Do sh*ts need to be given to like... social conventions?

[somfoolishfoole]

I'm prone to really really realllllly.. not giving a tiny bit of shit about begining a conversation properly with "hi". Or obeying authority that dictates I should operate in some pedantic way. I far prefur to just be blunt and get to the point, skipping all the irrelevant shit and conversation relationship formation.

a couple examples...

on a dating website, if I saw a girl that caught my interest (mentions something about science on her page) I would much prefur to open with "i noticed you mentioned quantum physics in your page, I love physics and science in general, ... blah blah ... begin conversation starter on physics. should I actually start with "hi blah blah blah oh and btw physics"

anothe example would be.... on facebook, havnt talked to someone in a year or 5. "sup bro, you wanna catch up for some drinks this weekend" instead of "hey man... 10 years of small talk later ... wanna hang out?"

I hope you get the feel for what im saying. do shits need to be given to social conventions or can it be skipped and people will understant that you don't care?

 

[Cavallier]

Depends. Who is paying for the drinks?

 

[Kuu]

You so edgy man.

People will obviously understand you don't care.

The problem is they care. So you'll just look like an asshole if you are too blunt...


This is so obvious I don't even understand why you need to ask

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

They do not need to be given, but for some reason other people think need to be given.

 

[hurricanejane]

Be blunt, you will come off as blunt, but you are blunt. So that person will just learn that part of your personality and its up to them if they like it or not.

Now if you want to be 100% sure they will like you right off the bat, don't be 100% yourself at with that first message and go through a bit of social convention first.

 

[Pyropyro]

I only prefer to skip the "hi phase" with people that are dear to me since they would probably know where I'm coming from. A playful bite, a poke or a smile is sometimes enough for me to start a conversation with them.

The social convention is a good thing to use when trying to communicate. Skipping it would probably offend the other person and would make communication much harder to do or stop it altogether. Being an INTP already has its downsides on communication so there's no point on worsening it.

 

[Affinity]

Meh neither examples are really out of the norm. I would say the dating example is a bit more formal and rapport building than it needs to be. The friend/acquaintance one is fine, you are simply saying hey it's been awhile let's pick up where we left off. Which is fine cause you already know the person. But if you don't really know the person or are now rather distant, it's not a bad idea to ease into it otherwise they might think "what the hell does this person want?" People usually small talk when they don't know what to say, fishing for things to say, or just want to be formal. If I really want a convo I'll start with something either far fetched or plain absurd, I know that's how I would prefer it.

 

[Steven Gerrard]

You so edgy man.

People will obviously understand you don't care.

The problem is they care. So you'll just look like an asshole if you are too blunt...


This is so obvious I don't even understand why you need to ask

Easy in theory, hard in practice- in theory it's hard in practice. So we thoerize about it... (kindoff funny).

I think the loss of formality in North America- as opposed to say fuedal Europe- actually hurt the INTP. In the past it would have been clear most of the time that the INTP was just fullfilling a duty, and making small talk and that his respect was not given to that person simply because he was being polite.

If OP is like me, he's much better with people than he is comfortable. He probably has enough intuition to do fine in real life yet enjoys, and feels the urge to examine it. I'm terrified of people yet manage to make anyone I want to like me it seems. Anybody else on here like that?

I learned alot from my extraverted Father, whose great with people and lives for the community.

 

[Hawkeye]

I've found in people conversations (face-to-face) I'm treated almost like a young child. Not because of how I act, but the types of conversations I start. The locals at the bar give me this look of reserved anticipation because they have literally no idea what topic I'm about to bring up.

 

[Anktark]

I wouldn't skip a greeting in a conversation- it denotes a start of the information exchange. If you were to start without a greeting I would think that maybe I am not your intended receiver (the message was intended for someone else) or I am coming in a middle of a conversation (or maybe I didn't hear you talking to me for the last minute). So this protocol has it's purpose- reduces the chance of confusion.
The small talk I couldn't care less for.

 

[Jennywocky]

I'm prone to really really realllllly.. not giving a tiny bit of shit about begining a conversation properly with "hi". Or obeying authority that dictates I should operate in some pedantic way. I far prefur to just be blunt and get to the point, skipping all the irrelevant shit and conversation relationship formation.

...I hope you get the feel for what im saying. do shits need to be given to social conventions or can it be skipped and people will understant that you don't care?

It's your life and you can play by whatever rules you want, as long as you're willing to live with the consequences. That's how it all works.

If you don't like the consequences of your approach, then you need to decide what you're willing to live with and go from there.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Met an INTP yesterday, we hung and it was cool and then I realized that after 2 hours we still hadn't bothered to introduce ourselves.

 

[paradoxparadigm7]

It's your life and you can play by whatever rules you want, as long as you're willing to live with the consequences. That's how it all works.

If you don't like the consequences of your approach, then you need to decide what you're willing to live with and go from there.

Wisdom

 

[QuickTwist]

I've been debating these questions for the past few years. I think there is definitely a place and time to be formal and/or engage in small talk regardless of what your personal preference is toward what you feel. Sometimes it is just so expected that to not comply, shows that you have a lack of understanding of what is appropriate. I use to be a strong enforcer in not engaging in small talk and pleasantries. I have since learned, through maturity, that sometimes its better to not go against the grain and just do what is expected of you. I'm not saying it has to rule your life, but if you can do the minimum you will get a lot further in this world than not complying. I know little of the formal small talk and what is expected but I am learning the value of it-that it can even possibly get you safely out of a life and death situation for the most extreme example. But more subtly, it shows that you have an understanding of others and the social behaviors of the human race.

 

[scorpiomover]

I'm prone to really really realllllly.. not giving a tiny bit of shit about begining a conversation properly with "hi". Or obeying authority that dictates I should operate in some pedantic way. I far prefur to just be blunt and get to the point, skipping all the irrelevant shit and conversation relationship formation.

Fe say "But it's an objective moral value. Must be observed." I sometimes am blunt too. But it's unintentional, and when I realise after, I do feel guilty for it. After all, it's easy to do, and other people seem to place such a high value on it. Always useful to have people on your side.

on a dating website, if I saw a girl that caught my interest (mentions something about science on her page) I would much prefur to open with "i noticed you mentioned quantum physics in your page, I love physics and science in general, ... blah blah ... begin conversation starter on physics. should I actually start with "hi blah blah blah oh and btw physics"

Nah. You're noticing something about her. Shows you're interested in HER, and not just because she's any old woman with lady-bits. Also, shows common interests.

anothe example would be.... on facebook, havnt talked to someone in a year or 5. "sup bro, you wanna catch up for some drinks this weekend" instead of "hey man... 10 years of small talk later ... wanna hang out?"

Depends on a friend. If it's a good friend who's pretty chilled, fine. If it's one of those people who like to talk about their life, then they tend to get annoyed if you don't give them a chance to tell you about every darn part of their life.

I hope you get the feel for what im saying. do shits need to be given to social conventions or can it be skipped and people will understant that you don't care?

Some don't care. Some go mad if you skip them. Since there's such a wide disparity, you only need to sound them out, and see if they'll take the bait. The ones who don't care, will give you only a few sentences about their life, or even just 3 words, and move on to something else more interesting to them. The one who do care, will talk for an hour.

 

[somfoolishfoole]

@cavalier
your avataar is sexy.
is this you?
cavalierz2 August 26, 2013 9:25:56 PM
You need to access your Router and disable QoS (Quality of Service)

http://www.tomshardware.com/forum/i...load-speed-slow-play-youtube-videos-144p.html

@kuu
love the way you worded that. concise, to the point.
I semi-often leave people with that impression: "This is so obvious I don't even understand why you need to ask". I like it, it humbles me.

@mantis toboggan or something
social behaviour is always like this :/ people think you need to give shits about appearance, proper english, chivalry. i think you don't.

@hurricane jane
I like it

ok I'm not replying to everyone..