Call of the Void

[Cognisant]

My username describes a defining characteristic, how I internalise things in a kind of fixated way, like there's knowing something in the abstract theoretical sense, and then there's having the actual visceral knowledge of it.

Kind of like faith, the difference between knowing the religion and actually believing in it. I've always thought if I wasn't an atheist I'd have been an incredibly fanatical believer, I guess god fell short of my expectations.

My latest internalised truth is the inevitably of death, I've always known it of course but I've always had plans of life extension, again it's the difference between knowing something and being cognisant of it.

Having internalised the inevitably of my demise I find myself bothered, as if by an itch, or rather a vase sitting precariously on the edge of a table ready to fall and shatter at the slightest nudge and it's the anticipation that's bothering me, I want to knock it over, to resolve the tension.


I'm not actually going to kill myself, I'm not depressed or anything, although I have given up on the whole live forever or die trying thing so I guess I don't know who I am anymore.

How do you deal with it?

 

[ZenRaiden]

My username describes a defining characteristic, how I internalise things in a kind of fixated way,

We all do in some areas of life. Ask your self though why? Why not do it the other way?

like there's knowing something in the abstract theoretical sense, and then there's having the actual visceral knowledge of it.

Yes awakening, realization, etc.... our conscious awareness includes the emotional thing where you kind of let it happen.

Kind of like faith, the difference between knowing the religion and actually believing in it.

Which always lead me to believe that belief system be they normative as in religion or personal are always present. We all have them, but not all of us are fully aware what we believe.

I've always thought if I wasn't an atheist I'd have been an incredibly fanatical believer, I guess god fell short of my expectations.

If you dare to dream, lots of things will fall short of expectations. Question is how one reacts to the reality of this. Does one just roll over and give up or keep going knowing.

My latest internalised truth is the inevitably of death,

I would say I had this realization too. But for me it never tip the scales in my life in fundamental ways. It just made me realize yes, I would be gone one day, how sad.
It did not reshuffle my deck, but it made me realize that lots of things in my life would be different were I able to accept this.

I've always known it of course but I've always had plans of life extension, again it's the difference between knowing something and being cognisant of it.

Does that lead to giving up on life extension?

Having internalised the inevitably of my demise I find myself bothered, as if by an itch, or rather a vase sitting precariously on the edge of a table ready to fall and shatter at the slightest nudge and it's the anticipation that's bothering me, I want to knock it over, to resolve the tension.

Maybe the tension is part of the process of realizing that there is something worth living, but you have not it happen yet.

I'm not actually going to kill myself, I'm not depressed or anything, although I have given up on the whole live forever or die trying thing so I guess I don't know who I am anymore.

Bro why not both?

How do you deal with it?

I just keep living life.

 

[Black Rose]

I have given up on the whole live forever or die trying thing so I guess I don't know who I am anymore.

How do you deal with it?

Is there a reason you believe this?

Why will technology not allow life extension?

I get the same feeling from people ten years older or younger than me who do not understand how powerful computers have become. They are so powerful I would not be surprised if we live in a simulation. I saw a phone app yesterday at a party a nine-year-old had and I was like, yes this means we are almost there. Older and younger people think it is normal to have a phone without a.i. and only graphics as they are now but what does it mean that level of graphics exists anyway? it means that you cannot tell real from virtual. Kurzweil was right, we are at the knee of the curve.

I have felt for many many times in my life like things did not exist. That things in my life did not matter but it was because I had no purpose in my life. I had nothing to do, no intellectual stimulation, and high anxiety, no money, I was stuck. I sat on my couch all day doing nothing. When you cannot pass the level of the videogame and you only have one videogame and you cannot buy more and it takes years to find the right one. That sucks. It was like that in 2021 not because of covid but because my mom would not help me. my brother kept telling her not to help me. my brother is the reason we can't have nice things. He is gone now.

But there is no real issue why technology will not do what it needs to do. Chips have 80 billion transistors. Programming them is more the problem than anything else. To do science we need a.i. - biology is not complicated it is just we need tools to understand it. They now have gene tests that give you results:

23andme
cogniDNA
genomelink

What are these good for? well if you want to know food allergies or intelligence levels then you can get those answers. Ideally, we can enhance these as we sequence all humans by 2028.

 

[birdsnestfern]

It means you are trying to transform yourself. We have parts of ourselves we want to leave behind and grow out of. It might feel like death to us, or that we are tired of some aspect of ourselves and want a new part of us to emerge and come alive.

At age 16 or so, I had that epiphany of wanting to 'go' and cried and cried by myself in a small corner outdoors where nobody was watching. Then, once I let all the tears out, I outgrew that feeling. A new me emerged that was stronger.

Also, you develop a spiritual feeling for life, not religious, but like the feeling you get walking through fog, you feel just hidden enough that you lose inhibitions and just magic enough that you walk into the unknown. On the edge of now.

And, its what Lucid Dreaming and Buddhism teach, to accept that death will someday come. And, when it does, if you can become comfortable with it and take its hand, then you have mastered life. But you want to DO things every day that make you feel alive. Find things that give you excitement. Step away from media and news, that is too depressing to indulge in every day. The state of the world right now is terrifying. You have to find inner peace. I think we need to create a sanctuary inside that we can be in apart from the world which is a pretty awful place right now. Maybe photography, art, food, nature, travel to enjoy the time you have here. Study something new.
I think about the blue green planet and how it will look when I leave the planet and see it getting smaller and smaller. Then I remember you DON'T want to look back or the silver umbilical cords will pull you back down, just close your eyes until you feel something solid beneath your feet. But, looking back at earth, from the moon, wouldn't you feel forlorn, and miss it so much, its unbearable. Blue green planet is where I want to be, I love it intensely. Earth is home. Go and sit on the ground outside and lean against a tree or walk through wet grass or water. Earth energy will renew you.

Look for Charlie Morley on youtube, he is a Lucid dreaming teacher:

 

[ZenRaiden]

General principals are awareness --> emotional processing --> integrating the new realization into a whole ---> whatever comes next is mystery, that is up to you.

And, its what Lucid Dreaming and Buddhism teach, to accept that death will someday come. And, when it does, if you can become comfortable with it and take its hand, then you have mastered life.

I believe there are 7 billion ways to accept death, none better then your way.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

Understanding something cognitively is different from identifying with it enough to engage with the substance of a matter.

I'm afraid of the process of dying, not death itself, but what leads up to it.

Don't think I need to elaborate on why, but as per what I do with the realization that I am going to die, I for the most part welcome it.

I for a long time did stress about this asking myself the typical questions of "why bother when it can all be cut short?" but life is full and long, and if it's my turn to die, I really can't avoid it more than I already do.

I guess I just look at myself as a human who is just doing the best they can, and if I die, then at least I have that, and nothing can take that away from me.

 

[birdsnestfern]

And one more thing to add, learn to appreciate time and use it wisely. At the end, most regret not using it to do things THEY felt were important and the time wasted doing things OTHER people wanted you to do. So, figure out what you want to do now so you can feel you lived YOUR life the way you wanted at least some since nobody really knows when, take that seriously.

 

[Black Rose]

I do not find contentment in death.

Seems those that do have no purpose in life or are trying to escape it.

All I want is to learn things and not feel bad.

I want to be content as I am now but why I am not seems to be because of loneliness and a lack of ability to use my mental abilities. I do not feel satisfaction in what I do.

 

[ZenRaiden]

I actually would not be surprised if people found a way to prolong life indefinitely like telomere fix. Maybe even reverse aging process.
There are literally species of animals that don't age, or get cancer, or anything, so its very possible it will be found.
DNA is a blue print, and we know that even the science saying brains don't regenerate is bunk mostly.
We just don't know much about DNA.
Salamanders are notorious for regrowing organs and body parts, with certain gene.
Pretty sure we will get at least that, with organ replication and limb regrowing.

 

[oeeoeoeoeooeo]

I do not find contentment in death.

Seems those that do have no purpose in life or are trying to escape it.

All I want is to learn things and not feel bad.

I want to be content as I am now but why I am not seems to be because of loneliness and a lack of ability to use my mental abilities. I do not feel satisfaction in what I do.

Oh how familiar this sentiment is.

Finding the motivation to not do nothing is a pain I struggle to overcome.
Motivation isn't even the right word.
Loneliness is terrible, but rejection is soul-crushing.
The worst feeling comes with the realization and confrontation of your actions.
You become dull to the senses. Even the simple pleasures of life bring no comfort.
It's gut-wrenching and draining to observe the march of progress from behind.
Perhaps this is more of a projection than anything else.
Lost in my own mental turmoil, against logos the void beckons.