Dining out and going to cinemas alone

[BitRogue]

A friend of mine sent me a link to a Reddit conversation yesterday about dining out and going to the cinema alone - link here [http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/pniez/i_have_no_problem_eating_alone_in_a_restaurant/]

Its something he and I have clashed on several times. I have no real qualms about going to a restaurant alone on occasion. I just walk in, armed with a book or a laptop and ask for a table for one. Its a whole lot of quality 'me' time. And going to movies is a no brainer - Im in the cinema at least once a week on my own. Big screen, big sound - wouldn't miss it for the world. Whereas my friend cannot even strike up the courage to sit in a cinema alone for 2 hours and always complains how he hasn't seen the latest movie because he can't find anyone to go with.
Now I suffer from mild social anxiety, but I never thought this was a big issue until I read the Reddit stuff.

Anyone here identify with this?

 

[Otherside]

It would have to be the movie of the decade for me to see it in a cinema rather than waiting for DVD (or whatever format) release. I don't mind going to a restaurant alone.

 

[Cognisant]

I regularly go to the cinema alone, aside from the usual crowd related anxiety it's not a problem.

However I've never walked into a restaurant alone, I'll happily eat alone but having a table to oneself seems a little peculiar, unless as you said I had stuff to cover it with like books, work and/or a computer, which is something I've never thought of.

Btw fast food places don't count as restaurants, I mean actual restaurants with waiters and so forth.

 

[Otherside]

I regularly go to the cinema alone, aside from the usual crowd related anxiety it's not a problem.

However I've never walked into a restaurant alone, I'll happily eat alone but having a table to oneself seems a little peculiar, unless as you said I had stuff to cover it with like books, work and/or a computer, which is something I've never thought of.

Btw fast food places don't count as restaurants, I mean actual restaurants with waiters and so forth.

It does feel awkward to be at a table alone without a distraction, especially if the dining area is crowded and you have people at other tables facing you.

 

[Jennywocky]

I will do both (more likely to go to the cinema alone though, and if I eat somewhere, I'm usually on a laptop or smartphone, or reading a book).

However, I've reached a point in my life where I actually would rather go with a good friend than alone, if possible. I like it better as a "shared experience." (It's just that I won't not go just because I'm alone.)

Btw fast food places don't count as restaurants, I mean actual restaurants with waiters and so forth.

Yeah, that's what I meant too. I think fast food is different, and eating there alone has different connotations.

 

[Cavallier]

"People even make plans to go to the dining halls together, and I tend to get looks if I go alone."

Wow. What a needy group of people with no sense of self-reliance.

Personally I love going to movie alone. No problem. If I go to a nice restaurant by myself I bring a book or some paper to write with for the simple fact that sitting there alone with nothing to do is kind of boring.

There is a long standing mythos related to sharing food. Eating with other people is a way of re-asserting an emotional or community connection between people. So, it makes sense that many have issues with eating alone.

 

[EditorOne]

What Cavallier said.

I go to restaurants alone when on the road working and don't think twice about it. I don't go to the movies alone (some of the cinemas are getting upscale again, not such a bore to go as it was even a few years ago, by the way) but it wouldn't bother me to go alone, it's just my wife goes with me.

We're right down to core traits and preferences again, where what we think is important is the content of the movie experience and the need for food, while other personalities are interested in the sharing of the experience as its core attraction. Not really a defect in either case.

Just to reverse it a bit, I now refuse to dine out with groups of friends and acquaintances. Can't hear what they're saying most of the time and when I do hear, it's not worth listening to. Puling drivel.

 

[BitRogue]

It does feel awkward to be at a table alone without a distraction, especially if the dining area is crowded and you have people at other tables facing you.

Agreed, but thats only the half of it. Its really boring sitting there playing with your cutlery while you wait for your food. If I go, I definitely bring along something to occupy myself.

However, I've reached a point in my life where I actually would rather go with a good friend than alone, if possible. I like it better as a "shared experience." (It's just that I won't not go just because I'm alone.)

Absolutely. Its not that its always a choice for me, but if I had friends to invite, I would do so. That said, it depends on my frame of mind.

Just to reverse it a bit, I now refuse to dine out with groups of friends and acquaintances. Can't hear what they're saying most of the time and when I do hear, it's not worth listening to. Puling drivel.

This seems to be a common trend. I too have declined invites to join folk for dinner because I know I will sit and be quiet and virtually ignored. I am on projects and travel almost the whole year, and its common to be invited out by all the project staff (who nearly always speak a foreign language) and more often than not, they slip into their native language and I sit there feeling stupid. I now decline these offers, despite all good intentions, and find myself a quiet little restaurant instead. And it helps that the company picks up the tab, so I can eat anything I like and not worry about what other people think.

 

[EditorOne]

They don't have to be speaking a foreign language for me to not understand what they're saying.

I have nerve damage that screws up my hearing in odd ways. On the highway the loudest noise, drowning out everything else, is the wheels on the 18-wheelers. In restaurants or groups, I feel like the guy in an orchestra pit trying to pick middle C out of the disorganized din of the pre-performance tuneup and flex. So I struggle mightily to hear conversation from my dinner companions - and then find out it's pretty much 1980s Valley Girl inanities, piffle and squat, the dreaded small talk.

I'm not complaining. Just elaborating. Sometimes not hearing well is a very very good thing. And an online forum for INTPs? Hey, some of what's on here is piffle and squat and our version of small talk, but at least 95 percent of the topics are "interesting." This is sort of our substitute for dinner out with friends, I think.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Going to a restaurant alone is too much for me. It'd just be awkward, especially since most everyone else would be accompanied by others.

However I have no problem going to the movie theaters alone(although for a while(years) no movies have made me want to go, I gave up on the movie industry). The experience is definitely better with a friend though.

 

[snafupants]

It does feel awkward to be at a table alone without a distraction, especially if the dining area is crowded and you have people at other tables facing you.

Just pick up a paper at the counter on the way in.

 

[Melllvar]

Movies alone are awesome, it's a much more immersive experience you can get lost in with no one else around. I like it when everyone else thinks the movie sucks and I get the entire theater to myself. That aside though, some movies are better with others, e.g. comedies and bad action movies. A sufficiently silly movie can be a group experience. Well I guess MST3K really captured the essence of how that works.

Restaurants are fine, just bring a book or something. The only negative issue there is that I feel like I'm annoying the waiter, they always seem disappointed since they have to serve one guy who won't spend a lot of money and hence won't tip well. Unless it's a really slow day they'd probably rather be waiting on a table of four.

But really screw restaurants and movie theaters. I can make better food in my kitchen then watch literally anything I want on an LCD screen while I eat it sitting in a comfy recliner with my dog happily awaiting the leftovers, able to pause/rewind/slowmotion it and start again whenever I want. They have nothing to offer that can beat that. (Well, almost nothing, some movies are just better watched on a colossal screen. I mean if you didn't see Avatar in 3D IMAX then you really missed out; I saw it a second time in regular 3D and it was just nowhere near as impressive as that first IMAX experience.)

 

[BitRogue]

But really screw restaurants and movie theaters. I can make better food in my kitchen then watch literally anything I want on an LCD screen while I eat it sitting in a comfy recliner with my dog happily awaiting the leftovers, able to pause/rewind/slowmotion it and start again whenever I want. They have nothing to offer that can beat that.

I do this too. Eating out isn't an everyday occurrence for me (well, when Im at home anyway) - my cooking skillz are fairly decent. While I'm likely to eat out almost every night of the working week since Im away and hotel bound, at home I'm more likely to cook up something on my own. Still from time to time, I get the odd craving for a roast or a good italian meal without the need for having to clean up afterwards. I am cooking for one after all so some meals just arent worth the effort on a regular basis.

(Well, almost nothing, some movies are just better watched on a colossal screen. I mean if you didn't see Avatar in 3D IMAX then you really missed out; I saw it a second time in regular 3D and it was just nowhere near as impressive as that first IMAX experience.)

This ^
I have a fairly decent set up at home for watching movies. But there are just some movies that can only be experienced on the best equipment available, or you're just plain missing out.

 

[Words]

Man, this thread makes me want to sit with you solo guys. I think it's interesting that some people are often solo. I sometimes see a few solo people and what I usually do is intrude and make conversation about why they're there alone. They often make great conversations too.

Anyways, I eat alone on several occasions(but not in a restaurant), but I definitely prefer having people around me on those scenarios. Also, I've never gone to the cinema alone and never expect to. Big screens are definitely more of a social thing for me.

 

[BitRogue]

Man, this thread makes me want to sit with you solo guys. I think it's interesting that some people are often solo. I sometimes see a few solo people and what I usually do is intrude and make conversation about why they're there alone. They often make great conversations too.

You're welcome to join. Good company is always appreciated.

 

[Otherside]

About to do a solo lunch as we speak...

 

[tepellian]

I usually will go to the movie theater alone, if I go, because I don't have any great friends around here that I'd want to go with. I tend to like the experience better alone anyway, especially if it's a movie that I'm serious about watching and want to enjoy.

As for restaurants, I often avoid them. I kind of dislike eating around people. I'll go with a few friends once in awhile if they have something to celebrate, and I'll eat around a dinner table at home, but I ordinarily make food (or take the food I order) and go somewhere to eat alone. I tend to read or do something while I eat, that or I just eat really quickly to get it done with. (Reading at the table was something I always did when younger, and my parents were surprisingly tolerant, though most of my extended family complained about it.)

 

[BridgeOfSighs]

Movies: Okay, It's dark. But the price is usually a huge factor and I'm not gonna pony up 12 bucks to see it by myself. Maybe an art house movie or something at the discount theater.

Food: I used to eat alone all the time in my University caf, which didn't bother me. There was always this one guy who sat at a table next to me, alone as well, so it didn't feel as lonely. We never talked until after he graduated. Come to find out we live in the same apartment complex.

 

[the_s_rabbit]

I guess I'd go to a movie alone if it was something that I felt needed to be seen in a theater but nobody else wants to go see it.

I don't think I'd go to a regular restaurant alone. If I do, it would be someplace that's more of a pub, and then I'd belly up to the bar and order a couple beers as well as food. I have done that before, but it's rare. I really don't like to eat out alone. At work, I'll go someplace and get food to go, and then bring it back to work and eat at my desk.

 

[sti_lin]

Never been a fan of going out to eat alone or movies alone since I am frugal and my only reason to go to these places are because my presence is desired by another, usually my wife. I don't mind doing things alone and sometimes prefer to but I do enjoy company even if we are silent during the activity.
Good company is always a plus, too bad it's so hard to find. Who wants to go grab a bite

 

[snafupants]

Why does this thread remind me of the last track of Kid A? Please hug me.

 

[sti_lin]

kid a? hmm too lazy to google it

 

[snafupants]

kid a? hmm too lazy to google it

That made me laugh. Too lazy to google, that's hilarious.

[Assumes William Shatner's staggered and palsied voice] Low blood sugar...can't...concentrate...no...google is too...mu...[gains breath]...ch...exertion. [Falls off recliner and passes out. All whites.]

Also, that could be the most ironic post ever.

 

[Treece]

I have no problem doing either alone, and when I was younger I have had people tell me that it's "lame" to do either on your own. I've never seen the problem and rather enjoy it. I wouldn't go to the theatre though, because the last few times I went, it seems people find it okay to talk during the movie, and without someone beside me I may just want to actually say something to the chatters, or leave.

 

[Trebuchet]

I like both better with other people, but it never occurred to me to feel that I am awkward, pathetic, or unfriendly if I go by myself.

My husband sometimes offers to be on parent duty so I can go to an escapist movie, if he thinks I need to relax for a while. I certainly don't feel pathetic. I wouldn't be there if someone didn't love me enough to arrange it.

And why not eat out alone? Surely people do that often when traveling on business? I used to have a customer service job, and my hour to myself at lunch was pretty great.

 

[Allegra]

I do all the time, to the theater I usually go in the mornings and I strongly avoid weekends, I hate teenage girls that seem to think going to the movies by themselves is the best thing that had happen to them

 

[AlisaD]

But really screw restaurants and movie theaters. I can make better food in my kitchen then watch literally anything I want on an LCD screen while I eat it sitting in a comfy recliner with my dog happily awaiting the leftovers, able to pause/rewind/slowmotion it and start again whenever I want. They have nothing to offer that can beat that. (Well, almost nothing, some movies are just better watched on a colossal screen. I mean if you didn't see Avatar in 3D IMAX then you really missed out; I saw it a second time in regular 3D and it was just nowhere near as impressive as that first IMAX experience.)

You watched Avatar twice

On topic, while I worked in an office, I used to literally sneak out so no one would make me go to lunch with them (yes, people actually liked me there )
I would just go to a coffee shop or restaurant (depending on how hungry I was) and spend a pleasant hour enjoying my own company and a book. That was always the best part of a workday

 

[Kairoh]

I go to the cinema alone, I didn't know it was strange until one of my teachers in high school said she would never have the courage to do that. It's more like apathy rather than courage for me. I mean, you're sitting in a dark room, staring at a screen...it's not supposed to be a place for conversation anyway. I like to completely immerse myself in the movie, actually experience myself in it, (it's almost like a meditative state) and having other people around just reestablishes the 4th wall. I absolutely hate it when people try to talk to me during movies. Just, don't.

As for eating alone, I always went to the dining commons alone unless I encountered someone I knew on the way to the dining commons. And yeah, I knew people in my dorm who wouldn't eat there if they couldn't find someone to go with. I mean, really?

Never done that at a restaurant though, just because I have a tight budget and I'll only go to restaurants if my friends want me to go with them. I like having company when I eat, though I do get weirdly self-conscious and nervous eating in front of strangers. Restaurants are too public and formal. Never had this problem in the dining commons though.

 

[sti_lin]

That made me laugh. Too lazy to google, that's hilarious.

[Assumes William Shatner's staggered and palsied voice] Low blood sugar...can't...concentrate...no...google is too...mu...[gains breath]...ch...exertion. [Falls off recliner and passes out. All whites.]

Also, that could be the most ironic post ever.

Wow glad I could provide a laugh for you at my expense ... Radio head, not a big fan, like some old stuff from ok computer but don't follow band.

 

[Treece]

I go to the cinema alone, I didn't know it was strange until one of my teachers in high school said she would never have the courage to do that. It's more like apathy rather than courage for me. I mean, you're sitting in a dark room, staring at a screen...it's not supposed to be a place for conversation anyway. I like to completely immerse myself in the movie, actually experience myself in it, (it's almost like a meditative state) and having other people around just reestablishes the 4th wall. I absolutely hate it when people try to talk to me during movies. Just, don't.

As for eating alone, I always went to the dining commons alone unless I encountered someone I knew on the way to the dining commons. And yeah, I knew people in my dorm who wouldn't eat there if they couldn't find someone to go with. I mean, really?

Never done that at a restaurant though, just because I have a tight budget and I'll only go to restaurants if my friends want me to go with them. I like having company when I eat, though I do get weirdly self-conscious and nervous eating in front of strangers. Restaurants are too public and formal. Never had this problem in the dining commons though.

Oddly enough, thinking back to my dorm life and having to eat at the cafeteria, I sometimes did feel uncomfortable sitting alone but I don't know what made me uncomfortable. I wanted to eat as far away from people as possible and that wasn't always possible because they would close areas off or they would be filled with people already. When I've eaten at restaurants alone I've never experienced that... I guess being around my peers has something to do with it, I don't know?

 

[Cavallier]

There is one really irritating side affect of eating alone in restaurants and going to movies. Although less so with the movies.

People think you are available to talk to. Perhaps it's people who are uncomfortable with being there alone and are lonely or, and somehow even worse, it's people who are there to pick up on girls.

ARGH! It never fails to happen to me at some point. Children, old people, and pets all love to come over to the little redhead sitting by herself happily enjoying her book and talk to her or bum snuggles in the case of pets and children. Hell, I can be standing in line at the hot dog stand and a random child with walk up and hug my leg. Quickly followed by some poor haggard mother peeling the blighter off of me and then spending the next 20 minutes chewing my ear off with how hard her life is.

Inevitably I have a miniature George Carlin episode in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWsFfd9pqE

 

[Minuend]

........



I've never been flirted with when sitting alone

 

[Kairoh]

........



I've never been flirted with when sitting alone

I would gladly flirt with you.

Though I guess I'm lucky, being fairly gender ambiguous so most people are confused by that and wouldn't risk flirting with me. Hurray!

 

[Minuend]

I dig androgynousity

 

[EyeSeeCold]

INTPs go out with other INTPs. Problem solved.


/typeswithbenefits

 

[GYX_Kid]

INTPs go out with other INTPs. Problem solved.


/typeswithbenefits

The INTPs need to connect with some at least vaguely similar interest, otherwise nothing happens

 

[EyeSeeCold]

The INTPs need to connect with some at least vaguely similar interest, otherwise nothing happens

Being interested in each other could work. Or women/men.

 

[marainein]

I go to the cinema alone, I didn't know it was strange until one of my teachers in high school said she would never have the courage to do that.

I was exactly the same - I did this for years, and I never noticed I was the only one there by myself, I was so oblivious. Then someone pointed it out to me, and I had one of those shocking moments when you realize you've been missing something obvious and fundamental from your world view.

Nowadays, as part of my project to mimic human behavior, before seeing a movie I'll ask my friends if they want to come with me. And if not, I'll just go by myself anyway.

 

[Minuend]

I was exactly the same - I did this for years, and I never noticed I was the only one there by myself, I was so oblivious. Then someone pointed it out to me, and I had one of those shocking moments when you realize you've been missing something obvious and fundamental from your world view.

I still don't get it.