Bullying and how to handle it

[HDINTP]

Well i don´t know if it is better to ignone bullies(of course just to a certain point) then i would not only beat him but also badly injure him not like i would like to but i worry about him a little bit. I am calm but i suppose if he is going to get across border i will really hurt him badly or should i just bully back on him? Maybe share your ideas please.

Well i used to be Bullied little bit in basic school then it stopped and now one guy is making fun of me doing to me what i don´t like till today i didn´t care about that and few months ago he was doing stupidities during table tenis so i hit him (probably because he was hitting me with stones and things like that) he poked to me then me to him and after all people came out there we finished.

I think he just wants to attract attention and i am scared of fact i will hurt him too much (don´t want to have problem in school?

So any good ideas?

 

[Dr. Freeman]

Don't quote me on this, but is "cap the foo" a good idea?

 

[hitode-kun]

Striking back is, I think, the better option. There are consequences though, of course. But if he's bothering you to that extent then you should probably stand up for yourself. Have you told a teacher yet?

 

[HDINTP]

No i don´t think so

 

[HDINTP]

No i didn´t tell a teacher yet

 

[Dr. Freeman]

In middle school I had a bullying problem.

Then I had a fighting problem.

Then I had no more major interpersonal issues.

 

[hitode-kun]

You should try that then. If that doesn't work then at least you tried. I never actually bothered with teachers myself but I can tell you that getting into trouble for beating the shit out of someone isn't fun. Parents get involved and god know what your parents might do.

 

[Awaken]

Same way you handle a troll, dont feed them. When that fails, a quick chop to the neck should work. Or you can go WWF on them.

Body slam justice small bully vs fat kid.flv - YouTube

 

[RaBind]

Yeah, probably resort to fighting last (it depends on your age though). I would say kids don't get in much trouble but if you a young adult and are expected to act in a mature way than use other solutions first.

Have you tried talking some sense into him? Or telling him that you don't think it’s funny?

I once almost made a guy cry, was quite young back then. I didn't want to; I was just joking around and punched him a little with only a bit of power. I was in the middle of continuing when my friend told me to stop because the guy was going to cry. I at the guy's eyes and what do you know? He was like a year younger than me, looked strong though, guess I had overestimated his strength.

Things like this can easily happen (misunderstandings I mean) so better to be sure by asking him why he is nagging you first than to be sorry because you acted too rationally.

(if it doesn't work you can always beat the crap out of him )

 

[Jah]

Best Advice From Johnny Depp - YouTube

 

[downsowf]

Follow him when he goes to the bathroom and give him a swirly. Nothing works better than a little humiliation. It sounds like you're bigger than him. Make sure no one sees you. He definitely won't tell on you either because no one wants to admit that they had their head dunked in a toilet.

Edit: Please don't follow this advice. It was a joke.

 

[hitode-kun]

Follow him when he goes to the bathroom and give him a swirly. Nothing works better than a little humiliation. It sounds like you're bigger than him. Make sure no one sees you. He definitely won't tell on you either because no one wants to admit that they had their head dunked in a toilet.

Edit: Please don't follow this advice. It was a joke.

Haha, I haven't heard of that before. Have you dunked heads before, downsowf?

Joking aside, if he's being just being an asshole and nothing seems to work then rough him up a bit. They do say that violence solves everything.

 

[downsowf]

Haha, no I never did that to anybody, but I know people who were the victims of a swirly. There's the chocolate swirly and vanilla swirly. I'll let you use your imagination to figure that one out.

I don't recall ever getting bullied. I was always good at using humor and jokes with people, which I think I learned from my dad. So no one really had any animosity towards me. There was this one guy who used to call me kike and draw swastikas on my desk. This was very isolated compared to my overall experience in high-school. I used to just call him a fucking idiot and ignored his attention seeking behavior. It was actually my friends/ or other people in school who liked me who were more insulted than I was ( who weren't even Jewish) who confronted this guy and beat him up. It was one time where I had some faith in humanity.

 

[Awaken]

All jokes aside, I was never bullied. If anything, I protected people from bullies. It just did not seem right to me. To expand on my previous answer of "dont feed them", basically, figure out the motivation behind the bullying. Once you take that motivation away, then what fun is it for the bully?

The main motivation I have witnessed is fear in the person being bullied/superiority complex of the bully themselves. If you are being bullied

1. show NO fear whatsoever to the other person. This does not mean saying the words "Im not afraid of you". I am talking about body language and eye contact.
2. Stand up for yourself and dont make it easy for them to pick on you. If done correctly, the bully would much rather use his time bullying someone else.
3. DO NOT BACK DOWN. Even if it means one ass kicking, once again, any inconvenience to the bully will deter him in the future. This does not mean pick a fight. This means defend yourself if someone invades your personal space, which is a right you have by law.

 

[HDINTP]

Follow him when he goes to the bathroom and give him a swirly. Nothing works better than a little humiliation. It sounds like you're bigger than him. Make sure no one sees you. He definitely won't tell on you either because no one wants to admit that they had their head dunked in a toilet.

Edit: Please don't follow this advice. It was a joke.

I know it is a joke and no i am not bigger 165 cm and 50 kg but that doesn´t mean i can´t hurt. The truth is i find it as an advantage and i am happy with myself.

 

[warryer]

I think Awaken has it right. Fighting should be only a LAST resort. Body language, psychology and words are your best weapons.

1. show NO fear whatsoever to the other person. This does not mean saying the words "Im not afraid of you". I am talking about body language and eye contact.

I want to elaborate more on this piece of advice so, HDINTP can understand this idea. It will help in many areas of life not just with bullies.

HDINTP, you mention earlier that it is best to ignore the bully. I don't think you really know what that concept means because it really is the best way to handle that person. Awaken's advice illustrates the idea of ignoring a bully.

Ignoring = Not giving them what they want.

A bully is somebody who enjoys causing misery, pain, and/or suffering in their target(s). Now how do they do this? With physical, psychological and/or emotional attacks. The purpose of these attacks is to make them feel as if they are above you. They feel powerful because some action they did is causing you to suffer; you are submitting to these attacks. They know you are suffering because you show signs of fear.

Because you submitted to these attacks the bully will keep coming back for more. The feeling of power is only temporary, like a drug. They will need another fix to maintain this feeling.

You deal with a bully by cutting of their supply - not submitting to their attacks. Your counterattack will be with words and body language. You are a stone wall that does not submit to useless pokes and harmless words.

You have to be confident in yourself and your actions. Most importantly do NOT respond emotionally. When you do this you already lost. As an INTP you have a clear advantage here. You think first by logic then by emotion.

What could happen is if you resist their first attempt, they may increase the intensity of their attacks. You must keep a cool head. Do not submit. The increased severity is to put you back in your place as their bitch. The attacks may continue still but, you will NOT give them what they want.

Even be prepared to fight but, it is important that you do not throw the first punch. If they start fighting you that means you have threatened them by not giving them what they want. You have nearly won the war. If you should fight make sure you give them a good enough beating, you don't even have to win the fight but, it makes it much easier if you do.

If you lose the fight then there is a chance the bully will come back to try bullying you again. Keep resisting and if you must fight again but, do NOT throw the first punch. Eventually the bully will get the message that you are not an easy target.

 

[HDINTP]

I think i did understand the concept but i wasn´t sure if ignoring is the best idea so i asked here because i wanted to know more opinions and then think about them and choose one yes it looks like best idea. So Ok

 

[CBadfeather]

Oh I used to hate bullies. Especially those typical ESTJ morons that would try and force me to be 'normal'
As a kid, if someone tried to bully me, I'd make damn sure it wasn't going to be fun for them. Of course I got beat up a few times for that. Totally worth it.

A more constructive way to deal with bullying (especially verbal) as an intp is to just be proud of how weird you are and refuse to let them get to you. Own it. It drives them crazy knowing that you're a pimp in your own mind.

 

[HDINTP]

Oh I used to hate bullies. Especially those typical ESTJ morons that would try and force me to be 'normal'
As a kid, if someone tried to bully me, I'd make damn sure it wasn't going to be fun for them. Of course I got beat up a few times for that. Totally worth it.

A more constructive way to deal with bullying (especially verbal) as an intp is to just be proud of how weird you are and refuse to let them get to you. Own it. It drives them crazy knowing that you're a pimp in your own mind.

Yes you got a point something like that already happened and it worked really well.

 

[Synthetix]

If you're getting bullied by someone just figure out crafty ways to get him to lose his motivation for bullying you. Psychologically harass him in an indirect, or maybe direct way. Ask other people if they've been bullied by the same person. Organize a group who's objective is to ultimately stop the bullying but also get him to think about it and why he decides to do it. Confront him as a group, in a non threatening way, in the presence of someone of authority, so the bully then has one less reason to lash out. Get him to see you as an ally, make him think you've been on good terms with him all along but mention that his behavior is making those good terms become faulty. Start and end the conversation as friends.

 

[kantor1003]

.....for man is the only animal which causes pain to others without any further purpose than just to cause it..... The love of teasing and playing tricks, which is common enough, may be traced to the same source. For instance, if a man has expressed his annoyance at any interruption or other petty inconvenience, there will be no lack of people who for that very reason will bring it about: animal méchant par excellence ! This is so certain that a man should be careful not to express any annoyance at small evils.

- Schopenhauer, On human nature
(bold added)

 

[Gather_Wanderer]

Make him think you're crazy.



Try to isolate yourself and him in places away from people/attention and make really weird grunting, scary noises under your breath while looking him dead in the eyes.

Then after maybe one of two of these isolated run-ins, do something even more 'off the wall' and have him "happen" to see you do it. Like, literally carry around a hot sack of shit or something and accidentally spill it around his vicinity so he can wonder "who did I really just started war with?". Run away after the spill without looking even a little apologetic.

Then, catch him sometime after dark.......finally walk directly in front of his path and drop and pair of panties and a condom on the ground, while looking directly into his eyes.

At this point in his mind, he figures he's dealing with either a serial biter, shit-sacker, or rapist. No way will he even be in the same room with you ever again, let alone bother you.

Or he'll think it was extremely hilarious and, one way or another, you'll be on the news and famous. Win-win.

 

[EyeSeeCold]

Strength in numbers.

 

[EditorOne]

I'm sorry, I'm confused. I thought anti-bullying techniques were taught in school these days. The heart of it, when we are dealing with an immediate incident in the process of happening, is to get loud. "I know what you're doing and I don't like it and I want it to stop!" in a very very loud voice, so that heads turn. Then do nothing, just stare, if he does it again, say it again, louder. Be defiant, but in an attention-getting way. Most teachers and adults in a kid environment are tuned in to bullying these days and will probably react quickly. The advantage here is that you didn't actually tattle on someone, which is often seen as poor form among your classmates, you merely asserted yourself and, miraculously, power and authority appeared over your shoulder.

That's the official line, anyway.

At another level, if there must be a fight, even though both of you will be thrown out of school for fighting, it is much better for "street cred" for the bully to swing first. (an out-of-school incident doesn't have the "thrown out" problem attached, but really, if it gets out of control, who is there to stop it?)

And at yet another level, if there is a fight, you don't have to win it to stop the bullying. Tag him with a couple of stunners and go for giving him a nice black eye; he may win the fight, but the word goes out. As someone noted above, first you have a bullying problem, then you have a fighting problem, then you don't have either problem. Ideally it's one bully, one fight, no more problems.

Have you ever been in a fight, by the way? It's not a whole lot of fun, and, win or lose, you usually feel bad afterwards, just from the adrenaline churning you up. You need to tap your emotions somewhat to fight well, and we all know the many wrong directions life can take for INTPs when strong emotions are unleashed.

 

[lucky12]

Yeah, I was a fat kid back in the day. I beat a few kids up because they were picking on my friends. In grade 4 me and my gang ran the playground because I was the biggest kid.

Editor, come on man. The anti-bullying techniques sound so useless, they are basically put out so that when you start "making lots of noise" so that heads turn that it attracts supervision. You will stand out though, that's for sure.

If the guy goes to hit you, hit him back. Otherwise just relax and watch them with no emotion, you shouldn't have any. This is someone who is no better than you. Who are they? Nobody as far as your concerned. So they have _________ that you don't have. Whooop De Woop ***** what?

If you are going to fight, make sure you are safe. I always fought in the locker room with lots of witnesses, always a fair fight because of who was there. You might even develop a friendship afterwards, its a happens. Win or lose, who cares. Black eyes are fun. I've also been "jumped" on two occasions, both times a bunch of guys coming at me from behind outside of a bar. Was never hurt that bad though, they were just a bunch of randoms blowing off steam or some shit. I don't consider that bullying, it's just being an asshole lol

 

[yogurtexpress]

Buy a gun and shoot him.

 

[Oblivious]

You make him fear you. The most straightforward way to do that is to beat the shit out of him.

I would rather have a person who fears me then a dead person, so guns are out of the question.

 

[Zensunni]

'
I have found that you just must be willing to stand up for yourself. If you fight, even if you lose, the bully begins to lose interest. Bullies like bullying the weak. If you are a willing fighter, you are not weak. That, and if you fight enough, he will not like being hit very much either.

 

[kantor1003]

I was often bullied, but it never was as bad as getting rocks thrown towards my direction. Mostly, it was just verbal assaults, and it was a regular occurrence in elementary school. In the beginning it bothered me*, but I never did anything about it, I just pretended that I didn't care. After a while I really didn't care all that much and due to the unvaried, generic nature of the verbal harassment coming from all sorts of people, I became better at tackling them; mostly in the form of a verbal counter, usually accompanied by the use of body language expressing a sentiment made to feel them inferior and dumb for their highly unoriginal attempt at mockery. If the verbal assault was something more original and clever I could even find it funny and mention how I hadn't heard that one before with a mostly sincere calm, elated expression (it should be noted that one should avoid doing it in a submitting way, but rather, ideally, in a "master approves his apprentice" kind of way).

Those days are long gone though, so I don't know how I would respond these days. Now it's only the occasional remark from drunken sods. I ignore them and don't get offended. Don't know if it would be better to defend myself more assertively though. I don't like fighting, but if someone had pushed me far enough (something that haven't happened yet) I think it would turn ugly as the two-three times I have gotten really angry in my lifetime, I have gotten really angry. Someone has to violate me so thoroughly for me to get real anger that at that point I'd probably want to end them. Likely, I would just wait for the man in question after the event, for him to be alone, then smash in his scull with a rock from behind. Again though, someone must have tried really hard for a long time to make me miserable for something like this ever to happen. Either that, or if someone did as much as touch my father.

*I remember that my dad said to my teacher how he would beat up the kid bothering me on his way home from school if they didn't do anything about it after seeing me coming home crying.

 

[ObliviousGenius]

100th Post!

I've been bullied for basically all my young childhood. I think I can count about 10 different ones off the top of my head. And I've physically fought all of them. I've got punched in the face numerous times by different bullies and you know what? I never backed downed from any of them. I had no choice but to stand up for myself for my own well-being at the very least. How did I have so many bullies then you ask? Because I was always 5 inches shorter than everyone else. lol Even now I'm almost 21 and I'm only 5'8 135 lbs.

 

[lucky12]

Kantor, such a role model father you have. My dad did something similar for me once, makes the bond feel so much stronger.

 

[Cogwulf]

I never really got bullied because I just didn't respond to anything, hence potential bullies just got bored.

"Ignoring" it is not necessarily good advice though, it worked for me because I genuinely didn't give a shit, if the bullying is affecting you and you try to ignore it then your insincerity will show and this will make getting a response a sport for the bullies.

 

[Roran]

If circumstances dictate that you must engage in a match of fisticuffs, kick him in the balls. Fighting "fair" is for losers. Then, when he's on the ground, voiding his stomach, kick him in the ribs until you hear a few break. I bet he won't fuck with you again after that.

But seriously, if you can, try to avoid fighting. And also, do not, DO NOT make the first blow.

 

[EditorOne]

"Editor, come on man. The anti-bullying techniques sound so useless, they are basically put out so that when you start "making lots of noise" so that heads turn that it attracts supervision. You will stand out though, that's for sure."

Yes. I was mainly surprised he wasn't familiar with what seems to be the modern paradigm. When I was in school fighting didn't get you automatically thrown out, it was kinda sorta regarded as part of the process of socialization. Now, though, especially in education, the staff seem more expected to be protective.

Meanwhile, this kick-them-in-the-balls crap: Very overrated. Anyone who wants to try this should not be surprised to end up on his or her back looking up at the ceiling, head bouncing on the floor, and wondering what happened. It is easily avoided or deflected, even when unexpected, even by an older fellow like me with slower reflexes, and it is very much a move that leaves the kicker vulnerable and very much contributing his own momentum to his own downfall. People watch too many movies. And, I repeat, fighting will make you feel sick and bad. We have brains; we can use them. Much better than fighting, although I agree that defiance is key around bullies. So use brainpower and work it out from there.

 

[Akuma]

I don't have much personal because I either let the bullying happen or I was invisible, only a few times I used snark against intimidation.
Whatever the case I suggest never letting them see an emotional response from you.

Verbal abuse: I would suggest blunt replies, "So...?"

Physical abuse: Behave in an unexpected way or fight back.

Make them feel too insignificant for your time, feign ignorance as to why it's insulting (show them offensive remarks are subjective), and be super serious.

Mostly the seriousness.

 

[Pyropyro]

This site might be of help.

http://nononsenseselfdefense.com/bullies.htm