Cured my depression

[davidintp]

If you're an intp like me you've probably suffered from depression multiple times in your life. But hey, this video cured my depression:

Youtube search:

"Exercises For Depression [OSHO Dynamic Meditation]"

 

[washti]

Glad to here it but - OSHO...

 

[davidintp]

Glad to here it but - OSHO...

Aren't you an intp who should be able to think outside the box and stay logical and tune out any preconceived notions? Your comment is like saying, you better stay away from listening to Michael Jackson songs because he was accused of molesting children. Or you should think twice about laughing about a Bill Cosby joke.

Who cares who is behind the treatment. It works for one intp, sure it'll work for other intps, too.

 

[washti]

yeah cuz INTPs are manufactured on factory line. Silly little clones we all are. And man I can be in "ti-si" loop
Dont get so defensive. I wrote that i'm glad about you. Contgratz. May this help others too.
Still i can and will keep my opinion about author of this treatment, lol. For as long as I want to. Like 12 seconds or 3 decades.

 

[davidintp]

Typical intp mistake on my part: I wrote something without intending to be mean but it came across as if you had hurt my feelings. Glad I can get away with something like this on this forum.

 

[washti]

Smooth

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

This seems to be a repeating pattern. Someone found use of some self-help thing out there, and although these things are in limitless supply and in all kinds of forms, the person is somehow convinced that this one thing is the treatment, and starts spreading it around indiscriminately, posting links without as much as an executive summary of what the hell it is.

Nevertheless I'm glad you're feeling better.

 

[davidintp]

This seems to be a repeating pattern. Someone found use of some self-help thing out there, and although these things are in limitless supply and in all kinds of forms, the person is somehow convinced that this one thing is the treatment, and starts spreading it around indiscriminately, posting links without as much as an executive summary of what the hell it is.

Nevertheless I'm glad you're feeling better.

These things are definitely not in abundance on this forum, bro.

 

[redbaron]

It works for one intp, sure it'll work for other intps, too.

haHAA

 

[Hadoblado]

It's probably better to think of yourself in remission.

People that get depressed have a habit of becoming depressed again, it's episodic after all. If you think of yourself as in remission, you can enjoy your recovered state while remaining vigilant for regression.

 

[Crystabelle]

yeah cuz INTPs are manufactured on factory line. Silly little clones we all are.

This explains so much.

 

[QuickTwist]

Hmm...

I am glad that you have found a way out of your grief OP.

 

[ZombieHitler]

For me, I just feel like a lot of the time it's deep seated grief---rage, sadness.

I find myself taking certain actions, when really, I am just avoiding certain feelings by doing behaviors that are not really all that productive simply because I am avoiding certain feeling, either that or dwelling and spending time thinking about pointless thing when really deep down it's again, just because of certain feelings, to which often are kind of at a profound level.

But when I hear things analyzed and defined in such a manner like this, it kind of make me roll my eyes. Comparing it to either thoughts, or lack of specific thoughts, I don't think it always really fair or true. Sometimes the nature of it is more guttural then anything else. Mot of it in some way related to my feeling or certain feelings, not the other way around, the thoughts and/or lack thereof are often the biproduct of them. It' really hard to express them, and I guess that's in some ways is why I am a big supported of individual rights---because for me, what makes me feel better is taking the opportunity to be an individual----and do specific thing that make only sense to me, at that moment, which relieves or reduces those feelings.

So trying to rationalize and externalize feelings in a way (no offense, bu the notion of extroverted feelings--as if it's some notion that they to can be objectified) is kind of a giant huge farce to me.


For me it's like, you just have to do what's right for you, whatever everyone else thinks around you. There are tons of think that maybe by some arbitrary measuring stick, does not make sense somehow, but it's right for me and why should that be denied? there is no end or starting post to where it starts making sense either except to my individual self.

 

[ZombieHitler]

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound too critical, his techniques are actually really good. I just hear often that things like depression are just the result of negative/black and white thinking or the brain itself and it irks me because i think there's a spiritual component to human being but of course most people do not want to hear my opinion on that.

 

[nanook]

i strongly believe integrating the body by various means (including natural hygiene and fruitarianism) is indeed terribly powerful for making auxiliary Si types whole. i had my own initial awakening (meaning discovery of transegoic consciousness, not attainment) through a TAKETINA dance technique - it requires a group to do it properly, so it's only an intellectual curiosity to you, but check it out on youtube, its fun to watch. musicians may figure out similar tricks that can be done alone. its incredibly powerful, i mean i am really not the kind of person to whom altered states come easily (without drugs) and many other techniques have failed me, for instance hemi-sync or shamanic drumming would at most render me dissociative (during application), but taketina made me temporarily whole, as in jesus fucking christ whole, which created a whole new horizon for my life and that transcendence is the sort of thing that surely beats most common stages of depression, short of the most advanced spiritual terror perhaps.

this board is full of people who are not Ne & Si, imho, so i wouldn't expect understanding. although i really don't mean to suggest that this technique only works for some types. its just that some types seem to lack any kind of curiosity about discovering deeper outlooks on reality, whereas i myself have always felt that my ordinary state is unacceptably shallow and requires a remedy of the likes of awakening, without knowing that such a thing exists. some people just dig their default state more than others. for me it seems too unreal.

its the most paradox thing that integrating that old fucking body can open us intuitives to "spirituality" (trans-egoic being) but this is because spirituality is about depth, and depth is not one or the other, but both taken together, intuition and sensation, for instance, likewise thinking and feeling. like the ocean is neither the air touching the waves, nor the sand holding all the water, but you need both to comprehend its existence, otherwise you are just wet, but know nothing of it.

 

[TheManBeyond]

I haven't cured it, actually seems more powerful with everyday that passes. I am more stressed, more angry, more pressure in my throat as if couldn't swallow.
I decided to go to a psychologist today.
Why? Cuz I was sitting in a table with 7 people and I pushed myself so badly to smile back at jokes that my head feels like it is going to explode now.
Everyone is smiling and they actually like each other jokes. I just don't see any fun.

 

[Crystabelle]

I haven't cured it, actually seems more powerful with everyday that passes. I am more stressed, more angry, more pressure in my throat as if couldn't swallow.
I decided to go to a psychologist today.
Why? Cuz I was sitting in a table with 7 people and I pushed myself so badly to smile back at jokes that my head feels like it is going to explode now.
Everyone is smiling and they actually like each other jokes. I just don't see any fun.

There are so many tools out there -- psychologists being one -- that we shouldn't have to suffer like you're describing. I hope you feel better soon. Let us know what you find that works for you. I think I finally have the filled tool box that's perfect for me but always interested in learning.

 

[davidintp]

Very interesting replies in this post. I seem to have hit a nerve...

One thing is clear through my extensive research on this topic: as humans we can only cure depression and traumas through both mind AND body. Youtube: trauma bear. That's how animals get over a trauma. We all have mini-traumas that happened in the past that we've been keeping inside of ourselves. Today is a good day to get those mini-traumas out. My original youtube "link" was just one particular way that worked for me.

Wishing the best to all my fellow intps!

 

[QuickTwist]

Very interesting replies in this post. I seem to have hit a nerve...

One thing is clear through my extensive research on this topic: as humans we can only cure depression and traumas through both mind AND body. Youtube: trauma bear. That's how animals get over a trauma. We all have mini-traumas that happened in the past that we've been keeping inside of ourselves. Today is a good day to get those mini-traumas out. My original youtube "link" was just one particular way that worked for me.

Wishing the best to all my fellow intps!

K, so you're not insane then.

 

[Reluctantly]

For some reason, running somewhere where no one is going to bother me, and meditation if my thoughts are racing, helps a lot for me. But I think I have more issues with anxiety than really being depressed (whatever that means exactly).

 

[Reluctantly]

I mean can you have depression without anxiety? Seems like they are both kind of thought of as the same. Wouldn't depression without anxiety just be like boredom?

 

[QuickTwist]

I mean can you have depression without anxiety? Seems like they are both kind of thought of as the same. Wouldn't depression without anxiety just be like boredom?

I have depression without anxiety all the time, like right now.

 

[Reluctantly]

So uhh...how does that work? (If you don't mind me asking)

 

[QuickTwist]

So uhh...how does that work? (If you don't mind me asking)

Well, can you feel sad without feeling fear? Same concept.

 

[Cogitant]

The depression I have experienced isn't sadness, it's apathy.
This apathy is not directly connected to my social anxiety disorder, although both are linked to my genetically imbalanced serotonin levels (dad has these issues too)

My experience of depression is lethargy, numbness and universal pointlessness. Absence of feeling. Absence of caring.

My anxiety is connected to people, so only affects me at home in the way that I don't answer the phone or my door.

My mental health issues are always there. They can't be 'cured', but can be managed.

-I used to fill the void with addictive games, but these days I try to do more productive things.

 

[Reluctantly]

Well, can you feel sad without feeling fear? Same concept.

For me no. Sadness has always precipitated a fearful or worrying feeling, which could be a loss of something/someone close or a sense that I don't belong or a situation that confines me or brings unwanted/unwelcome pain.

 

[QuickTwist]

For me no. Sadness has always precipitated a fearful or worrying feeling, which could be a loss of something/someone close or a sense that I don't belong or a situation that confines me or brings unwanted/unwelcome pain.

Oh..

Well, I am someone who doesn't feel anxious very often, so I can't relate. I am, however, very prone to being depressed. I don't often worry, but I do often feel hopeless.

 

[Reluctantly]

The depression I have experienced isn't sadness, it's apathy.
...
My experience of depression is lethargy, numbness and universal pointlessness. Absence of feeling. Absence of caring.
...

Yeah, I've never really felt that exactly. I've been schizoid before, but that's to blunt anxiety and emotional pain and is different I guess. Even if I'm feeling out of it, I can listen to music, read, research something, watch youtube/movies/tv, do something or research how to do something, learn about the world, play games, study things or think about things that interest me, or eat something good/ sit somewhere nice without screaming kids and cars and someone asking you how you feel just to be cordial or wanting you to spend money or chat with them about nothing or sit around a dinner table and have annoying conversation....ahhh, that's so nice and yet it fills so little of modern society. I think I really do hate people.

 

[Hadoblado]

Anxiety happens a lot without depression. Depression almost always has anxiety attached, but not always.

It took me a very long time to realise I was anxious as well as depressed. I had to have my physiological responses measured in order to be convinced. Pretty severe self delusion on my part. I just didn't recognise it in myself, it's pretty obvious to me now though.

 

[Polaris]

^Depression and anxiety was always a bit of a mystery to me.

I have gone through most of my life thinking I was not depressed, and realised later that I was indeed, depressed. This realisation made me so depressed I became suicidal.

When I thought I was depressed, I was just more anxious than normal - the depression manifested physically.

I have often wondered if I would have been better off existing in the blissful apathetic world where I had little to no feelings, empathy or any other concerns other than the immediate fact that I was bored with absolutely everything, and nothing I did could calm down the nagging restlessness that always seemed to inhabit me.

I tried meditation, I read Eckhardt Tolle and became a fucking douche, I dabbled with integration, yoga, rock climbing, escaping to the bush, etc. I went from relationship to relationship.

Always restless.

What was I missing?

Someone had to tell me in pretty brutal words that I was a product of abuse, and that everything I was and thought I was was the product of this interference in my development.

So who was I?

I had been this 'abused' person all my life, I did not know anyone else.

Fuck that shit - should I identify with that now?

I did for a while, and became extremely depressed. I wanted to give up everything, even my goals. If someone had not been there to remind me that this was an important phase of understanding and integration, I probably would have stopped existing, completely.

Maybe.

That such a small thing should be so large and significant.

But I had to make it significant, in order to free myself from the grip of them. I had to acknowledge the impact, or I would never stop processing and ruminating. And the realisation of what I had lost was overwhelming - too much to process at once, so I drowned myself in work and study to escape the thoughts.

There were more practical things at stake, such as:

I had to learn to say 'no'.

I had to learn to ask for what I wanted.

I had to understand what I actually wanted.

I had to learn to not be disgusted at my own reflection.

These things were not obvious to me, like they were to others.

I thought that this was normal, and that other people like me were also little losers, so I hated them too, because they reminded me of me. Stupid, little women. I hated women. I wanted to be a man, because men were cool. If I was more like a man, men would respect me more.

I projected my self-loathing unto others, thinking I was above them.

Victims of abuse project whatever artefacts of their abuse unto others, and there is this eternal cycle of hatred and abuse running through society. I can see it clearly now and it is depressing and enlightening all at once.

I was not "depressed".

Heh.

 

[smallbear]

^Depression and anxiety was always a bit of a mystery to me.

I have gone through most of my life thinking I was not depressed, and realised later that I was indeed, depressed. This realisation made me so depressed I became suicidal.

When I thought I was depressed, I was just more anxious than normal - the depression manifested physically.

I have often wondered if I would have been better off existing in the blissful apathetic world where I had little to no feelings, empathy or any other concerns other than the immediate fact that I was bored with absolutely everything, and nothing I did could calm down the nagging restlessness that always seemed to inhabit me.

I tried meditation, I read Eckhardt Tolle and became a fucking douche, I dabbled with integration, yoga, rock climbing, escaping to the bush, etc. I went from relationship to relationship.

Always restless.

What was I missing?

Someone had to tell me in pretty brutal words that I was a product of abuse, and that everything I was and thought I was was the product of this interference in my development.

So who was I?

I had been this 'abused' person all my life, I did not know anyone else.

Fuck that shit - should I identify with that now?

I did for a while, and became extremely depressed. I wanted to give up everything, even my goals. If someone had not been there to remind me that this was an important phase of understanding and integration, I probably would have stopped existing, completely.

Maybe.

That such a small thing should be so large and significant.

But I had to make it significant, in order to free myself from the grip of them. I had to acknowledge the impact, or I would never stop processing and ruminating. And the realisation of what I had lost was overwhelming - too much to process at once, so I drowned myself in work and study to escape the thoughts.

There were more practical things at stake, such as:

I had to learn to say 'no'.

I had to learn to ask for what I wanted.

I had to understand what I actually wanted.

I had to learn to not be disgusted at my own reflection.

These things were not obvious to me, like they were to others.

I thought that this was normal, and that other people like me were also little losers, so I hated them too, because they reminded me of me. Stupid, little women. I hated women. I wanted to be a man, because men were cool. If I was more like a man, men would respect me more.

I projected my self-loathing unto others, thinking I was above them.

Victims of abuse project whatever artefacts of their abuse unto others, and there is this eternal cycle of hatred and abuse running through society. I can see it clearly now and it is depressing and enlightening all at once.

I was not "depressed".

Heh.

Found this to be pretty powerful, am going through a similar phase myself.

 

[Crystabelle]

^Depression and anxiety was always a bit of a mystery to me.

I have gone through most of my life thinking I was not depressed, and realised later that I was indeed, depressed. This realisation made me so depressed I became suicidal.

...

But I had to make it significant, in order to free myself from the grip of them. I had to acknowledge the impact, or I would never stop processing and ruminating. And the realisation of what I had lost was overwhelming - too much to process at once, so I drowned myself in work and study to escape the thoughts.

There were more practical things at stake, such as:

I had to learn to say 'no'.

I had to learn to ask for what I wanted.

I had to understand what I actually wanted.

I had to learn to not be disgusted at my own reflection.

These things were not obvious to me, like they were to others.

I thought that this was normal, and that other people like me were also little losers, so I hated them too, because they reminded me of me. Stupid, little women. I hated women. I wanted to be a man, because men were cool. If I was more like a man, men would respect me more.

I projected my self-loathing unto others, thinking I was above them.

Victims of abuse project whatever artefacts of their abuse unto others, and there is this eternal cycle of hatred and abuse running through society. I can see it clearly now and it is depressing and enlightening all at once.

I was not "depressed".

Heh.

Found this to be pretty powerful, am going through a similar phase myself.

I also found Polaris' story very powerful. Especially lessons learned & applied. It's interesting to me how depression can grow out of very different circumstances -- I think more common within similar personality types -- but it seems like the effects of the depression and the shifting of thoughts toward realization and empowerment in order to overcome are very similar.

 

[nanook]

I have gone through most of my life thinking I was not depressed, and realized later that I was indeed, depressed. This realization made me so depressed I became suicidal.

I would say of myself that i went through my life being apathic. The psychiatric jargon for that is shizoid. Which means not feeling encouraged to live your dreams. Being intimidated to the core. I blame it on the judgements of other people, which are not internalized as my own egoic judgements, but only perceived as outside danger that is then avoided for the sake of practicality. Typically Ti>Fe. Then, when you realize how badly you are missing out on life and how conditioned you are to continue with this course of action forever, you may actually judge yourself. And this is self hate. And that is what almost makes you want to kill yourself. But at the end of the day, self hate is too illogical, so i could not quite hold such a judgement for long enough to actually kill myself. I just felt like this for hours or less, probably while intoxicated. For the same reason i never projected the judgement and hatred onto other loosers. But apathy is maintained by logic, so i am doomed to live with it 24/7. Until i learn a better way of thinking about how to interact with reality. A bad habit can not simply be judged and unlearned, it must be replaced with a better one. Which requires a kind of creativity, that is hard to provoke. Sticking to the old habit is the way of least neurological resistance. You may hope to "hate" yourself into creativity, to kick your ass. But mental creativity (in my type) is greatly reduced, when you fall into the mud of judgemental shadow emotions. It seems to take detached passion, mania, to enter creativity. Detached as in letting go of what you know, which is where your old habit of apathy is embedded into.

I had to learn to not be disgusted at my own reflection.

That's a big one for me. Reflection comes in the form of dismissive feedback from other people: "life is not about you, it is about me, you don't matter to me, i don't judge you fairly, but relative to how you fit into my desires". I must not mistake myself for being this narcissistic reflection. The mental image IS disgusting and it calls for me to VOMIT it out. The only way to not be disgusted by it is to not have it as a part of me in the first place. "I am so stupid for thinking they would see value in me. Of course i have no value for them. I should have known this ahead of time. Note to self: I have no value. I will not be allowed to live my dreams because i do not deserve the space, the attention of all those who don't value my appearance - and that is surely everyone". My father would curse at me in disgust: "Why do i have a shitty son like that? Why don't you function correctly, as i demand it?" Seems this Te shadow of correct/incorrect thinking is the worst enemy of my Ti. I respond to it: "Why am i so stupid to reveal myself to this criticism, why did i speak up, made myself so vulnerable? So stupid of me. Better to exist only in my mind, where i am free to be myself."

So the back of my mind has internalized the judgements of others, i feel them as a voice in me, talking shit about me. I just don't consider this voice to be part of my ego or persona.

 

[davidintp]

Interesting to revisit this post months later. I strongly believe you can heal yourself. You just have to admit that there's something wrong with you and then continuously make efforts to better yourself.

PS: did anyone watch the polar bear video?

 

[Jennywocky]

It depends on the cause of the depression.

But that's the trick for anything -- you are in charge of your own recovery and mental/physical health, regardless of any roadblocks and who one goes to for help.

 

[gilliatt]

You are so right. The self, one's power to think, the 'you' which you cannot define or express. It's simply your intellect you have to depend on. And this help you search for, for mental/physical help, watch out for shyster, feelers, con men of all degrees. The independent mind recognizes no higher authority than its own & no value higher than its judgment of truth.