dad here

[dad]

hey everyone, i forgot i had this account and am coming back to chill.

 

[Urakro]

You're not my father, so stop pretending to be. I thought we were over this years ago.

PS: Unicorn? When did that change from Puff the Magic Dragon?

 

[Yellow]

How qualified are you to be our dad? How many decks have you built? Will it be your fault if any of our members take up exotic dancing as a career?

Whilst you contemplate your new resposibilites, welcome.

I bet you know some wonderful jokes!

... I can jump higher than a house

Spoiler

'cause a house can't jump at all!

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

@dad i need a new laptop

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Dad, Yellow and Reluctantly were ganging up on me in the Witch Hunt thread just because I tried to set them on fire, and I want you to make them stop.

 

[Pyropyro]

dad, I still haven't received my allowance.

 

[dad]

my god, this is all too much, you're all on your own
love dad

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

I will one day gain your approval, dad. Just you see. Whenever it is you come back from getting your pack of smokes, you'll see what a big strong man I've grown up to be.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

my god, this is all too much, you're all on your own
love dad

we're $orry for putting u on the $pot like that dad
your convenience come$ before all el$e, ofcour$e.

 

[Perfectly Normal Beast]

hey dad! have you come to take mother back to hell with you?!

 

[TheManBeyond]

dad ur going to be grandfather

 

[QuickTwist]

Dad,

I got in another car accident.

 

[Yellow]

dad doesn't love us!
:there no sobbing smilies:

 

[Jennywocky]

... man, I hate it when everyone has daddy issues.

 

[Reluctantly]

Dadd!!!

Mom's filing for divorce. And we've decided to kill your son and my half-brother Cheeseums. Also she's got good lawyers and wants your retirement pay until you die, as well as the house and most the stuff; she deserves it for putting up with you after all.

Wish you would come, miss you; I need money too.

 

[kora]

dad doesn't love us!
:there no sobbing smilies:

IKNOWRIGHTWHYTHEFUCKNOSOBBINGSMILEYSONANNOYINGARGH

Hi daddy.

 

[Alias]

Welcome back, father. I figured out how to use the force! Isn't that cool?

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

i need sobbing emoji. i just found out setsuko hara passed away

 

[Jennywocky]

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Is this one not acceptable to you guys?

For me it doubles as very angry face and also tantrum face.

 

[QuickTwist]

OMG that is like hypnotising. I keep going back to look at this. Its funny in a very perplexing sort of way. A+

 

[Yellow]

Is this one not acceptable to you guys?

For me it doubles as very angry face and also tantrum face.

That's only angry. It's not sad and certainly not sobbing. We need a sobbing smiley and we need it now! Now, now, now, now now! Daaaaaaad! Fix it!

 

[Jennywocky]

There. A crying smiley.

(Yeah, see? All the kids are bitching and whining and moaning for daddy's help, but it never is dad that steps in to help you guys, is it? It's always mom. Mom, mom, mom. Who loves you more? Not dad. I'd tear off my legs and feed 'em to ravenous crocodiles just for you, but do you ever remember mother's day or my birthday? not that I care, I just lurve y'all too much and would give you both of my lungs and my pancreas if you contracted spleen cancer, I'd be the one to rub the lotion all over you if you came down with horrible grody psoriasis all over your hairy bum when no one else would dare to touch you, because that's what mom's do, and all your lazy good for nothing father would be doing is squatting on his fat ass in front of that damn football game finishing off a half-crate of cheap peels beer with his lame-o friends, making me clean up after dinner like always... but that's okay because I care so much about you. Which I would tell you more often, but of course you never call...Not that I am holding it against you. Because Mom. You know, it would be so great to hear from you on my bday. Not that you have to. I know you're so busy doing more important things than wanting to spend just three minutes to tell your sweet mother -- who took care of you when your dad left you to die all the time -- that you just really appreciate her. I mean the only reason you exist is because I let that pig savage me after a drunken night of line dancing at the local steakhouse and I don't even remember what happened except I woke up draped across the bathtub with my socks still on, and then suddenly nine months later I'm carting around the lot of you in the back of a rusty dodge caravan that can't go above 35 mph on hills and my tits hurting for month from the biting, and.... well, you don't HAVE to call me. I know how it is. I forgive you. I do. I know moms aren't important. It's not your fault.)

 

[Yellow]

Yay mom! Thanks for letting the pig savage you mom!

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Dad, can I have ice cream? I'd ask mom but she's all up on her high horse and doing that passive aggressive thing she does. Pleeeaasse?

That's only angry. It's not sad and certainly not sobbing. We need a sobbing smiley and we need it now! Now, now, now, now now! Daaaaaaad! Fix it!

Also I use that face almost exclusively as "throwing a tantrum" face.

 

[QuickTwist]

OMG this thread is amazing. I can honestly say I have not seen a thread like this on this forum.

A+++++++++++++

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Tl;dr mom ♡

 

[dad]

Welcome back, father. I figured out how to use the force! Isn't that cool?

my fav child

Dadd!!!

Mom's filing for divorce. And we've decided to kill your son and my half-brother Cheeseums. Also she's got good lawyers and wants your retirement pay until you die, as well as the house and most the stuff; she deserves it for putting up with you after all.

Wish you would come, miss you; I need money too.

i'm sorry i had to find out like this

Dad,

I got in another car accident.

is the car ok?

 

[TheManBeyond]

dad i fucked mom

 

[Black Rose]

Genetics say no.

I is not half unicorn.

 

[mrrhq]

Hi, dad.

 

[Yellow]

@ AK - That's because you were adopted. Everyone says so. But it's okay. You have the spirit of a unicorn, and that's all that matters.

And what the hell dad?! You're not supposed to have favorites! Besides, Alias is the one who let zerkalo's rabbit pee in your toolbox!

OooOoOoh Alias, yeah, I went there.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Why do you always have to tattle, Yellow? You did the same thing when I fell through the roof of the garage. And when pyro forgot to feed the cat.

 

[Black Rose]

Why do you always have to tattle, Yellow? You did the same thing when I fell through the roof of the garage. And when pyro forgot to feed the cat.

is that all i am to this family "the cat" ?

and why does nobody feed me?

why did they forget?



i guess yellow remembered

thanks yellow

 

[mrrhq]

Hi, dad.

(I swear it's fun to say.)

 

[Alias]

And what the hell dad?! You're not supposed to have favorites! Besides, Alias is the one who let zerkalo's rabbit pee in your toolbox!

OooOoOoh Alias, yeah, I went there.

but bunnies

 

[Pyropyro]

How qualified are you to be our dad? How many decks have you built? Will it be your fault if any of our members take up exotic dancing as a career?

Whilst you contemplate your new resposibilites, welcome.

I bet you know some wonderful jokes!

... I can jump higher than a house

Spoiler

'cause a house can't jump at all!

For the last time big sis, Sexy Sloth Samba is strictly entertainment and a means for me keep in shape!

You tell her dad. She doesn't get to tell me how to live my life right?

 

[Yellow]

For the last time big sis, Sexy Sloth Samba is strictly entertainment and a means for me keep in shape!

You tell her dad. She doesn't get to tell me how to live my life right?

Yeah, sure, I bet it has nothing to do with you suddenly dating Todd. You remember Todd, right dad? Doesn't everyone remember Todd?

Did you give him a "sexy sloth" dance the night dropped you off all drunk and then puked all over the cat? No apology to AK, just, "ha! Look, I got the cat, here kitty".

Yeah, dad works 60 hours a week at the circus just so you can samba on a stage for that shining example of wit and wisdom.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Wasn't that you that threw up on the cat? And then you made up that story about it being Todd.

I don't get what your problem with him is. He's always been nice to me. Are you just upset because he likes Pyro and not you?

 

[Yellow]

Pssh no. He's dumb. Pyro can have him. I bet he doesn't even know that tulips are Pyro's favorite flower. Who wants to mess with a guy like that? And I didn't puke on the cat. That was you. And Todd.

Daaaaad! Cheesumpuffs is lying again!

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

What? Lying again? I practically never lie!

Spoiler

dad, don't read this

Spoiler

and so help me, if you tattle about the time I lied about going to bed and snuck out of the house, I will destroy everything you've ever held dear

Daaaad! Yellow's making me out to be an untrustworthy child who isn't deserving of your love but I assure you that's not the case and I swear you can be proud of me!

 

[QuickTwist]

The cars totalled. But man, you should have seen me fly around those corners! It was pretty sweet until the car flipped :P Luckily no one was hurt.

 

[Black Rose]

Yeah, sure, I bet it has nothing to do with you suddenly dating Todd. You remember Todd, right dad? Doesn't everyone remember Todd?

Did you give him a "sexy sloth" dance the night dropped you off all drunk and then puked all over the cat? No apology to AK, just, "ha! Look, I got the cat, here kitty".

Yeah, dad works 60 hours a week at the circus just so you can samba on a stage for that shining example of wit and wisdom.

i thought is was safe to sleep on the living room couch.

as i feel asleep i was thinking "where is pyro, i am hungry?"

i tried not to cry but the water wiped my tears away in the shower.

 

[Jennywocky]

dad i fucked mom

it wasn't the kind of attention mom was hoping for, but anything is better than nothing

Yay mom! Thanks for letting the pig savage you mom!

I felt like a truffle in the backwoods of France!

 

[Yellow]

Daaaaad! He also snuck out of the house at night!

Spoiler

dad, feel free to read this.

Spoiler

You try anything, and I'll tell Amy Nadler that you're the one who's been stealing her socks. And I'll show her what you've been doing with them. I have pictures.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

Daaaaad! He also snuck out of the house at night!

Spoiler

dad, feel free to read this.

Spoiler

You try anything, and I'll tell Amy Nadler that you're the one who's been stealing her socks. And I'll show her what you've been doing with them. I have pictures.

*goes into Yellow's room and pees on her bed*
*pulls up the sheets and pees on the mattress itself*

Do you see what happens? Do you see what happens, Yellow? This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.


Also joke's on you, Amy totally knows what I do to her socks. It was her idea, actually.

 

[Urakro]

Dad, don't piss Mom off. I don't want to see her start cleaning.

 

[Alias]

What about the time Yellow found a stranger in the Alps?

And when Cheeseumpuffs puffed sum cheese?

https://youtu.be/LCcKBcZzGdA?t=28s

 

[QuickTwist]

Where's dad? Did he leave already? Why? I thought we were having a good conversation.

 

[Jennywocky]

Good job, kids. you pissed off dad, and now he's out at the bar again. With that blonde bimbo whose last bf paid for a boob job. !(*@&*(#!@&*( !!!

*starts cleaning wildly