love deep topics in person, provided profound expressions of emotion don't accompany them, and I am not expected to reciprocate. Well, sometimes I like it, but it's gotta be with someone I really trust. And it can't be all we do, but an occasional thing.

 

[grEEEn]

I will discuss deep topics with those whom I feel comfortable discussing the topic with. Sometimes this is a close friend, sometimes a stranger. I can't really say how I decide who I will discuss what with, but it proably has something to do with that whole involuntarily empathetic/personable thing.

 

[jhbowden]

This depends on what 'deep' means.

I love profound discussions, I like insight, I like the big picture, I like explanations, things like that.

However, I hate vagueness, I hate pretension, and I hate sentimentality-- "Oh, this amoeba died, and I feel so sad about it." 'Deep' in these senses suggests something insincere, phony, or sham-like. I'm not anti-feeling, or anti-suggestive, or anti-mystery, I just want the real deal. It perverse to create muddle where it doesn't exist, or to feel bad about things that do not matter, etc. etc.