Do men carry the burden of being blamed all the time?

[BurnedOut]

Despite my feminist rantings and the fact that I am aware that I come off as a complete hypocrite but I suppose this question warranted a presence on my behalf. With a few several miscommunications happening every other week, I have learned the following -
- Women and other genders tend to have an easier time with facing blame for serious matters such as negligence in relationships, abusive behavior, emotional neglect, goofing up important work, not being ambitious enough, justifying their victim status, etc

- The same cannot be said by men. From my parents to professors to pretty much any adult treat me differently and are very forthcoming about their umpteen disappointments regarding my life - from various interpersonal expectations being broken to poor performance. However, the same people provide women in general much more benefit of doubt and less vilification at the cost of them always perceiving the other gender as being weak.

- This whole bullshit of weak and strong genders tend to disproportionately benefit the 'weaker genders' because less expectations being placed on them. For example, after my sister moved on from her horrible relationship, she was glorified and I constantly hear my mum praising her post-relationship life, however when I came out of a relationship in my sister's age, there were nothing but a stack of ledgers of expectations and long lectures on how I abandoned my life, my responsibilities and chased after a useless relationship. I have seen men experiencing the exact same crap after committing relationshipcrimes where they are not let off the hook as easily as a woman or any other gender.

- Being looked upon as a 'masculine'-soldier parading emotionlessly with my interpersonal relationships with non-male peers and adults always being hostage to non-males' impeccable recall of my past relationshipcrimes. It feels like I am always walking on eggshells when it is anything that has not to do with recreation, general life or just the present. I have been completely unable to get any of my non-male loved ones to understand that my arse being on the line was indeed a terrifying experience and not just an expectation that males are meant to carry out in a robotic compliant manner. I find myself and oftentimes many other males around me either trying to endlessly explain themselves in the hopes of vindicating themselves or straight up ignore or you know, act all manly and violent.

It is nothing but the saddest irony that I made this post given how much of an SJW I have been but I suppose it was all in vain. Feminism might just be another -ism and the gender empowerment movement might nothing be but a manifestation of scientific breakthroughs because sure as hell men would not want to give away their apparent domineering position in lieu of peace and other genders their victim status and the lack of societal expectations that haunt men.

I understand the overall oppression that other genders face in their lives, their entire fucking lives. However, I think it's silly when all the aforementioned people lie on the same plane with the same tools for progressing in life in the same society (theoretically ceteris paribus for any gender to lead a nice life) and still take advantage of the haggardly ways of the past literally discounting all the progress in the world that makes them equal at the starting line in the race of life. I not only blame men but also every other single gender for continuing this poppycock of shoehorning inequality in societies (like a metropolitan city with a burgeoning middle-class) that otherwise has enough opportunities for people of all walks of life to compete fairly.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I honestly cannot relate to your experience completely. I think we all have subjective problems.

However your complains are pretty much valid. We often tend to not complain, meaning men. Its a toxic attribute.

Men are just humans. I got more muscle strength on average and that is it.
Men also process emotions differently, not to be confused with not having them.

So if things in your life suck they probably do suck, and it sucks.

I just watched a video about men committing suicides at increasing rates.
Men don't get any or very little validation or emotional support.
Or their emotional needs met.

Many men often don't cry. I have not cried for 10 years or so, then I had to process emotions and learn to cry again. But I have some serious issues on top of this.
So I really cannot relate to functioning people.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Try yoga man you need to destress.

 

[Cognisant]

Most complaints about the privilege of the opposite gender are about the hot ones, and yes hot guys are INCREDIBLY privileged, because women have an extreme selection bias. Women are literally more attracted to a man if they're told he's married to another woman and the more of a reputation for promiscuity he has the more they want him. It's why they go so crazy for boy bands and rock stars, nothing gets a woman wetter than being in a crowd of other screaming bitches all lusting after the same guy.

Whereas the male fantasy is that his favorite pop star is singing to him, his favorite Vtuber is speaking to him, in games he saves the girl and she's thankful to him, heck the very concept of a "waifu" is essentially just a wife.

Do some men use and abuse women, absolutely! They're whores looking for the most abusive man they can find, the man who has the most bitches and will therefore value them the least. Likewise men pursue attractive women because that's the entire fucking point, why worship a goddess you're not attracted to, why suffer for her if not to have someone worth suffering for? It just so happens the most attractive women are also usually the biggest whores because their attractiveness lets them avoid accountability for their behaviour.

Bring back slut shaming, bring back standards, stop shaming men for finding women attractive BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING MEN THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!

It's Hegel's Master & Slave dialectic, women are the masters and men must appease them, a man must be chosen by a woman, he must be deemed worthy of her by her and it is this position of subservience that makes the man the apparent master. The slave produces for their master, the slave is the means through which the master obtains things thus the slave obtains a position of power as they become essential to the master.

The greatest determining factor (statistically) of whether a marriage will end in divorce is whether the woman earns more than the man, because if she does then she has a slave that cannot serve her as well as she can serve herself and thus she goes looking for a better slave. By contrast a woman's income means almost nothing to a man, sure all things being equal more money is better than less, unless she earns more than him in which case he knows this dynamic is fundamentally unstable.

Capitalists created Feminism to separate women from their slaves by convincing them that the slaves were actually the masters, that a woman should aspire to be a man, and that men should work harder and basically everyone should just work as much and as hard as possible to create more profits for their corporate overlords.

An now we have a global birthrate crisis across the industrialized world and everybody (so to speak) is alone and unhappy; hell even the married people are unhappy because with the slave-slave dynamic romance is dead.

Spoiler

 

[Cognisant]

In the later part of the video he talks about recognition and how it's one sided in favor of the master and the master's frustration that the recognition of a slave is only that of a slave and thus the master desires the recognition of other masters.

Men's fashion is for women, men don't dress up to impress other men unless that in turn serves to impress a woman. Women's fashion is ostensibly for men but primarily for other women, women obsess over shoes because other women pay attention to shoes, men will wear the same running shoes every day of his life unless a woman tells him off or an older man advises him about women paying attention to shoes.

Every aspect of life is like this, men trying to impress women and women ostensibly trying to impress men when they're actually competing with each other.

Unless you have a hobby like painting miniatures, such hobbies tend to be exclusively male pursuits and this exclusivity frustrates women (how DARE the slaves have fun without us!) so they force their way in and discover that absolutely nothing about this hobby appeals to them. This is by design, the slaves want a break, and the masters have their own exclusive hobbies which nobody ever complains about because of course the masters exclude slaves when they want to.

 

[Black Rose]

I told my therapist that people do not care about solving their problems.

But they did not accept what I said about all the problems that needed to be solved in my family.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Men's fashion is for women,

Not on my watch it is not. I ain't wearing a suit or a fucking drape of any kind to impress anyone. Plus suits and ties are the worst clothing type ever invented, anyone who decided this is how man should dress should be shot.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I told my therapist that people do not care about solving their problems.

But they did not accept what I said about all the problems that needed to be solved in my family.

Dude you should realize by now that your family is part of your problem.
One way to solve this is finding a way to make money. That way you can move out and make your own decisions.
Therapist today are not that good anyway.
They don't understand humans as well as they think.
Support networks only work if your support network is not the same people who put in you in the therapist office in the first place.
I know that sounds bad, but that is how it is.

 

[ZenRaiden]

Whereas the male fantasy is that his favorite pop star is singing to him, his favorite Vtuber is speaking to him, in games he saves the girl and she's thankful to him, heck the very concept of a "waifu" is essentially just a wife.

Yes, maybe on some level yes, but truly I think we both know that is not what we actually need.

Bring back slut shaming, bring back standards, stop shaming men for finding women attractive BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING MEN THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!

Why? What you are going to find a better relationship, because of slut shaming???

It's Hegel's Master & Slave dialectic,

Hegel lived in a century that had very different human dynamic, a lot different.
Also very different standard of what makes a life good or how to make money or living let alone what dynamic exists today.

The greatest determining factor (statistically) of whether a marriage will end in divorce is whether the woman earns more than the man,

I have a solution to that. Don't talk about money with women.
Don't signal you have money or are a money dispenser. Find a female that does not care. Pretty sure there are plenty women who don't.

Capitalists created Feminism to separate women from their slaves by convincing them that the slaves were actually the masters, that a woman should aspire to be a man, and that men should work harder and basically everyone should just work as much and as hard as possible to create more profits for their corporate overlords.

Capitalism defines human behavior, but humans define capitalism.
Women having the right to work and having income is essentially because men tend to die and children then tend to starve.

An now we have a global birthrate crisis across the industrialized world and everybody (so to speak) is alone and unhappy; hell even the married people are unhappy because with the slave-slave dynamic romance is dead.

You can literally have kids all you want. Stop pushing other men to have kids.
There are people with IQ 80 who have kids.
Just kidding, its hard to have kids, and take care of them. Because we lack stability and predictability in this world. People have income, but they don't have safety.

Unless you have a hobby like painting miniatures, such hobbies tend to be exclusively male pursuits and this exclusivity frustrates women (how DARE the slaves have fun without us!)

Honestly if that were the case, she would not be in relationship with me.

This is by design, the slaves want a break, and the masters have their own exclusive hobbies which nobody ever complains about because of course the masters exclude slaves when they want to.

Did anyone point a gun to your head and force you to be in master slave relationship? I am just asking, because I don't see this happening in my life.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I think the happiest life a man can live is with in his own nature.
I don't get social dynamics to be honest, never understood them before, probably never will. Getting into social crap will make you sick and unhappy. Society is crap today, no need to be sherlock to figure it out. Social dynamics suck. Boss employee dynamics suck. School sucks. My only solution is to make as much money as I can and fend for my health. Trying to figure out females is beyond me. Trying to figure out male to male dynamics is beyond my skills set. I just don't get it.

 

[birdsnestfern]

No, of course not. Scapegoats are common in both sexes.

If there is a genuine weakness you have, face it.

If there is a genuine reason for failure, change something, don't use blame. Just see the truth of it and move on and do what you can.
If your not sure, ask people and keep trying and keep finding the cause of the issue.

It won't help you to blame someone else for something you fail at.

Figure out exactly what is causing it - is it outside yourself or inside?
People fail all the time.

If people bother you - just don't have relationships, find ways to make your own hermit life as happy as you can.
Not that many people get to have marriages or be in a couple, it takes a certain type of person that is willing to sacrifice part of their own identity and that is NOT likely to be an INTP thinker. You are pretty much doomed to be single if you are INTP, autistic or anything not ESFJ. Thats just because smart people have different life rules than everyone else, you have to be happy with sublime sadness and trying to find your own joy.

Scapegoat Theory in Social Psychology - iResearchNet

Scapegoat theory refers to the tendency to blame someone else for one's own problems, a process that often results in feelings of prejudice ...

psychology.iresearchnet.com

 

[ZenRaiden]

No, of course not. Scapegoats are common in both sexes.

If there is a genuine weakness you have, face it.

If there is a genuine reason for failure, change something, don't use blame. Just see the truth of it and move on and do what you can.
If your not sure, ask people and keep trying and keep finding the cause of the issue.

It won't help you to blame someone else for something you fail at.

Figure out exactly what is causing it - is it outside yourself or inside?
People fail all the time. If people bother you that much, don't have relationships, make your own hermit life as happy as you can.

Scapegoat Theory in Social Psychology - iResearchNet

Scapegoat theory refers to the tendency to blame someone else for one's own problems, a process that often results in feelings of prejudice ...

psychology.iresearchnet.com

Its kind of true that we humans have such tendecies, but blaming others vs gasing jews is kind of wild.
There is also being angry for good reasons and being angry at ones own failures.
There is also being in situations where you are powerless and angry.
Women have been treated badly for a lot of human history.
And women too have been often told to suck it up or shut up.
So your view is exactly the problem in society.
If we all suck it up and move on then nothing really shapes society. Only people who end up shaping society are the people like narcs and sociopaths.
Which is essentially what is happening today.
Because most people in face of societal crap do give up.
I mean how much energy can a person have?
Sociopathic tendencies and narc tendencies in human hierarchy are so common we don't even bat an eye to it. We are living in culture that is toxic inherently.
While blame is not solving problems without those who are blamed having agency to fix it, the fact is most societal cohesion only makes sense if people benefit from interactions.
So yeah women and men need to mutually benefit from interactions.
Otherwise no families will exist or children.
That being said even relationships are shaped by this where children are not the goal.
I for instance don't see a lot of dynamics that play out between people interesting or beneficial.

 

[birdsnestfern]

If its something outside yourself and the situation is safe to say, it helps to simply state what you WANT more of to make life more tolerable. Then you change it more easily, just by giving people a hint of the real need you had. The change doesn't always come from shaking up the system if people don't understand the thinking or reason behind it.

Thats all, figure out what your heart wanted and is missing and express the thought you had and own it.
Maybe it just wanted to be recognized or appreciated and instead a lot of blame comes out for the hurt. People understand that a lot better than just blame or bitterness.

It sounds like the soul is trying to really say, I deserve love and care. Thats worth expressing and then ask yourself how can I be deserving of love and care more? Be the thing you want more of so you resonate with that frequency is all, you'll probably not get love by being and feeling separated.

ok, nevermind, just what I was thinking outloud.

 

[Black Rose]

my support network is very small

and if I am not the responsible one everything collapses

my only outlet is intellectual stuff on the internet

but I will get some money soon

 

[ZenRaiden]

my support network is very small

and if I am not the responsible one everything collapses

my only outlet is intellectual stuff on the internet

but I will get some money soon

Yeah I get that. That is though.

 

[dr froyd]

Burnerout, you complain about stuff like a woman all the time

that's all i have for today

 

[ZenRaiden]

I actually think people complain too late. Hence they get emotionally drained and when they complain, everyone is like Whoaaa where did that come from.

 

[Hourglass]

The direct answer to this question

“Do men carry the burden of being blamed all the time?”​

is no, humans that do not define themselves as men may also carry burden of blame and whether they can or cannot be vocal about it or relieve themselves of said burden of blame depends on their individual disposition.


The core of it is that there should be no stupidity of blaming and blame shifting in the first place. If blame exists there must be more to the blame than the blame itself. Blame vs. the burden of blame are different things.

People need to learn to develop the intelligence and mindset in order to not blame each other in a primitive way and instead look at institutional and systemic effects and errors which have created the means for fear, insecurity, and instability to then lead to blaming.

It is 2023, why are we still blaming people based on labels rather than trying to see how we can understand our differences as much as our similarities and move forward towards something greater than our selfish selves?

Humans created systems but the systems have effects that we don’t know we don’t understand. Most people can only tolerate what is superficial and fail to look deeper into anything.

Sometimes the answer is within self-introspection which many fail to do. Sometimes the answer is the opposite and, instead, trying to look at life as more than the sum of “me, myself, and I”.

Blame is the (unconscious) game of toddlers not knowing that there is abundance beyond the tunnel of their immediate surroundings; an individual feeling these emotions of: “I want my candy. This thing, this candy, I see in front of me is mine. Oh, now my candy is gone so it is absolutely 100% true that you in fact took my candy just because I don’t have my candy. Now I will blame you because my candy is gone and I can’t see how to get more candy.” Fallacies upon fallacies in incorrect and unintelligent thinking. It is massively and painstakingly unbearable that adults in society still play the blame game where everyone loses.

I’m sure there are exceptions i.e. immoral cases we might recall from history where blame can be attributed, however individuals today can be different from prejudicial associations from generations upons generations past - We are in a new digital frontier with more options than limitations and so we should look to those liberties and not to our own demise.

 

[Hourglass]

Where there is blame, there are people acting unconsciously in a pit of toxicity. To detoxify, there are ways out, and it may not be easy but there is a way to create a life you like more often than not, it might just take looking at your strengths or giving yourself love, validation, admiration or things you seek before seeking it from others.

Controlling what society does is not always up to us (unless you enjoy politics. I do not.) but you can choose what you do each second, each day, each year, each decade.

 

[Black Rose]

A third of people are immature.

So I am not surprised a fraction of those people would blame the opposite gender for everything.

But it matters how they are blamed given male and female stereotypes exist.

Men are supposed to be hard so anything wrong they do is because they are weak.

And anything a female does wrong is because they are weak so must be rejecting a man because the man is worthless when he is not.

So both stereotypes are about weakness but in opposite directions.

A man feels unworthy and a woman feels that is the truth.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I think a lot of things people have in their mind comes from circumstances they have been. Sometimes those circumstances were kind of bad.

 

[ZenRaiden]