change yourself?

[Ex-User (8886)]

What do you think is better option?

 

[Black Rose]

Change myself to be more of who I am.

 

[Tannhauser]

Accept myself as something in constant change

 

[Haim]

From the two options the third one is always the best.

Change myself to be more of who I am.

If you are not acting as yourself(yourself can be someone that don't act as himself)
you will most likely be depressed,so be you,be a better you.

 

[The Grey Man]

I want to change myself because that's the only way I'll grow and fill in the gaps of my past self. In order to do this I have to recognize that while the change won't happen instantaneously, myself as I currently am is the corresponding potentiality to any actualized self I can hope to be. So both.

 

[Reluctantly]

I think it's important to be who I want to be by accepting myself as I am. It implies knowing my nature, as well as my limits, and then being who I want to be with that in mind. Then I can grow and mature as myself, while not fooling myself about who I can be.

So they are both equally as important to me and only important when together.

 

[Yellow]

I want to change myself because that's the only way I'll grow and fill in the gaps of my past self. In order to do this I have to recognize that while the change won't happen instantaneously, myself as I currently am is the corresponding potentiality to any actualized self I can hope to be. So both.

I think it's important to be who I want to be by accepting myself as I am. It implies knowing my nature, as well as my limits, and then being who I want to be with that in mind. Then I can grow and mature as myself, while not fooling myself about who I can be.

So they are both equally as important to me and only important when together.

You stole my answer.

 

[Milo]

The road I took was to be as much the person I wasn't, which led me to a path of revealing the value of being myself as well as verifying that the truly worthwhile decision was to be myself at my most basic state at the core with all the knowledge I learned along the way on the surface which encompasses the essence of who I am as a replacement for my pride.


Check it out!

 

[Grayman]

neither

 

[SpaceYeti]

Accept yourself as you are. You can exercise, you can study, you can improve yourself, but you'll always be the same, essential person.

 

[Shieru]

I think for me a synthesis of both approaches is most fulfilling, though I tend to consciously focus more on progressivism and the desire for self-improvement. Self-acceptance is kind of a prerequisite for change, I think, because in order to successfully alter or add a trait, one must first acknowledge and accept what the reality of their present self is.

EDIT: @Milo - Your post piqued my interest. I'm actually doing a research project (hopefully culminating in the writing of a book) on the process of actualization and nature of the human unconscious. It sounds like you've had an interesting experience.. I wonder if you'd like to share a bit more about it?

Just thought I would ask.. I know how personal - how sacred and private - such a journey can be, so no pressure ^^

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Accept yourself and change everything else.

 

[The Gopher]

The second, it's better to be delusional than to never be enough. I may be awesome, great, wonderful and amazing. I could be the greatest person on the planet but I wouldn't be happy with myself.

It's physically impossible to change myself into who I want to be. Have I given up? No, but I have changed goals. Everything I do I do to become better. Even down to the every day details. I will never be what I want to be only what I can be and what I can be is never enough. Chasing the impossible and seeking perfection will kill me.

 

[onesteptwostep]

Radiohead and Eminem is what comes to mind when I think about this.

But really, the answer depends on what the context of the situation is, I think.

 

[Polaris]

I picked the first as it is the most honest answer that comes to mind. I have been striving to change myself all my life.

By the same token, there are things about me that I have to admit cannot change, and perhaps shouldn't. I cannot reverse ageing. If I could, I would because I hate getting older. I hate what is happening to my appearance and my health is declining. I have always been somewhat perfectionistic about everything, and my appearance is part of that. I'm not vain, but I like to look good. I know I have to let go of that.

There are aspects of me such as personality that I am better off accepting. I have been working so hard against myself, it has taken it's toll. I'm now working at accepting those aspects which means I am giving myself a break, for the first time. It feels weird, selfish and I'm struggling with the guilt that accompanies the acceptance and resultant change in behaviour. But it was either that, or slow annihilation.

There is an inherent component which has made it easier for me to accept though. A set of parameters I previously considered faulty. I'm not faulty, just different.

 

[Milo]

EDIT: @Milo - Your post piqued my interest. I'm actually doing a research project (hopefully culminating in the writing of a book) on the process of actualization and nature of the human unconscious. It sounds like you've had an interesting experience.. I wonder if you'd like to share a bit more about it?

Just thought I would ask.. I know how personal - how sacred and private - such a journey can be, so no pressure ^^

Sure, perhaps we should take this to PMs though

 

[EditorOne]

After I learned who I was I kind of liked me. Before that, not so much. (That is, when I stumbled into MBTI as an adult and kind of said "Oh." Since I finally realized I wasn't broken, I went with the "if not broken, don't fix, just mind what comes out of your mouth" paradigm.)

 

[Architect]

After I learned who I was I kind of liked me.

I've done a lot of reprogramming on myself. The formula is simple; discover a problem or something you want to change, think about it during the day, then sleep on it. At night your brain rewires and the next day you're a little different.

Most of my reprogramming has been to unwind the ideas and expectations of other types. For example, I'm not a big socializer, but I've been conditioned to do it well and to think that I should be doing it. I've since rewired that thinking to feel good about myself, as a person who doesn't throw parties. Previously the programming, combined with a Fe inferior no doubt, would conspire to make me feel slightly guilty for liking a quiet home life.

Similarly I've reprogrammed my extraneous desire to be an outdoorsy person, a pseudo-religious one, a conventional goal follower (somewhat, a degree of this is very healthy I think), and a current events/current media follower.

No type is perfect and so I've also encouraged habits which mitigate some of my worst characteristics, such as procrastination and lack of follow through. While I can't compete with the ST's in my group, and they probably see me as a creative slackard, I think I do pretty well.

 

[Brontosaurie]

True growth begins in the acceptance.

 

[EditorOne]

Most of my reprogramming has been to unwind the ideas and expectations of other types.

Yes. That's what I sort of had in mind, but you said it much better. :-)

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

I have read your answers, poll answers and all your profiles.
I noticed, that people who accept themselves as they are have less drive to change themselves and that's the reason why I created this topic. Change becomes from unacceptance.

While acceptance gives you some kind of happiness, it's not what some people want.
-some people want to be sad, because it's connected with depth and wisdom. Sad people also feel older and age is also connected with wisdom or great knowledge.

What I want to say is sad is connected with changing yourself. Also those who voted option #1 seem to me more sad people than people voted option #2.

In this topic I wanted gain information what is better for succes (achiving things others can't - it's my definition of succes), but it's not connected with being happy/sad and changing/accepting yourself.

 

[Haim]

I have read your answers, poll answers and all your profiles.
I noticed, that people who accept themselves as they are have less drive to change themselves and that's the reason why I created this topic. Change becomes from unacceptance.

While acceptance gives you some kind of happiness, it's not what some people want.
-some people want to be sad, because it's connected with depth and wisdom. Sad people also feel older and age is also connected with wisdom or great knowledge.

What I want to say is sad is connected with changing yourself. Also those who voted option #1 seem to me more sad people than people voted option #2.

In this topic I wanted gain information what is better for succes (achiving things others can't - it's my definition of succes), but it's not connected with being happy/sad and changing/accepting yourself.

Yes you can do things against your nature even very successfully but
1)You will be depressed,even if only a little it is always there.
2)You can do better as core/neutral self because that the things you want,that you are good with.
You need to improve yourself not change yourself,because you can't truly change yourself,yes you will act different,be good at it but what you want,what you don't want won't change,your way of thinking won't change.
You can learn,you can have more experience,you can have more skill and more wisdom.

 

[EditorOne]

I'm not sure what you're talking about is changing yourself or simply challenging yourself, but the key thing you have in common with just about everyone else who posted is that you are happy doing what makes you successful, and you want to be successful, because that's where your happiness lies whether you describe it that way or not. Key point: Doing what YOU want to do. You aren't actually changing yourself, you're indulging what you are.

Just screwing with your mind a little. Sometimes it makes me happy.

 

[onesteptwostep]

I have read your answers, poll answers and all your profiles.
I noticed, that people who accept themselves as they are have less drive to change themselves and that's the reason why I created this topic. Change becomes from unacceptance.

While acceptance gives you some kind of happiness, it's not what some people want.
-some people want to be sad, because it's connected with depth and wisdom. Sad people also feel older and age is also connected with wisdom or great knowledge.

What I want to say is sad is connected with changing yourself. Also those who voted option #1 seem to me more sad people than people voted option #2.

In this topic I wanted gain information what is better for succes (achiving things others can't - it's my definition of succes), but it's not connected with being happy/sad and changing/accepting yourself.

Although I'm not as old as some of the other users here, but I think what it really is is a journey. When you strive to ' change yourself ', there's a chance that you may run into difficulties you may not be able to overcome on your own. That's when the sentiment of 'accepting who you are' comes in. When all your avenues and known methodologies are exhausted, the only option left is acceptance. The will of the self sometimes fails against the restrictions and parameters of reality. Sometimes the only way is accepting it.

But then sometimes change is the only way to break free, too

(and this also depends on what your ideal 'success' is, as well)

 

[Black Rose]

i have had setbacks
yet i will still move forward

 

[Tannhauser]

Im kind of questioning the possibility of having a successful life while being happy. If you are happy, then, seemingly by definition, you are content with your current state. What motivation will you then have to move forward?

 

[Hadoblado]

Changing yourself to be what you want to be requires acceptance of self.

Motive is a fundamental part of personality, and if your motive is for personality to change and grow, then acting on that motive is an implicit acceptance of self.

Effective pursuit of this goal also requires acceptance of self. The meta-cognition to understand what you are and what you're able to be, as well as how best to get there - you need to perceive yourself accurately and commit to those perceptions, which is an acceptance of both your perceiving faculties and the perceived self (insert metawank).

Once your self and intended self is accurately perceived, you need to then do the math of whether it's worth the effort and time. Your time account is finite and wanes with each passing moment, do you really need to be able to play slap bass *and* cartwheel? There's an opportunity cost to any potential 'you' you might become.

So just by pursuing a specific future self, you've accepted your motives, perceptions, ability, judgement, and holistic self. All the while, the person accepting themselves for themselves has demonstrated more of a tolerance than an acceptance.

@Archie - Re: the sleep thing
Yes! I'm a different person the next morning. It's like I need to reboot in order to complete the update to my experience app.

In this topic I wanted gain information what is better for succes (achiving things others can't - it's my definition of succes), but it's not connected with being happy/sad and changing/accepting yourself.

Your definition of success sucks. I have a rubbery abdomen that lets me cover with buttflesh not one, but both ears of any person who happens to be sniffing my dusty colon. Can you say the same? Do I seem successful to you? Success is achieving a goal that you have, not simply doing shit others can't. Figure out what you want but don't have, then achieve it and you're successful. Judging success by the goals of others is a sky-to-the-fuck-high fallacy if ever my little eye spied one.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Spoiler

I have read your answers, poll answers and all your profiles.
I noticed, that people who accept themselves as they are have less drive to change themselves and that's the reason why I created this topic. Change becomes from unacceptance.

While acceptance gives you some kind of happiness, it's not what some people want.
-some people want to be sad, because it's connected with depth and wisdom. Sad people also feel older and age is also connected with wisdom or great knowledge.

What I want to say is sad is connected with changing yourself. Also those who voted option #1 seem to me more sad people than people voted option #2.

In this topic I wanted gain information what is better for succes (achiving things others can't - it's my definition of succes), but it's not connected with being happy/sad and changing/accepting yourself.

You're viewing this in a manner that's entirely too mutually exclusive.

 

[Milo]

Here's the final part of my project if anyone was interested.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

Im kind of questioning the possibility of having a successful life while being happy. If you are happy, then, seemingly by definition, you are content with your current state. What motivation will you then have to move forward?

exactly what I wanted to say

Motive is a fundamental part of personality, and if your motive is for personality to change and grow, then acting on that motive is an implicit acceptance of self.

"Acceptance in human psychology is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest. "
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acceptance

Your definition of success sucks. I have a rubbery abdomen that lets me cover with buttflesh not one, but both ears of any person who happens to be sniffing my dusty colon. Can you say the same? Do I seem successful to you? Success is achieving a goal that you have, not simply doing shit others can't. Figure out what you want but don't have, then achieve it and you're successful. Judging success by the goals of others is a sky-to-the-fuck-high fallacy if ever my little eye spied one.

You have very unambitious definition of succes. For me, there are a few man in history who achive succes. Mainly scientists.

 

[Ex-User (8886)]

You're viewing this in a manner that's entirely too mutually exclusive.

that's because they are opposites
(read definition of acceptance above)

 

[Milo]

I have a theory that some people are alienated as they are raised--the ones who may require self-acceptance. The others who grew up and never experienced huge life altering experiences that were traumatic to their sense of self probably eventually strive to change themselves because they were never alienated to the point where they didn't feel right in their own bodies.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

that's because they are opposites
(read definition of acceptance above)

Not just any acceptance, but radical acceptance.

 

[Jennywocky]

I have a theory that some people are alienated as they are raised--the ones who may require self-acceptance. The others who grew up and never experienced huge life altering experiences that were traumatic to their sense of self probably eventually strive to change themselves because they were never alienated to the point where they didn't feel right in their own bodies.

I think what our "norm" was does impact what we need to learn as we age, in the process of becoming more adaptable in different situations and better rounded.

So yes, if you were taught not to accept yourself when growing up, learning self-acceptance is a huge deal (versus constantly changing to accommodate others), and it's a weird but positive experience to learn when to stick to your guns and refuse to change for others.

And if you were always very sure of yourself and never felt the need to accommodate, well, it's a positive to (at some point) learn how to be willing to adapt in order to fit and connect better.

it's all context.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Spoiler

i dont accept myself, idk if this is whats stunting my self growth.

i easily give up on things because i have little faith in my abilities(for good reasons). whats the point of bothering with plans or projects or whatever when i know, in my heart of hearts, that i lack in the competence and dedication that this would require?

i do strive to improve myself, but(in addition to the stuff i wrote above) i really lack in focus and seriousness. when i take up a new interest, me being a scatterbrain makes things difficult...it takes ages to just "scratch the surface" or get done with the "discovery" stage.

when i look back at all the projects i was "serious" about, the seriousness was always a product of external pressure(eg. working in a group and not wanting to be the person who screws things up for other people who actually give a crap about what theyre doing)

idk if im chronically chaotic and demotivated because i cant come to terms with my mediocrity, or if im just chronically chaotic and demotivated

 

[Milo]

Spoiler

i dont accept myself, idk if this is whats stunting my self growth.

i easily give up on things because i have little faith in my abilities(for good reasons). whats the point of bothering with plans or projects or whatever when i know, in my heart of hearts, that i lack in the competence and dedication that this would require?

i do strive to improve myself, but(in addition to the stuff i wrote above) i really lack in focus and seriousness. when i take up a new interest, me being a scatterbrain makes things difficult...it takes ages to just "scratch the surface" or get done with the "discovery" stage.

when i look back at all the projects i was "serious" about, the seriousness was always a product of external pressure(eg. working in a group and not wanting to be the person who screws things up for other people who actually give a crap about what theyre doing)

idk if im chronically chaotic and demotivated because i cant come to terms with my mediocrity, or if im just chronically chaotic and demotivated

Watch "Tommorowland". You won't be disappointed

Spoiler

"In every moment, there is a possibility of a better future, but you people won't believe it--and because you don't believe it, you won't do what is necessary to make it a reality. So, you dwell on this terrible future. You resign yourself, for one reason, because that future doesn't ask anything of you today."

 

[Ex-User (9086)]

False dichotomy. Op ignores the environmental effects.

 

[rainman312]

Why not both? Accept the current self and recognize its flaws and strengths, while continuosly building upon it, a la self-actualization.

 

[Teax]

False dichotomy. Op ignores the environmental effects.

Is it though? Or is that a lazy excuse for not accepting yourself but also being too lazy to do anything about it.

What do you think is better option?

once you changed yourself you're bound to arrive at a point where you have to accept your new self.

Just accept the fact that you're constantly changing and the question evaporates.

 

[Ophion]

Your definition of success sucks. I have a rubbery abdomen that lets me cover with buttflesh not one, but both ears of any person who happens to be sniffing my dusty colon. Can you say the same? Do I seem successful to you? Success is achieving a goal that you have, not simply doing shit others can't. Figure out what you want but don't have, then achieve it and you're successful. Judging success by the goals of others is a sky-to-the-fuck-high fallacy if ever my little eye spied one.

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this comment. It's the perfect response to that laughable definition of success.

 

[Foofmonger]

This reality is quite literally in a state constant change. The experience of time itself is nothing more than the conscious recognition of change.

You will change, whether you like it or not. You have been changing, since the day you were born. That being said, the real question is will you direct your change by using your own willpower and mind to theorize on what you desire to be? Or will you let external forces mold you without having a conception of it?