Do you automatically fake reactions?

[meanbluepanda]

So I was bullied a lot in my old school, and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere at home/in public. So I was faking "normal" reactions to situations, but now after 4 years in my new school. I want people to see who I really am, but I just cant seem to kick the habit of the made up emotions. And afterwards when I realize that's not how I truly feel, I tell them and they're like "yah sure whatever". For example when someone spoils something in a show am watching, I say "screw you man" and act really angry. Afterwards or when they try the same thing again to get a reaction from me, I tell them how I really feel and they don't believe me.

So does anyone else do this, and how do I break this habit. Also sorry for long post/

 

[StevenM]

I want people to see who I really am.

I realize that's not how I truly feel.

Personally, I have the damnest time blocking how I feel. If I find something funny or amusing, I can't help but laugh. If I'm tense or nervous, it shows in every muscle in my body.

Then there is the rest of the times when I'm apathetic, which in some cases can be inappropriate. I have tried showing some emotion, but realize while doing it how contrived it is. So I have resorted to just allowing myself to show apathy.

How do you truly feel?
Why can you not show it?

 

[meanbluepanda]

How do you truly feel?
Why can you not show it?

Fake or "normal" responses are like a knee jerk reaction for me, I wanted to fit in so I tried to be "one of the cool guys". Now that I feel comfortable with my friends, I want to be myself again, but I cant kick this habit.

Most of the times I honestly don't feel much, I rarely ever really laugh, and basically neevr get hurt. More importantly I want people to know what I think, what my opinion on certain topics are.

 

[Primeval]

I do it all the time. I have me alone and "public" me. Public me mouths meaningless politically correct phrases and smiles a lot. It makes social interactions less painful and less lengthy.

 

[grayskies]

Fake or "normal" responses are like a knee jerk reaction for me, I wanted to fit in so I tried to be "one of the cool guys". Now that I feel comfortable with my friends, I want to be myself again, but I cant kick this habit.

I had that same problem; only, I just left my friends. I liked some of them, but the friendship started with my fake personality and I know that my true one would never be compatible with my friends and theirs not with mine which made me unhappy. Things started going in a whole different direction with a lot of them, so I chose to just end the friendships with the people I hung out with and start new ones with my true personality.

 

[Kuu]

1) Pretty much nobody cares about who you "really" are.
2) It's most likely you'll never fit in anywhere.

Once you stop seeking approval/validation in others it is much easier to do as you please and accept yourself.

 

[meanbluepanda]

1) Pretty much nobody cares about who you "really" are.
2) It's most likely you'll never fit in anywhere.

Once you stop seeking approval/validation in others it is much easier to do as you please and accept yourself.

You fail to see my point, it's not a matter of them caring. I want them to know who I really am. Also, I no longer seek validation and thats why am trying to show my true self.

 

[redbaron]

Most people will never really understand who you are. Still it's best to be yourself even if it means you lose some so-called friends, so best of luck to you.

If you ever need an understanding shoulder to cry on I am here for you bb.

 

[Bock]

You fail to see my point, it's not a matter of them caring. I want them to know who I really am. Also, I no longer seek validation and thats why am trying to show my true self.

You clearly do care about their opinions since you want them to see your true self - you want something from them. If their opininions truly didn't matter to you, you wouldn't bother at all.


I've almost always had these "fake reactions" or automated responses, can be frustrating to find oneself constantly falling back to these when you know they are products of insecurity (and general social disinterest). Change is hard, especially around people that have known you for a long time, it's so damn easy to fall back into the same old patterns again...

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

You fail to see my point, it's not a matter of them caring. I want them to know who I really am. Also, I no longer seek validation and thats why am trying to show my true self.

Wouldn't that mean that your true self fails to convey the reactions you wish they had seen?

So the person you describe isn't exactly your "true" self. In other words, being superficial comes quite naturally to you.

This seems confusing, if you want to show them yourself then what stops you from doing so?

 

[Trebuchet]

Yes, I have done this. In intermediate school, I practiced giggling in the mirror, until I sounded just like the other girls, and reflexively did so whenever I heard others giggling. I had/have some other "canned" reactions. (If you haven't heard the song "Persona" by Blue Man Group, you should. It is pretty clear they understand, too.)

Can you explain to the people you trust that you sometimes hide your true reactions, because your true reactions sometimes seem to bother other people? That you have developed this to such an art that it can be hard to drop the mask, even around friends?

If someone can understand or at least accept this about you, then if you ever spot that you have used a fake reaction on them, then you can just tell them. "You know what? That wasn't how I really feel. Here is how I really feel." They will probably even understand that doing this is a gesture of trust. After a while, you will have to do that less around them. At least, that is how it worked for me. It sounds like you have tried this already and it didn't work. It doesn't, not 100% of the time, but keep trying. It will.

Probably there will always be people you don't trust, and you can use your practiced reactions. They can certainly be useful. But there will be a few who you do trust. And one day, who knows, maybe you will not have to use practiced reactions at all.

 

[Hadoblado]

People have models of other people.When a people tries to influence other's model of them, this is identified by the observer. Instead of assimilating the new information, they file it away in their cupboard reserved for disingenuous behaviour, and it's then discarded.

Rather than try to make corrections to how you feel (people don't trust this, as it seems like extreme self-moderation), accept that you came across a certain way and endeavor to not react the same way next time. You've got all the time in the world to change people's perceptions of you.

 

[Teax]

defence mechanism. try to anticipate your own reaction and counter it. after countless times you will have deprogrammed yourself. alternatively, change your attitude towards these people, which is probly harder because of your hidden agenda.

but imho why even bother..... this guy has the right idea:

I do it all the time. I have me alone and "public" me. Public me mouths meaningless politically correct phrases and smiles a lot. It makes social interactions less painful and less lengthy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWsFfd9pqE