Curiosity Killed the INTP

[smithcommajohn]

I'm curious to a fault. An ex-gf of mine's friend just added me on Facebook. I know she's not really interested in connecting with me, so it's really just to get info for my ex-gf who I've removed as a friend years ago and always reject her requests. I'm considering confirming her as a friend just because I'm curious why my ex-gf wants info. It is a dumb idea, for sure, but the urge to confirm is very high. Anyone else here so curious that it gets you into trouble?

 

[Dimensional Transition]

Very occasionally curiosity gets me into trouble, but not too often.

What are you afraid of that could happen if you confirm the friend request?

 

[smithcommajohn]

What are you afraid of that could happen if you confirm the friend request?

I wouldn't say I'm afraid. I just know that it can't lead to anything positive in my life, yet I'm so curious. Back in December this ex-gf was trying to meet up with me to begin paying me back about $4000 she owes me. I've counted this money as gone years ago, so it's no skin off my nose to not receive it. She seemed quite set on paying me back, however, and I found the gesture to be a promising start to her maturing into a functional adult. She was going to start sending me a check monthy and asked for my address. When I gave her a PO Box she then changed her mind that she couldn't mail me anything that month because of unexpected bills for her dogs. A few days later she said she could pay as it turns out, but... it had to be in cash so could we meet up?

That freaked me out a bit and I never responded back to her ever again despite several text messages from her in the following days and weeks. I haven't heard from her since until this (which isn't her directly, but I can only imagine it is her indirectly). Do I allow her back in or not? I'm deathly curious about why she wanted to meet up with me before (rekindle love, murder me, rob me, etc.). I was able to resist that curiosity before, but it is now being presented again, albeit in a different form.

Just another f*cked up relationship with another f*cked up girl. I attract the crazy ones!

 

[Linsejko]

I guess only you know the circumstances, but I would be fine meeting an ex. :\ Especially for money. $4000 is a lot.

I actually am very good about my curiousity, and have perfect control over it. My mom can't put down a good book out of curiousity for what comes next, but I can put it on hold if I feel the need to without problem.

 

[Causeless]

When I gave her a PO Box she then changed her mind that she couldn't mail me anything that month because of unexpected bills for her dogs. A few days later she said she could pay as it turns out, but... it had to be in cash so could we meet up?

I hate when people do that... Sends off mental alarms and sirens off worse than a hull breach in a submarine.

"Bad bad bad! Incongruity! Deception! Caution!"

What do you do? Do you trigger the trap, subject yourself to whatever ride you're in for, hope you can handle it? Or drive yourself nuts wondering what could be the cause of such unexpected behavior?

 

[smithcommajohn]

I hate when people do that... Sends off mental alarms and sirens off worse than a hull breach in a submarine.

"Bad bad bad! Incongruity! Deception! Caution!"

What do you do? Do you trigger the trap, subject yourself to whatever ride you're in for, hope you can handle it? Or drive yourself nuts wondering what could be the cause of such unexpected behavior?

Yeah, for sure it set off every alarm I have! That's why I never bothered to respond. I figured that was the safe move at the time.

Now I have a new little puzzle to figure out (which I always enjoy), but making a decision on how to play is still up in the air for me. I have definitely set off "traps" on purpose just to see what might be entailed (again, I'm way too curious), so I'm thinking about confirming and seeing what kind of dusty trail awaits. I have no real personal info on Facebook anyway (addresses, employers, etc.). I even block my friend's list from my friends due to a rather unstable female I'm dealing with currently.

I'm pretty sure she's looking for money in one form or another via:

1) Relationship
2) Theft
3) Lawsuit (since she works for a lawyer now)

But who really knows? And why do I want to know so badly? I need a new gf to keep my interest, I think! :P

 

[pjoa09]

Well if you are going to spend your time stalking, then I'd suggest you pretend busy. Real busy. Like sexually busy. Oh yeah, AIDS and shit.. herpes.. cocaine..
ehh..

But yeah, I think if you make any contact you will be in a big emotional rut. You will rot. Even if she does absolutely nothing.

But really $4,000 does seem a lot to loose over a girl. I haven't had a relationship before but I'd never imagine that much.

 

[smithcommajohn]

$4000 wasn't much to me back then and is even less to me now. I'd imagine if I were a lot younger I would be more concerned about the money.

I'm still resisting clicking "Confirm". I think it's the smart move to click "Ignore", but I haven't been able to completely subdue my curiosity just yet.

 

[Reverse Transcriptase]

It's somewhat a cliche but... even though curiosity gets us in trouble, it's also one of other greatest strengths. We uncover things that others would rarely consider (both knowledge and actions), and that makes us special.

 

[AlisaD]

Oh hell, go for it, have a bit of fun.
And tell us what happens
*starts making popcorn*

 

[Minuend]

No thanks, I'm on a diet-

Wait! You didn't even offer me some you popcorn possessive snot!

 

[256]

I was in the military for eight years surrounded by people. I am no longer interested or curious about the average individual. Most people live inside emotional patterns and replay only a few. Let the entire situation be and get involved in something new. It's all a numbers game. Rejection is a bitch but plan on it.

 

[Melllvar]

I can't remember anymore how many thousands of dollars it was that my ex-gf owed me by the time I finally cut her off for good. I suppose that's what we call "healing."

 

[smithcommajohn]

Oh hell, go for it, have a bit of fun.
And tell us what happens
*starts making popcorn*

Lol! That may have just pushed me over the edge. What harm can it really do?

 

[scorpiomover]

I find curiosity very useful, at least when it comes to thinking. When it comes to dating, that is an entirely different story. If we didn't end on good terms, I tend to question, why would this time be any different?

She was going to start sending me a check monthy and asked for my address. When I gave her a PO Box she then changed her mind that she couldn't mail me anything that month because of unexpected bills for her dogs. A few days later she said she could pay as it turns out, but... it had to be in cash so could we meet up?

That freaked me out a bit and I never responded back to her ever again despite several text messages from her in the following days and weeks.

She wants to get back with you.

If she was interested in just paying you back, then she would have gone with the PO Box. So clearly she wanted to meet with you.

Most people would certainly not have bothered to continue with lots of messages, because she's the one doing you the favour by paying you the money back. So clearly she doesn't want to take no for an answer.

Also, she asked for your address, when she could have just asked for bank account details, or a PayPal account, and made the arrangements via email. If she would have rather spoken to you directly, she could also have asked for a phone number, and made the arrangements that way. If she wanted to ensure you got the money in person, she could have simply arranged to meet up for 5 minutes every month, on a pre-arranged basis. She was clearly using the pretext of offering you money, for a way to get your address, because then she knows where you live, and then she can just turn up any time she wants to see you. She was being manipulative to put herself into a situation of control.

Clearly, she wants to meet with you, and she doesn't want to take no for an answer, and she wants a situation in which she can drop round any time she feels like. Friendship is an open thing, 'I'll see you when I see you', sort of thing. This is far more invasive than that. So I'd say that she definitely wants some kind of a relationship. Given that she wants to pay you monthly payments, for what I would suspect would be a long time to pay back 4 grand, she wants an ongoing long-term relationship. Ergo, she wants you back, and for an LTR.

At least, that is what she is currently telling herself. Whether or not that would be something she can handle, is another story entirely.