Cognition Conundrum aka Why am I a walking paradox.?

[BurnedOut]

This will be my first thread and it might be equally ridiculous but anyway, let's jump straight to the topic. I'm an INTP with a highly developed Ni and Se. You would ask me whether I'm a mistyped INTJ or ISTP but I'm through all that, I'm closest to INTP.

My IQ is above 120 (this is the lower limit I assume). I've given aptitude tests and online tests from some legit sites like iqtest.dk and similarminds. My aptitude tests showed a high propensity towards the spatial reasoning skills and was a strong sign for me to take up engineering which I didn't because the competition in the science field is simply too boring. I've opted for humanities. I'm learning Chinese and also doing law. For hobbies, I love non fiction I play the electric and the classical guitar, I write poems, occasionally sketch and do some gaming. Also, I'm a pretty good gymnast and I got along well with parkour. Sherlock Holmes became my fixation when I was 15 and I've been practising deductions ever since (although I don't think I'm not so good at it but my friends dont hesitate to call me Sherlock because I've solved many of their 'cases').
I've Cyclothymia/Bipolar 2 and probably schizophrenia. I suffer from anxiety too. This is not self diagnosed but has been derived from my medications per se. Also, I've mild asperger's syndrome. All these mental conditions make me feel very overwhelmed and depressed at times. Existential depression is common and I'm managing to somehow move on with my life.


Let's jump to the cognition conundrum :

1. I don't really know what thinking consciously is like. I can never think in words or in statements.
If I try to consciously, my Si kicks in and makes me extremely closed minded because I'm limited by formal logical rules and the most commonly used and conventional pattern seeking processes.
2. Due to Pt 1, I'm mentally predisposed to use Ni-Ne in tandem. This gives me the duality of being able to think on my feet and brainstorm while simultaneously grasping patterns making me a very good troubleshooter (from my peer's pov). However the same is bad at times because it makes me lag a lot at thinking when I'm simply staring at a problem clueless about what to do
3. I can say my Ti is overdeveloped. Brainstorming is fun but becomes boring quickly when you start running out of options. My problem is I get bored with brainstorming very quickly and then start testing my theories in great depth only to realise that they are too complex/futile. This causes me to singly analyse every theory in my head which makes maths/IQ tests really time consuming for me. So I end up getting scores which are false due to :
1. I end up finding a new answer which is not mentioned
2. I run out of time


So I have to redo the thing again (I've ADD too ) and when I redo the thing, my dormant intuition suddenly kicks in and magically solves the problem instantly making it seem like a piece of cake. However we all know that in professional situations, we have only one chance.

4. I suck and dont suck at pattern recognition tests due to pt 2
5. Im very quick at thinking. Often unconsciously, I'm able to make rapid deductions and analyse things simply while talking but sometimes I work like a zombie, nothing hitting my intellectual skills. I feel very dumb at that moment almost making me think that I'm an average IQ person.
6. Although I am sure about my mentioned IQ, I still feel very dumb/smart at the same time. I've been trying to pry my IQ scores for over 2 years by now because I simply can't deduce whether I'm smart or dumb
7. I've an eidetic memory but only for facial expressions, body language and words which other people say. And I've an above average working memory(again, I've tested from a legit source) but I don't know why I suck so bad at roting and keeping things in my head, I'm extremely forgetful
8.I've extreme amounts of empathy at times but I also feel completely sadistic or hollow to an extent that I actually got diagnosed as psychopathic and on the contrary I'm an HSP
9. I've okayish conscious observation skills.


My question to you INTPians is does someone relate to me. I really feel quite lonely the way I'm.
Also if someone is able to explain what I'm experiencing, I'll be really glad

 

[Hadoblado]

You're of above average intelligence, but you need to relax with the self-labeling. It feels like you're jamming as much terminology as you can into the smallest number of words.

Why is it so important to you? Really I think the only important thing about intelligence is that you can do the things you want to do.

You seem ungrounded and insecure. It might help to try and find what an average score on one of these tests looks like. An issue with this stuff is that they're overly abstract. 120 IQ means that one in ten people have higher IQ than you do. That's good. If that is your floor I would be more worried about the assortment of disorders you've claimed than any base cognitive capacity issues.

Also this may seem obvious or it may not, but I wouldn't assume any diagnoses unless you're actually diagnosed, and even then, approach with some skepticism. It's very common for people to self-diagnose everything they read about. There is a high degree of shared symptoms between these disorders, and a common part of the criteria in the DSM is that you don't present with other specific conditions.

 

[Polaris]

120 IQ means that one in ten people have higher IQ than you do.

^I like this.

I think it is important to be in a constant process of reviewing and potentially severing ties with any disorders and "special" categories associated with the self. I've found as soon as I identify with any of these, I've limited myself in some way or other.

While I think it is important to explore options for understanding, it is also important to leave these for observation until more evidence comes forward - or just let them be, and not have them exert insidious power (this is difficult and requires conscious effort).

 

[washti]

You're such a pefect INTP Mary Sue

 

[BurnedOut]

I've clearly mentioned I've been given medications and have monthly visits to my shrink. Self-diagnosis is only for asperger's and ADD which I've done with utmost care and loads of skepticism, so i feel its very less likely to be incorrect. Also, the normal scores for the test are given are between 100-110. I don't know what my WISC IQ is but my fluid intelligence is in profoundly high/gifted range (Again, not deriving my claims from stupid online tests where everyone gets above 130)

 

[Hadoblado]

So you have ADD, Aspergers, bipolar 2, anxiety, you have an eidetic memory, you can't think in words, you're a psychopath, an HSP, and you have a gifted level IQ?

You sound like you've been minmaxed

I mean, I'm not telling you you're wrong. I don't know you. But from my position as some rando on the internet it sounds implausible. I wouldn't be looking for additional diagnoses beyond what I'd been given if I was already a highly improbable case.

 

[BurnedOut]

I guess you should take a look at the OP. Moreover Ive Bipolar 2. so yes, i can be minmaxed. Get your deductions correct. You clearly know that Im not a psychopath and it was more of an anchor to the issue I'm addressing to. what's your type anyway.

ADD and Asperger's are many a times co-morbid. Having multiple mental disorders is not unusual at all. I've Bipolar due to an organic condition of my brain not because i asked for it. Asperger's and unusually high empathy is also co-morbid and so is sensitivity with above average intellect. It seems like you are not acquainted with psychology and mental illnesses. Just because i have mentioned them separately doesn't rule out the possibility that they can be co-morbid. Get yourself somewhat educated instead of being an internet plebian taking digs at people who are not neurotypical.

 

[Jennywocky]

I've clearly mentioned I've been given medications and have monthly visits to my shrink. Self-diagnosis is only for asperger's and ADD which I've done with utmost care and loads of skepticism, so i feel its very less likely to be incorrect. Also, the normal scores for the test are given are between 100-110. I don't know what my WISC IQ is but my fluid intelligence is in profoundly high/gifted range (Again, not deriving my claims from stupid online tests where everyone gets above 130)

To be blunt, who cares about much of this stuff you are mentioning? I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it in just the very real sense. Does it matter?

You are asking if anyone relates to you, because you hate being alone. No wonder -- your initial post is this lengthy exposition about all these labels you have generated for yourself as short-hand so that you don't have to just engage on a normal human level. Just stop worrying about all these categories and diagnoses and assessments if you want to connect with others; talk about your actual experience in a bit more normal human terms.

You sound to me like you're lonely because you don't know how to talk to others or just "be there," so instead you have done a lot of this self-testing and self-categorizing and focus so intently on you and your personality and your internal world... which just exacerbates your feelings of loneliness because that is not how most people relate to each other. They interact and share experiences and talk about their ideas and feelings.

Like others have said, after awhile, IQ doesn't matter much in regards to this kind of thing as long as you are in a particular pocket. (It's true that folks in the 150-160+ range can have trouble relating to others because they are just thinking about many other things than the average person.) My IQ was tested decently higher than yours when I was young (in terms of school admission -- they wanted to make me wait because of a late birthday, and realized that was a huge mistake). But a lot of the happiness that I've found in life has occurred when I move away from all these clinical descriptions of my personality and categories I fall in to and just talk to other people as people with some shared experiences. My experience is that I was focused on THOSE kinds of things when I didn't actually have access to other people to just interact with, so it was all I had.

So I don't care what your scores are.

What do you do with your abilities? How do you view the world? What are some cool ideas you have? How do you feel about things in your life? What's the neatest trip you've been on? What's the most profound realization you've ever had? Is there a moment where you made a change in your life? And so on.

This is stuff that any person has access to within themselves and it's more of the basis of regular human interactions.

 

[washti]

an internet plebian taking digs at people who are not neurotypical.

HAHahaHAaha

 

[BurnedOut]

Kudos to your realisation. I like the reality more. You don't even know my real IQ BTW. you are one of those people who simple TL;DR stuff it seems

 

[Ex-User (14663)]

I've experienced this paradox myself. The paradox is: why do I get all this evidence that I'm dumb while I believe I'm a genius?

There is a very simple way to resolve that paradox...

 

[Jennywocky]

Kudos to your realisation. I like the reality more. You don't even know my real IQ BTW. you are one of those people who simple TL;DR stuff it seems

Thanks for missing the point.
Maybe this is why you're lonely?
Because you can't even engage outside of your own head?

What's real? You living inside there, or you stretching yourself a bit to actually get outside your head?

lolz at the tl;dr, obviously you don't know me.

 

[Cogitant]

Chill, drop the ego.
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[bimgx=250]http://i4.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article8446804.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/Illuminati.jpg[/bimgx]B@1

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7.5bn people in the world, we're all special snowflakes. No need for the 97836756 labels.

-BTW, fwiw, I know precisely what it is like to be misunderstood, misinterpreted and just plain different.
-I think a lot of people here can relate to that.

-But wearing labels is handicapping yourself.
Each label has strings attached (all your apparent mental health labels and also the IQ tag), and people will judge you by them (+people LOVE to judge, usually because they themselves have issues )

+You've heard of behavioural confirmation, right?

To be blunt, who cares about much of this stuff you are mentioning? I know that sounds harsh, but I mean it in just the very real sense. Does it matter?
.

This is so true.
Learn to accept yourself.
+If you don't like who you are, change.
+If you need help changing, help is available.

I don't think most things are set in stone...
+If you keep focussing on your issues and believing in their power over you, you will never be able to overcome them. I know from experience.

 

[redbaron]

If IQ is the measuring stick for whether you see yourself as smart or dumb you need a new one.

Barely anyone here is neurotypical so using that label is pointless. So are most of the other labels you're using really. Then again labels are how most people view things so that's unlikely to make a difference.

 

[QuickTwist]

I am wondering what you purpose is of coming here, to INTPf and making this your first post.

I didn't read the OP and its like 50/50 that I ever will.

I don't care how smart you are, I care how smart I am (see what I did there).

 

[BurnedOut]

I guess I'm not labelling myself, since this is my first post, I thought I could provide some In-depth about myself and my mental handicaps so that it may resonate to the issue I'm addressing. How could not anyone get this connection. ?

 

[BurnedOut]

Also, the copycat syndrome is quite evident right now. I'm intellectually lonely. Not socially lonely, just for the sake of clearing your doubt.

 

[Hadoblado]

I'm just finishing off my undergraduate in psychology.

I didn't mean to attack you, I was giving feedback. Someone making that many claims obviously sticks out. Okay, you don't claim to be a psychopath. But you got diagnosed as one but then think yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum (HSP?). I don't think you're a psychopath, I think you have too many labels attached to who/what you are.

Yeah I know about comorbidity. But this is often a result of overlapping diagnostic symptoms. Me? I'm depressed. People have flung aspergers, bipolar, dyslexia at me because to some extent extent it fits (not dyslexia though that was just retarded), but depression is the better explanation by far. My type is probably INTP though I don't think that's relevant.

You're coming across as super defensive. You said a lot that's going to draw attention, and then react with hostility when people question you on it. I was having a conversation, but you react to the things I'm saying as if I'm accusing you of something.

 

[BurnedOut]

I'm just finishing off my undergraduate in psychology.

I didn't mean to attack you, I was giving feedback. Someone making that many claims obviously sticks out. Okay, you don't claim to be a psychopath. But you got diagnosed as one but then think yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum (HSP?). I don't think you're a psychopath, I think you have too many labels attached to who/what you are.

Yeah I know about comorbidity. But this is often a result of overlapping diagnostic symptoms. Me? I'm depressed. People have flung aspergers, bipolar, dyslexia at me because to some extent extent it fits (not dyslexia though that was just retarded), but depression is the better explanation by far. My type is probably INTP though I don't think that's relevant.

You're coming across as super defensive. You said a lot that's going to draw attention, and then react with hostility when people question you on it. I was having a conversation, but you react to the things I'm saying as if I'm accusing you of something.

Hey, no offence. To be honest, I did feel attacked by the fellow INTPians on this forum. But I mean no offence whatsoever. I'm not labelling myself and I'm repeating that. I'm talking about medically diagnosed conditions except Asperger's and ADD

 

[Cogitant]

I guess I'm not labelling myself, since this is my first post, I thought I could provide some In-depth about myself and my mental handicaps so that it may resonate to the issue I'm addressing. How could not anyone get this connection. ?

I have nothing against you, I don't even know you
+I couldn't care less if some shrink or other decided you were a three-headed purple plesiosaur from the planet Zarquan.

+I'll admit that I have issues with social anxiety.
-I'm working on it, though.

Regardless, welcome to the forum.

-We're all human here (at least I think we all are).
+There's plenty of thought food for you to chow down on.

-Chill

We're an odd bunch, so don't take offence to our blunt remarks.
INTPs aren't exactly renowned for hugboxing.

 

[QuickTwist]

Hey, no offence. To be honest, I did feel attacked by the fellow INTPians on this forum. But I mean no offence whatsoever. I'm not labelling myself and I'm repeating that. I'm talking about medically diagnosed conditions except Asperger's and ADD

Yeah, when I saw everyone going for the throat on you I was like "why?"

 

[Hadoblado]

Hey, no offence. To be honest, I did feel attacked by the fellow INTPians on this forum. But I mean no offence whatsoever. I'm not labelling myself and I'm repeating that. I'm talking about medically diagnosed conditions except Asperger's and ADD

Okay cool. Sorry, I probably came off a bit harsher than I'd like because I tend to be in a hurry. I think you'll fit in here after the initial inspection.

Funnily enough, I think I labeled you as a self-labeler. A lot of people here have difficulty finding themselves and there's a bit of a trend towards acquiring labels to explain the differences between themselves and others. This is particularly apparent when it comes to IQ, where people often want to know if they're a genius or a loser (like being labeled one stops them from being the other).

There's likely a high degree of relatability between you and others here. IIRC, Nanook had a similar experience with multiple diagnoses. I think he took the approach that if they couldn't explain his peculiarity without pouring a bucket of labels on him, then they didn't know what they were talking about. I don't pretend to speak for him though, he'll be lurking around here somewhere.

From my perspective, labels are only true if they're useful. An often missed part of the DSM is that if a diagnosis doesn't impair your function or quality of life, it's not worth diagnosing. This also means that if an additional diagnosis doesn't explain more than previous diagnoses, it's no good and probably causes more harm than good. Labels can be useful in that they make means meet needs, but they are also an anchor in that they limit people's self-perception.

I guess I was reacting to the way you describe yourself. Like, if I were to ask a stranger who they were, and they only answered by describing their occupation and marital status.

Mmmm anyway, sorry for any stress caused. For the most part we aren't that bad I swear. I don't speak for the others, but I've never seen Jenny or Cogitant be deliberately malicious so they're probably coming from a less vicious place than is apparent to you.

Welcome

 

[Pyropyro]

Welcome OP.

I think the perceived hostility was just due to the labels that you posted. Rather than help us learn about you, the post just really pigeonholes you to "special snowflake" status.

As for Intellectual loneliness, I really think the cure is to have deep conversations with other people. You'll find out that:

* You're not special. Just isolated.
* Different people have different intellectual capacities and that's okay. You just have to accept that and enjoy other people's intellect and let them enjoy yours too.
* Your mental issues are not special and people suffer differently. How we work with our issues is more important.
* You'll never find a person that will completely get you and that acceptable given that we simply can't communicate ourselves fully to other people.

 

[BurnedOut]

Welcome OP.

I think the perceived hostility was just due to the labels that you posted. Rather than help us learn about you, the post just really pigeonholes you to "special snowflake" status.

As for Intellectual loneliness, I really think the cure is to have deep conversations with other people. You'll find out that:

* You're not special. Just isolated.
* Different people have different intellectual capacities and that's okay. You just have to accept that and enjoy other people's intellect and let them enjoy yours too.
* Your mental issues are not special and people suffer differently. How we work with our issues is more important.
* You'll never find a person that will completely get you and that acceptable given that we simply can't communicate ourselves fully to other people.

I will second to this even though its more of an eye opener, I guess I'm too much into overanalyzing and introspection for no apparent reason. It feels good to have a lot of INTPs around to be honest.

I can relate to the song - Runaway Train

 

[Reluctantly]

So what's your patronus? I got Calico cat.

 

[BurnedOut]

So what's your patronus? I got Calico cat.

sorry, im not into harry potter but my favorite animal is the Raven

 

[washti]

sorry, im not into harry potter

with this words you cease to exist