L the Mad Scientist
Redshirt
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- Today 1:32 AM
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2017
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- 6
Ugh. I swear I posted this thread before but I couldn't find it. Sorry if I'm just being a dumb ass right now. And sorry since this type of thread must be pretty common.
Okay. So, I'm very logical. Keep to myself a lot. In fact, I hide in bathrooms to avoid people occasionally. I'm not too keen on the emotion thing. I've taken the MBTI tests. I've studied the cognitive functions. I can't figure out if I'm an INTP or an INTJ.
This is going to sound weird. Really weird. But follow me here, ha. I'm probably going to get personal with the details, but I want to get an accurate typing as possible.
For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be a scientist. My parents say that I came out of the womb with a purpose--even if they didn't know what that purpose was.
I also remembering arguing with my mother when I was little about cleaning my room. She said that it is just as easy to pick a toy up from the ground as it was from the shelf. I said it wasn't because you have to work against gravity to pick a toy up. In a later occurrence, she said I had to stay in my room all day until I cleaned my room. And I did stay. Without cleaning it. She gave up because I was too damn stubborn (heh heh).
I always liked to explore things. I was very inquisitive as a young child. I was also fiercely independent. My parents tried to read a book to me, but I snatched it from my mother's hands so I could try to read myself. I taught myself how to write from books. I taught myself how to use the bathroom (well, in a toilet, not in a diaper).
When I was very young, I went through a traumatic experience that resulted in me withdrawing myself completely. I practically lived in a closet for a year with minimal human contact. I can't say for sure if this is important to the typing or not, but the experience resulted in me not connecting with people, being very unemotional, and not trusting anyone. I can't describe my personality before this because I was four when this happened.
My parents were convinced I had little to no emotions since I never really expressed them. This wasn't true at all; I just didn't quite know how to articulate the problems or how to solve them. I remember being six and feeling absolutely worthless. My parents didn't know how to respond when I said they would enjoy life better without me. And I thought this made sense. I knew they spent money on me. They had to constantly take care of me. I hated it. I didn't want to be a leech, even as a very young girl.
Science and math was an escape for me. I may not understand the world, but I at least have logic.
Before the "incident," I loved the stars. That's how I discovered I wanted to do something with science.
I was scared about starting school. I didn't know what to expect. I thought the teachers would immediately start testing us, so before I started Kindergarten, I remember studying everything I could.
I was a loner at school. Didn't really have a clique. When I did (and still do) talk to people, I could sort of find a way to talk a little, but mostly I kept to myself.
Again, I had a passion for science. And I was very aware of my family's financial situation when I began school, so I took it upon myself to earn the best grades possible for me.
My parents were shocked at how disciplined I was. They never really got on to me or punished me when I made a mistake because they knew I would punish and berate myself more than they ever could. I am a perfectionist. I am my own worst enemy.
Whenever I got emotional, I would always try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible so no one would see me in an emotional state. When people forced me to confront them while in an emotional state, I would try to beg them to leave. If they didn't, I would either let it all out or struggle to explain what is wrong. My parents never understood why I keep things to myself, but I think that no one can really do anything to help me. It's pointless to tell them if they can't help. Furthermore, it only worries them. Telling people does more harm than good. And, I have to figure these things out on my own. I shouldn't expect others to handle my problems. They are mine and mine alone.
I never actively try to lead. The only time I do is when I'm in a group in school and I want my grades to still be high. If there's something I care about, I will lead if I think that the other people are incompetent.
When I was younger, I was always frustrated. I wanted to be a great scientist like Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein, but I could never be like them. I'm just me. There's no reason for me to think that I'm capable of doing anything as important as they did.
My father is interested in pseudoscience (ugh). That started when I was in sixth grade. I remember he was talking about quantum physics. I never really heard about it before. I checked books out at our library to read up on it. My father said, "You'll never understand it. Physicists have a difficult time understanding it, and you're just twelve! You need to learn calculus to really 'get' it." So, not appreciating my father's doubts in my abilities, I checked out physics and calculus books and willed myself into learning all material I possibly could. I found a passion in the math and the quantum physics. It was like it was kismet. By the time I was thirteen, I had mastered multivariable calculus. (Take that, Dad! Hahaha!) From then on, all my math courses have been actually my nap time.
I discovered in high school that I am a lesbian. I didn't tell my parents, not out of fear of homophobia, but more because I couldn't see how that was pertinent information to them. Of course, my mother did eventually find out. When she went snooping through my computer history. :/
When I make a mistake, I can't stop thinking "Why did I do that? That was stupid." Sometimes, if I think about my problems too much, I become nihilistic and think that everything is pointless. I throw myself into my work. The nihilism is definitely the most crushing trait I have.
Ever since I was young, I developed this issue with sensory stimuli. You know how you can get used to a stimulus that you've been aware of for a long time? You can forget about the feeling of clothes against your skin, or get used to smells in a room? I sometimes think I lack that. I was always painfully aware of every sound. I wished I was deaf. I had tantrums when the problem first emerged because I had no escape and was so frustrated but had no way out. On a lighter note, I also tried to go commando in third grade because I fucking HATED the feel of cotton. I couldn't be completely naked, but I could find SOME loopholes, haha.
A friend once asked me why I was pushing her away and I told her that everyone is going to leave me in the end. I may as well prevent the feeling of loss from happening in the first place. (WAKE ME UP INSIIIIDE)
Okay. This is the really wild part.
I was sixteen. It was one year ago. I was studying my little science stuff. And I kept having these ideas. I don't want to go too much into detail since I am still currently working on it, but my ideas sort of developed into a theory that can explain a lot of stuff. I'm still a kid, only seventeen, so I know I'm probably wrong and foolishly getting my hopes up. But it makes so much sense. I'm not crazy, I swear! (Please disregard the "Mad Scientist" part of my username).
The way I come up with my ideas is sort of weird. I'll read through something and collect information. I sort of reverse-engineer the problem to see the possible explanations as to why this phenomenon happens. Sometimes, one possibility just sounds right. And usually, when I perform the math, it all checks out and the other explanations are eliminated since they were not predicted by the math. If that doesn't happen, I can slowly cull out the other explanations until only one remains.
I heard that INTPs are content with simply letting their theories be theories. They don't need external proof to feel justified. Albert Einstein (an INTP) could point to his math for his ideas. Nikola Tesla (an INTJ) had to have an invention for his ideas to be confirmed. Tesla had to have his ideas serve a practical use for society.
With this theory, I had to create my own sort of math during the summer. I can point to my math for the justification for my ideas. But, I know that they are just ideas and that the math can't fully prove my ideas. And I have a problem with that.
I remember crying because I thought that these ideas were useless. Even if there was something to them, I wanted mankind to benefit in some immediate way from them. Plus, although there have been a couple of experiments that help support my ideas, I don't feel like it's enough. I've decided that I will become an engineer as well as a theoretical physicist so I could use my theory (if it has any truth to it) to invent machines that would benefit mankind. So, I'm attempting to unite as many branches of science as well as create machines that would help the world. Hahaaa, is it a surprise I get about two hours of sleep every night?! I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY
Basically, I don't know if I'm an INTJ or INTP because while I am an ideas person and can see several possibilities, I am also goal oriented and can come up with strategies.
Sorry this is so long. I know most of it sounds like bullshit, but I swear it's not. I wanted to include as much as possible so I could get an accurate typing. Thanks if you help me out.
Okay. So, I'm very logical. Keep to myself a lot. In fact, I hide in bathrooms to avoid people occasionally. I'm not too keen on the emotion thing. I've taken the MBTI tests. I've studied the cognitive functions. I can't figure out if I'm an INTP or an INTJ.
This is going to sound weird. Really weird. But follow me here, ha. I'm probably going to get personal with the details, but I want to get an accurate typing as possible.
For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to be a scientist. My parents say that I came out of the womb with a purpose--even if they didn't know what that purpose was.
I also remembering arguing with my mother when I was little about cleaning my room. She said that it is just as easy to pick a toy up from the ground as it was from the shelf. I said it wasn't because you have to work against gravity to pick a toy up. In a later occurrence, she said I had to stay in my room all day until I cleaned my room. And I did stay. Without cleaning it. She gave up because I was too damn stubborn (heh heh).
I always liked to explore things. I was very inquisitive as a young child. I was also fiercely independent. My parents tried to read a book to me, but I snatched it from my mother's hands so I could try to read myself. I taught myself how to write from books. I taught myself how to use the bathroom (well, in a toilet, not in a diaper).
When I was very young, I went through a traumatic experience that resulted in me withdrawing myself completely. I practically lived in a closet for a year with minimal human contact. I can't say for sure if this is important to the typing or not, but the experience resulted in me not connecting with people, being very unemotional, and not trusting anyone. I can't describe my personality before this because I was four when this happened.
My parents were convinced I had little to no emotions since I never really expressed them. This wasn't true at all; I just didn't quite know how to articulate the problems or how to solve them. I remember being six and feeling absolutely worthless. My parents didn't know how to respond when I said they would enjoy life better without me. And I thought this made sense. I knew they spent money on me. They had to constantly take care of me. I hated it. I didn't want to be a leech, even as a very young girl.
Science and math was an escape for me. I may not understand the world, but I at least have logic.
Before the "incident," I loved the stars. That's how I discovered I wanted to do something with science.
I was scared about starting school. I didn't know what to expect. I thought the teachers would immediately start testing us, so before I started Kindergarten, I remember studying everything I could.
I was a loner at school. Didn't really have a clique. When I did (and still do) talk to people, I could sort of find a way to talk a little, but mostly I kept to myself.
Again, I had a passion for science. And I was very aware of my family's financial situation when I began school, so I took it upon myself to earn the best grades possible for me.
My parents were shocked at how disciplined I was. They never really got on to me or punished me when I made a mistake because they knew I would punish and berate myself more than they ever could. I am a perfectionist. I am my own worst enemy.
Whenever I got emotional, I would always try to remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible so no one would see me in an emotional state. When people forced me to confront them while in an emotional state, I would try to beg them to leave. If they didn't, I would either let it all out or struggle to explain what is wrong. My parents never understood why I keep things to myself, but I think that no one can really do anything to help me. It's pointless to tell them if they can't help. Furthermore, it only worries them. Telling people does more harm than good. And, I have to figure these things out on my own. I shouldn't expect others to handle my problems. They are mine and mine alone.
I never actively try to lead. The only time I do is when I'm in a group in school and I want my grades to still be high. If there's something I care about, I will lead if I think that the other people are incompetent.
When I was younger, I was always frustrated. I wanted to be a great scientist like Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein, but I could never be like them. I'm just me. There's no reason for me to think that I'm capable of doing anything as important as they did.
My father is interested in pseudoscience (ugh). That started when I was in sixth grade. I remember he was talking about quantum physics. I never really heard about it before. I checked books out at our library to read up on it. My father said, "You'll never understand it. Physicists have a difficult time understanding it, and you're just twelve! You need to learn calculus to really 'get' it." So, not appreciating my father's doubts in my abilities, I checked out physics and calculus books and willed myself into learning all material I possibly could. I found a passion in the math and the quantum physics. It was like it was kismet. By the time I was thirteen, I had mastered multivariable calculus. (Take that, Dad! Hahaha!) From then on, all my math courses have been actually my nap time.
I discovered in high school that I am a lesbian. I didn't tell my parents, not out of fear of homophobia, but more because I couldn't see how that was pertinent information to them. Of course, my mother did eventually find out. When she went snooping through my computer history. :/
When I make a mistake, I can't stop thinking "Why did I do that? That was stupid." Sometimes, if I think about my problems too much, I become nihilistic and think that everything is pointless. I throw myself into my work. The nihilism is definitely the most crushing trait I have.
Ever since I was young, I developed this issue with sensory stimuli. You know how you can get used to a stimulus that you've been aware of for a long time? You can forget about the feeling of clothes against your skin, or get used to smells in a room? I sometimes think I lack that. I was always painfully aware of every sound. I wished I was deaf. I had tantrums when the problem first emerged because I had no escape and was so frustrated but had no way out. On a lighter note, I also tried to go commando in third grade because I fucking HATED the feel of cotton. I couldn't be completely naked, but I could find SOME loopholes, haha.
A friend once asked me why I was pushing her away and I told her that everyone is going to leave me in the end. I may as well prevent the feeling of loss from happening in the first place. (WAKE ME UP INSIIIIDE)
Okay. This is the really wild part.
I was sixteen. It was one year ago. I was studying my little science stuff. And I kept having these ideas. I don't want to go too much into detail since I am still currently working on it, but my ideas sort of developed into a theory that can explain a lot of stuff. I'm still a kid, only seventeen, so I know I'm probably wrong and foolishly getting my hopes up. But it makes so much sense. I'm not crazy, I swear! (Please disregard the "Mad Scientist" part of my username).
The way I come up with my ideas is sort of weird. I'll read through something and collect information. I sort of reverse-engineer the problem to see the possible explanations as to why this phenomenon happens. Sometimes, one possibility just sounds right. And usually, when I perform the math, it all checks out and the other explanations are eliminated since they were not predicted by the math. If that doesn't happen, I can slowly cull out the other explanations until only one remains.
I heard that INTPs are content with simply letting their theories be theories. They don't need external proof to feel justified. Albert Einstein (an INTP) could point to his math for his ideas. Nikola Tesla (an INTJ) had to have an invention for his ideas to be confirmed. Tesla had to have his ideas serve a practical use for society.
With this theory, I had to create my own sort of math during the summer. I can point to my math for the justification for my ideas. But, I know that they are just ideas and that the math can't fully prove my ideas. And I have a problem with that.
I remember crying because I thought that these ideas were useless. Even if there was something to them, I wanted mankind to benefit in some immediate way from them. Plus, although there have been a couple of experiments that help support my ideas, I don't feel like it's enough. I've decided that I will become an engineer as well as a theoretical physicist so I could use my theory (if it has any truth to it) to invent machines that would benefit mankind. So, I'm attempting to unite as many branches of science as well as create machines that would help the world. Hahaaa, is it a surprise I get about two hours of sleep every night?! I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY
Basically, I don't know if I'm an INTJ or INTP because while I am an ideas person and can see several possibilities, I am also goal oriented and can come up with strategies.
Sorry this is so long. I know most of it sounds like bullshit, but I swear it's not. I wanted to include as much as possible so I could get an accurate typing. Thanks if you help me out.
